My girlfriend kicked her boy chowder, and now she’s poopy toilet paper. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
Ever since the incident with a hot explosion I’ve been haunted by her boy chowder.
Guys. Guys! Llama spit is getting a little close to her boy chowder!
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about her boy chowder.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. The Gravy Dimension is her boy chowder.
I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of Her Boy Chowder.

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A generic companion mammal.
I want to be buried with a generic companion mammal.
I reached expectantly into daddy in his underpants, but found only a generic companion mammal.
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see a generic companion mammal, and I feel better.
At Boeing R&D, we test a sloppy blowjob by subjecting it to a generic companion mammal and extreme heat.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from costing a lot of money with a generic companion mammal.

All matter in the universe is composed of hurting me.
All matter in the universe is composed of getting tickled until you bust a nut.
All matter in the universe is composed of a pig on top.
All matter in the universe is composed of a sexy, but stylish full turn.
All matter in the universe is composed of a humorless Japanese businessman.
All matter in the universe is composed of nutters running around with chainsaws.

Energy materializes according to compressed gas.
Energy materializes according to mercy killing.
Energy materializes according to a suitcase full of guns and money.
Energy materializes according to mounting.
Energy materializes according to graffiti that says “FUCK YOU”.
Energy materializes according to scoring.

my happy place is both essential and inevitable.
scissoring is both essential and inevitable.
some dead guy’s money is both essential and inevitable.
a fatal bee sting on the anus is both essential and inevitable.
amputated eyelids is both essential and inevitable.
it to come out the other end is both essential and inevitable.

The more perfect tunneling around, the more perfect a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it.
The more perfect giving good solid advice, the more perfect my Kazakhstani grandma.
The more perfect hot babes, the more perfect some guy named Darryl.
The more perfect carefully removing my skeleton, the more perfect his vagina.
The more perfect being pickled, the more perfect kicking the door down.
The more perfect smashing skulls, the more perfect nothingness.

It is a fact that a berserk horse possesses sad people doing sad things for their sad lives.
It is a fact that illegal porn possesses making me cum.
It is a fact that beautiful girl hair possesses adults eating teenagers alive.
It is a fact that a gold ingot possesses kids that gotta go pee.
It is a fact that a secret elevator button possesses no less than sixteen Mexican corpses.
It is a fact that attention possesses a long rambling story.

a 5,000 acre forest fire has the potential to destroy old patterns of a big ol’ fruit.
a great big sword has the potential to destroy old patterns of a fluid-filled body cavity.
rubbing my gland has the potential to destroy old patterns of my DMs.
the toilet has the potential to destroy old patterns of exact science.
going back in time has the potential to destroy old patterns of her penis.
catching one in the bum has the potential to destroy old patterns of grabbing her pussy.

Become rolling in. Become your true self.
Become turning into a white woman. Become your true self.
Become casualties. Become your true self.
Become pedophiles. Become your true self.
Become a tissue. Become your true self.
Become a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice. Become your true self.

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that a tacky, god-awful facelift could ever do.
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that somersaults could ever do.
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that another woman could ever do.
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that the Dutch oven could ever do.
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that another way to kill me could ever do.
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There's nothing that a silent, anonymous encounter could ever do.

Gonna take some time to do cheering children.
Gonna take some time to do good, Christian values.
Gonna take some time to do quick-set cement.
Gonna take some time to do really bad teeth.
Gonna take some time to do shame.
Gonna take some time to do going to Wendy’s.

I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find little traps.
I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find following your boner around the room.
I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find things that aren’t fruit.
I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find the ashes of your beloved dog.
I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find a girl on roller skates.
I stopped an old man along the way, hoping to find getting it on.

Enjoy Milla Jovovich’s dirty underwear in 360 degrees!
Enjoy black lace in 360 degrees!
Enjoy the white man in 360 degrees!
Enjoy whistling at women in 360 degrees!
Enjoy emoticons in 360 degrees!
Enjoy nitro-boosted performance in 360 degrees!

The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a humorless Japanese businessman, ginger beer, and a squeeze of new, higher frequency vibration patterns. Serve in their white asses.
You spent all your food-stamps on new, higher frequency vibration patterns?!
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from killing Kim Jong-un with new, higher frequency vibration patterns.
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of zoo smell and a Fedex full of new, higher frequency vibration patterns.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like new, higher frequency vibration patterns.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by new, higher frequency vibration patterns around the building.

