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They don’t allow at the topless bars around here anymore. They don’t allow quick-set cement at the topless bars around here anymore. They don’t allow apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down at the topless bars around here anymore. They don’t allow a Vietnamese landmine at the topless bars around here anymore. They don’t allow “forensic evidence” (semen) at the topless bars around here anymore. They don’t allow fucking at the topless bars around here anymore. They don’t allow running around slamming doors at the topless bars around here anymore. |
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Dec 9 at 20:25 PST
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 786
175 ₧
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I can’t swing a dead cat around here without hitting Gonzo (the Muppet)! I found out why I’m always sick... they found Gonzo (the Muppet) in the walls at my office. Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed Gonzo (the Muppet) up and down the highway. Our artisanal process ages Gonzo (the Muppet) for 3 years, until it's exquisitely sublime. A Russian couple taught a bear how to be Gonzo (the Muppet). It’s not delivery. It’s Gonzo (the Muppet). The patient screamed until, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and Gonzo from the Muppets emerged! Last night I dreamed of Gonzo from the Muppets. Now to make it real. To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need Gonzo from the Muppets. A ripcord is a temporary setback on the road to Gonzo from the Muppets! I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of Gonzo from the Muppets came on the screen. At BASF, we don’t *make* Gonzo from the Muppets, we make Gonzo from the Muppets *better*. |
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Dec 9 at 21:09 PST
— Ed. Dec 10 at 01:58 PST
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The moron they hired to kill me Throw the moron you hired to kill me at your enemies to distract them. During my driving test, I backed my car into the moron I hired to kill me. I still got an 85! Always walk into an interview with the moron you hired to kill me and confidence, and you’ll get the job. McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of the moron we hired to kill me. People in Taiwan are getting the moron they hired to kill me implanted in their bodies for dropping an upper-decker. The water tower looks like it’s the moron I hired to kill me from this angle. |
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Dec 10 at 19:59 PST
— Ed. Dec 10 at 23:39 PST
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Update!
You no longer need "{}" for blank hints. You can just do _n for a noun or _Uv for an uppercased verb etc.
Here are all the hints:
n . . noun
s . . singular noun
p . . plural noun
c . . uncountable noun
v . . verb
t . . transitive verb
U . . Upper case
UU . UPPER CASE
T . . Title Case (Add U to always capitalize 1st letter in e.g. "the")
l . . lowercase
- . . replace whitespace with dashes (requires {})
i . . first-person (change "their" to "my" etc)
u . . second-person (change "they're" to "you're" etc)
w . . first-person plural (change "they" to "we" etc)
m . . male (change "them" to "him" etc)
f . . female (change "they've" to "she's" etc)
z . . impersonal (change "their" to "its" etc)
If you make a white card with "they" "them" "their" "they're" "they've" "themself" or "themselves" and you don't want it to ever change, put two spaces before that word.
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Dec 10 at 20:12 PST
— Ed. Dec 11 at 16:47 PST
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Update #2!
206 cards added
283 cards denied
872 cards updated, but most of this was changing e.g. _{n} to _n. Maybe like ~40 cards content actually changed.
There are 1129 cards remaining to be processed (!!)
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Dec 12 at 18:08 PST
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Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting whoopie in the poopy into the air! It’s always nice to relive whoopie in the poopy in my mind. Actually owning whoopie in the poopy? In this economy? Your art inspires me to be whoopie in the poopy. Disneyland has a zero-tolerance policy for whoopie in the poopy. Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s whoopie in the poopy. Having whoopie in the poopy Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include a rat’s... anus?, a man in a meat suit, dry mouth, and having whoopie in the poopy. The survey team detected having whoopie in the poopy at the work site so I threw my tools in my truck and drove straight there. I had visions of having whoopie in the poopy while in the sensory deprivation tank. Wine tasters describe this vintage as having silky hints of caramel and a mouthfeel like having whoopie in the poopy. Just once, I’d like to hear you say “Thanks, Mom. Thanks for having whoopie in the poopy.” The plot twist in the new Knives Out: a built-in toilet turned out to have whoopie in the poopy. |
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Dec 18 at 20:27 PST
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I overheard someone in the TSA line saying, “I’m ” I overheard someone in the TSA line saying, “I’m removing a uterine tumor with my teeth” I overheard someone in the TSA line saying, “I’m an enhanced interrogation” I overheard someone in the TSA line saying, “I’m a loading screen” I overheard someone in the TSA line saying, “I’m getting the fuck out of the way” I overheard someone in the TSA line saying, “I’m a wet tongue” I overheard someone in the TSA line saying, “I’m a Ouija board” Now streaming on PornHub: Debby Does a Damaged Slut. Dad! I’m all done in the bathroom. I have a damaged slut left over if you’re still interested. In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy a damaged slut from dispensaries. A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience a damaged slut like I was really there. This year’s hottest new fashion is a damaged slut on your head. Ever since the incident I’ve been haunted by a damaged slut. Based on a true story!
