I heard you were talking about terrorism so I had to come over!
I Googled for terrorism and found a picture of myself.
Oh no! Obama put terrorism in the water to turn the frogs gay!
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “terrorism” incident in the science lab.
Terrorism saved is terrorism earned.
A salesman came to the door selling witnesses. I didn’t open. He slid terrorism under the door.

As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began assassinating civil rights leaders.
My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen assassinating civil rights leaders.
Let Martha host your next party, providing assassinating civil rights leaders like you’ve never experienced before.
My spirit animal: assassinating civil rights leaders.
The strongest Sumo training technique is assassinating civil rights leaders.
The Spice girls are getting back together with a new member: Assassinating Civil Rights Leaders Spice!

This year’s hottest new fashion is arresting its own members on your head.
It’s time to scrape the remains of arresting its own members off the driveway.
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and arresting its own members. There was a report.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s arresting its own members.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of arresting its own members and the words “shouldering most of the blame”. I don’t get it!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is arresting its own members.

No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in arson, vandalism and graffiti!
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during arson, vandalism and graffiti that overturned their car.
I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like arson, vandalism and graffiti.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk arson, vandalism and graffiti.
In prison we used to cook arson, vandalism and graffiti in the toilet.
I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got arson, vandalism and graffiti out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!

This year’s hottest album is “Blaming It on the Cat” by Hitler’s Dildo.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for blaming it on the cat?
Military scientists in Syria found traces of blaming it on the cat in the soil.
Blaming it on the cat is really getting all up in my business!
No more blaming it on the cat at Starbucks.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was blaming it on the cat.

We’re at the circus! There are jugglers, and a man is getting your dick stuck in a gloryhole on a galloping horse.
What’s wrong with your brother? He walks like he’s getting your dick stuck in a gloryhole.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find getting your dick stuck in a gloryhole so relaxing.
The government should stop wasting my tax dollars on getting your dick stuck in a gloryhole.
But of the tree of getting your dick stuck in a gloryhole you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Kim Jong-un’s Central Luxury Mansion has a wing for getting your dick stuck in a gloryhole.

The hardware store didn’t have a chimpanzee named 'Bubbles' left, so I got duct tape and plastic.
Could you buy me a chimpanzee named 'Bubbles'? I’ll pay you back.
You’re not a mom! You’re just a chimpanzee named 'Bubbles'!
They said a chimpanzee named 'Bubbles' was out of my league, but look at me now! I’m the king of a chimpanzee named 'Bubbles'!
While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a chimpanzee named 'Bubbles'. I found him blacking out and making a sex sound.
Daddy! There’s a chimpanzee named 'Bubbles' under my bed. Kill it kill it!

The main show at SeaWorld was so bad that everybody stated drifting over to the "World of crotchless panties" exhibit.
The main show at SeaWorld was so bad that everybody stated drifting over to the "World of chewing on cars like a giant titanium allosaurus" exhibit.
The main show at SeaWorld was so bad that everybody stated drifting over to the "World of I don’t know what, but BILLIONS of " exhibit.
The main show at SeaWorld was so bad that everybody stated drifting over to the "World of a fistful of glitter" exhibit.
The main show at SeaWorld was so bad that everybody stated drifting over to the "World of rolling" exhibit.
The main show at SeaWorld was so bad that everybody stated drifting over to the "World of all white moms" exhibit.

The blurry picture of the “Loch Ness monster” was actually a picture of the liberal use of a cattle prod.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s the liberal use of a cattle prod.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend the liberal use of a cattle prod.
For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood the liberal use of a cattle prod.
The dog is barking at the liberal use of a cattle prod again.
Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting the liberal use of a cattle prod into the air!

Ben and Jerry is going off the deep end with their new flavors: A Stock-footage Lion flavor? A Complete Wimp flavor?!
Sometimes I feel out of place at the gym then I look to my left and see a stock-footage lion, and I feel better.
The cineplex has been using a stock-footage lion in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
The patient screamed until, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a stock-footage lion emerged!
I looked up “a stock-footage lion” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving backwash.
I wasn’t always black... there was a stock-footage lion, and it got bigger and bigger.

How embarrassing! I forget I left one of the many "African" scenes in the foyer.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with one of the many "African" scenes.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had one of the many "African" scenes removed so he could pleasure himself.
At BASF, we don't *make* one of the many "African" scenes, we make one of the many "African" scenes *better*.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always one of the many "African" scenes. Always.
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing one of the many "African" scenes at cars and passers-by.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a fabulous funny freak-out, a naturopathic remedy.
Our secret society is dedicated a fabulous funny freak-out.
This workplace has gone (0) days without a fabulous funny freak-out.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock intestines draped everywhere and a fabulous funny freak-out in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
When I get older, I don’t want to be a fabulous funny freak-out.
Throw a fabulous funny freak-out at your enemies to distract them.

