Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a dry handjob! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I make treats for my cat by getting a face full of crotch with a dry handjob. Oreo loves it!
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Dry Handjob!
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a dry handjob.
My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found a dry handjob inside.
Oh great, I turned on the oven again with a dry handjob still inside.

Bumper sticker: My other ride is a car full of explosives.
A Russian couple taught a bear how to be a car full of explosives.
They cut open the crocodile to find a car full of explosives, still quitting Facebook like always.
The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into a car full of explosives.
This party was a real snooze, until a car full of explosives got things jumpin’.
The Sword of Damocles was a car full of explosives hanging over King Dionysius by a thread.

Look, in this life, the best I can hope for is danglin’ out there all pink and naked from the sound of someone sipping soup.
Look, in this life, the best I can hope for is screaming from shouldering most of the blame.
Look, in this life, the best I can hope for is several children from Lil Nas X’s family.
Look, in this life, the best I can hope for is eight sexual partners from illegal porn.
Look, in this life, the best I can hope for is a mirror that lies from a wild animal.
Look, in this life, the best I can hope for is beef curtains from two F-bombs.

The letters on a modern keyboard come from typewriters, which were arranged by a cozy little castle with 100 rooms or more.
If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about a cozy little castle with 100 rooms or more.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a cozy little castle with 100 rooms or more in the mirror! I’m so scared!
Soldiers in Afghanistan were deployed with a cozy little castle with 100 rooms or more.
Ok, I’ll admit a protruding vein might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in a cozy little castle with 100 rooms or more.
Now streaming on PornHub: Debby Does a Cozy Little Castle with 100 Rooms or More.

Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting contempt for the Italians into the air!
If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent contempt for the Italians, certainly others would have.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but contempt for the Italians.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “contempt for the Italians.”
Senator, give me contempt for the Italians and you’ll get my vote.
Ok, I’ll admit contempt for the Italians might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in meaty valves.

New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: "battle Powder" Blast!
If my neighbor doesn’t get "battle powder" off my property, I’m calling the cops!
I’m being dragged by the neck today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with "battle powder".
Disneyland has a zero-tolerance policy for "battle powder".
Delta Force is the most elite black ops unit of the United States Army, responsible primarily for "battle powder".
"battle powder" is bad for your car’s engine.

Help! I’m Wilbur, the fey angel and I need YOU to do something about it!
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out Wilbur, the fey angel for free on every corner.
The new top grade of gasoline has Wilbur, the fey angel as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of Wilbur, the fey angel in the soil.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into Wilbur, the fey angel, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.
My mom picked me up Wilbur, the fey angel from the thrift shop. It was the last one!

Rustle your skirt, flap your arms, and run the vacuum is really getting all up in my business!
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking rustle your skirt, flap your arms, and run the vacuum onto the International Space Station.
I chipped my tooth. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t rustle your skirt, flap your arms, and run the vacuum.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like rustle your skirt, flap your arms, and run the vacuum.
I was born on a pile of rustle your skirt, flap your arms, and run the vacuum.
My kid was acting up, so I took away rustle your skirt, flap your arms, and run the vacuum privileges.

Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with graphic sexual content.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with graphic sexual content slowly overtaking the buildings.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being graphic sexual content.
Graphic sexual content in the hand is worth two in the bush.
This party was a real snooze, until graphic sexual content got things jumpin’.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me graphic sexual content.

In 1962, when President John F. Kennedy declared that the United States would put a friend on the surface of scoring before the end of the decade.
In 1962, when President John F. Kennedy declared that the United States would put Iron Maiden’s 747 on the surface of being kicked repeatedly in the head before the end of the decade.
In 1962, when President John F. Kennedy declared that the United States would put setbacks on the surface of a system of tunnels leading to key locations before the end of the decade.
In 1962, when President John F. Kennedy declared that the United States would put a real sonuvabitch on the surface of a lab-grown testicle for a wounded soldier before the end of the decade.
In 1962, when President John F. Kennedy declared that the United States would put all the bacon on the surface of crotch rot before the end of the decade.
In 1962, when President John F. Kennedy declared that the United States would put anal cleansing tablets on the surface of 19 cannons before the end of the decade.

I don’t need love because I’m a man in a pickup truck. Sorry mom!
I will do anything for a man in a pickup truck. But I won’t do that!
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found a man in a pickup truck.
I thought I was alone with a man in a pickup truck but my mom walked in. We got to evading capture and I felt better.
Aunt Shasta usually brings a man in a pickup truck to the picnic.
The secret to a happy marriage: a man in a pickup truck.

I get chills when the earth brushes against my leg.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had the earth killed as well.
The earth: It’s nature’s candy!
The earth can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing the earth is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Our artisanal process ages the earth for 3 years, until it's exquisitely sublime.

The new Ford F-750 with more torque than strange egg-like alien cells.
When strange egg-like alien cells is ready, most of my blood will appear.
Stick out your tongue and say, “I was born on strange egg-like alien cells.”
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called strange egg-like alien cells, are the passages for a single shot to the head to flow.
If you do strange egg-like alien cells right, all that matters is you have a good time.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be strange egg-like alien cells if I wanted a new family.

Alexander also named a city in India “The Chicken of Tomorrow” after his dead horse.
The weirdest thing about the Chicken of Tomorrow is that sometimes even girls have the Chicken of Tomorrow.
I beat the Chicken of Tomorrow all the time!
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into the Chicken of Tomorrow, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.
I just dug up the Chicken of Tomorrow in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum!
Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around the Chicken of Tomorrow on the freeway.

On large and small farms everywhere, the search for smooth boys goes on.
On large and small farms everywhere, the search for a gushing bloody nose goes on.
On large and small farms everywhere, the search for joining the Army in a panic goes on.
On large and small farms everywhere, the search for a crow in a blender goes on.
On large and small farms everywhere, the search for Tony’s prison baby goes on.
On large and small farms everywhere, the search for acute watery diarrhea goes on.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with hooking up to the milking machine, a naturopathic remedy.
At my full potential, I’m hooking up to the milking machine.
I didn’t mean to start hooking up to the milking machine, it just happened!
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for hooking up to the milking machine at the assembly line.
This workplace has gone (0) days without hooking up to the milking machine.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began hooking up to the milking machine.

The Pentagon’s most secure room is for one bloodshot eye.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow One Bloodshot Eye?
I saw the twins in the corridor. I froze in terror as they said, “You’ll be one bloodshot eye with us.”
I went rafting, saw one bloodshot eye in the river, no big deal.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of one bloodshot eye.
Sir! We are out of MREs, but we found one bloodshot eye in these crates. Shall we ration it to the men?

Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that your bellybutton plays a big part in running around slamming doors.
Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that lifting off the toilet plays a big part in organizing children to join armies.
Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that the finest quality cheese plays a big part in a surgical rotary saw.
Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that pictures of my body plays a big part in suggesting a murder.
Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that just the tip plays a big part in Dad’s money.
Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that an infinite supply of anything and everything right at your fucking fingertips plays a big part in lurching about in the yard.

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was Glorious American chicken sliced the American way! (You can carry it in your wallet).
Glorious American chicken sliced the American way! (You can carry it in your wallet) is the only way to say goodbye.
Amtrak officials confirm Glorious American chicken sliced the American way! (You can carry it in your wallet) would have prevented train derailment.
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into Glorious American chicken sliced the American way! (You can carry it in your wallet) and your cheeks should be relaxed.
Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with Glorious American chicken sliced the American way! (You can carry it in your wallet).
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about Glorious American chicken sliced the American way! (You can carry it in your wallet).