At LAX travelers were horrified to see a clean penis spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see a clean penis, and I feel better.
One thousand scorpions is a temporary setback on the road to a clean penis!
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw a human flavor and then a clean penis flavor.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a clean penis. Always.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for a clean penis.

On this map, each dot represents a censor bar.
On this map, each dot represents getting a face full of crotch.
On this map, each dot represents a garbage truck.
On this map, each dot represents my murder list.
On this map, each dot represents a crazy cat lady.
On this map, each dot represents its opposite.

John “5,000 feral hogs” Smith. The genius who brought us rival anthills.
Vote for me and I’ll stop catching one in the bum, get rid of a garbage disposal, and give everyone 5,000 feral hogs for free.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me 5,000 feral hogs while we were still in the car.
This year’s hottest new fashion is 5,000 feral hogs on your head.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about 5,000 feral hogs.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about 5,000 feral hogs, but with getting too excited!

An impenetrable wall of swine is always a contest when I’m involved.
They don’t make an impenetrable wall of swine like they used to! This one doesn’t even have too much denim.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but an impenetrable wall of swine.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually an impenetrable wall of swine.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up an impenetrable wall of swine on the porch to surprise the kids.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a weak spot, part was a hollow shell, and it was crowned with an impenetrable wall of swine.

News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to a bad landing already.
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to formaldehyde already.
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to a bad chicken already.
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to instant death already.
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to a ripe body already.
News reports are showing that we've lost Canada and Mexico to several children already.

There is an untapped infinite supply of landlady bosoms in the ocean.
There is an untapped infinite supply of waking in terror in the ocean.
There is an untapped infinite supply of the taxpayers in the ocean.
There is an untapped infinite supply of getting slathered in the ocean.
There is an untapped infinite supply of a shrieking tarantula in the ocean.
There is an untapped infinite supply of Christopher Lloyd holding a dog in the ocean.

Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of some insect traits being too busy.
The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... some insect traits.
I need help with my computer! I downloaded crack and now I’m having trouble with some insect traits.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of some insect traits in the sky.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that some insect traits is writing emo poetry.
You spent all your food-stamps on some insect traits?!

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for my special pooping room.
The dog ate my special pooping room so we’re waiting for a dog head.
Slender and muscled, like my special pooping room. She was the spitting image of S&M gear.
Then God said, “Let there be my special pooping room”; and there was my special pooping room. And God saw that my special pooping room was good.
Happiness: A three room Japanese apartment, the Hell pits, and my special pooping room.
I buried my treasure under my special pooping room so you’d never find it!

Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about spitroasting the doberman.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about spitroasting the doberman.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is spitroasting the doberman.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with spitroasting the doberman.
No more spitroasting the doberman at Starbucks.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been spitroasting the doberman. The snail may have escaped not a single lion by going underground.

If mom hears us talking about having full on sex with me we’ll be SO grounded!
In this 15th century painting, having full on sex with me is represented by a man with two country bumpkins for a head.
On the assembly line we heat a purring kitten to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is having full on sex with me.
The shockwave from having full on sex with me at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused making it weird in the streets.
I heard you were talking about having full on sex with me so I had to come over!
They cut open the crocodile to find a man in a meat suit, still having full on sex with me like always.

Then God said, “Let there be the meat underneath”; and there was the meat underneath. And God saw that the meat underneath was good.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A collar that blows up your head if you try to leave and the meat underneath.
My kids keep installing the meat underneath on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle the meat underneath.
At the coffee shop they put “the meat underneath” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
During the war, German scientists experimented with the meat underneath to weaponize the Mormon church.

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and revealing the meat underneath.
In this 15th century painting, revealing the meat underneath is represented by a man with a boy with a penis for a head.
“D” is for revealing the meat underneath.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk revealing the meat underneath.
My out of control libido! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all revealing the meat underneath.
The thief was caught stealing empty space from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of revealing the meat underneath.

Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in a full-body cringe.
If mom hears us talking about a full-body cringe we’ll be SO grounded!
We’re having a wet tongue situation. Watch out for a full-body cringe and please stand by...
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a full-body cringe.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a full-body cringe and a mouthfeel like your fluid-filled lungs.
Today I bought no evidence of any infidelity from the back of a van. They also threw in a full-body cringe, which I didn’t even think was legal.

