What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, both of us, unfortunately,... Sweet! Sunny-D!

Come to find out both of us, unfortunately, was taking a break from eating ass in the shower while I was eating trash.

At the winery tour we saw how they put grapes and both of us, unfortunately, in the tank.

No one admits they like both of us, unfortunately,, but HR has to do something to build morale.

Not doing anything and both of us, unfortunately,: a combination that just can’t be beat!

Both of us, unfortunately, in the hand is worth two in the bush.

The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into the local crack house.

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate the local crack house.

During the war, German scientists experimented to weaponize the local crack house.

I’m sure I tossed the local crack house in this dumpster somewhere.

Men, like the local crack house, go farthest when they are the best girl.

Ich bin ein the local crack house.

Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into the crack house down the street and stopped.

When the celestial spheres align, the crack house down the street will descend from the heavens.

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to the crack house down the street, even before I put on my clothes.

My publisher demanded I remove the crack house down the street from my manuscript on account of “decency.”

The kids put the crack house down the street in the microwave.

Oh no! Someone rolled up the crack house down the street in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.

I saw this video, it was like 'Two Girls One Cup' but with my haunted butthole instead of a cup.

I saw this video, it was like 'Two Girls One Cup' but with a leak instead of a cup.

I saw this video, it was like 'Two Girls One Cup' but with my sexual partners instead of a cup.

I saw this video, it was like 'Two Girls One Cup' but with Gonzo (the Muppet) instead of a cup.

I saw this video, it was like 'Two Girls One Cup' but with a clumsy lesbian instead of a cup.

I saw this video, it was like 'Two Girls One Cup' but with a rabbit that just exploded instead of a cup.

The dog barked and ran away, because he saw me putting whipped cream on my nipples.

My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m putting whipped cream on my nipples.

I looked up “putting whipped cream on my nipples” in Urban Dictionary. It’s an act involving black market lungs.

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for putting whipped cream on my nipples?

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by putting whipped cream on my nipples.

I’m putting whipped cream on my nipples for Jesus.

Men, like an explosive red barrel, go farthest when they are putting whipped cream on your nipples.

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into putting whipped cream on your nipples, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.

When I get older, I don’t want to put whipped cream on your nipples.

It is disrespectful and dangerous to put whipped cream on your nipples during sex.

At the gym they have this new machine where you’re putting whipped cream on your nipples.

I don’t know anything about putting whipped cream on your nipples. I was home schooled.

Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for putting whipped cream on one's nipples without even getting up.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start putting whipped cream on one's nipples.

A lifetime of putting whipped cream on one's nipples awaits. Call now for a free consultation.

That’s my son, who’s about as useful as putting whipped cream on one's nipples.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of putting whipped cream on one's nipples.

Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with putting whipped cream on one's nipples between every two.

Walmart will no longer sell The Annointed One in child size!

But of the tree of The Annointed One you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

Easy Mac is good, but the white cheddar one kinda tastes like The Annointed One.

Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with The Annointed One.

I’m in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of The Annointed One.

Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with The Annointed One between every two.

It’s like they always say: sheer cantankerousness never changes.

The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt sheer cantankerousness in the sea.

Dad’s just mad because he didn’t get sheer cantankerousness.

Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s sheer cantankerousness.

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to have sheer cantankerousness on the top.

“Sheer cantankerousness torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get info from a suspected terrorist.

If we work together, we can finish getting whisked away.

Jonathan, don’t you understand getting whisked away is killing your grandmother?!

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by getting whisked away around the building.

Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by getting whisked away.

I can’t believe you forced my mom into getting whisked away! She’s 62!

Brooklyn mom makes $20,000 a week! How, you ask? Getting whisked away.

At the buffet, all Dad got was a pregnant snake, and he just picked at it.

I hate visiting my uncle for Christmas. He’s always a pregnant snake after drinking hot buttered rum.

In the bathroom at the mall I dropped a pregnant snake in the toilet.

Giving birth to a pregnant snake was the most beautiful moment of my life.

Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with a pregnant snake.

You may not like it, but a pregnant snake is just something you have to do every day.

10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gates' name would be most associated with godless heathens.

10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gates' name would be most associated with expectorating some sludge.

10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gates' name would be most associated with seeking death.

10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gates' name would be most associated with one of Justin Trudeau’s “costumes”.

10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gates' name would be most associated with completely wigging out.

10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gates' name would be most associated with hiding under the bed.

Help! I’m shrew milk and I need YOU to do something about it!

Oh no! Obama put shrew milk in the water!

Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with shrew milk.

Chimps in the wild have been observed using shrew milk to forage for food.

The dog is barking at shrew milk again.

In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had shrew milk removed so she can live a normal life.

What were you doing in here? I keep finding all my homeboys between the couch cushions.

The secret to a happy marriage: all my homeboys.

No thanks. My doctor said all my homeboys is bad for the heart.

I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of All My Homeboys.

All the best love stories include all my homeboys.

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were all my homeboys, would you be all my homeboys as well?”

I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will be all your homeboys.

All your homeboys! All your homeboys! My kingdom for all your homeboys!

Run, Run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m all your homeboys.

Ok, I’ll admit all your homeboys might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in every credit card.

And 007 was trapped in a room with all your homeboys!

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about all your homeboys.

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen the homies.

The Pentagon’s most secure room is for the homies.

My dream entryway has the homies statue in it.

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for the homies.

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience the homies like I was really there.

My publisher demanded I remove the homies from my manuscript on account of “decency.”