Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 785
175 ₧
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This one might be a long shot:
"... And when you catch 'em, just hold 'em down and give 'em the 'ol Dutch {c} "... And when you catch 'em, just hold 'em down and give 'em the 'ol Dutch blindness
"... And when you catch 'em, just hold 'em down and give 'em the 'ol Dutch Paul Hogan’s oiled chest
"... And when you catch 'em, just hold 'em down and give 'em the 'ol Dutch too much wiggling
"... And when you catch 'em, just hold 'em down and give 'em the 'ol Dutch boiling water
"... And when you catch 'em, just hold 'em down and give 'em the 'ol Dutch scoring
"... And when you catch 'em, just hold 'em down and give 'em the 'ol Dutch beautiful girl hair
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2019 May 2 at 13:12 PDT
— Ed. 2019 May 2 at 20:14 PDT
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 785
175 ₧
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When you said , I thought you meant in a sexual way. I didn't know you were talking about . When you said a mindless animal response, I thought you meant in a sexual way. I didn't know you were talking about struggling with a police officer.
When you said legs, I thought you meant in a sexual way. I didn't know you were talking about so few little turds.
When you said blocking the exit, I thought you meant in a sexual way. I didn't know you were talking about a screaming dog.
When you said nitro-boosted performance, I thought you meant in a sexual way. I didn't know you were talking about maximum bitch mode.
When you said original white, straight Barbie, I thought you meant in a sexual way. I didn't know you were talking about lifting his kilt and winking.
When you said struggling to get out of the van, I thought you meant in a sexual way. I didn't know you were talking about poorly orchestrated group sex.
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2019 May 3 at 03:17 PDT
— Ed. 2019 May 3 at 15:40 PDT
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“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a conveyer belt?”
I’m going to post the new white card "a conveyer belt" to SAH. What do you think to lips?
You evaded my “A Conveyer Belt” attack! Most impressive.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed a conveyer belt.
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy this spring’s hottest new fashions, and you get a conveyer belt as a sign up bonus.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about a conveyer belt.
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2019 May 5 at 09:22 PDT
— Ed. 2019 May 5 at 09:24 PDT
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In a world with dirty spaghetti teabagging your cat, one man must overcome too much milk. Coming this summer.
The media’s nonstop coverage of teabagging your cat is just to distract us from fluids from my face.
Here on the assembly line we heat little traps to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is teabagging your cat.
I thought I was alone with shaved bears but my mom walked in. We got to teabagging your cat and I felt better.
I don’t need love because I’m teabagging your cat. Sorry mom!
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than teabagging your cat.
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2019 May 5 at 17:44 PDT
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Senator, I trust you enjoyed moving a little closer last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “moving a little closer” incident in the science lab.
I don’t need love because I’m moving a little closer. Sorry mom!
I’m going to post the new white card "moving a little closer" to SAH. What do you think to butt gas?
Here on the assembly line we heat shaking to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is moving a little closer.
Amtrak officials confirm moving a little closer would have prevented train derailment.
Aiming a little lower is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for aiming a little lower”
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find aiming a little lower.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like aiming a little lower.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find raw goose, a gigantic eyeball on a stalk and aiming a little lower.
The only thing standing in your way is aiming a little lower.
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2019 May 14 at 16:38 PDT
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Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from {n}. Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from a hollow shell.
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from Fancy Santas.
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from nothing, initially.
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from industrial solvent.
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from a genital louse.
Ow!! Come help me de-tangle my hair from the female form.
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2019 May 16 at 16:27 PDT
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Spending large amounts of money No thanks. My doctor said spending large amounts of money makes defecation painful.
Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: a close call spending large amounts of money!
It’s time to scrape the remains of spending large amounts of money off the driveway.
Spending large amounts of money is the spice of a powerful Chinese man.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw spending large amounts of money in the mirror! And it smelled like that demon torture puzzle box in there! I’m so scared!
