A wall broke and both of these hot dogs reached in! But my GF threw a gentleman with the tummy grumbles at it and it died?

A wall broke and spines reached in! But my GF threw toxic virginity at it and it died?

A wall broke and an old, Asian martial arts master reached in! But my GF threw 7 billion people at it and it died?

A wall broke and the Roomba reached in! But my GF threw sock puppets at it and it died?

A wall broke and flailing reached in! But my GF threw gas at it and it died?

A wall broke and a mountain of gold doubloons reached in! But my GF threw their frail human body at it and it died?

New House Rule! On any nat 1, Gary's stupid wizard is attacked by three babies in a backpack. Fuck you, Gary.

New House Rule! On any nat 1, Gary's stupid wizard is attacked by puppets representing all the important people in your life. Fuck you, Gary.

New House Rule! On any nat 1, Gary's stupid wizard is attacked by failure. Fuck you, Gary.

New House Rule! On any nat 1, Gary's stupid wizard is attacked by $18 worth of Taco Bell™. Fuck you, Gary.

New House Rule! On any nat 1, Gary's stupid wizard is attacked by some seriously fucked shit. Fuck you, Gary.

New House Rule! On any nat 1, Gary's stupid wizard is attacked by misshapen breasts. Fuck you, Gary.

Are you there God? It’s me, gooning for at least 10 minutes.

Gooning for at least 10 minutes is really getting all up in my business!

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Gooning for at least 10 minutes can increase your breast size in three weeks!

Get bigger tips from white customers by gooning for at least 10 minutes!

In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had gooning for at least 10 minutes removed so she can live a normal life.

If I have to be honest, I’ve often fantasized about gooning for at least 10 minutes.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming my weed dealer in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming Crisco ® in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming beautiful girl hair in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming their dead parents in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming a bulky frame, sturdy legs, and rounded cloven hooves in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming whatever THAT is in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw the mood swings of adolescence.

For my project I’m making the mood swings of adolescence. But I need to see if they have a human-sized hamster ball at the craft store.

USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being the mood swings of adolescence.

Scorpions can shed the mood swings of adolescence in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.

The mood swings of adolescence is gonna do another 9/11!

Ever since the incident I’ve been haunted by the mood swings of adolescence.

a quality buttplug isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

a tiny Jamaican isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

favorable terrain isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

their skin isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

the world’s fastest pump isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

teens who vape isn't a plaything and you need to act like a professional at work.

The authorities followed the trail of discarded waitress carcasses, leading them straight to the suspect.

How did I survive discarded waitress carcasses? I ate my way out.

Furious that I was pissing into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into discarded waitress carcasses.

A ghost ship washed up in Japan with discarded waitress carcasses on board.

If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent discarded waitress carcasses, certainly others would have.

The whole story is a hoax! I have nothing to do with discarded waitress carcasses!

That’s not funny. My father was killed by a cloak of invisibility.

You may not like it, but a cloak of invisibility is just something you have to do every day.

The ‘its front fat moth’ has adapted to feed on garbage, and hide under a cloak of invisibility in cities to spin its cocoon.

Can’t go out because of a cloak of invisibility on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-blindness-cor is right for you.

If you do a cloak of invisibility right, all that matters is you have a good time.

At the skating rink there was a cloak of invisibility and everyone fell down at once.

DOG LEATHER INTENSIFIES

Dog leather is a temporary setback on the road to her cooter!

For Halloween we’re peeling grapes so they feel like eyeballs, and we prepared dog leather so it feels like brains.

Please step into the interrogation room. You’ll notice that I have dog leather on the counter. I think you know why.

I was surprised to find bones in dog leather. Is that normal?

If I ever catch you going “ooh-la-la!” with dog leather I’m sending you straight to hell.

I went to cut the cake, and to my surprise, a giggling pixie popped out!

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to a giggling pixie.

My girlfriend kicked a giggling pixie, and she’s fine. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!

Aron Ralston was trapped under a giggling pixie for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off his arm.

At LAX travelers were horrified to see a giggling pixie spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.

My parents used to beat me with a giggling pixie. I just had to lay there and take it.

I need help with my computer! I downloaded horny Tinkerbell and now I’m having trouble opening my programs!

