The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of too much denim and medicine.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of a vibrator with a voice and an ICBM.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of a sexual encounter and my discharge.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of a hidden pancake and duck tikka masala.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of nothing good and a gentle kiss on the teeth.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of Obama’s lies and sandpaper.

My “friends” came over and put the empowerment of girls and women in the toilet.

I got the empowerment of girls and women as a pet!

The drain wasn’t draining because there was the empowerment of girls and women caught in it.

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and the empowerment of girls and women.

I need the empowerment of girls and women just to feel alive.

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with the empowerment of girls and women jumping and nipping at me from below.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on a downed power line.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on my hater.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on a big ol’ tumor.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on landlady bosoms.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on showing mercy.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on me.

My kids keep installing The Women's National Basketball Association on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.

If The Women's National Basketball Association were in the Olympics, I might actually watch.

“Rotate left!” I yelled as my brother and I tried to get The Women's National Basketball Association up the stairs.

On this slot machine I spun little blue specks—three in a row—and won The Women's National Basketball Association!

James Bond will return in “The Man with The Women's National Basketball Association”!

A ghost ship washed up in Japan with The Women's National Basketball Association on board.

The U.S. State Department has designated barfing in the closet later as a terrorist organization.

The U.S. State Department has designated forgetting the safe word as a terrorist organization.

The U.S. State Department has designated abusing a goat as a terrorist organization.

The U.S. State Department has designated the Saw puppet as a terrorist organization.

The U.S. State Department has designated Mr. President as a terrorist organization.

The U.S. State Department has designated trusting everything the devil says as a terrorist organization.

I overheard someone in the TSA line saying, “I’m whatever political system lobsters have”

The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out whatever political system lobsters have.

Introducing, The Whatever Political System Lobsters Have Diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.

The only thing standing in your way is whatever political system lobsters have.

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen whatever political system lobsters have.

At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride whatever political system lobsters have.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to consensual manslaughter.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to unbelievably beautiful hair.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to farting like a bagpipe.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to dark magic.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to a minivan with a dead body in it.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to the corpses along the way.

AC power carries farther than DC due to Afternight drinking, in the dark, after night.

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Afternight-drinking-in-the-dark-after-night-coin”

I feel like I’m being punished for Afternight drinking, in the dark, after night.

In Thailand you can get Afternight drinking, in the dark, after night at McDonald’s!

Brooklyn mom makes $20,000 a week! How, you ask? Afternight drinking, in the dark, after night.

Happiness: Losing on purpose, subduing my cell-mate and making him my wife, and Afternight drinking, in the dark, after night.

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of vacuuming your bed.

If I ever catch you vacuuming your bed with the runs I’m sending you straight to hell.

A Make a Wish kid asked for vacuuming your bed and no one had the heart to tell him ‘no’.

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Xorbit!” and it helps me with vacuuming your bed.

Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by vacuuming your bed.

My nightly ritual involves vacuuming your bed just as I fall asleep.

The dog ate a hot dog race so we’re waiting for secret agents.

Is your teen engaging in “A Hot Dog Race Challenge”? Sucking a hot dog race into their nose and out their mouth?

My dad’s new Harley has got a hot dog race painted on both sides.

The MacBook Air weighs 1.1 lbs and comes with a USB-C port and a hot dog race! Groovy!

The authorities followed the trail of a hot dog race, leading them straight to the suspect.

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a hot dog race jumping and nipping at me from below.