SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike
SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike
|
My car (which was about to explode) Slender and muscled, like my car (which was about to explode). She was the spitting image of femininity. They cut open the crocodile to find my car (which was about to explode), still searching his ass like always. You can’t keep running around like my car (which was about to explode), you’re going to put an eye out! In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found my car (which was about to explode) sticking to the wall. Life without love is like my car (which was about to explode) without fruit. While you’re at the store can you pick up my car (which was about to explode), in family size? |
|
|
|
|
≡
|
May 23 at 00:05 UTC
|
|
|
|
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on infinity crows. My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was infinity crows. No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in infinity crows! Went to Uwajimaya, bought infinity crows, dried and in a bag. Wanna try? Gather round, family, it’s time to hang infinity crows on the Christmas tree. Jeez! Who slipped infinity crows in your Cheerios™ this morning? |
|
|
|
|
≡
|
May 23 at 00:08 UTC
|
|
|
|
A whole big bunch of electricity Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw a whole big bunch of electricity for the first time! I overheard someone in the TSA line saying, “I’m a whole big bunch of electricity” The Pleasure Pro 9000™ is a sex toy that robotically says “a whole big bunch of electricity,” while in use. In this story, only the true king can pull Excalibur out of a whole big bunch of electricity. Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a whole big bunch of electricity if I wanted a new family. My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a whole big bunch of electricity in the pillows. |
|
|
|
|
≡
|
May 23 at 05:36 UTC
|
|
|
aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5198
1,227 ₧
|
A well-planned school shooting It’s always nice to relive a well-planned school shooting in my mind. As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a well-planned school shooting. A well-planned school shooting: It’s nature’s candy! I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a well-planned school shooting. At the movie theater they have a new thing where you can get a well-planned school shooting on your popcorn. But of the tree of a well-planned school shooting you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die. An impressive school shooting IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from solar, and the eco-glass windows trap in an impressive school shooting. An impressive school shooting is really bad for your complexion. Can you come get me? I got mixed up with an impressive school shooting and it’s getting weird. “You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember an impressive school shooting?” Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with an impressive school shooting between every two. I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to an impressive school shooting. A mid-at-best school shooting Lots of people drive down to Portland for a mid-at-best school shooting. I dug around for hours in the trash but never found a mid-at-best school shooting. The Sword of Damocles was a mid-at-best school shooting hanging over King Dionysius by a thread. Until quite recently, a mid-at-best school shooting had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man. On this map of Boston, each dot represents a mid-at-best school shooting. The city condemned our house after finding a mid-at-best school shooting in the crawlspace. |
|
|
|
|
≡
|
May 23 at 14:00 UTC
|
|
|
aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5198
1,227 ₧
|
During the war, German scientists experimented to weaponize fresh moose velvet. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider fresh moose velvet. I couldn’t get into my apartment. Some powerful kind of fresh moose velvet was blocking the door. Fresh moose velvet. Now in Jumbo size at Walmart®. I’ve got a master’s degree in Fresh Moose Velvet! My husband’s man-cave needed a woman’s touch, so I decorated it with fresh moose velvet. |
|
|
|
|
≡
|
May 23 at 14:33 UTC
|
|
|
|
I’m fine with a couple of B-25 bombers. But why do they have to be so in-your-face about it? I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a couple of B-25 bombers. If I was God, you would be a couple of B-25 bombers. The Pleasure Pro 9000™ is a sex toy that robotically says “a couple of B-25 bombers,” while in use. I have an idea! Bromance, but for kids! And they all get a couple of B-25 bombers! Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw a couple of B-25 bombers. |
|
|
|
|
≡
|
May 23 at 14:39 UTC
|
|
|
Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 857
175 ₧
|
The hit '80s song 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood The hit '80s song 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood led to that night at summer camp we never talk about. Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out the hit '80s song 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood each day, and get chocolate coating for kitty to chase around. I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about the hit '80s song 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking the hit '80s song 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood into women’s purses and bags. I like the hit '80s song 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood like I like my coffee: ground up and in the freezer! Ouch! I banged both my shins into the hit '80s song 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood in the garage. |
|
|
|
|
≡
|
May 27 at 19:36 UTC
— Ed. May 27 at 19:37 UTC
|
|
|
aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5198
1,227 ₧
|
My daughter's bigger testicle The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit essentially, tomatoes and acquire my daughter's bigger testicle! Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m my daughter's bigger testicle. The Halifax bridge collapsed under the intense weight of my daughter's bigger testicle. NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used my daughter's bigger testicle. Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look around and see my daughter's bigger testicle, and I feel better. The sun and my daughter's bigger testicle: a combination that just can’t be beat! |
|
|
|
|
≡
|
Thursday at 21:16 UTC
|
|
|
aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5198
1,227 ₧
|
A gopnik with a Kalashnikov You know what never fails to liven up the party? A gopnik with a Kalashnikov. My girlfriend kicked a gopnik with a Kalashnikov, and she’s fine. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid! When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add a gopnik with a Kalashnikov to the pan, while stirring constantly. On Ebay you can get a gopnik with a Kalashnikov but it may be counterfeit. This party was a real snooze, until... a gopnik with a Kalashnikov?? We’re having a gopnik with a Kalashnikov situation. Please stand by... |
|
|
|
|
≡
|
Thursday at 21:18 UTC
— Ed. Thursday at 21:19 UTC
|
|
|
|
|
