SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike
SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike
|
After a truck ran over that sex move that drives me crazy there was so much damage you couldn’t tell it apart from Florida.
They didn’t have Florida at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed little turds everywhere.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of Florida.
Let Florida host your next party, providing turning the frogs gay like you’ve never experienced before.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember Florida?”
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to Florida, even before I put on my clothes.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 18 at 19:04 UTC
|
|
|
|
Two best friends and what I’ve done take a road trip, and discover the Saw puppet along the way.
Interested in my services? Mail me at: the-fun-stuff@the-saw-puppet.biz
I wasn’t always black... there was the Saw puppet, and it got bigger and bigger.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “The Saw Puppet!” You’re cursed with butt gas until the end of the game!
The Saw puppet travelled over 20 feet after hatching out of an egg.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find the Saw puppet in the back seat.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 18 at 19:06 UTC
|
|
|
|
Science never solves a problem without creating 8 gallons of nut milk.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and 8 gallons of nut milk.
I’m 8 gallons of nut milk today because tomorrow I’ll be over-encumbered with the key to my heart.
“Some kind of magic juice torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get 8 gallons of nut milk from a suspected terrorist.
My school is throwing an elevator party this weekend. Come for the big ol’ boys. Stay for 8 gallons of nut milk!
My house. 8 o’clock. 8 gallons of nut milk.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 18 at 19:19 UTC
— Ed. 2021 May 18 at 19:25 UTC
|
|
|
|
As many bullets as needed The dog ate dope so we’re waiting for as many bullets as needed.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of as Many Bullets as Needed.
It’s lucky to touch as many bullets as needed; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see as many bullets as needed, and I feel better.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge as many bullets as needed.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with as many bullets as needed and are ordered to be heavy hearts no matter what.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 18 at 19:28 UTC
|
|
|
|
what if it's a map of something specific
Crytax said:
On this map of Boston, each dot represents . On this map of Boston, each dot represents Martha Stewart, orgasming.
On this map of Boston, each dot represents a dusty butthole.
On this map of Boston, each dot represents a single slice.
On this map of Boston, each dot represents blocking the exit.
On this map of Boston, each dot represents mammaries.
On this map of Boston, each dot represents your blessed little heart.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 18 at 19:29 UTC
— Ed. 2021 May 18 at 19:30 UTC
|
|
|
|
or?
Crytax said:
On this map of my body, each dot represents . On this map of my body, each dot represents most of my blood.
On this map of my body, each dot represents a child leash.
On this map of my body, each dot represents meat and cheese.
On this map of my body, each dot represents that ass.
On this map of my body, each dot represents that demon torture puzzle box.
On this map of my body, each dot represents a carefully contained fart.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 18 at 19:30 UTC
|
|
|
|
You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were barely hurting at all.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using barely hurting at all to forage for food.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use burning my junk to treat barely hurting at all!
But I promised I would get my kids barely hurting at all for Christmas!
This year’s hottest new fashion is barely hurting at all on your head.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized barely hurting at all.
Working as intended can wear down good, Christian values, which gradually decreases effectiveness.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, mostly unused hypodermics, toilet paper, shelter, and working as intended.
Working as intended has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had working as intended removed so she can live a normal life.
Introducing, The Working as Intended diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.
That kind of attitude is why we have working as intended now.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 18 at 19:41 UTC
|
|
|
|
Experts said that based on preliminary data, feelin' good, real good appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
My school is throwing a crow in a blender party this weekend. Come for feelin' good, real good. Stay for jalapeños!
Feelin' good, real good is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I ordered complex maths privately over the Internet so I can get better at feelin' good, real good.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “feelin' good, real good,” with a picture of machine guns.
Feelin' good, real good in the hand is worth two in the bush.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 18 at 19:42 UTC
|
|
|
|
Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair You should come over. I’ve got lots of Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair at my place.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair.
John “Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair” Smith. The genius who brought us mopping it up with your underpants.
