aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with my custom ramekins went off early, ejecting a big donkey into the air!
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in my custom ramekins in the middle of each intersection.
When my custom ramekins is ready, a deluge of vomit will appear.
Ah, my custom ramekins for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Daddy, what’s my custom ramekins? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of my custom ramekins on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
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2021 Jun 14 at 10:27 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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Once {s} is soft and pliable, add until satisfied. Once a cage built for an autistic student is soft and pliable, add industrial adhesive until satisfied.
Once the women is soft and pliable, add giving birth to a prosthetic baby until satisfied.
Once a thick, luscious banana slug is soft and pliable, add spinning blades until satisfied.
Once a scissor session is soft and pliable, add a little sumthin sumthin until satisfied.
Once a backdoor woman is soft and pliable, add laser sounds until satisfied.
Once the caboose of a mantrain is soft and pliable, add complete ecstasy until satisfied.
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2021 Jun 14 at 10:34 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 14 at 10:38 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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Prepare {n}, the greatness of {n} will come in seven days! Prepare your panties, the greatness of a big fat blunt, duuude! will come in seven days!
Prepare a quiet plop, the greatness of ass will come in seven days!
Prepare a friend, the greatness of automated mechanized death will come in seven days!
Prepare my bacon strip, the greatness of love handles will come in seven days!
Prepare Dad’s ass, the greatness of Paul Hogan’s oiled chest will come in seven days!
Prepare a censor bar, the greatness of wetness will come in seven days!
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2021 Jun 14 at 10:41 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 14 at 10:42 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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A dracula and a draculina A dracula and a draculina is the only way to say goodbye.
The rich aroma of a dracula and a draculina, from the hills of Colombia.
I was surprised to find bones in a dracula and a draculina. Is that normal?
The problem with America is a dracula and a draculina.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “a dracula and a draculina,” with a picture of a big fat blunt, duuude!.
Although moving away from a dracula and a draculina proved effective for schools, the switch to victory or death initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
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2021 Jun 14 at 10:48 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 14 at 10:49 PDT
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We can be standing around. And no one has to know.
My dream house has the key to my heart built in, an extra garage for standing around, and all the beer for the door bell.
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me standing around at the party last night.
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re standing around!
I didn’t think this house would sell with each of the victims in the attic. Anyway, I’m standing around.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am standing around. Would you like to try our new special, a gold ingot?
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2021 Jun 14 at 14:04 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 14 at 14:06 PDT
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The authorities followed the trail of a police station, leading them straight to the suspect.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a police station in the back seat.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a police station.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many space Nazis plugged into a police station.
I was surprised to find bones in a police station. Is that normal?
I clean a police station by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up smoking crack.
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2021 Jun 14 at 14:06 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 14 at 14:07 PDT
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So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s the love.
The best comfort food will always be greens, the love, and fried chicken.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Seed-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and the love.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find the love so relaxing.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang the love on the Christmas tree.
This year’s hottest new fashion is the love on your head.
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2021 Jun 14 at 14:10 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 14 at 14:11 PDT
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Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll {n}. Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll success.
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll too much wiggling.
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll my latest perversion.
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll a crouton.
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll extremely poor judgment.
Craps is a casino game where you try not to roll a big, red X.
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2021 Jun 14 at 14:21 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 14 at 14:22 PDT
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I spun 3 {p} in a row on the slot machine and won {n}! I spun 3 many people in a row on the slot machine and won the Army!
I spun 3 homo hot lips in a row on the slot machine and won your idiot ideas!
I spun 3 hugs and kisses in a row on the slot machine and won stainless steel plating!
I spun 3 butt gas in a row on the slot machine and won a body pillow with a penis!
I spun 3 nasty boys in a row on the slot machine and won electric sex!
I spun 3 black leggings in a row on the slot machine and won a raisin or maybe rabbit poop!
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2021 Jun 14 at 14:23 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 14 at 14:27 PDT
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Bennifer making out with itself The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... Bennifer making out with itself.
Bennifer making out with itself really messes up my butt complexion!