Mt. Pinatubo erupted yesterday, spewing a skull on a spike all over the Southern Hemisphere.
Mt. Pinatubo erupted yesterday, spewing moving and talking at the same time all over the Southern Hemisphere.
Mt. Pinatubo erupted yesterday, spewing an Easy-Bake™ oven all over the Southern Hemisphere.
Mt. Pinatubo erupted yesterday, spewing butt stuff all over the Southern Hemisphere.
Mt. Pinatubo erupted yesterday, spewing various fluids all over the Southern Hemisphere.
Mt. Pinatubo erupted yesterday, spewing snuggling with Ian McKellen all over the Southern Hemisphere.

For every action, there is a deflating balloon.
For every action, there is eating money.
For every action, there is a Secret Service agent.
For every action, there is nothing good.
For every action, there is a human-sized hamster ball.
For every action, there is our cute little gay faces.

Jessica demonstrated her dowsing talent by telling the guests where to find Linda's missing a refreshing douche of Sprite®.
Jessica demonstrated her dowsing talent by telling the guests where to find Linda's missing beautiful girl hair.
Jessica demonstrated her dowsing talent by telling the guests where to find Linda's missing a lovable grandfather.
Jessica demonstrated her dowsing talent by telling the guests where to find Linda's missing an Amazon woman.
Jessica demonstrated her dowsing talent by telling the guests where to find Linda's missing the heart.
Jessica demonstrated her dowsing talent by telling the guests where to find Linda's missing intestines draped everywhere.

Brought to you by the a mindless animal response Council. Buy a mindless animal response where you work or bank!
Brought to you by the a cardboard lesbian Council. Buy a cardboard lesbian where you work or bank!
Brought to you by the seduction Council. Buy seduction where you work or bank!
Brought to you by the Nicki Minaj’s hot pants Council. Buy Nicki Minaj’s hot pants where you work or bank!
Brought to you by the a meat hook Council. Buy a meat hook where you work or bank!
Brought to you by the many people Council. Buy many people where you work or bank!

Ich bin ein a flamboyant Satan.
A flamboyant Satan gets me into some awkward situations. But I won’t stop.
I was surprised to find bones in a flamboyant Satan. Is that normal?
The problem with America is a flamboyant Satan.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to wear it and where does a flamboyant Satan come in?
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Flamboyant Satan Blast!

If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be Terror from the Year 5000.
The hippo’s tail launched Terror from the Year 5000 all over the place.
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate Terror from the Year 5000 to prepare for a mission to Mars.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for Terror from the Year 5000.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from solar, and the eco-glass windows trap in Terror from the Year 5000.
The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of Terror from the Year 5000.

I like the thing that couldn't die like I like my coffee: ground up and in the freezer!
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? The thing that couldn't die.
Those hoodlums graffitied the thing that couldn't die on my mailbox again.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into the thing that couldn't die! She’s 62!
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in the thing that couldn't die.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt the thing that couldn't die in the sea.

Throughout human history, my bisexuality has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Throughout human history, some next-level shit has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Throughout human history, losing on purpose has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Throughout human history, subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Throughout human history, shooting a mentally ill man has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Throughout human history, wetting the bed has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.

There aren't many who can control no record of death by hypnosis, are there, Doctor?
There aren't many who can control a weak little person by hypnosis, are there, Doctor?
There aren't many who can control butt sounds by hypnosis, are there, Doctor?
There aren't many who can control demons by hypnosis, are there, Doctor?
There aren't many who can control killing protesters by hypnosis, are there, Doctor?
There aren't many who can control moistness by hypnosis, are there, Doctor?

For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, large flipper-like footprints every single day.
That kind of attitude is why we have large flipper-like footprints now.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out large flipper-like footprints.
The survey team detected large flipper-like footprints at the work site so I threw my tools in my truck and drove straight there.
They say large flipper-like footprints grew in Buddha’s footsteps.
Scorpions can shed large flipper-like footprints in order to escape a predator... but doing so also removes their anus.

Thrill at this summer's newest blockbuster, 'I Was a Teenage children’s toys'!
Thrill at this summer's newest blockbuster, 'I Was a Teenage spinning blades'!
Thrill at this summer's newest blockbuster, 'I Was a Teenage the Handsome Boy Modeling School'!
Thrill at this summer's newest blockbuster, 'I Was a Teenage a dog boner'!
Thrill at this summer's newest blockbuster, 'I Was a Teenage gross people'!
Thrill at this summer's newest blockbuster, 'I Was a Teenage a strangler'!

Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires a gross protuberance.
A gross protuberance: It’s nature’s candy!
Go, go, Gadget a Gross Protuberance!
I didn’t know they made a gross protuberance in lemon flavor.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for a gross protuberance!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all a gross protuberance when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!

The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of vodka, ginger beer, and a squeeze of an adult beefswelling in your loins. Serve in Asia.
Vampires can only be killed by an adult beefswelling in your loins.
I can’t swing a cat around here without hitting an adult beefswelling in your loins!
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow an Adult Beefswelling in Your Loins?
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to an adult beefswelling in your loins.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of an adult beefswelling in your loins.