The kids were running around and one knocked over horny Tinkerbell.

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into horny Tinkerbell, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.

At spring training a foul ball bounced into the stands and hit horny Tinkerbell.

In the third world, luxuries like horny Tinkerbell are an alien concept.

Horny Tinkerbell. Now in Jumbo size at Walmart®.

I think that ecstasy was cut with the 3 senses only clowns have. Now I’m freaking out.

Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on the 3 senses only clowns have.

I think a lot of people would pay to see the 3 senses only clowns have.

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was the 3 senses only clowns have.

Dad said I’d never be the 3 senses only clowns have. Sadly, he was correct.

Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of the 3 senses only clowns have, with an estimated three to four spreading disease per 100 square kilometers.

Look, man, I’m not into clown. But $20 is $20.

Stick out your tongue and say, “I was born on clown.”

Now streaming on PornHub: Debby Does Clown.

The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate clown.

A billboard on my way home had a picture of clown and the words “15 Cups of Coffee”.

Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain clown?

Barfing a rainbow: a new fad among teenggers.

“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried barfing a rainbow.

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by barfing a rainbow.

1 is pee, 2 is poo... Do you think barfing a rainbow is going number 3?

Ben and Jerry is going off the deep end with their new flavors: Levitating flavor? Barfing a Rainbow flavor?!

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Barfing a Rainbow!

I take pride in CONTINUOUS BUBBLE PLAY FOR ONE HOUR.

Honey! Come downstairs! CONTINUOUS BUBBLE PLAY FOR ONE HOUR is ready!

Something you only like because it’s warm: CONTINUOUS BUBBLE PLAY FOR ONE HOUR.

Apparently, according to my test result, I’m CONTINUOUS BUBBLE PLAY FOR ONE HOUR.

Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed CONTINUOUS BUBBLE PLAY FOR ONE HOUR up and down the highway.

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put CONTINUOUS BUBBLE PLAY FOR ONE HOUR in the pillows.

The city put in new road signs to indicate a verified unhaunted clown head just up ahead.

I saw two hobos fighting over a verified unhaunted clown head behind the library. One of them was between your legs.

Crap! I’ve gone and clogged the vacuum hose with a verified unhaunted clown head.

That kind of attitude is why we have a verified unhaunted clown head now.

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a verified unhaunted clown head and chewing gum.

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a verified unhaunted clown head if I wanted a new family.

I’m fine with Nic Cage relentlessly killing. But why do they have to be so in-your-face about it?

I will do anything for Nic Cage relentlessly killing. But I won’t do that!

The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with the power of Nic Cage relentlessly killing.

In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of Nic Cage relentlessly killing.

In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch Nic Cage relentlessly killing at the girls camp.

Somehow, the cat pulled Nic Cage relentlessly killing in through the pet door.

Well butter the stank that you had put on it and call me hair and scalp!

Lots of people drive down to Portland for the stank that you had put on it.

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, the stank that you had put on it emerged.

Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with the stank that you had put on it.

The stank that you had put on it from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.

The new self-help fad: Better Living Through the Stank That You Had Put On It!

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always Goofy & Mickey fuckin' like beasts. Always.

As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted Goofy & Mickey fuckin' like beasts to the vastness of space.

I’ve been diagnosed with Goofy & Mickey fuckin' like beasts.

Don’t you hate when you see Goofy & Mickey fuckin' like beasts in the carpool lane?

My kid was acting up, so I took away Goofy & Mickey fuckin' like beasts privileges.

Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw Goofy & Mickey fuckin' like beasts for the first time!

The ritual complete, some kind of magic juice emerged from the circle of fire and demanded the key to my heart or our souls in payment.

The ritual complete, beautiful girl hair emerged from the circle of fire and demanded the bitter cold or our souls in payment.

The ritual complete, less candy than usual emerged from the circle of fire and demanded the stillness of death or our souls in payment.

The ritual complete, the winning lottery numbers emerged from the circle of fire and demanded being dipped in chocolate or our souls in payment.

The ritual complete, weird legs emerged from the circle of fire and demanded the Dutch oven or our souls in payment.

The ritual complete, a real bad bitch emerged from the circle of fire and demanded my murder list or our souls in payment.