No thanks. My doctor said Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair makes defecation painful.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair to forage for food.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in Joe Biden's sumptuous leg hair.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 18 at 19:44 UTC
|
|
|
|
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for , but I also pay into a fund in case of . My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for the egg I hatched from, but I also pay into a fund in case of hurting me.
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for moistness, but I also pay into a fund in case of each hole, sequentially.
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for George Clooney porn, but I also pay into a fund in case of John Travolta crying, as a woman.
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for a Christmas tree, but I also pay into a fund in case of an ankle holster.
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for my hood, but I also pay into a fund in case of the Hell pits.
My health plan has a co-pay of $15 for passive-aggressive tendencies, but I also pay into a fund in case of a creepy dude.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 18 at 20:28 UTC
|
|
|
|
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with all these bees! It’s all here in my manifesto!
I’m all these bees in the streets, but a night of unrestrained passion in the sheets.
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as good vibes and comes with 1 USB-C port and all these bees! Groovy!
Life without love is like all these bees without McDonald’s® or fruit.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using all these bees to forage for food.
The cineplex has been using all these bees in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 21 at 02:33 UTC
— Ed. 2021 May 21 at 02:43 UTC
|
|
|
|
The night before Easter, we’ll set up the nearest parking spot on the porch to surprise the kids.
I’ve been chopping down pendulous breasts to build the nearest parking spot for me and my wife.
Politics. The Tender Biting Party, is always trying to shove dinosaurs down our throats. This time it’s the nearest parking spot.
The FBI is at the door. I think they're here because of... you know... the nearest parking spot.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s alien technology in love with the nearest parking spot very much they do a... special hug.”
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride both ends. It made me feel like I was the nearest parking spot.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 21 at 21:00 UTC
— Ed. 2021 May 21 at 21:06 UTC
|
|
|
aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5102
1,227 ₧
|
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Elongated spider hands can increase your breast size in three weeks!
The media’s nonstop coverage of the instructions is just to distract us from elongated spider hands.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of hindquarters, ginger beer, and a squeeze of elongated spider hands. Serve in a pregnant teen.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually elongated spider hands.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing elongated spider hands is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
The patient kept screaming about “elongated spider hands”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and acute watery diarrhea emerged!
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 26 at 18:49 UTC
|
|
|
|
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using wisely. Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using the princess’s saliva wisely.
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using a gasoline enema wisely.
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using bathwater wisely.
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using spike traps wisely.
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using daddy in his underpants wisely.
Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using udders wisely.
The patient kept screaming about “whatever THAT is”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a kiss on the lips emerged!
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Whatever THAT is can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Whatever THAT Is.
Whatever THAT is? That’s my fetish!
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned whatever THAT is. As a result, his men were well motivated.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of whatever THAT is came on the screen.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 28 at 13:38 UTC
|
|
|
aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5102
1,227 ₧
|
Your choice of gel or cream I could tell your choice of gel or cream had ended up behind me when I felt burned clothing as I backed up.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to your choice of gel or cream.
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “your choice of gel or cream”
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Your Choice of Gel or Cream!
We are going to taxidermy your choice of gel or cream to make a statue out of it!
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got your choice of gel or cream before every meeting.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 29 at 06:52 UTC
|
|
|
|
{Un} all went in my mouth? Things that aren’t fruit all went in my mouth?
Some seriously fucked shit all went in my mouth?
A big, heavy shotgun all went in my mouth?
A horse’s mouth all went in my mouth?
Its opposite all went in my mouth?
A headless chicken runnin’ ‘round all went in my mouth?
I was so surprised to see the white man’s burden that cat fur fell out of my mouth.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up cat fur on the porch to surprise the kids.
I clean cat fur by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up wriggling and thrashing.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Cat Fur.
I buried my treasure under cat fur so you’d never find it!
My pharmacist separated cat fur into two parts, and carefully lowered one into firemen with a trampoline.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 30 at 23:22 UTC
— Ed. 2021 May 30 at 23:23 UTC
|
|
|
aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5102
1,227 ₧
|
I Googled for kung-fu teenagers and found a picture of myself.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of kung-fu teenagers came on the screen.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “kung-fu teenagers”.
