My kids keep installing *heavy breathing* on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.

These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: *heavy breathing*, garbage... even udders.

In 1962, President John F. Kennedy declared the United States would put *heavy breathing* on a genital louse before the end of the decade.

For my last meal I want *heavy breathing*.

Could you buy me *heavy breathing*? I’ll pay you back.

It’s always nice to relive *heavy breathing* in my mind.

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, *indistinct mumbling* emerged.

There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “*indistinct mumbling*”.

That’s my son, who’s about as useful as *indistinct mumbling*.

Two best friends and an adorable alien take a road trip, and discover *indistinct mumbling* along the way.

Traditionally, in depictions of Adam and Eve, a fig leaf is placed over *indistinct mumbling*.

The gas pump is saying “Push button to select *indistinct mumbling*.”

AC power carries farther than DC due to *cough cough*.

At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on *cough cough*.

When I was a kid I used to take *cough cough* into the bathroom with me.

Become *cough cough*. Become your true self.

Brooklyn mom makes $20,000 a week! How, you ask? *cough cough*.

Witnesses saw *cough cough* on the Tacoma Narrows bridge just before collapse.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on Russian dressing.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on a fluid-filled body cavity.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on giving birth to it.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on peeing out a crab.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on dog shampoo.

The Dead Sea Scrolls include an account of Jesus giving a sermon on slaughter.

a quality buttplug isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

a tiny Jamaican isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

favorable terrain isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

their skin isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

the world’s fastest pump isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

teens who vape isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

Are you there God? It’s me, gooning for at least 10 minutes.

Gooning for at least 10 minutes is really getting all up in my business!

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Gooning for at least 10 minutes can increase your breast size in three weeks!

Get bigger tips from white customers by gooning for at least 10 minutes!

In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had gooning for at least 10 minutes removed so she can live a normal life.

If I have to be honest, I’ve often fantasized about gooning for at least 10 minutes.

The new cereal mascot "stuff and things" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "cheering children" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "puppets representing all the important people in your life" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "Her Majesty, the Queen" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "a gaggle of nuns" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "turkey tacos" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate the slender finger of a young woman to prepare for a mission to Mars.

Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on the slender finger of a young woman.

Crap! I’ve gone and clogged the vacuum hose with the slender finger of a young woman.

On this map of Boston, each dot represents the slender finger of a young woman.

So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s the slender finger of a young woman.

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at the slender finger of a young woman and my card appeared on top!

The media’s nonstop coverage of the haunted port-a-potty is just to distract us from removing shards of glass.

He who controls the haunted port-a-potty controls the world.

I may not be much to look at, but I fuck like the haunted port-a-potty.

Meet me by that sculpture downtown. You know, it’s the haunted port-a-potty, in bronze, towering over the park?

World War III will be started by the haunted port-a-potty.

Lots of people drive down to Portland for the haunted port-a-potty.

I found a line between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

I found even more bees between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

I found black power between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

I found an emaciated bovine between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

I found my dead boyfriend between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

I found a very old jellybean between the couch cushions, and then to my horror I realized it was all over the floor too!

Everyone runs and tries to catch the lemurs we all love. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

Everyone runs and tries to catch another way to kill me. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

Everyone runs and tries to catch a riding crop. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

Everyone runs and tries to catch an enraged bee. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

Everyone runs and tries to catch a dusty butthole. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

Everyone runs and tries to catch another man. If you make the catch. You get to be next!

At the street market, a little old man pulled delicious protein out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

At the street market, a little old man pulled oil-covered birds out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

At the street market, a little old man pulled gay semen out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

At the street market, a little old man pulled a list of names out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

At the street market, a little old man pulled water out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?

At the street market, a little old man pulled actual stink lines out of his trenchcoat and started winking at me furiously. Is he buying or selling?