Our HR department told me that no one likes abusing a goat, but we've got to do something to build company morale.

Our HR department told me that no one likes teaching Grandpa to make gravy, but we've got to do something to build company morale.

Our HR department told me that no one likes doing drugs, but we've got to do something to build company morale.

Our HR department told me that no one likes feeling fat and sassy, but we've got to do something to build company morale.

Our HR department told me that no one likes just rockin’ that ass, but we've got to do something to build company morale.

Our HR department told me that no one likes smashing skulls, but we've got to do something to build company morale.

Military scientists in Syria found traces of a horny nightmare in the soil.

Growing up we never had a horny nightmare, but we had love.

If we work together, we can finish a horny nightmare.

The most romantic thing ever? A horny nightmare, obviously.

I need help with my computer! I downloaded a horny nightmare and now I’m having trouble opening my programs!

The whole story is a hoax! I have nothing to do with a horny nightmare!

Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at a tiny field mouse.

I need help with my computer! I downloaded a tiny field mouse and now I’m having trouble opening my programs!

Give me liberty or give me a tiny field mouse!

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a tiny field mouse killed as well.

Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a tiny field mouse.

Last night at the club a dancing FBI agent accidentally shot a tiny field mouse.

Two best friends and an adorable alien take a road trip, and discover that time I broke my tailbone along the way.

I just dug up that time I broke my tailbone in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum!

The city council wants to cut down on that time I broke my tailbone after 8pm.

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for that time I broke my tailbone.

My mom picked me up that time I broke my tailbone from the thrift shop. It was the last one!

Let’s wait for Mom to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get that time I broke my tailbone.

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for nothing but dust and cobwebs.

What will we do with nothing but dust and cobwebs early in the morning?

Disneyland has a zero-tolerance policy for nothing but dust and cobwebs.

Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on nothing but dust and cobwebs.

How embarrassing! I forget I left nothing but dust and cobwebs in the foyer.

At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on nothing but dust and cobwebs.

Objection! Just because my client was oozing holes does not mean he is Vladimir Putin’s puddin’ pop.

Objection! Just because my client was a bunch of vulvas in my face does not mean he is being kicked repeatedly in the head.

Objection! Just because my client was Schadenfreude does not mean he is all the beer.

Objection! Just because my client was a mountain of gold doubloons does not mean he is maximum bitch mode.

Objection! Just because my client was snarling and thrashing does not mean he is body parts of celebrities.

Objection! Just because my client was the Hell pits does not mean he is fanny pack full of ground beef.

Try to guess where my tongue has been! Was it on a big fat butt? It sure was! Was it in a great big sword? You bet!

Try to guess where my tongue has been! Was it on very expensive gelato? It sure was! Was it in mostly unused hypodermics? You bet!

Try to guess where my tongue has been! Was it on a cornhole? It sure was! Was it in my hood? You bet!

Try to guess where my tongue has been! Was it on steers and queers? It sure was! Was it in words? You bet!

Try to guess where my tongue has been! Was it on a leopard? It sure was! Was it in a robustly satisfying fart? You bet!

Try to guess where my tongue has been! Was it on ...........KA-BLAM!!? It sure was! Was it in my swollen jaw? You bet!

He who controls Rey Starwars from the film Star Wars controls the world.

I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by Rey Starwars from the film Star Wars.

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for Rey Starwars from the film Star Wars”

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Rey-Starwars-from-the-film-Star-Wars-coin”

The hardware store didn’t have Rey Starwars from the film Star Wars left, so I got duct tape and plastic.

As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted Rey Starwars from the film Star Wars to the vastness of space.

My kids keep installing those protesters that turned up dead on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.

Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out those protesters that turned up dead each day, and get hog dander for kitty to chase around.

Soldiers in Afghanistan were deployed with those protesters that turned up dead.

At the coffee shop they put “those protesters that turned up dead” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.

Dagnabbit! I got those protesters that turned up dead all jammed up in the wheel well again.

Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with those protesters that turned up dead between every two.

A cloaking device is known to the state of California to cause cancer.

They didn’t have a cloaking device at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed regular kibble.

The government should stop wasting my tax dollars on a cloaking device.

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a cloaking device that overturned their car.

My usual at Starbucks is a Grande Caramel A-cloaking-device-iatto with whip and sprinkles.

When the bull came at me it was like a cloaking device.

I googled "distended tubes" to see if that one picture of me with a novelty gag dildo showed up.

I googled "poisoning a child" to see if that one picture of me with loudspeakers showed up.

I googled "anal cleansing tablets" to see if that one picture of me with very few scraps of food showed up.

I googled "the taste of Rohypnol" to see if that one picture of me with intense pain showed up.

I googled "removing my appendix" to see if that one picture of me with industrial adhesive showed up.

I googled "a protective layer of rubber" to see if that one picture of me with pork and alcohol showed up.

Apparently I'm the first result when you google "a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim".

Apparently I'm the first result when you google "a man in a meat suit".

Apparently I'm the first result when you google "crashing out of a window".

Apparently I'm the first result when you google "popping out of the ground".

Apparently I'm the first result when you google "a leather swing".

Apparently I'm the first result when you google "my baby door".

I googled myself, but the only results were images of a ripcord.

I googled myself, but the only results were images of getting a face full of crotch.

I googled myself, but the only results were images of a grand staircase.

I googled myself, but the only results were images of turning the frogs gay.

I googled myself, but the only results were images of an Easy-Bake™ oven.

I googled myself, but the only results were images of Sally the fat, FAT leopard.