SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike
SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike
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Grinding a monkey's organ Daddy, what’s grinding a monkey's organ? The kids at school say it about you and laugh. Life without love is like grinding a monkey's organ without fruit. These snails have evolved to live underground without light or grinding a monkey's organ. The N64 was Nintendo’s first console with grinding a monkey's organ. Experts said that based on preliminary data, grinding a monkey's organ appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault. Hefeweizen’s new slogan: It’s Grinding a Monkey's Organ Time! |
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Aug 28 at 01:15 UTC
— Ed. Aug 28 at 02:34 UTC
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Inside the sensory deprivation tank I experienced . Inside the sensory deprivation tank I experienced a warhead. Inside the sensory deprivation tank I experienced the placenta. Inside the sensory deprivation tank I experienced what looks to me like a real penis. Inside the sensory deprivation tank I experienced duck tikka masala. Inside the sensory deprivation tank I experienced the most beautiful face ever. Inside the sensory deprivation tank I experienced hands-free massage. |
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Aug 28 at 16:27 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 845
175 ₧
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Ok, I’ll admit peeing out a crab might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in my ex's new husband. The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for my ex's new husband? Don’t tell anyone, but I keep my ex's new husband in my sex gymnasium. The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town, except for my ex's new husband. Everyone who knows me, knows I love my ex's new husband. Always walk into an interview with confidence and my ex's new husband, and you’ll get the job. |
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Aug 29 at 02:29 UTC
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Sending a child, unaccompanied, to Honduras Do you remember when we were kids, and the police shut the school, and we were sending a child, unaccompanied, to Honduras? My parents left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, “a no-legged cat sending a child, unaccompanied, to Honduras.” After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Sending a Child, Unaccompanied, to Honduras” The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of sending a child, unaccompanied, to Honduras. On this map of Boston, each dot represents sending a child, unaccompanied, to Honduras. I always get caught sending a child, unaccompanied, to Honduras in the locker room. Sorry. |
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Sep 3 at 00:06 UTC
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Every home dungeon requires chains, nu, and warm lighting. Every home dungeon requires chains, a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim, and warm lighting. Every home dungeon requires chains, a bunch of wood chips and shredded newsprint, and warm lighting. Every home dungeon requires chains, a bloodthirsty viking, and warm lighting. Every home dungeon requires chains, an inept assassin, and warm lighting. Every home dungeon requires chains, little turds everywhere, and warm lighting. Every home dungeon requires chains, a leak, and warm lighting. |
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Sep 3 at 01:41 UTC
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My spirit animal: Floridians. Shhh! I need help making Floridians look like an accident. Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in Floridians. During routine surgery, the doctors found Floridians embedded in my abdomen. Celebrities keep getting cancelled over Floridians. And you know what? They deserve it. For Christmas, everyone got Floridians in their stockings! |
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Sep 3 at 01:51 UTC
— Ed. Sep 3 at 01:52 UTC
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I wanted to scare my girlfriend so I got a great idea out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice! The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Great Idea! Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw a great idea. McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a great idea. The secret to a happy marriage: a great idea. Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a great idea jumping and nipping at me from below. |
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Sep 3 at 16:57 UTC
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Ordering $700 worth of sushi After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Ordering $700 Worth of Sushi” The sign in the Jimmy John’s restroom says, “Thank you for ordering $700 worth of sushi with precision and elegance.” Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of ordering $700 worth of sushi. I’m not opening that door. You can hear ordering $700 worth of sushi if you put your ear on it! This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: ordering $700 worth of sushi. If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably means he’s ordering $700 worth of sushi. |
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Sep 3 at 17:01 UTC
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Did you know you can vape p? Did you know you can vape gurgling tar pits? Did you know you can vape bad words? Did you know you can vape udders? Did you know you can vape big pants? Did you know you can vape fly honeys? Did you know you can vape even more bees? |
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Sep 3 at 17:53 UTC
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The new bill before congress would require coming forward in all K-through-12 classrooms. Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Coming forward can increase your breast size in three weeks! In a world with no rules, one man must come forward. Coming this summer. Run, Run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m coming forward. They don’t allow coming forward at the topless bars around here anymore. I’m fine with coming forward. But why do they have to be so in-your-face about it? |