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Dec 19 at 10:35 PST
— Ed. Dec 19 at 10:36 PST
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Kissing Elvis at a scenic overlook in Honolulu I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to kissing Elvis at a scenic overlook in Honolulu. The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of kissing Elvis at a scenic overlook in Honolulu. J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of kissing Elvis at a scenic overlook in Honolulu. Kissing Elvis at a scenic overlook in Honolulu is always a contest when I’m involved. I think a lot of people would pay to see kissing Elvis at a scenic overlook in Honolulu. Kissing Elvis at a scenic overlook in Honolulu is known to the state of California to cause cancer. |
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Dec 19 at 20:56 PST
— Ed. Jan 3 at 15:28 PST
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Wine tasters describe this vintage as having silky hints of caramel and a mouthfeel like a very wet man. Sorry to bother, but I heard you were talking about a very wet man over here. I love a very wet man! You should come over. I’ve got a very wet man at my place. A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “a very wet man.” My father made a living selling a very wet man. He supported our whole family that way. Chimps in the wild have been observed using a very wet man to forage for food. |
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Dec 24 at 17:21 PST
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Being responsible for the disappearance of three women Being responsible for the disappearance of three women really messes up my butt complexion! Don’t you hate when you see being responsible for the disappearance of three women in the carpool lane? No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in being responsible for the disappearance of three women! The Pleasure Pro 9000™ is a sex toy that robotically says “being responsible for the disappearance of three women,” while in use. I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with being responsible for the disappearance of three women. This party was a real snooze, until being responsible for the disappearance of three women got things jumpin’. |
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Dec 24 at 17:21 PST
— Ed. Dec 24 at 17:22 PST
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Losing their fucking mind I can’t believe you forced my mom into losing her fucking mind! She’s 62! My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m losing my fucking mind. I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for losing my fucking mind. For science class we went on a field trip to see how losing our fucking mind happens. We’re at the circus! There are jugglers, and a man is losing his fucking mind on a galloping horse. During his midlife crisis, my dad really got into losing his fucking mind. |
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Dec 24 at 17:23 PST
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Lookin' really fuckin' weird There’s always time for lookin' really fuckin' weird before breakfast. The Great Wall was actually built to keep lookin' really fuckin' weird out of mainland China. Justin Trudeau’s campaign promise: the Dutch oven in every room, and lookin' really fuckin' weird on every corner. My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m lookin' really fuckin' weird. My dad’s keyboard has a special key for lookin' really fuckin' weird. I’m fine with lookin' really fuckin' weird. But why do they have to be so in-your-face about it? |
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Jan 3 at 15:25 PST
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Men, like a tiny bat crawling up their peehole, go farthest when they are travelling back in time. On my Animal Crossing island, I unlocked an extremely ugly person named Buttfeast and now my villagers are travelling back in time. Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of nine guys you fucked, with an estimated three to four travelling back in time per 100 square kilometers. They cut open the crocodile to find a giant dildo called ‘the orphan maker’, still travelling back in time like always. We’re at the circus! There are jugglers, and a man is travelling back in time on a galloping horse. UFOs, false flags, and military experiments with travelling back in time! It’s all here in my manifesto! |
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Jan 3 at 15:26 PST
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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My coolest Harry Potter theory I didn’t mean to start my coolest Harry Potter theory, it just happened! As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted my coolest Harry Potter theory to the vastness of space. Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires my coolest Harry Potter theory. This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw my coolest Harry Potter theory overboard! The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt my coolest Harry Potter theory in the sea. In public restrooms I always put my coolest Harry Potter theory on the toilet before sitting down. |
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Jan 3 at 18:18 PST
— Ed. Jan 3 at 18:19 PST
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 786
175 ₧
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Ouch! I banged both my shins into rib tickling brutatlity in the garage. Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking rib tickling brutatlity onto the International Space Station. Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on rib tickling brutatlity. Every French soldier carries rib tickling brutatlity in his knapsack. During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch rib tickling brutatlity and her groin. While you’re at the store can you pick up rib tickling brutatlity, in family size? Sorry, we can’t serve alcohol since the passing of The Hilarious Atrocities Act. At the doctor they pumped grandma full of hilarious atrocities. The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around hilarious atrocities. I’ve been diagnosed with hilarious atrocities. Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me hilarious atrocities and it’s getting weird. I left my shoes outside and they filled up with hilarious atrocities. |
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Jan 7 at 04:28 PST
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 4940
1,227 ₧
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Excessive anal torture? I got all dressed up for excessive anal torture? My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found excessive anal torture inside. I spun 3 long strips of human meat in a row on the slot machine and won excessive anal torture! This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: excessive anal torture. It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you. There’s nothing that excessive anal torture could ever do. A guerrilla ad campaign for Netflix’s new show has people spotting excessive anal torture around town. |
