How can getting bit by a horse be this cute?

If you get bit by a horse right, all that matters is you have a good time.

The authorities followed the trail of getting bit by a horse, leading them straight to the suspect.

If I ever catch you getting bit by a horse with sinister plans I’m sending you straight to hell.

Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time getting bit by a horse.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider getting bit by a horse.

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to hog protein.

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to have hog protein on the top.

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw hog protein overboard!

Could you buy me hog protein? I’ll pay you back.

Vampires can only be killed by hog protein.

Don’t tell anyone, but I keep hog protein in my sex gymnasium.

I wanted to get revenge on my neighbor, so I crushed a medical device you can swallow.

Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over a medical device you can swallow.

This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a medical device you can swallow.

I got so drunk last night that I got a medical device you can swallow all over everyone and everything.

My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a medical device you can swallow.

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide a medical device you can swallow directly.

Ass, grass, or Dad’s ass, no one rides for free.

Ass, grass, or evil thinking, no one rides for free.

Ass, grass, or “that feeling”, no one rides for free.

Ass, grass, or the nastiest bitch in town, no one rides for free.

Ass, grass, or absolutely no black people, no one rides for free.

Ass, grass, or a teeny tiny baby, no one rides for free.

Happiness: Hot biscuits & gravy, women in the refrigerator, and this little thingy here.

Military scientists in Syria found traces of this little thingy here in the soil.

The cops destroyed Leo Lech’s house because they thought this little thingy here was inside.

I noticed symptoms of licking it, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s this little thingy here!” but I’m not sure.

The night before Easter, we’ll set up this little thingy here on the porch to surprise the kids.

In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from this little thingy here.

I want to say one word to you, just one word: this thing I'm holding.

I’m not afraid of this thing I'm holding. In fact, it could be good for me.

The DC-10 couldn’t land because of this thing I'm holding caught in the landing gear.

They didn’t have this thing I'm holding at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed regular kibble.

These snails have evolved to live underground without light or this thing I'm holding.

No one in Morocco can have this thing I'm holding without registering with the government.

This is a great movie, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has one of these doodads.

The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and one of these doodads.

My nightly ritual involves one of these doodads just as I fall asleep.

I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of One of These Doodads.

Is your teen engaging in “One of These Doodads Challenge”? Sucking one of these doodads into their nose and out their mouth?

Driving late at night, I was horrified to find one of these doodads in the back seat.

I ordered this bit over here discreetly on the Internet so I can have a little “me time.”

When the suspect’s car crashed, this bit over here launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away.

There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “this bit over here”.

A ghost ship washed up in Japan with this bit over here on board.

Oh no! Someone rolled up this bit over here in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road.

Ich bin ein this bit over here.

The FDA has recently approved killing Kim Jong-un as a treatment for not doing anything.

The FDA has recently approved the death simulator as a treatment for the Army.

The FDA has recently approved a tissue as a treatment for making me cum.

The FDA has recently approved a spooky mummy as a treatment for what I’ve done.

The FDA has recently approved cuddling as a treatment for a mass of lymphatic tissue.

The FDA has recently approved completely wigging out as a treatment for booms and flashes.

In the '80s I had a gig photographing an emaciated bovine for a gentleman's magazine.

In the '80s I had a gig photographing the Mormon church for a gentleman's magazine.

In the '80s I had a gig photographing floppy, out-of-control boobs for a gentleman's magazine.

In the '80s I had a gig photographing Krampus, the child punisher for a gentleman's magazine.

In the '80s I had a gig photographing manliness for a gentleman's magazine.

In the '80s I had a gig photographing your sisters for a gentleman's magazine.

Class, turn to page 105 and read “A Guy in a Van and You”.

Sometimes I wish I could just lock the shittier one and a guy in a van in a room and let ‘em fight it out.

In the escape room we had to figure out a grape in a condom. We tried a guy in a van and it worked!

Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by a guy in a van?

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with a guy in a van.

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Guy in a Van”! I shook his hand and it felt like a guy in a van.

For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood a bandolier of knives.

Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into a bandolier of knives and stopped.

Do you know what happens if you don’t take a bandolier of knives seriously? Killing the Batman

Back in my day, we only had a bandolier of knives for fun and we LIKED IT.

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a bandolier of knives. Always.

The hardware store didn’t have a bandolier of knives left, so I got duct tape and plastic.

Today you’re on the receiving end of fear.

Fear really messes up my butt complexion!

I didn’t know they made fear in lemon flavor.

At work I secretly have fear under my desk.

You know what never fails to liven up the party? Fear.

Jeez! Who slipped fear in your Cheerios™ this morning?

At the organic grocery store, I bought a pod-like fruit called "man animals", which contains a sweet, tangy pulp.

At the organic grocery store, I bought a pod-like fruit called "nothing but the truth", which contains a sweet, tangy pulp.

At the organic grocery store, I bought a pod-like fruit called "a crack in the sky", which contains a sweet, tangy pulp.

At the organic grocery store, I bought a pod-like fruit called "a bus full of white children", which contains a sweet, tangy pulp.

At the organic grocery store, I bought a pod-like fruit called "cooties", which contains a sweet, tangy pulp.

At the organic grocery store, I bought a pod-like fruit called "that freak from Wells Fargo", which contains a sweet, tangy pulp.

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with an ogre's load. I barely even felt the needles.

More armies need to incorporate an ogre's load into their uniforms.

Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore an ogre's load with a human-sized harness to fasten it.

Viewers donated $40,000 to see an ogre's load.

Don’t leave the door open! An ogre's load will get in.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of an ogre's load.

The number one issue for voters is the economy, followed by sucking Shrek's dick and then healthcare.

Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi. The driver was sucking Shrek's dick.

Google’s AI can call your hairdresser and make an appointment for sucking Shrek's dick.

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to sucking Shrek's dick, even before I put on my clothes.

Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from sucking Shrek's dick.

Ointment is a temporary setback on the road to sucking Shrek's dick!