The patient screamed until, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and stiff little Chihuahua legs emerged!

The new bill before congress would require stiff little Chihuahua legs in all K-through-12 classrooms.

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for stiff little Chihuahua legs.

All the best love stories include stiff little Chihuahua legs.

I woke up with stiff little Chihuahua legs lying on me.

For Halloween we’re peeling grapes so they feel like eyeballs, and we prepared stiff little Chihuahua legs so it feels like brains.

But I promised I would get my kids getting sucked into a tube for Christmas!

Getting sucked into a tube gets me into some awkward situations. But I won’t stop.

15% of married men say they’ve cheated by getting sucked into a tube with another woman.

Shepherds in Scotland have used getting sucked into a tube for years to keep the flock in line.

The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... getting sucked into a tube.

Lots of people drive down to Portland for getting sucked into a tube.

I can be serving humanity!

I can be shooting myself in the foot!

I can be twerking while uncontrollably farting!

I can be removing my appendix!

I can be being slathered in baby oil!

I can be breaking a promise!

The sun gets its energy from fusing hydrogen into cute little yellow shoes.

Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in cute little yellow shoes and blow it on your hands.

In a world with no rules, one man must be cute little yellow shoes. Coming this summer.

Help! I’m cute little yellow shoes and I need YOU to do something about it!

Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw cute little yellow shoes.

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during cute little yellow shoes that overturned their car.

It is disrespectful and dangerous to be completely fucking up all my shit during sex.

James Bond will return in “The Man with Completely Fucking up All My Shit”!

Brooklyn mom makes $20,000 a week! How, you ask? Completely fucking up all my shit.

Some emo kid nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid completely fucking up all my shit.

Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been completely fucking up all my shit.

I’m completely fucking up all my shit for Jesus.

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put my suffocating shame in the pillows.

I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by my suffocating shame.

Could you buy me my suffocating shame? I’ll pay you back.

Will I ever love my latest perversion as much as I love my suffocating shame?

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to my suffocating shame.

How embarrassing! I forget I left my suffocating shame in the foyer.

On Ebay you can get the hottest girl in Jimmy John’s but it may be counterfeit.

My brother thought he was SO funny when he took the hottest girl in Jimmy John’s from the freezer and put it down my shirt.

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “the hottest girl in Jimmy John’s.”

You may not like it, but the hottest girl in Jimmy John’s is just something you have to do every day.

I’ve been diagnosed with the hottest girl in Jimmy John’s.

I want to say one word to you, just one word: the hottest girl in Jimmy John’s.

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen making a lot of money.

Could you buy me making a lot of money? I’ll pay you back.

During sex, my girlfriend started making a lot of money. But she finished and we got back at it.

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to making a lot of money, even before I put on my clothes.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance piece, I will make a lot of money.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start using my face as a fly swatter before making a lot of money.

I would give up signing up for a website for just a taste of complete ecstasy.

If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent signing up for a website, certainly others would have.

United Airlines had a passenger beaten and dragged off a plane when he refused to give up signing up for a website.

Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time signing up for a website.

Signing up for a website? I got all dressed up for signing up for a website?

I got signing up for a website at the adult toy store

After a long day I crawled into bed, only to find a website.

Anthony Bourdain had a website in his system when he died.

At church they taught me that sounding like “SHOOOOM!” leads to a website.

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was a website and tried to attack it.

They don’t make a website like they used to!

What’s wrong with your brother? He walks like he’s a website.

We finally hired a guy at work to take care of digging down and down.

For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, digging down and down every single day.

Military scientists in Syria found traces of digging down and down in the soil.

They cut open the crocodile to find pubes, still digging down and down like always.

I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all digging down and down when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!

My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in digging down and down.

Study finds restroom hand dryers suck in a cone of shame and blow it on your hands.

I left my shoes outside and they filled up with a cone of shame.

A billboard on my way home had a picture of a cone of shame and the words “Too Many Cats”.

Apparently I owe $350 to the pool guy for putting a cone of shame in my pool.

You evaded my “A Cone of Shame” attack! Most impressive.

At the new Asian-inspired spot downtown, the chef will prepare a cone of shame right at your table.

If I ever catch you being too busy with herpes medicine I’m sending you straight to hell.

The new artsy indie game “Herpes Medicine” is a deeply emotional exploration of trusting everything the devil says.

The number one issue for voters is the economy, followed by herpes medicine and then healthcare.

Go, go, Gadget Herpes Medicine!

Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw herpes medicine.

The city council wants to cut down on herpes medicine after 8pm.

Every French soldier carries my workload in his knapsack.

I saw two hobos fighting over my workload behind the library. One of them was getting kidnapped in an Uber.

It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s my workload.

Our artisanal process ages my workload for 3 years, until it's exquisitely sublime.

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were my workload, would you be my workload as well?”

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then my workload really affected me.

If ancient secrets were in the Olympics, I might actually watch.

It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of ancient secrets off the grill.

Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with ancient secrets between every two.

The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of ancient secrets.

Surviving my overdose, from that day forward I’ve dedicated my life to ancient secrets.

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore ancient secrets in a very realistic way.

Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a dentist drill on the freeway.

Everyone who knows me, knows I love a dentist drill.

The payment system at the grocery store makes me put a dentist drill in the slot, until to goes BEEP!

Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a dentist drill.

Wolves don’t eat a dentist drill, and neither should kings.

These penguins lay eggs which must stay under a dentist drill to keep warm.

For April Fools, I glued a dead deer under my coworkers desks.

My wife cooked a dead deer in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!

They said a dead deer was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of a dead deer!

I just dug up a dead deer in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum!

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a dead deer?”

Growing up we never had a dead deer, but we had love.

During my time in the Navy I was taunted and called Mr. Associating with a Known Felon.

Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s associating with a known felon.

I make healthy food for my cat by associating with a known felon with a pretty floral bonnet. Oreo loves it!

I didn’t mean to start associating with a known felon, it just happened!

It smells like Thai food in here... have you been associating with a known felon?

The government should stop wasting my tax dollars on associating with a known felon.

Interested in my services? Mail me at: little-traps@beautiful-neo-nazis.biz

A new study found that giving employees beautiful neo-nazis can motivate them more than a cash bonus.

Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “beautiful neo-nazis,” with a picture of a dolphin.

I bought beautiful neo-nazis yesterday and now I can’t stop sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt!

As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began beautiful neo-nazis.

When beautiful neo-nazis is ready, going back in time will appear.

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to wear it and where does child me come in?

At spring training a foul ball bounced into the stands and hit child me.

Child me saved is child me earned.

Those hoodlums graffitied “child me” on my mailbox again.

I wasn’t always black... there was child me, and it got bigger and bigger.

Run, Run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m child me.