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Jan 7 at 19:52 PST
— Ed. Jan 7 at 19:53 PST
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A Japanese dick-sucking machine The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit sudsy bodies and acquire a Japanese dick-sucking machine! My new phone looks like it’s a Japanese dick-sucking machine but I don’t mind. It makes calls. Our secret society is dedicated to a Japanese dick-sucking machine. This is a great movie, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a Japanese dick-sucking machine. India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a Japanese dick-sucking machine. Squad, circle up. This season is not going our way. It’s time to talk a Japanese dick-sucking machine. |
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Jan 8 at 16:38 PST
— Ed. Jan 10 at 12:29 PST
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Gather round, family, it’s time to hang a booby trap on the Christmas tree. A Make a Wish kid asked for a booby trap and no one had the heart to tell him ‘no’. The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is a booby trap. During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch a booby trap and her groin. When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a booby trap in the mirror! I’m so scared! Here on the assembly line we heat a booby trap to a steaming, bright cherry red. |
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Jan 10 at 12:29 PST
— Ed. Jan 10 at 12:42 PST
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 786
175 ₧
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The authorities followed the trail of her mating behavior, leading them straight to the suspect. At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took my mating behavior to the funeral. As the magician crammed the last of his sexual awakening into his mouth, his mating behavior popped out his ear! In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually his mating behavior. “Rotate left!” I yelled as my brother and I tried to get his mating behavior up the stairs. Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with his mating behavior. |
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Jan 11 at 15:02 PST
— Ed. Jan 12 at 17:45 PST
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this one's pretty good:
Nezuminary said: I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “MyLifeCoach” and it helps me with my mating behavior.
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Jan 12 at 10:44 PST
— Ed. Jan 12 at 10:44 PST
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 786
175 ₧
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At the end of this movie it turns out f was actually f, and I ugly cried. At the end of this movie it turns out getting sewn shut was actually girl problems, and I ugly cried. At the end of this movie it turns out a deathbed was actually an injection, and I ugly cried. At the end of this movie it turns out complete madness was actually fucking animals, and I ugly cried. At the end of this movie it turns out something even sexier was actually leaving no trace, and I ugly cried. At the end of this movie it turns out pitching a god damn hissy fit was actually zero chupacabras, and I ugly cried. At the end of this movie it turns out giant meaty hands was actually a karate chop, and I ugly cried. |
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Jan 13 at 14:36 PST
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 786
175 ₧
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Former president Ronald Reagan Mmmm! Former president Ronald Reagan! Yum! Is your teen engaging in “Former President Ronald Reagan Challenge”? Sucking former president Ronald Reagan into their nose and out their mouth? In some households, they’ve trained former president Ronald Reagan to use the potty. Ever since former president Ronald Reagan appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve stayed inside. A new study found that giving employees former president Ronald Reagan can motivate them more than a cash bonus. Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by former president Ronald Reagan? |
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Jan 13 at 19:41 PST
— Ed. Jan 13 at 21:35 PST
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Surviving my overdose, from that day forward I’ve dedicated my life to purchasing nudes. There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “purchasing nudes”. Get bigger tips from white customers by purchasing nudes! Some perv at work put a hidden camera in daddy to watch people purchasing nudes. In a world with no rules, one man must be purchasing nudes. Coming this summer. Disneyland has a zero-tolerance policy for purchasing nudes. |
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Jan 15 at 14:27 PST
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 786
175 ₧
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A spring-loaded boxing glove We’re having a spring-loaded boxing glove situation. Please stand by... When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add a spring-loaded boxing glove to the pan, while stirring constantly. In New York, a new law went into effect making it legal to buy a spring-loaded boxing glove from dispensaries. These penguins lay eggs which must stay under a spring-loaded boxing glove to keep warm. NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a spring-loaded boxing glove. I think a lot of people would pay to see a spring-loaded boxing glove. |
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Jan 16 at 00:43 PST
— Ed. Jan 16 at 00:49 PST
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 786
175 ₧
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During a contraband search, a prison guard found m hidden in one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found a dog boner hidden in one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found caressing his face hidden in one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found literally every single thing hidden in one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found machine gun fire hidden in one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found texting me hidden in one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found what’s inside hidden in one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found m hidden under one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found my birthday hidden under one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found Tony’s prison baby hidden under one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found a hole hidden under one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found Evander Holyfield’s ear hidden under one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found my toucan, going crazy hidden under one inmate's mattress. During a contraband search, a prison guard found sweat and dead skin hidden under one inmate's mattress. |
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Jan 16 at 00:51 PST
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