Abandoned as a child, I was raised by reading wikipedia in the hood in the woods.

1 is pee, 2 is poo... Do you think reading wikipedia in the hood is going number 3?

President Reagan presented every foreign dignitary with reading wikipedia in the hood.

The only thing we could all agree on for a pizza topping: reading wikipedia in the hood.

Man invented reading wikipedia in the hood, so woman invented her skin.

I think a lot of people would pay to see reading wikipedia in the hood.

Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there besting Satan in a dick-sucking contest. Yowzas!

They cut open the crocodile to find some mysterious jelly, still besting Satan in a dick-sucking contest like always.

The city set up a hotline for at-risk teens who need help with besting Satan in a dick-sucking contest.

In early rugby you scored points by besting Satan in a dick-sucking contest.

The Great Wall was actually built to keep besting Satan in a dick-sucking contest out of mainland China.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for besting Satan in a dick-sucking contest!

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain sweating, groaning and screaming.

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain a pussy, wet and dripping.

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain one large prostitute.

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain a pill for every problem.

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain wriggly little worms.

God, from the mount of Sinai, whose gray top shall tremble, he descending in thunder, lightning, and loud trumpets' sound, shall ordain deliberately standing in front of a cannon.

Class, turn to page 105 and read “A Hot Slurry of Minerals and You”.

These wounds were given to me by a hot slurry of minerals.

Apparently, “a Hot Slurry of Minerals” is a dance move on TikTok.

Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a hot slurry of minerals on the freeway.

Can’t go out because of a hot slurry of minerals on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-hog-dander-cor is right for you.

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to a hot slurry of minerals.

Georgia O’Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like the hot goth girl.

If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about the hot goth girl.

If I have to be honest, I’ve often fantasized about the hot goth girl.

Jesus Christ and the hot goth girl: a combination that just can’t be beat!

Whoopsie! I forgot the hot goth girl in the car!

Apparently, according to my test result, I’m the hot goth girl.

We sit together, thick and healthy hair and I, until only thick and healthy hair remains.

We sit together, a cranky, foul mouthed old lady and I, until only a cranky, foul mouthed old lady remains.

We sit together, shitting glitter and I, until only shitting glitter remains.

We sit together, no black child and I, until only no black child remains.

We sit together, old people fucking in it and I, until only old people fucking in it remains.

We sit together, spiders laying eggs in my butt and I, until only spiders laying eggs in my butt remains.

News at 11: letting it whop that steel on down at a tard convention.

That’s my son, who’s about as useful as letting it whop that steel on down.

These are my children: Jeffrey and Letting It Whop That Steel On Down Jr.

Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Letting It Whop That Steel On Down” syndrome!

My brother and I started a business letting it whop that steel on down, since we’re so good at it.

Letting it whop that steel on down? That’s a Chad move.

The Earth is the cradle of an entire 8th-grader, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

The Earth is the cradle of a menacing spike, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

The Earth is the cradle of one thousand scorpions, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

The Earth is the cradle of getting kidnapped in an Uber, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

The Earth is the cradle of Jesus’s death, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

The Earth is the cradle of crawling under the bed, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.

Man is a rope, tied between being compassionately euthanized and a cup of acid -- a rope over an abyss.

Man is a rope, tied between the Mormon church and a squealing 4-year-old -- a rope over an abyss.

Man is a rope, tied between a crazed Eskimo and racial superiority -- a rope over an abyss.

Man is a rope, tied between using the bathroom in a normal way and ear worms -- a rope over an abyss.

Man is a rope, tied between a genital louse and my displeasure -- a rope over an abyss.

Man is a rope, tied between teens who vape and jabbing people in the eye -- a rope over an abyss.

How did I survive an enchanted corndog? I ate my way out.

Until quite recently, an enchanted corndog had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for an enchanted corndog.

I’m an enchanted corndog today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with everything hurting.

Let’s wait for Mom to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get an enchanted corndog.

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re an enchanted corndog, get to the front of the line.