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s spending large amounts of money.
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2019 May 17 at 14:27 PDT
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When I get older, I don’t want to be material.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be falling into boiling water and where does material come in?
What will we do with material early in the morning?
We have a zero tolerance policy for industrial solvent here at Disney. So get material and get out!
I will do anything for material. But I won’t do holding hands!
I’m sure I blew material in this napkin somewhere.
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2019 May 17 at 14:28 PDT
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I beat a blackberry vine all the time!
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a blackberry vine and my card appeared in a mindless animal response!
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s the whole bottle of sleeping pills, with baseless hatred around the edges, and a blackberry vine on top.
I got so drunk last night that I got a blackberry vine all over everyone and everything.
At the winery tour we saw how they put a blackberry vine and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like good people.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a blackberry vine... Sweet! Sunny-D!
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2019 May 17 at 14:33 PDT
— Ed. 2019 May 17 at 16:05 PDT
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The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is millions of ugly babies.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about millions of ugly babies and spiders laying eggs in my butt. Should I talk to him?
3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of millions of ugly babies and a Fedex full of somersaults.
I scream, you scream, peeing in the sink, millions of ugly babies!
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was millions of ugly babies.
Could you buy me millions of ugly babies? I’ll pay you back.
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2019 May 17 at 23:05 PDT
— Ed. 2019 May 17 at 23:06 PDT
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There’s the guy I murdered convention going on and everybody is shitting glitter.
Authorities were tallying damage from the guy I murdered that struck southern California Friday evening.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in the guy I murdered.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put the guy I murdered in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
Instructions unclear: got witnesses stuck in the guy I murdered.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: The guy I murdered with all our faces.
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2019 May 19 at 08:55 PDT
— Ed. 2019 May 20 at 09:16 PDT
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I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for Costco.
No more Costco at Starbucks.
The HOA says I can’t raise Costco on my property. Meanwhile no word about the inside at the Jones’s!
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood Costco.
Furious that I was hiding some pee into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into Costco.
When I think South America, I feel Costco.
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2019 May 20 at 09:17 PDT
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It's hard to keep {n} as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid. It's hard to keep inquisitive middle schoolers as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
It's hard to keep kids that gotta go pee as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
It's hard to keep a tiny bat crawling up your peehole as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
It's hard to keep endangered animals as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
It's hard to keep salt as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
It's hard to keep a fridge full of heads as a pet. Any tiny hole and it'll squeeze out like a squid.
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2019 May 20 at 09:17 PDT
— Ed. 2019 May 20 at 09:22 PDT
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The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit Satan’s dark little snatch and acquire all the zoo animals!
Then God said, “Let there be all the zoo animals”; and there was all the zoo animals. And God saw that all the zoo animals was good.
Pool rules: No running. No humping people. Keep all the zoo animals out of the deep end.
All the zoo animals really messes up my butt complexion!
What the dat ass department lacks in selection, we make up for in all the zoo animals.
The Killing of Educated Adults is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by all the zoo animals.
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2019 May 20 at 09:23 PDT
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 785
175 ₧
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{p} rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, chattering the teeth, and urinating. hula hoops rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, chattering the teeth, and urinating.
urine sprinkles rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, chattering the teeth, and urinating.
drool drops rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, chattering the teeth, and urinating.
udders rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, chattering the teeth, and urinating.
high heels rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, chattering the teeth, and urinating.
years of pain rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, chattering the teeth, and urinating.
I think this card needs a second blank, like "...chattering _..." or something, but that doesn't seem quite right.
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2019 May 21 at 00:35 PDT
— Ed. 2019 May 21 at 00:37 PDT
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You have a bunch of verbs, replace one with a _{v} maybe?
{Up} rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, {v}, and urinating. Nasty boys rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, closing her legs, and urinating.
Bodily fluids rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, mastrubating into the faces of your enemies, and urinating.
The hands of the enemy rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, leaving your friends to die, and urinating.
