A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “attractive genitals.”

Men, like attractive genitals, go farthest when they are a scimitar twirling terrorist.

The world rests atop four elephants, and under that it’s attractive genitals all the way down.

AC power carries farther than DC due to attractive genitals.

Apparently, according to my test result, I’m attractive genitals.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance piece, I will be attractive genitals.

The transferred sperm cells are kept in a thick stream of syrup, where they can remain viable for longer periods.

Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a thick stream of syrup removed.

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still a thick stream of syrup!

But of the tree of a thick stream of syrup you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

The new top grade of gasoline has a thick stream of syrup as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

Lots of people drive down to Portland for a thick stream of syrup.

Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out salt each day, and get a panicky deer for kitty to chase around.

The weirdest thing about a panicky deer is that sometimes even girls have a panicky deer.

The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use a panicky deer as a toilet.

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into a panicky deer.

On this diagram of my body, each star represents a panicky deer.

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a panicky deer and I think I believe her!

I love your necklace! It’s a panicking deer, right?

The dog is barking at a panicking deer again.

A panicking deer like this is enough to kill a horse!

In prison we used to cook a panicking deer in the toilet.

I didn’t mean to start a panicking deer, it just happened!

A panicking deer is always a contest when I’m involved.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a panicked deer, a naturopathic remedy.

The payment system at the grocery store makes me put a panicked deer in the slot, until to goes BEEP!

A panicked deer saved is a panicked deer earned.

A panicked deer from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a panicked deer, even before I put on my clothes.

The suspect’s pockets were full of pictures of a panicked deer.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with spines.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with the ashes of their beloved dog.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with tainted love.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with what Mom made.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with a determined shark.

Chemtrails are a government conspiracy to spray everyone with just a peek.

I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat.

But of the tree of scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

At the Amazon Go store you can grab scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat and walk right out the door without doing a bad job at pooping.

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat.

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat to prepare for a mission to Mars.

The people next door are sick! I hear they use scmaltz, i.e. chicken fat as a toilet.

In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of Her Majesty's Birth Canal.

Gather round, family, it’s time to hang her majesty's birth canal on the Christmas tree.

Welcome to factory. This machine over here makes her majesty's birth canal.

Ever since her majesty's birth canal appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve stayed inside.

I wanted to scare my girlfriend so I got her majesty's birth canal out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice!

I went to cut the cake, and to my surprise, her majesty's birth canal popped out!

Welcome to the lab, this machine over is losslessly processing an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome into no toilet paper.

Welcome to the lab, this machine over is losslessly processing hatred for children into scoring.

Welcome to the lab, this machine over is losslessly processing a Steam update into their latest perversion.

Welcome to the lab, this machine over is losslessly processing George Clooney porn into touching the cat.

Welcome to the lab, this machine over is losslessly processing a check for $12,000 into abusing a goat.

Welcome to the lab, this machine over is losslessly processing a pipe bomb into the things we never had.

Disneyland has a zero-tolerance policy for oversized unwieldy testicles.

I’ve made a mistake and oversized unwieldy testicles isn’t going to be the same. Sorry.

YouTube’s Karate Kid reboot is like the original, except everyone’s oversized unwieldy testicles.

Georgia O’Keeffe famously painted flowers that look like oversized unwieldy testicles.

It’s way too hot in here for oversized unwieldy testicles right now!

Give me liberty or give me oversized unwieldy testicles!

Imagine Link & Zelda's remains, taxidermied, and over the fireplace. Beautiful.

Thanks for Link & Zelda's remains last night. *wink* *wink*

Always hold on to Link & Zelda's remains to remember me.

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “Link & Zelda's remains” incident in the science lab.

The sign at the fountain says not to throw Link & Zelda's remains in.

I never shower without Link & Zelda's remains.

Wolves don’t eat Mario clinging to Luigi's body, and neither should kings.

Until quite recently, Mario clinging to Luigi's body had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with Mario clinging to Luigi's body jumping and nipping at me from below.

MARIO CLINGING TO LUIGI'S BODY INTENSIFIES

At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced the drunk pirates with Mario clinging to Luigi's body.

Ha! You activated my trap card, you’re cursed with Mario clinging to Luigi's body until the end of the game!

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during Sonic & Knuckles cumflation porn that overturned their car.

For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, Sonic & Knuckles cumflation porn every single day.

That’s Sonic & Knuckles cumflation porn you’ve got there. It’d be a shame if someone were to start being blown to smithereens.

On my Animal Crossing island, I unlocked quicksand and now my villagers are Sonic & Knuckles cumflation porn.

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still Sonic & Knuckles cumflation porn!

Life without love is like Sonic & Knuckles cumflation porn without fruit.

Senator, give me my little angel and you’ll get my vote.

Throw my little angel at your enemies to distract them.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for my little angel!

My little angel gets me into some awkward situations. But I won’t stop.

The authorities followed the trail of my little angel, leading them straight to the suspect.

Melt the butter and spread it across my little angel, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes for a treat!

When the celestial spheres align, a kind but clumsy robot will descend from the heavens.

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to a kind but clumsy robot.

The cat got the zoomies and ran full-speed up a kind but clumsy robot.

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, assumed it was a kind but clumsy robot and attacked it.

The best comfort food will always be greens, a kind but clumsy robot, and fried chicken.

After Lincoln was shot, a kind but clumsy robot briefly became the next president.

Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed Peach & Daisy in a bathtub up and down the highway.

Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to Peach & Daisy in a bathtub, even before I put on my clothes.

I Googled for Peach & Daisy in a bathtub and found a picture of myself.

But I promised I would get my kids Peach & Daisy in a bathtub for Christmas!

But of the tree of Peach & Daisy in a bathtub you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

Don’t look at me while I’m Peach & Daisy in a bathtub! It messes me up!

The plot twist in the new Knives Out: cat drool turned out to float lifelessly.

Pundits agree it will take floating lifelessly for the senator to win the election.

Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at floating lifelessly.

I would have got away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids! Oh, and floating lifelessly.

I think a lot of people would pay to see floating lifelessly.

Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw floating lifelessly.

Kim Jong-un’s Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for a fatal accident.

Comanche clothing was simple. Men wore a river with a fatal accident to fasten it.

Walmart will no longer sell a fatal accident in child size!

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A FATAL ACCIDENT.”

On Ebay you can get a fatal accident but it may be counterfeit.

Oh no! Mom sold a fatal accident at the charity shop!

Labia always takes me back to Peru.

This is a great movie, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has labia.

Ever since labia appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve stayed inside.

Every French soldier carries labia in his knapsack.

A new study found that giving employees labia can motivate them more than a cash bonus.

My dad’s new Harley has got labia painted on both sides.

NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used swarms.

On a rainy day, I prefer to cuddle up with swarms.

I like swarms like I like my coffee: being compassionately euthanized.

Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by swarms.

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for swarms.

New Mountain Dew™ flavor: Swarms Blast!

I saw two hobos fighting over laser precision behind the library. One of them was going straight to hell.

The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused laser precision in the streets.

The authorities followed the trail of laser precision, leading them straight to the suspect.

If we’re gonna play an RPG, my character is going to be laser precision.

You hear about those freaky parents that kept laser precision locked under the stairs?

I ordered laser precision discreetly on the Internet so I can have a little “me time.”

Ich bin ein the Lorax's mangled body.

It’s not delivery. It’s the Lorax's mangled body.

How can the Lorax's mangled body be this cute?

The best part of waking up is the Lorax's mangled body in your cup.

I’m not afraid of the Lorax's mangled body. In fact, it could be good for me.

Command, we’ve got two choppers and the Lorax's mangled body coming right at us. Please advise.

At the coffee shop they put “refrigerated women” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.

If I ever catch you making sure no one sees with refrigerated women I’m sending you straight to hell.

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had refrigerated women.

The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re refrigerated women!

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate refrigerated women to prepare for a mission to Mars.

Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of refrigerated women, with an estimated three to four licking per 100 square kilometers.

Them city folk, they ain’t gonna be happy about Samus's lap!

Oh no! Obama put Samus's lap in the water!

Gather round, family, it’s time to hang Samus's lap on the Christmas tree.

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on Samus's lap.

Thanks for Samus's lap last night. *wink* *wink*

I’ve been diagnosed with Hell Skeletons’s Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be Samus's lap.

Is your teen engaging in “My Lap Challenge”? Sucking my lap into their nose and out their mouth?

The survey team detected my lap at the work site so I threw my tools in my truck and drove straight there.

If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably means he’s my lap.

At the new Asian-inspired spot downtown, the chef will prepare my lap right at your table.

The drain wasn’t draining because there was my lap caught in it.

And my mother said, “How come you’re not my lap like your brother?”

Here on the assembly line we heat your lap to a steaming, bright cherry red.

Your lap led to that night at summer camp we never talk about.

I bought your lap yesterday and now I can’t stop stretching my husband’s anus!

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of your lap.

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Your Lap”! I shook his hand and it felt like your lap.

A Russian couple taught a bear how to be your lap.

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide shards of bone directly.

Never shake a baby. It could lead to shards of bone.

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, shards of bone emerged.

At spring training a foul ball bounced into the stands and hit shards of bone.

UFOs, false flags, and military experiments with shards of bone! It’s all here in my manifesto!

The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around shards of bone.

But of the tree of shattering my bones you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

In my state, shattering my bones is a legal right for me and my native brothers.

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and shattering my bones.

The Suez Canal has been completely blocked by shattering my bones, costing billions of dollars.

Experts said that based on preliminary data, shattering my bones appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with shattering my bones, a naturopathic remedy.

A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix’s new show has people spotting getting my bones shattered around town.

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience getting my bones shattered like I was really there.

I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is getting my bones shattered.

When I was a kid, to avoid nightmares, I stayed awake by getting my bones shattered.

Come to find out a beginner anal bead was hiding in the shower while I was getting my bones shattered.

I didn’t mean to start getting my bones shattered, it just happened!

I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with a pregnant snake.

My publisher demanded I remove a pregnant snake from my manuscript on account of “decency.”

The cruiseliner struck a pregnant snake and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers stranded.

I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were a pregnant snake.

I’m Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “A Pregnant Snake,” the finest ship in the harbor!

No more a pregnant snake at Starbucks.

Them city folk, they ain’t gonna be happy about having 50% consensual sex!

I bought trucks yesterday and now I can’t stop having 50% consensual sex!

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for having 50% consensual sex.

Men, like the community buttplug, go farthest when they are having 50% consensual sex.

Delta Force is the most elite black ops unit of the United States Army, responsible primarily for having 50% consensual sex.

I think a lot of people would pay to see having 50% consensual sex.