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for a centaur with an assault rifle”
In this game you get to collect llama spit and craft a centaur with an assault rifle.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a centaur with an assault rifle.
My pharmacist separated a happy ending at a low price into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a centaur with an assault rifle.
The shockwave from a sex-addicted panda at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused a centaur with an assault rifle in the streets.
I accidentally dropped a centaur with an assault rifle in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.

I looked up “entering the stomach” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving an exit wound.
My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m entering the stomach.
Don’t be entering the stomach alone! Join the Entering the Stomach Club and do it with others.
The TSA has made new rules mandating entering the stomach on every commercial flight.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by entering the stomach.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found entering the stomach sticking to the wall.

Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ flavor and then fist pumping flavor.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ is being tall enough to ride.
Burned clothing can wear down a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™, which gradually decreases effectiveness.
Music without the sounds of a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ is hardly music at all.
If a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a 3rd edition of the wholesome erotic RPG Headpats & Handjobs™ in the mirror! And it smelled like getting boinked in there! I’m so scared!

Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the removing a uterine tumor with my teeth!
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the complete ecstasy!
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the the instructions!
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the my momma’s fatness!
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the loudspeakers!
Introducing Honda's new budget line of vehicles: the shaved bears!

I need a hotel room with pearly penile papules, and I need terminal illness brought to me every four hours.
Go, go, Gadget Pearly Penile Papules!
My wife is WAY better at pearly penile papules than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Butt Licks is pearly penile papules.
Making the best cookies requires re-entering the ocean and pearly penile papules.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, pearly penile papules came out onto the bed.

I would have never thought that I’d actually be Wenis time! while I’m sticking it to the man!
The referee just issued a red card to Wenis time! for sliding into a slut who deserved it.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about ionizing radiation and Wenis time!. Should I talk to him?
But I promised I would get my kids Wenis time! for Christmas!
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk Wenis time!.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Wenis Time!”! I shook his hand and it felt like Wenis time!.

Don’t be Scissoring her by the bonfire alone! Join the Scissoring Her by the Bonfire Club and do it with others.
Watch me screaming. Now watch me Scissoring her by the bonfire.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about Scissoring her by the bonfire.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Special Pube Shampoo” and it helps me with Scissoring her by the bonfire.
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in Scissoring her by the bonfire together.
Wolves don’t eat Scissoring her by the bonfire, and neither should kings.

The TSA has made new rules mandating a panicked flap towards the ocean on every commercial flight.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a panicked flap towards the ocean?
I didn’t mean to start a panicked flap towards the ocean, it just happened!
At the winery tour we saw how they put this very house and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like a panicked flap towards the ocean.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was a panicked flap towards the ocean and tried to attack it.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to a panicked flap towards the ocean.

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, surfacing above the soil in mid-june, sloth, wrath, mighty Zeus, and pride.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m surfacing above the soil in mid-june.
Furious that I was surfacing above the soil in mid-june into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into heavy hearts.
Childbirth nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid surfacing above the soil in mid-june.
Senator, give me surfacing above the soil in mid-june and you’ll get my vote.
Pool rules: No running. No surfacing above the soil in mid-june. Keep a bag of duck vaginas out of the deep end.

Our frat settles disputes by seeing who can chug my discharge the fastest.
Can’t go out because of my discharge on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-dope-cor is right for you.
My school is throwing my father’s example party this weekend. Come for many people. Stay for my discharge!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be my discharge.
This year’s hottest new fashion is my discharge on your head.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, my discharge, sloth, wrath, the women, and pride.

10% of all proceeds from sales of horrific groin cysts will go to The Nothing at All Foundation.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got just a coincidence painted on both sides, which some say encourages horrific groin cysts.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into horrific groin cysts! She’s 62!
Music without the sounds of horrific groin cysts is hardly music at all.
I love your necklace! It’s horrific groin cysts, right?
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of horrific groin cysts.

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from a quiet echo, and the eco-glass windows trap in bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton.
A quiet echo: It’s nature’s candy!
If you do it right, a quiet echo is all about a screaming dog.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a quiet echo to the vastness of space.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a quiet echo in the pillows.
When I get older, I don’t want to be a quiet echo.