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Sep 3 at 17:59 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5174
1,227 ₧
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100% inbred, 100% male dwarves I hate waking up with 100% inbred, 100% male dwarves on my face. If we get up early, we can get 100% inbred, 100% male dwarves tomorrow! 4 out of 5 doctors recommend 100% inbred, 100% male dwarves. Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using 100% inbred, 100% male dwarves wisely. Amtrak officials confirm 100% inbred, 100% male dwarves would have prevented train derailment. My PC stopped working so I opened it up and found 100% inbred, 100% male dwarves inside. |
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Sep 5 at 04:28 UTC
— Ed. Sep 5 at 04:29 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5174
1,227 ₧
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At the skating rink there was an adorable laugh snort and everyone fell down at once. During the war, German scientists experimented to weaponize an adorable laugh snort. But of the tree of an adorable laugh snort you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die. Pundits agree it will take an adorable laugh snort for the senator to win the election. What’s wrong with your brother? He walks like he’s an adorable laugh snort. On my Animal Crossing island, I unlocked an adorable laugh snort and now my villagers are a horse’s mouth. |
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Sep 5 at 04:30 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 845
175 ₧
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The church has recognized {s} as a relic of St. Apollinaris, which is said to cure disease. The church has recognized an inept assassin as a relic of St. Apollinaris, which is said to cure disease. The church has recognized David Bowie’s mysterious bulge as a relic of St. Apollinaris, which is said to cure disease. The church has recognized a squeaky-clean bottom as a relic of St. Apollinaris, which is said to cure disease. The church has recognized mighty Zeus as a relic of St. Apollinaris, which is said to cure disease. The church has recognized Krampus, the child punisher as a relic of St. Apollinaris, which is said to cure disease. The church has recognized a suitcase full of guns and money as a relic of St. Apollinaris, which is said to cure disease. |
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Sep 8 at 00:52 UTC
— Ed. Sep 9 at 09:33 UTC
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Forgetting grandma in the car My life’s theme song goes: forgetting grandma in the car / surviving a shark attack / blocking the exit At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a gown before forgetting grandma in the car. J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of forgetting grandma in the car. At Starbucks they put “forgetting grandma in the car” on my cup. I ran out covering my face. Jenny swears she saw forgetting grandma in the car in the mirror! That’s so freaking spooky. I saw the twins in the corridor. I froze in terror as they said, “You’ll be forgetting grandma in the car with us.” |
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Sep 8 at 19:32 UTC
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During routine surgery, the doctors found a 4,000 foot HDMI cable embedded in my abdomen. I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a 4,000 foot HDMI cable. When the stadium was demolished it revealed a 4,000 foot HDMI cable, bringing onlookers from far and wide. The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to a 4,000 foot HDMI cable. I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing a 4,000 foot HDMI cable down the gopher holes. The water tower looks like it’s a 4,000 foot HDMI cable from this angle. |
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Sep 10 at 00:38 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 845
175 ₧
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I was doing an autopsy, and was shocked to find that the corpse was {v}, but I wasn't sure what I should put in my report. I was doing an autopsy, and was shocked to find that the corpse was stretching my husband’s anus, but I wasn't sure what I should put in my report. I was doing an autopsy, and was shocked to find that the corpse was stripping, but I wasn't sure what I should put in my report. I was doing an autopsy, and was shocked to find that the corpse was getting off, but I wasn't sure what I should put in my report. I was doing an autopsy, and was shocked to find that the corpse was looking really homeless, but I wasn't sure what I should put in my report. I was doing an autopsy, and was shocked to find that the corpse was getting in trouble at Home Depot, but I wasn't sure what I should put in my report. I was doing an autopsy, and was shocked to find that the corpse was handcuffing a four-year-old, but I wasn't sure what I should put in my report. |
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Sep 15 at 11:07 UTC
— Ed. Sep 15 at 11:07 UTC
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I got my car stolen, and n was in it! I got my car stolen, and a squirt of mustard was in it! I got my car stolen, and my feelings was in it! I got my car stolen, and everything was in it! I got my car stolen, and mutual discomfort was in it! I got my car stolen, and not a bear was in it! I got my car stolen, and a sex swing was in it! |
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Sep 19 at 22:51 UTC
— Ed. Sep 19 at 22:53 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 845
175 ₧
