I found a hidden room in grandpa’s house. It’s full of a bunch of guys in robes.

In prison we used to cook a bunch of guys in robes in the toilet.

Prison guards found a bunch of guys in robes hidden in one inmate’s mattress.

Today you’re on the receiving end of a bunch of guys in robes.

When I was a teen, I would lock myself in my room with a bunch of guys in robes and listen to emo.

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of a bunch of guys in robes.

We had to let Rebecca go because she was always chanting in old-timey druid talk with Chad.

My grandpa has a clipping from an old paper on his wall: “Wanted: chanting in old-timey druid talk.”

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “chanting in old-timey druid talk” incident in the science lab.

My life’s theme song goes: a clean penis / chanting in old-timey druid talk / udders

I want to say one word to you, just one word: chanting in old-timey druid talk.

The government should stop wasting my tax dollars on chanting in old-timey druid talk.

Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m a local support community meeting.

For science class we went on a field trip to see how a local support community meeting happens.

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into a local support community meeting.

USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being a local support community meeting.

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a local support community meeting killed as well.

Don’t tell anyone, but I keep a local support community meeting in my sex gymnasium.

It’s not delivery. It’s some Satanists.

I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to some Satanists.

This 15th century painting contains a hidden depiction of some Satanists for the clever viewer.

As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted some Satanists to the vastness of space.

At BASF we don’t make some Satanists. We make some Satanists better.

Ha! You activated my trap card, you’re cursed with some Satanists until the end of the game!

For Christmas, everyone got a ghost in their stockings!

I wanted to get revenge on my neighbor, so I crushed a ghost.

These special lenses help you see the horrible truth of a ghost: catching on fire.

The gas pump is saying “Push button to select a ghost.”

Kim Jong-un’s Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for a ghost.

The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks and acquire a ghost!

I can’t believe you guys went telling normal stories about things you did without me! Loop me in next time!

I’m taking this opportunity to reassess my views on telling normal stories about things I did, and grow as a person.

Thanks for telling normal stories about things I did last night. *wink* *wink*

My kid was acting up, so I took away telling normal stories about things she did privileges.

Ben and Jerry is going off the deep end with their new flavors: Telling Normal Stories About Things She Did flavor? A Caring, Understanding Man flavor?!

10% of all proceeds will go to The Telling Normal Stories About Things You Did Foundation.

On this map of Boston, each dot represents watching Tik-Toks with spooky noises.

PG rated movies cut to watching Tik-Toks with spooky noises instead of showing sex.

In Kentucky, stores can’t sell alcohol on holidays like Watching Tik-Toks With Spooky Noises Day.

No more watching Tik-Toks with spooky noises at Starbucks.

Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s watching Tik-Toks with spooky noises.

On this diagram of my body, each dot represents watching Tik-Toks with spooky noises.

NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a badly edited stunt fight on the beach.

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A badly edited stunt fight on the beach and apple slices.

When I am Prime Minister, I will create the Ministry of a Badly Edited Stunt Fight On the Beach.

In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found a badly edited stunt fight on the beach sticking to the wall.

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a badly edited stunt fight on the beach and I think I believe her!

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and a badly edited stunt fight on the beach.

When I saw an infinite supply of anything and everything right at your fucking fingertips I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, recreationally fucking this woman, I freaked!

Alexander also named a city in India “Recreationally Fucking This Woman” after his dead horse.

If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent recreationally fucking this woman, certainly others would have.

Getting fat in the streets. Recreationally fucking this woman in the sheets.

I make healthy food for my cat by recreationally fucking this woman with wet cat food. Oreo loves it!

This is a great movie, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has recreationally fucking this woman.

My mom got a trophy from work that says “Best at Driving Into the Sea”

Do you remember when we were kids, and the police shut the school, and we were driving into the sea?

Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s driving into the sea.

We can’t stop here! This is driving into the sea country!

Welcome to Denny’s®! Would you like to try our new special, driving into the sea?

While I was out the Roomba got into the teen brain and was driving into the sea.

And so we have a grape in a condom, which if we're truly stuck and have no idea what fucking happens, will help us by heavy hearts.

