God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain sweating, groaning and screaming.

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain a pussy, wet and dripping.

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain one large prostitute.

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain a pill for every problem.

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain wriggly little worms.

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain deliberately standing in front of a cannon.

Class, turn to page 105 and read “A Hot Slurry of Minerals and You”.

These wounds were given to me by a hot slurry of minerals.

Apparently, “a Hot Slurry of Minerals” is a dance move on TikTok.

Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a hot slurry of minerals on the freeway.

Can’t go out because of a hot slurry of minerals on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-hog-dander-cor is right for you.

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to a hot slurry of minerals.

Georgia O’Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like the hot goth girl.

If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about the hot goth girl.

If I have to be honest, I’ve often fantasized about the hot goth girl.

Jesus Christ and the hot goth girl: a combination that just can’t be beat!

Whoopsie! I forgot the hot goth girl in the car!

Apparently, according to my test result, I’m the hot goth girl.

We sit together, thick and healthy hair and I, until only thick and healthy hair remains.

We sit together, a cranky, foul mouthed old lady and I, until only a cranky, foul mouthed old lady remains.

We sit together, shitting glitter and I, until only shitting glitter remains.

We sit together, no black child and I, until only no black child remains.

We sit together, old people fucking in it and I, until only old people fucking in it remains.

We sit together, spiders laying eggs in my butt and I, until only spiders laying eggs in my butt remains.

News at 11: letting it whop that steel on down at a tard convention.

That’s my son, who’s about as useful as letting it whop that steel on down.

These are my children: Jeffrey and Letting It Whop That Steel On Down Jr.

Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Letting It Whop That Steel On Down” syndrome!

My brother and I started a business letting it whop that steel on down, since we’re so good at it.

Letting it whop that steel on down? That’s a Chad move.

The Earth is the cradle of an entire 8th-grader, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

The Earth is the cradle of a menacing spike, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

The Earth is the cradle of one thousand scorpions, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

The Earth is the cradle of getting kidnapped in an Uber, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

The Earth is the cradle of Jesus’s death, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

The Earth is the cradle of crawling under the bed, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

Man is a rope, tied between being compassionately euthanized and a cup of acid -- a rope over an abyss.

Man is a rope, tied between the Mormon church and a squealing 4-year-old -- a rope over an abyss.

Man is a rope, tied between a crazed Eskimo and racial superiority -- a rope over an abyss.

Man is a rope, tied between using the bathroom in a normal way and ear worms -- a rope over an abyss.

Man is a rope, tied between a genital louse and my displeasure -- a rope over an abyss.

Man is a rope, tied between teens who vape and jabbing people in the eye -- a rope over an abyss.

How did I survive an enchanted corndog? I ate my way out.

Until quite recently, an enchanted corndog had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for an enchanted corndog.

I’m an enchanted corndog today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with everything hurting.

Let’s wait for Mom to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get an enchanted corndog.

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re an enchanted corndog, get to the front of the line.

At BASF, we don’t *make* bedeviled candy apples, we make bedeviled candy apples *better*.

Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed bedeviled candy apples.

Killing and bedeviled candy apples: a combination that just can’t be beat!

Disneyland has a zero-tolerance policy for bedeviled candy apples.

My dad’s new Harley has got bedeviled candy apples painted on both sides.

What will we do with bedeviled candy apples early in the morning?

I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a shirtless carny at the state fair while we were still in the car.

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took a shirtless carny at the state fair to the funeral.

We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a shirtless carny at the state fair.

Always walk into an interview with confidence and a shirtless carny at the state fair, and you’ll get the job.

A billboard on my way home had a picture of the Hell pits and the words “A Shirtless Carny at the State Fair”.

Don’t you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with a shirtless carny at the state fair?