Sufficient funds rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, vibrating my pineal gland, and urinating.
Velcro shoes rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, being dragged, and urinating.
Nine guys you fucked rarely fight in the wild, and resolve conflicts by growling, getting your cock in a twist, and urinating.
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2019 May 21 at 08:31 PDT
— Ed. 2019 May 21 at 08:32 PDT
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 785
175 ₧
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The cineplex has been using a celebrity's orifice in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
When you two are done carefully removing my skeleton, can we please get a celebrity's orifice and get out of here?!
Chase bank is giving out a celebrity's orifice this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a celebrity's orifice.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: A Celebrity's Orifice Does a Huge Mountain.
At the coffee shop they put “a celebrity's orifice” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
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2019 May 21 at 10:38 PDT
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A sensory deprivation tank That kind of attitude is why we have a sensory deprivation tank now.
I heard you were talking about a sensory deprivation tank so I had to come over!
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle a sensory deprivation tank.
The cruiseliner struck a sensory deprivation tank and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with drilling into the brain.
Man invented even more bees, so woman invented a sensory deprivation tank.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady kicking the door down with a sensory deprivation tank.
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2019 May 22 at 16:09 PDT
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We put no gay stuff in your tea!
Aron Ralston was trapped under no gay stuff for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off the deceased!
For my last meal I want my womanly virtue seasoned lightly with no gay stuff.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy no gay stuff that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
We couldn’t land because of no gay stuff caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like the Dutch oven.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like no gay stuff.
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2019 May 23 at 15:48 PDT
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My dream house has no elevator built in, an extra garage for waterboarding just for fun, and children’s toys for the door bell.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with no elevator.
Can you call poison control? My daughter just swallowed no elevator.
I’ve been chopping down nutters running around with chainsaws to build no elevator for me and my wife.
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into no elevator.
Give a man a piñata full of cigarettes and you feed him for a day. Give him no elevator, and you feed him for a lifetime.
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2019 May 23 at 15:49 PDT
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 26 • 785
175 ₧
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My girlfriend kicked shaking, and now she’s my mouth. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
When my mouth hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!
When I get older, I don’t want to be my mouth.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about my mouth.
At Boeing R&D, we test a hole by subjecting it to my mouth and blasts of energy.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me my mouth while we were still in the car.
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2019 May 24 at 18:47 PDT
— Ed. 2019 May 24 at 18:47 PDT
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All the best love stories include discount codes.
Last Christmas, I gave you discount codes. The very next day, you gave it away.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with anything on the face of this earth and are ordered to be discount codes no matter what.
The rich aroma of discount codes, from the hills of Colombia.
My spirit animal: discount codes.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw discount codes flavor and then awesome lectures flavor.
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2019 May 29 at 10:23 PDT
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McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of an extra foot.
I don’t need love because I’m an extra foot. Sorry mom!
The city council wants to cut down on an extra foot. Meanwhile people are freely adding alcohol!
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with an extra foot.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put an extra foot in the pillows.
CAUTION: Keep a Ouija board out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks an extra foot.
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2019 May 29 at 14:16 PDT
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I’ll never know why my grandparents find being intensely Japanese so relaxing.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all slapping everything, right while I’m being intensely Japanese.
My car looks like it’s being intensely Japanese but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
We couldn’t land because of ice cold seawater caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like being intensely Japanese.
Throughout human history, being intensely Japanese has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with being intensely Japanese.
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2019 May 30 at 10:54 PDT
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I got residue from in my nail beds! I got residue from getting wrapped around a tree in my nail beds!
I got residue from my vaginal microbiome in my nail beds!
I got residue from your bellybutton in my nail beds!
I got residue from imaginary friend, Captain Howdy in my nail beds!
I got residue from dilation of the uterus in my nail beds!
I got residue from slappy little T-Rex arms in my nail beds!
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2019 May 30 at 12:27 PDT
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