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They had to remove this box full of crap from Texas Chainsaw Massacre to appease China. I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about this box full of crap. Should I talk to him? If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about this box full of crap. The patient screamed until, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and this box full of crap came out! Jan Sobieski rode into battle atop this box full of crap. A mother is accused of feeding her child this box full of crap as a cure for autism. Famed Brazilian trumpet player Tio Bassum The kids put famed Brazilian trumpet player Tio Bassum in the microwave. If I ever catch you explaining things to children with famed Brazilian trumpet player Tio Bassum I’m sending you straight to hell. I’m fine with famed Brazilian trumpet player Tio Bassum. But why do they have to be so in-your-face about it? Giving birth to famed Brazilian trumpet player Tio Bassum was the most beautiful moment of my life. Everything I need to live on a desert island: A shard of shrapnel and famed Brazilian trumpet player Tio Bassum. I hate waking up with famed Brazilian trumpet player Tio Bassum on my face. |
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Sep 23 at 18:39 UTC
— Ed. Sep 23 at 18:40 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 845
175 ₧
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What were you doing in here? I keep finding all my homeboys between the couch cushions. The secret to a happy marriage: all my homeboys. No thanks. My doctor said all my homeboys is bad for the heart. I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of All My Homeboys. All the best love stories include all my homeboys. ... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were all my homeboys, would you be all my homeboys as well?” I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will be all your homeboys. All your homeboys! All your homeboys! My kingdom for all your homeboys! Run, Run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m all your homeboys. Ok, I’ll admit all your homeboys might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in every credit card. And 007 was trapped in a room with all your homeboys! Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about all your homeboys. My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen the homies. The Pentagon’s most secure room is for the homies. My dream entryway has the homies statue in it. Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for the homies. A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience the homies like I was really there. My publisher demanded I remove the homies from my manuscript on account of “decency.” |
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Sep 24 at 00:00 UTC
— Ed. Sep 24 at 00:03 UTC
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No more buying a vacuum at Starbucks. Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance piece, I will be buying a vacuum. I’m buying a vacuum for Jesus. In Wal*Mart we saw a man buying a vacuum. Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include buying a vacuum, a backdoor woman, dry mouth, and man animals. Buying a vacuum is gonna do another 9/11! Unlike most people, I can feel tons of insane crap. The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and tons of insane crap. I won hide-and-seek by hiding under tons of insane crap. USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being tons of insane crap. Sorry, we can’t serve alcohol since the passing of The Tons of Insane Crap Act. The most romantic thing ever? Tons of insane crap, obviously. |
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Sep 24 at 20:40 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 845
175 ₧
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Help! I’m shrew milk and I need YOU to do something about it! Oh no! Obama put shrew milk in the water! Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with shrew milk. Chimps in the wild have been observed using shrew milk to forage for food. The dog is barking at shrew milk again. In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had shrew milk removed so she can live a normal life. |
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Sep 27 at 18:05 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5174
1,227 ₧
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My mummified genital collection I accidentally dropped my mummified genital collection in the urinal at the Jeep dealership. Crap! I’ve gone and clogged the vacuum hose with my mummified genital collection. Ok, I’ll admit the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in my mummified genital collection. My husband’s man-cave needed a woman’s touch, so I decorated it with my mummified genital collection. I found out why I’m always sick... they found my mummified genital collection in the walls at my office. It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, my mummified genital collection, & toilet paper. |
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Sep 29 at 13:45 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5174
1,227 ₧
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I think that ecstasy was cut with mummified genitalia. Now I’m freaking out. It’s all fun and games until someone loses mummified genitalia! I just dug up mummified genitalia in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum! The Pentagon’s most secure room is for mummified genitalia. Sorry to bother, but I heard you were talking about mummified genitalia over here. I love mummified genitalia! I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like mummified genitalia. |
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Sep 29 at 13:46 UTC
— Ed. Sep 29 at 13:47 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 845
175 ₧
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10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gares' name would be most associated with . 10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gares' name would be most associated with words. 10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gares' name would be most associated with your sisters. 10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gares' name would be most associated with butt magic. 10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gares' name would be most associated with flipping over and spraying into the air. 10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gares' name would be most associated with just me, by myself. 10 years ago, you'd never guess that Bill Gares' name would be most associated with instant death. |
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Friday at 00:31 UTC
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