If my neighbor doesn’t get kung-fu teenagers off my property, I’m calling the cops!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of kung-fu teenagers.
This year’s hottest album is “Kung-fu Teenagers” by Sacrificing the Homeless.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 31 at 01:15 UTC
|
|
|
|
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about getting too excited, but with smithereens!
I can’t swing an empty Tic Tac® box around here without hitting smithereens!
It started out as drinks with friends and ended with smithereens.
This year’s hottest new fashion is smithereens on your head.
Although moving away from smithereens proved effective for schools, the switch to the royal baby initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Smithereens is the spice of a pig on top.
Being blown to smithereens Answers to All of Life’s Questions is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by being blown to smithereens.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and being blown to smithereens can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “being blown to smithereens,” with a picture of nothing at all.
I scream, you scream, being blown to smithereens, pictures of my body!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a backdoor woman. That’s supposed to help me with being blown to smithereens?!
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by being blown to smithereens around the building.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 May 31 at 17:46 UTC
|
|
|
|
Slender and muscled, like hindquarters. She was the spitting image of the body.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to the body.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of the body in the sky.
In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy the body from dispensaries.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped grandma’s soggy diaper in the toilet and touched the body on the wall.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of the body.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 Jun 2 at 21:13 UTC
|
|
|
|
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a huge bonfire all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
At work I secretly have a huge bonfire under my desk.
Make sure to hang a huge bonfire in a tree so repeating the same mistake leaves your tent alone.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s filling my mouth, with shotgunning around the edges, and a huge bonfire on top.
Great job on the proposal for flipping over and spraying into the air, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a huge bonfire.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a huge bonfire in the pillows.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 Jun 2 at 21:14 UTC
|
|
|
|
I think this one would be better with 1 blank. Two is too crazy.
Make sure to hang {n} in a tree so bears leave your tent alone. Make sure to hang a dictionary for swears in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
Make sure to hang an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
Make sure to hang the sound of someone sipping soup in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
Make sure to hang butt stuff in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
Make sure to hang the finest quality cheese in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
Make sure to hang a skull on a spike in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 Jun 2 at 21:15 UTC
— Ed. 2021 Jun 2 at 21:17 UTC
|
|
|
|
My favorite new band is “A Blood Squib and Unbearable Bitching”.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Blood Squib”! I shook his hand and it felt like a blood squib.
When the stadium was demolished it revealed a blood squib, bringing onlookers from far and wide.
I’d like to wear a blood squib but it takes all day to put on.
At work I secretly have a blood squib under my desk.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up a blood squib on the porch to surprise the kids.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 Jun 2 at 21:16 UTC
|
|
|
|
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Ranch Dressing”
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by ranch dressing?
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned ranch dressing. As a result, his men were well motivated.
No more ranch dressing at Starbucks.
I want to be buried with ranch dressing.
The Internet is made out of ranch dressing.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 Jun 2 at 21:17 UTC
— Ed. 2021 Jun 2 at 21:18 UTC
|
|
|
aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5102
1,227 ₧
|
Thanks for feeding your daughter last night. *wink* *wink*
Feeding your daughter has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Every pterodactyl is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just feeding your daughter. Sorry.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of feeding your daughter in its food processing operations.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find feeding your daughter so relaxing.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about feeding your daughter, but with porkin’!
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 Jun 4 at 19:33 UTC
|
|
|
|
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with the things I’m hiding in my basement. I barely even felt a sensitive boy.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a sensitive boy in the pillows.
I love your necklace! It’s a sensitive boy, right?
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch a sensitive boy and her butthole.
Last night was the tragic result of a sensitive boy.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a sensitive boy that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a container ship, but now for work I’m a stink bug. Go figure!
I’ve been chopping down nearby sluts who want to fuck to build a container ship for me and my wife.
Working on my car I found a container ship had crawled inside the engine block and died.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a container ship appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Insurance, squirting acid and a container ship.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a container ship happens.
|
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2021 Jun 7 at 19:24 UTC
— Ed. 2021 Jun 7 at 19:33 UTC
|
|
|
|
|
