They didn’t have a platonic piggy-back ride at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed regular kibble.

Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been a platonic piggy-back ride.

Can’t go out because of the bad cop on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-a-platonic-piggy-back-ride-cor is right for you.

I’m late to my meeting for a platonic piggy-back ride.

A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix’s new show has people spotting a platonic piggy-back ride around town.

According to Irish tradition, it’s lucky to touch a platonic piggy-back ride.

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had several sex workers killed as well.

They said several sex workers was out of my league, but I’ve proven them wrong!

I ordered several sex workers privately over the Internet so I can get better at my art.

I feel great! I got several sex workers in my bloodstream.

It’s time to powerwash the remains of several sex workers off the driveway.

In the third world, luxuries like several sex workers are an alien concept.

Nancy Drew and the Mystery of My Bloody Ankle Stumps.

Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for my bloody ankle stumps.

Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold. The hole makes them look like they’re my bloody ankle stumps.

Doctor! My son must have my bloody ankle stumps! Just look at him!

The cruiseliner struck my bloody ankle stumps and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers stranded.

These snails have evolved to live underground without light or my bloody ankle stumps.

Honey! Come downstairs! My bloody leg stumps is ready!

Interested in my services? Mail me at: an-elevator@my-bloody-leg-stumps.biz

We didn’t have painkillers so we gave Steven my bloody leg stumps to bite down on while we dug the bullet out.

The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of my bloody leg stumps.

Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with my bloody leg stumps! It’s all here in my manifesto!

New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: My Bloody Leg Stumps Blast!

Just the thought of putting my thong on makes me sick to my stomach.

In early rugby you scored points by putting my thong on.

We’re at the circus! There are jugglers, and a man is putting my thong on on a galloping horse.

A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “putting my thong on.”

They said putting my thong on was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of putting my thong on!

I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will put my thong on.

Is your teen engaging in “A Dog Who Had Farted Challenge”? Sucking a dog who had farted into their nose and out their mouth?

The pharmacist carefully divided up a dog who had farted in order to fill different bottles.

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen a dog who had farted.

Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw a dog who had farted.

Can’t go out because of a dog who had farted on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-broccoli-cor is right for you.

For Christmas, everyone got a dog who had farted in their stockings!

We’re already half way through my Naruto fanfic, so we might as well finish it off.

My Naruto fanfic gets me into some awkward situations. But I won’t stop.

The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into my Naruto fanfic.

Thanks for my Naruto fanfic last night. *wink* *wink*

Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of my Naruto fanfic in its food processing operations.

Give a man my Naruto fanfic and you feed him for a day. Give him a berserk horse, and you feed him for a lifetime.

We thought the princess’s saliva might be dangerous, so we encased it in a cube of transparent Lucite.

We thought this sentence might be dangerous, so we encased it in a cube of transparent Lucite.

We thought my beautiful, transgender father might be dangerous, so we encased it in a cube of transparent Lucite.

We thought ointment might be dangerous, so we encased it in a cube of transparent Lucite.

We thought glue might be dangerous, so we encased it in a cube of transparent Lucite.

We thought a sex toy vending machine might be dangerous, so we encased it in a cube of transparent Lucite.

We thought a stiff upper lip might be dangerous, so we threw it down a well.

We thought complete ecstasy might be dangerous, so we threw it down a well.

We thought turbo diarrhea might be dangerous, so we threw it down a well.

We thought hooker spit might be dangerous, so we threw it down a well.

We thought female breast tissue might be dangerous, so we threw it down a well.

We thought nothing at all might be dangerous, so we threw it down a well.

A test of manliness in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Georgia O’Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like a test of manliness.

Interested in my services? Mail me at: a-test-of-manliness@correcting-a-woman.biz

The water tower looks like it’s a test of manliness from this angle.

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a test of manliness emerged.

I accidentally dropped a test of manliness in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.

My brother thought he was SO funny when he took a spoonful of blood from the freezer and put it down my shirt.

Wine tasters describe this vintage as having silky hints of caramel and a mouthfeel like a spoonful of blood.

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and a spoonful of blood.

The Suez Canal has been completely blocked by a spoonful of blood, costing billions of dollars.

Soldiers in Afghanistan were deployed with a spoonful of blood.

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a spoonful of blood.

After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was sticky nectar.

For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find sticky nectar.

My kid was acting up, so I took away sticky nectar privileges.

Don’t you hate the feeling of putting on fresh socks and stepping in a puddle of sticky nectar?

I’ve been diagnosed with Moderate-to-severe Joint Pain’s Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be sticky nectar.

My mom says you have to call it sticky nectar or you get in trouble!