The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on just rockin’ that ass.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on jerking it.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on the community buttplug.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on truck stop sex.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on new rules from on high.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on moisture.

a quality buttplug isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

a tiny Jamaican isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

favorable terrain isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

their skin isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

the world’s fastest pump isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

teens who vape isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

Are you there God? It’s me, gooning for at least 10 minutes.

Gooning for at least 10 minutes is really getting all up in my business!

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Gooning for at least 10 minutes can increase your breast size in three weeks!

Get bigger tips from white customers by gooning for at least 10 minutes!

In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had gooning for at least 10 minutes removed so she can live a normal life.

If I have to be honest, I’ve often fantasized about gooning for at least 10 minutes.

The new cereal mascot "stuff and things" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "cheering children" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "puppets representing all the important people in your life" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "Her Majesty, the Queen" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "a gaggle of nuns" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "turkey tacos" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate the slender finger of a young woman to prepare for a mission to Mars.

Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on the slender finger of a young woman.

Crap! I’ve gone and clogged the vacuum hose with the slender finger of a young woman.

On this map of Boston, each dot represents the slender finger of a young woman.

So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s the slender finger of a young woman.

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at the slender finger of a young woman and my card appeared on top!

The media’s nonstop coverage of the haunted port-a-potty is just to distract us from removing shards of glass.

He who controls the haunted port-a-potty controls the world.

I may not be much to look at, but I fuck like the haunted port-a-potty.

Meet me by that sculpture downtown. You know, it’s the haunted port-a-potty, in bronze, towering over the park?

World War III will be started by the haunted port-a-potty.

Lots of people drive down to Portland for the haunted port-a-potty.

I found a line between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

I found even more bees between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

I found black power between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

I found an emaciated bovine between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

I found my dead boyfriend between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

I found a very old jellybean between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

Everyone runs and tries to catch the lemurs we all love. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

Everyone runs and tries to catch another way to kill me. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

Everyone runs and tries to catch a riding crop. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

Everyone runs and tries to catch an enraged bee. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

Everyone runs and tries to catch a dusty butthole. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

Everyone runs and tries to catch another man. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

At the street market, a little old man pulled delicious protein out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

At the street market, a little old man pulled oil-covered birds out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

At the street market, a little old man pulled gay semen out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

At the street market, a little old man pulled a list of names out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

At the street market, a little old man pulled water out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

At the street market, a little old man pulled actual stink lines out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than a racist.

In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch a racist at the girls camp.

A Make a Wish kid asked for a racist and no one had the heart to tell him ‘no’.

I have an idea! A racist, but for kids! And they all get covered in spicy mayonnaise!

My publisher demanded I remove a racist from my manuscript on account of “decency.”

Crap! I’ve gone and clogged the vacuum hose with a racist.

I may not be much to look at, but I fuck like an entire three course meal.

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to an entire three course meal.

On my Animal Crossing island, I unlocked an entire three course meal and now my villagers are oral passion.

I went rafting, saw an entire three course meal in the river, no big deal.

Chimps in the wild have been observed using an entire three course meal to forage for food.

When the stadium was demolished it revealed an entire three course meal, bringing onlookers from far and wide.