Chase bank is giving out Bennifer making out with itself this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still Bennifer making out with itself!
Growing up we never had the most sensitive part of my body, but we had to deal with Bennifer making out with itself.
If Bennifer making out with itself were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
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2021 Jun 14 at 17:36 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 14 at 17:37 PDT
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The finger I lost in the war Holy dogshit, Texas! Only the finger I lost in the war and kids these days come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
I want to say one word to you, just one word: the finger I lost in the war.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off a Japanese woman’s underwear in the stands and then knocked the very iceberg that sunk the Titanic off the finger I lost in the war.
Can I get some floss? There’s the finger I lost in the war between my teeth.
On the assembly line we heat the finger I lost in the war to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is being in a state of total ecstasy.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with the finger I lost in the war! It’s all here in my manifesto!
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2021 Jun 14 at 17:38 PDT
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My dream entryway has {s} statue in it. My dream entryway has the collar around my neck statue in it.
My dream entryway has the tiniest little idea in my pea brain statue in it.
My dream entryway has a big ol’ fruit statue in it.
My dream entryway has a finely sculpted buttock statue in it.
My dream entryway has Coach Diddleplayers statue in it.
My dream entryway has a pipe bomb statue in it.
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2021 Jun 15 at 10:48 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 15 at 10:52 PDT
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Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called wet like grandma does it, are the passages for an 18 inch needle to flow.
In this game you get to collect too much denim and craft an 18 inch needle.
It’s not delivery. It’s an 18 inch needle.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and an 18 inch needle came rolling after him, but he escaped by thinking about dwarves!
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with an 18 inch needle.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt an 18 inch needle in the sea.
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2021 Jun 15 at 10:53 PDT
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If you have {n} please sheathe it before entering the store. If you have a steering wheel please sheathe it before entering the store.
If you have my first wife please sheathe it before entering the store.
If you have competitive masturbation please sheathe it before entering the store.
If you have a pubic tuft please sheathe it before entering the store.
If you have a Japanese woman’s underwear please sheathe it before entering the store.
If you have your husband please sheathe it before entering the store.
Ever since some dead guy’s money appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while sheathing it.
First you get demons. Then you get sheathing it. Then you get a novelty gag dildo.
Pundits agree it will take sheathing it for the senator to win the election.
My kid was acting like a gynecological procedure, so I took away sheathing it privileges.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by sheathing it.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s racial superiority in love with sheathing it very much they do a... special hug.”
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2021 Jun 15 at 16:30 PDT
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I didn’t mean to start getting into a car, it just happened!
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Getting into a Car Blast!
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from getting into a car.
The HOA says I can’t raise fluids from my face on my property. Meanwhile no word about getting into a car at the Jones’s!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “getting into a car”.
On the assembly line we heat a giant eraser to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is getting into a car.
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2021 Jun 18 at 15:55 PDT
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But I promised I would get my kids driving a big ol' truck for Christmas!
Don’t be driving a big ol' truck alone! Join the Driving a Big Ol' Truck Club and do it with others.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady driving a big ol' truck with manliness.
Senator, give me driving a big ol' truck and you’ll get my vote.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to driving a big ol' truck.
15% of married men say they’ve cheated by driving a big ol' truck with another woman.
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2021 Jun 18 at 15:55 PDT
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Thanks for a padlocked gimp mask last night. *wink* *wink*
Alexander also named a city in India “A Padlocked Gimp Mask” after his dead horse.
Here on the assembly line we heat a padlocked gimp mask to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is fusing together.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a padlocked gimp mask in the back seat.
I was vacuuming when I sucked a padlocked gimp mask out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a dumpster fire came out too!
Last night was the tragic result of a padlocked gimp mask.
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2021 Jun 18 at 15:56 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 18 at 15:57 PDT
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Mom found my stash of {p} and took away {n}. Mom found my stash of Jews in cahoots and took away spike traps.
Mom found my stash of intestines draped everywhere and took away Dad’s money.
Mom found my stash of strong thighs and took away Fancy Santas.
Mom found my stash of my DMs and took away no more joy.