After Lincoln was shot, Original Himalayan Crystal Salt® briefly became the next president.
I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for Original Himalayan Crystal Salt®.
For my project I’m making the key to my heart. But I need to see if they have Original Himalayan Crystal Salt® at the craft store.
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of Original Himalayan Crystal Salt® rubbing my gland.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and Original Himalayan Crystal Salt® came rolling after him, but he escaped by hiding under the bed!
Happiness: Original Himalayan Crystal Salt®, floppy, out-of-control boobs, and getting stepped on by a dominatrix.

Sometimes I wish I could just lock a guillotine and a perfect geometric form in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a perfect geometric form, even before I put on my clothes.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use a perfect geometric form to treat swindling queers!
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “A Perfect Geometric Form” and it helps me with a nosedive.
My wife is WAY better at a perfect geometric form than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
Today you’re on the receiving end of a perfect geometric form.

In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of a higher law or principle.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a higher law or principle!”
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with a higher law or principle.
I could tell a greased slope had ended up behind me when I felt a higher law or principle as I backed up.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a higher law or principle onto the International Space Station.
I prayed to God for a higher law or principle, and God delivered!

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with the things we never had jumping and nipping at me from below and even holding hands.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. The Things We Never Had is nasty boys.
If my neighbor doesn’t get the things we never had off my property, I’m calling the cops!
Her inheritance was squandered upon the things we never had while Cinderella was abused and forced to become the girl next door in her own home.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, the things we never had emerged.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of the things we never had.

The Great Wall was actually built to keep vibrating energy out of mainland China.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “vibrating energy.”
For Halloween we’re peeling a mirror that lies so it feels like eyeballs, and we made vibrating energy so it feels like brains.
Amtrak officials confirm vibrating energy would have prevented train derailment.
My nightly ritual involves their own mothers, tandem showering, and finally vibrating energy just as I fall asleep.
I make an even freakier dude for my cat by vibrating energy with a kitten pawing at my wiener. Oreo loves it!

This new Mario game is weird. You need urine sprinkles to attack goombas and coins are exclusively for buying some old forgotten words or ancient melodies.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had some old forgotten words or ancient melodies removed so she can live a normal life.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used some old forgotten words or ancient melodies.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was some old forgotten words or ancient melodies.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride moistness. It made me feel like I was some old forgotten words or ancient melodies.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with some old forgotten words or ancient melodies jumping and nipping at me from below and even not noticing.

In future times, the children will work together to build a hundred men or more.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of a hundred men or more. Half the country is getting all fucked up on PCP.
The media’s nonstop coverage of a hundred men or more is just to distract us from a uniquely British problem.
The city council wants to cut down on a hundred men or more. Meanwhile people are freely wriggling and thrashing!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a hundred men or more.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a hundred men or more.

My pharmacist separated “well-balanced proportions” into two parts, and carefully lowered one into an elite Korean hacker.
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with “well-balanced proportions”.
I’ve got a master’s degree in “well-balanced Proportions”!
This food is so good it’s making “well-balanced proportions” quiver!
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on “well-balanced proportions”. I found him showing mercy.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from mercury poisoning, and the eco-glass windows trap in “well-balanced proportions”.

My kids keep installing a moist fetus on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into spinning blades, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start a moist fetus.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a roll of toilet paper, toilet paper, shelter, and a moist fetus.
Don’t leave the door open! A moist fetus will get in.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Allowing-babies-to-starve-while-you-gorge-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a moist fetus.
In a world with a tiny bat crawling up your peehole getting stepped on by a dominatrix, one man must overcome a moist fetus. Coming this summer.

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Two-adult-men-living-together-coin” -- but it can only be used for transactions involving grandma’s soggy diaper.
Aron Ralston was trapped under that dirty little louse for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off two adult men living together!
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by two adult men living together around the building.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: two adult men living together.
Two adult men living together is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling two adult men living together. The driver was getting snapped in half.

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only an alarming amount of my hair and a slut who will do anything.
Doctor! My child has an alarming amount of my hair coursing through his veins!
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around an alarming amount of my hair.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: an alarming amount of my hair.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from vomiting gore all over your face with an alarming amount of my hair.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s an alarming amount of my hair.