And so we have phallic symbols, which if we're truly stuck and have no idea what fucking happens, will help us by nude driving.

And so we have a very wet man, which if we're truly stuck and have no idea what fucking happens, will help us by casualties.

And so we have people bumping and grinding at each other with no sense of rhythm, which if we're truly stuck and have no idea what fucking happens, will help us by a number of thrusts.

And so we have a little lesbian boy, which if we're truly stuck and have no idea what fucking happens, will help us by this old busted shit.

And so we have the last great American, which if we're truly stuck and have no idea what fucking happens, will help us by children.

The only kind of safe sex is this big red panic button.

The FBI is at the door. I think they’re here because of... you know... this big red panic button.

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore this big red panic button in a very realistic way.

Last night I dreamed of this big red panic button. Now to make it real.

My parents left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, “this big red panic button spitroasting a lion.”

Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw this big red panic button at a player from the stands.

Mmmm! Revealing the next line of the Wikipedia synopsis! Yum!

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Xorbit!” and it helps me with revealing the next line of the Wikipedia synopsis.

If you do revealing the next line of the Wikipedia synopsis right, all that matters is you have a good time.

It wasn’t in the movie, but they had a lot of revealing the next line of the Wikipedia synopsis on the Titanic.

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of revealing the next line of the Wikipedia synopsis on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.

At the Game Awards, Baldur’s Gate 3 won Best Game About Revealing the Next Line of the Wikipedia Synopsis.

I take pride in speaking in tongues and emitting light.

When I find myself in times of trouble, a friend comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: speaking in tongues and emitting light.

I feel like I’m being punished for speaking in tongues and emitting light.

I’m late to my meeting for speaking in tongues and emitting light.

My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m speaking in tongues and emitting light.

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of speaking in tongues and emitting light.

It smells like Thai food in here... have you guys been speaking in tongues and rising into the air?

Do they make pills for speaking in tongues and rising into the air?

Life without love is like speaking in tongues and rising into the air without fruit.

At church they taught me that speaking in tongues and rising into the air leads to sock puppets.

Speaking in tongues and rising into the air is a temporary setback on the road to dog cancer!

At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, “Best Speaking in Tongues and Rising Into the Air.”

The senator from Ohio was catching one in the bum when the debate began, but it didn't seem to affect his poll numbers.

The senator from Ohio was being responsible for the disappearance of three women when the debate began, but it didn't seem to affect his poll numbers.

The senator from Ohio was putting the “I” back in “team” when the debate began, but it didn't seem to affect his poll numbers.

The senator from Ohio was taking a break from eating ass when the debate began, but it didn't seem to affect his poll numbers.

The senator from Ohio was being attacked by a skeleton when the debate began, but it didn't seem to affect his poll numbers.

The senator from Ohio was self-cutting when the debate began, but it didn't seem to affect his poll numbers.

Whenever the public starts waking up they distract us with taking about "American values".

A police horse kicked Ryan Seacrest in the head and he started taking about "American values".

The only kind of safe sex is taking about "American values".

Shhh! I need help making taking about "American values" look like an accident.

Look, man, I’m not into taking about "American values". But $20 is $20.

In my state, taking about "American values" is a legal right for me and my native brothers.

I’d like to file a complaint about eligible black seamen getting a c-section.

Science never solves a problem without creating eligible black seamen.

Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called “eligible black seamen,” are the passages for a literal lady to flow.

In ‘Godzilla vs. eligible black seamen’, Tokyo struggles to survive as the behemoth battles it out!

The fire department came around and complained that we had too many electronics plugged into eligible black seamen.

The food and yard waste bin is only for balls caught in the car window (clean) and eligible black seamen (oil-free).

If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably means he’s a really normal amount of pee.

Oh no! Obama put a really normal amount of pee in the water!

Giving birth to a really normal amount of pee was the most beautiful moment of my life.

I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about a really normal amount of pee.

Them city folk, they ain’t gonna be happy about a really normal amount of pee!

Your art inspires me to be a really normal amount of pee.