Mom found my stash of several clones of hitler and took away a fistful of glitter.
Mom found my stash of gay chemicals and took away some prick.
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2021 Jun 18 at 15:58 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 18 at 16:00 PDT
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All the characters from Lord of the Rings™ In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped aged beef in the toilet and touched all the characters from Lord of the Rings™ on the wall.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of all the characters from Lord of the Rings™. She has stated, “I prefer wanting blood.”
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for all the characters from Lord of the Rings™.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A pack of smokes with all the characters from Lord of the Rings™.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “all the characters from Lord of the Rings™”
I love your necklace! It’s all the characters from Lord of the Rings™, right?
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2021 Jun 18 at 16:01 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 18 at 16:22 PDT
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A mushroom that makes you go FAST The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in a mushroom that makes you go FAST.
Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw a mushroom that makes you go FAST at a player from the stands.
The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Seduction-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving a mushroom that makes you go FAST.
We put a mushroom that makes you go FAST in your tea!
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “violently crashing down the stairs,” with a picture of a mushroom that makes you go FAST.
A mushroom that makes you go FAST slowly began to open and someone yelled, “It’s accepting us!”
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2021 Jun 18 at 16:23 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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Ha! You activated my trap card, “A Frantic Woman!” You’re cursed with your choice of orifice until the end of the game!
My mom picked me up your choice of orifice from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
The media’s nonstop coverage of your husband is just to distract us from your choice of orifice.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that your choice of orifice is fellating everything in the room.
A salesman came to the door selling a phone ringing off the hook. I didn’t open. He slid your choice of orifice under the door.
When you two are done getting boinked, can we please get your choice of orifice and get out of here?!
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2021 Jun 22 at 09:50 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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The one day he lets me have sex Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with the one day he lets me have sex, a naturopathic remedy.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is the one day he lets me have sex.
The Pentagon’s most secure room is for the one day he lets me have sex.
I saw a crazed Eskimo down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be the one day he lets me have sex with us.”
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with the one day he lets me have sex slowly overtaking the buildings.
Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for the one day he lets me have sex.
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2021 Jun 22 at 09:53 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 22 at 09:54 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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A Nazi fortress in the Alps SWF looking for a real man. If you’re a Nazi fortress in the Alps, get to the front of the line.
But I promised I would get my kids a Nazi fortress in the Alps for Christmas!
After a truck ran over a Nazi fortress in the Alps there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from ice cold seawater.
During my driving test, I backed my car into a Nazi fortress in the Alps. I still got an 85!
Introducing, The A Nazi Fortress in the Alps diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
All the best love stories include a Nazi fortress in the Alps.
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2021 Jun 22 at 10:13 PDT
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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I have an idea! , but for kids! And they all get ! I have an idea! nasty boys, but for kids! And they all get sex friends!
I have an idea! squirting acid, but for kids! And they all get most of my blood!
I have an idea! pictures of my body, but for kids! And they all get the front half!
I have an idea! eight sexual partners, but for kids! And they all get a cat in a cardboard box!
I have an idea! sacrificing the homeless, but for kids! And they all get giant meaty hands!
I have an idea! a big, red X, but for kids! And they all get the president’s daughter!
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2021 Jun 23 at 08:50 PDT
— Ed. 2021 Jun 23 at 08:51 PDT
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 786
175 ₧
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In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy the screams of the dead from dispensaries.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put the screams of the dead in the pillows.
I’m the screams of the dead in the streets, but a clumsy lesbian in the sheets.
Scorpions can shed the screams of the dead in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.
The White House will no longer enforce The The Screams of the Dead Act of 1959. Thank God.
Life Hack: use Band-Aids to stick the screams of the dead to your family photo.
The screams of the damned I can’t shake the feeling there’s always the screams of the damned just around the corner.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: A Dust Cloud Does the Screams of the Damned.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the reason this happened went off early, ejecting the screams of the damned into the air!
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and the screams of the damned.
The last wish of a dying man can wear down the screams of the damned, which gradually decreases effectiveness.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be deals while I’m the screams of the damned!
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2021 Jun 24 at 02:18 PDT
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