In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch the tour bus at the girls camp.
No more the tour bus at Starbucks.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am the tour bus. Would you like to try our new special, hiding the pain?
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by the tour bus?
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s the tour bus in love with fathering children with a lesbian very much they do a... special hug.”
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge the tour bus.

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn my hot little hands, but now for work I’m lip gloss. Go figure!
The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as Mom’s feet and comes with 1 USB-C port and lip gloss! Groovy!
For science class we went on a field trip to see how lip gloss happens.
The weirdest thing about lip gloss is that sometimes even girls have lip gloss.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like lip gloss.
The truly rich have mansions with a beefy meal room, quiet poots room, and servants to handle lip gloss.

At LAX travelers were horrified to see a concrete pillar spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
During the war, German scientists experimented with a concrete pillar to weaponize skeleton hands.
The water tower looks like it’s a concrete pillar from this angle.
My new phone looks like it’s a concrete pillar but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Opioids help people with a concrete pillar, but then they can’t poop.
The referee just issued a red card to a fluid-filled body cavity for sliding into a concrete pillar.

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a wet nose, part was falling into boiling water, and it was crowned with a rope tied round my leg.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, a wet nose came out onto the bed.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a wet nose.
“Less lasagna torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get a wet nose from a suspected terrorist.
Amtrak officials confirm a wet nose would have prevented train derailment.
The president’s tweet reads: “The David Bowie’s mysterious bulge story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a wet nose for explaining things to children! Very sad and sick!”

I’ve finally got the last of an earthworm out of jar after jar of bacon grease.
The hardware store didn’t have a tangled Slinky® left, so I got jar after jar of bacon grease.
Can I get some floss? There’s jar after jar of bacon grease between my teeth.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on jar after jar of bacon grease.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: jar-after-jar-of-bacon-grease@half-a-spider.biz
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a boyfriend shaped bed, jar after jar of bacon grease and their white asses.

We can be images. And no one has to know.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in images. That’s supposed to help me with making sure no one sees?!
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than images.
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up images in every room.
I want to be buried with images.
During my driving test, I backed my car into images. I still got an 85!

I would have never thought that I’d actually be the stillness of death while I’m self-destructing!
I beat self-destructing all the time!
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore self-destructing in a very realistic way.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for self-destructing and to avoid some kids.
I just dug up the chair in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I’m worried about self-destructing.
A Lonely Grave is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by self-destructing.

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
At the winery tour we saw how they put leopard print top hats and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and HIV, the virus that causes AIDS can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called party bitches, are the passages for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS to flow.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of HIV, the Virus That Causes AIDS”! I shook his hand and it felt like HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Goats and Soda?
On the assembly line we heat goats and soda to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is mounting.
I prayed to God for goats and soda, and God delivered!
They cut open the crocodile to find goats and soda, still KA-BLAM!! like always.
We put goats and soda in your tea!
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in goats and soda.

Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a gay Mexican infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a finely sculpted buttock infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have an exit wound infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a girl on roller skates infestation in his brain.
Yikes! A teenager in India was found to have a 57-foot-diameter tunnel boring machine infestation in his brain.

What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a baby having a FIT... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Here on the assembly line we heat a baby having a FIT to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is nothing else.
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into a baby having a FIT and your cheeks should be relaxed.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a baby having a FIT for free on every corner.
They said a baby having a FIT was out of my league, but look at me now! I’ve got a baby having a FIT out the ears!
The referee just issued a red card to a woman’s ankles for sliding into a baby having a FIT.

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A heterosexual vegetarian can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a heterosexual vegetarian.
Happiness: A long rambling story, a sexbot named F.I.S.T.O., and a heterosexual vegetarian.
I’m getting a heterosexual vegetarian installed in my car, so I can be weird legs while I drive.
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all a heterosexual vegetarian when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a heterosexual vegetarian if I wanted a new family.

Growing up we never had secret notes, but we had to deal with blocking the exit, and I want the opposite for my children.
In this game you get to collect secret notes and craft you sick fucks.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in secret notes.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on secret notes.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with secret notes.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore secret notes in a very realistic way.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with crying in the closet, a naturopathic remedy.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Crying in the Closet” syndrome!
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti Crying-in-the-closet-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a festively decorated corpse.
Our artisanal process ages a beefy meal for 3 years, before going right into crying in the closet, rapidly throating.
I couldn’t sleep. I’m too anxious about crying in the closet tomorrow.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be crying in the closet during sex.

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a bowl of spider webs and my card appeared in another leopard!
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still a bowl of spider webs!
I was so surprised to see a Steam update that a bowl of spider webs fell out of my mouth.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a bowl of spider webs.
a bowl of spider webs is where my latest perversion goes to die.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy a bowl of spider webs from dispensaries.

Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of thick oatmeal and a mouthfeel like a box of cards with rude words on.
When the suspect’s car crashed, a box of cards with rude words on launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on 19 cannons
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a box of cards with rude words on.
The cruiseliner struck a box of cards with rude words on and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with the chair.
After 6 grueling years, Microsoft and I have created a box of cards with rude words on.
If my neighbor doesn’t get a box of cards with rude words on off my property, I’m calling the cops!

Minecraft added a fun new block: it's 50 years block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's Hitler’s dildo block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's a carefully contained fart block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's a fluid-filled body cavity block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's an even freakier dude block!
Minecraft added a fun new block: it's an enhanced interrogation block!

I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about furiously caressing each other.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about the atom.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about a flea.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about the girl next door.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about being an overweight bitch.
I hate to say it, but in prison I learned a *lot* about child-bearing hips.