Crytax

Crytax

User name
Crytax
Assigned title
Ph. D in Cryonics
Assigned post color
#88aacc
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Medals
 
Registration date
2006 April 26
Post count
694
Score
11 ₧
Location
People's Republic of Cascadia
Signature
What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
Timezone
UTC
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Recent posts by Crytax

Recent posts by Crytax

Saturday at 21:52 PDT
A photo of a shotgun
n

These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: a photo of a shotgun, garbage... even the “fun” stuff.

In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under a photo of a shotgun.

The authorities followed the trail of a photo of a shotgun, leading them straight to the suspect.

Ich bin ein a photo of a shotgun.

Meet me by that sculpture downtown. You know, it’s a photo of a shotgun, in bronze, towering over the park?

Well butter overzealous product placement and call me a photo of a shotgun!


May 18 at 22:22 PDT
Slim-Jim Bussey from Tampa Bay
n

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then Slim-Jim Bussey from Tampa Bay really affected me.

There’s always time for Slim-Jim Bussey from Tampa Bay before breakfast.

It’s time to powerwash the remains of Slim-Jim Bussey from Tampa Bay off the driveway.

When I get older, I don’t want to be Slim-Jim Bussey from Tampa Bay.

At church they taught me that Slim-Jim Bussey from Tampa Bay leads to doing it again.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with Slim-Jim Bussey from Tampa Bay, a naturopathic remedy.


Apr 15 at 11:58 PDT
My collection of lesbians
np

It started out as drinks with friends and ended with my collection of lesbians.

My wife cooked my collection of lesbians in a sous vide bag last night mmmm!

The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything: my collection of lesbians.

The night before Easter, we’ll set up my collection of lesbians on the porch to surprise the kids.

The survey team detected my collection of lesbians at the work site so I threw my tools in my truck and drove straight there.

Oh great, I turned on the oven again with my collection of lesbians still inside.


Apr 14 at 21:51 PDT
Secret illicit nighttime tea drinking
vt

I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and secret illicit nighttime tea drinking. There was a report.

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Secret Illicit Nighttime Tea Drinking!

I clean the white man by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up secret illicit nighttime tea drinking.

Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires secret illicit nighttime tea drinking.

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: secret illicit nighttime tea drinking!!!

If you kids don’t stop secret illicit nighttime tea drinking, I will turn this car around!


Feb 20 at 21:25 PST
Force-femming a cis woman
v

Easy Mac is good, but the white cheddar one kinda tastes like force-femming a cis woman.

In a world with no rules, one man must be force-femming a cis woman. Coming this summer.

The media’s nonstop coverage of force-femming a cis woman is just to distract us from going, kinda like, “shloop!”.

Force-femming a cis woman is bad for your car’s engine.

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Force-femming a cis woman.

After a long day I crawled into bed, only to find force-femming a cis woman.


My extremely submissive goth wife
n

I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will require my extremely submissive goth wife.

In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy my extremely submissive goth wife from dispensaries.

At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced not many teeth with my extremely submissive goth wife.

These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to wear it and where does my extremely submissive goth wife come in?

This year’s hottest new fashion is my extremely submissive goth wife on your head.

At BASF, we don't *make* my extremely submissive goth wife, we make my extremely submissive goth wife *better*.


A sex brothel
n

The Spice girls are getting back together with a new member: A Sex Brothel Spice!

Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with a sex brothel.

Always hold on to a sex brothel to remember me.

Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a sex brothel in the back seat.

Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl-on-my-work, or even some kind of a-sex-brothel scene.

You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in a sex brothel together.


Dec 31 at 11:12 PST
Hell's assisted living center
n

My new phone looks like it’s Hell's assisted living center but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but Hell's assisted living center.
I prayed to God for Hell's assisted living center, and God delivered!
The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of Hell's assisted living center.
These special lenses help you see the horrible truth of Hell's assisted living center: a night of unrestrained passion.
At the winery tour we saw how they put Hell's assisted living center and grapes in the tank.

Dec 31 at 10:30 PST
The horrifying darkness of my Appalachian camping trip
n

At the coffee shop they put “the horrifying darkness of my Appalachian camping trip” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Alexander also named a city in India “The Horrifying Darkness of My Appalachian Camping Trip” after his dead horse.
The Sword of Damocles was the horrifying darkness of my Appalachian camping trip hanging over King Dionysius by a thread.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up the horrifying darkness of my Appalachian camping trip on the porch to surprise the kids.
I love your necklace! It’s the horrifying darkness of my Appalachian camping trip, right?
I chipped my tooth. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t the horrifying darkness of my Appalachian camping trip.

Dec 31 at 10:26 PST
A higher population of apes than twitter.com
n

The new top grade of gasoline has a higher population of apes than twitter.com as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
My new phone looks like it’s a higher population of apes than twitter.com but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see a higher population of apes than twitter.com spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
But of the tree of a higher population of apes than twitter.com you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
The ‘blindness moth’ has adapted to feed on garbage, and hide under a higher population of apes than twitter.com in cities to spin its cocoon.
Until quite recently, a higher population of apes than twitter.com had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.