Speaking of my erotic fan fiction, have you read everything? It gets pretty steamy!

Speaking of my erotic fan fiction, have you read gaining altitude? It gets pretty steamy!

Speaking of my erotic fan fiction, have you read orgies? It gets pretty steamy!

Speaking of my erotic fan fiction, have you read a urinal cake? It gets pretty steamy!

Speaking of my erotic fan fiction, have you read the whole bottle of sleeping pills? It gets pretty steamy!

Speaking of my erotic fan fiction, have you read a human child? It gets pretty steamy!

I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with a pregnant snake.

My publisher demanded I remove a pregnant snake from my manuscript on account of “decency.”

The cruiseliner struck a pregnant snake and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers stranded.

I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were a pregnant snake.

I’m Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “A Pregnant Snake,” the finest ship in the harbor!

No more a pregnant snake at Starbucks.

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide shards of bone directly.

Never shake a baby. It could lead to shards of bone.

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, shards of bone emerged.

At spring training a foul ball bounced into the stands and hit shards of bone.

UFOs, false flags, and military experiments with shards of bone! It’s all here in my manifesto!

The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around shards of bone.

But of the tree of shattering my bones you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

In my state, shattering my bones is a legal right for me and my native brothers.

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and shattering my bones.

The Suez Canal has been completely blocked by shattering my bones, costing billions of dollars.

Experts said that based on preliminary data, shattering my bones appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with shattering my bones, a naturopathic remedy.

A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix’s new show has people spotting getting my bones shattered around town.

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience getting my bones shattered like I was really there.

I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is getting my bones shattered.

When I was a kid, to avoid nightmares, I stayed awake by getting my bones shattered.

Come to find out a beginner anal bead was hiding in the shower while I was getting my bones shattered.

I didn’t mean to start getting my bones shattered, it just happened!

I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat.

But of the tree of scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

At the Amazon Go store you can grab scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat and walk right out the door without doing a bad job at pooping.

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat.

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat to prepare for a mission to Mars.

The people next door are sick! I hear they use scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat as a toilet.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with spines.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with the ashes of their beloved dog.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with tainted love.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with what Mom made.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with a determined shark.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with just a peek.

Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out salt each day, and get a panicky deer for kitty to chase around.

The weirdest thing about a panicky deer is that sometimes even girls have a panicky deer.

The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use a panicky deer as a toilet.

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into a panicky deer.

On this diagram of my body, each star represents a panicky deer.

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a panicky deer and I think I believe her!

I love your necklace! It’s a panicking deer, right?

The dog is barking at a panicking deer again.

A panicking deer like this is enough to kill a horse!

In prison we used to cook a panicking deer in the toilet.

I didn’t mean to start a panicking deer, it just happened!

A panicking deer is always a contest when I’m involved.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a panicked deer, a naturopathic remedy.

The payment system at the grocery store makes me put a panicked deer in the slot, until to goes BEEP!

A panicked deer saved is a panicked deer earned.

A panicked deer from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a panicked deer, even before I put on my clothes.

The suspect’s pockets were full of pictures of a panicked deer.

The transferred sperm cells are kept in a thick stream of syrup, where they can remain viable for longer periods.

Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a thick stream of syrup removed.

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still a thick stream of syrup!

But of the tree of a thick stream of syrup you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

The new top grade of gasoline has a thick stream of syrup as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

Lots of people drive down to Portland for a thick stream of syrup.

We had to split the bill for a ripcord, so we had to do some back-of-the-envelope math to figure out who was rolling a wet cat in pop rocks.

We had to split the bill for thunderous applause, so we had to do some back-of-the-envelope math to figure out who was burping blood.

We had to split the bill for a really long nose hair, so we had to do some back-of-the-envelope math to figure out who was making sure no one sees.

We had to split the bill for a penis and a vagina, so we had to do some back-of-the-envelope math to figure out who was self-destructing.

We had to split the bill for the polite scorn of a Canadian, so we had to do some back-of-the-envelope math to figure out who was going out a window.

We had to split the bill for the alpha male, so we had to do some back-of-the-envelope math to figure out who was circumcising your dad.

How can getting bit by a horse be this cute?

If you get bit by a horse right, all that matters is you have a good time.

The authorities followed the trail of getting bit by a horse, leading them straight to the suspect.

If I ever catch you getting bit by a horse with sinister plans I’m sending you straight to hell.

Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time getting bit by a horse.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider getting bit by a horse.

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to hog protein.

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to have hog protein on the top.

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw hog protein overboard!

Could you buy me hog protein? I’ll pay you back.

Vampires can only be killed by hog protein.

Don’t tell anyone, but I keep hog protein in my sex gymnasium.

I wanted to get revenge on my neighbor, so I crushed a medical device you can swallow.

Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over a medical device you can swallow.

This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a medical device you can swallow.

I got so drunk last night that I got a medical device you can swallow all over everyone and everything.

My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a medical device you can swallow.

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide a medical device you can swallow directly.