My father made a living selling small unnaturals. He supported our whole family that way.

For girl scouts, my daughter went door-to-door giving everyone in my neighborhood small unnaturals.

They finally found Amelia Earnhardt’s bones. They were in small unnaturals.

Imagine small unnaturals, taxidermied, and over the fireplace. Beautiful.

I didn’t think this house would sell with small unnaturals in the attic.

Last night I dreamed of small unnaturals. Now to make it real.

Before the ball game, the moment of silence was immediately followed by being a big boy now.

Before the ball game, the moment of silence was immediately followed by my musk.

Before the ball game, the moment of silence was immediately followed by letting Jesus take the wheel.

Before the ball game, the moment of silence was immediately followed by blubber.

Before the ball game, the moment of silence was immediately followed by a surgical rotary saw.

Before the ball game, the moment of silence was immediately followed by industrial solvent.

The dog ate a hot dog race so we’re waiting for secret agents.

Is your teen engaging in “A Hot Dog Race Challenge”? Sucking a hot dog race into their nose and out their mouth?

My dad’s new Harley has got a hot dog race painted on both sides.

The MacBook Air weighs 1.1 lbs and comes with a USB-C port and a hot dog race! Groovy!

The authorities followed the trail of a hot dog race, leading them straight to the suspect.

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a hot dog race jumping and nipping at me from below.

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of vacuuming your bed.

If I ever catch you vacuuming your bed with the runs I’m sending you straight to hell.

A Make a Wish kid asked for vacuuming your bed and no one had the heart to tell him ‘no’.

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Xorbit!” and it helps me with vacuuming your bed.

Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by vacuuming your bed.

My nightly ritual involves vacuuming your bed just as I fall asleep.

AC power carries farther than DC due to Afternight drinking, in the dark, after night.

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “Afternight-drinking-in-the-dark-after-night-coin”

I feel like I’m being punished for Afternight drinking, in the dark, after night.

In Thailand you can get Afternight drinking, in the dark, after night at McDonald’s!

Brooklyn mom makes $20,000 a week! How, you ask? Afternight drinking, in the dark, after night.

Happiness: Losing on purpose, subduing my cell-mate and making him my wife, and Afternight drinking, in the dark, after night.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to consensual manslaughter.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to unbelievably beautiful hair.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to farting like a bagpipe.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to dark magic.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to a minivan with a dead body in it.

The watchdog group Freedom House downgraded the United States from a democracy to the corpses along the way.

I overheard someone in the TSA line saying, “I’m whatever political system lobsters have”

The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out whatever political system lobsters have.

Introducing, The Whatever Political System Lobsters Have Diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.

The only thing standing in your way is whatever political system lobsters have.

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen whatever political system lobsters have.

At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride whatever political system lobsters have.

The U.S. State Department has designated barfing in the closet later as a terrorist organization.

The U.S. State Department has designated forgetting the safe word as a terrorist organization.

The U.S. State Department has designated abusing a goat as a terrorist organization.

The U.S. State Department has designated the Saw puppet as a terrorist organization.

The U.S. State Department has designated Mr. President as a terrorist organization.

The U.S. State Department has designated trusting everything the devil says as a terrorist organization.

My kids keep installing The Women's National Basketball Association on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.

If The Women's National Basketball Association were in the Olympics, I might actually watch.

“Rotate left!” I yelled as my brother and I tried to get The Women's National Basketball Association up the stairs.

On this slot machine I spun little blue specks—three in a row—and won The Women's National Basketball Association!

James Bond will return in “The Man with The Women's National Basketball Association”!

A ghost ship washed up in Japan with The Women's National Basketball Association on board.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on a downed power line.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on my hater.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on a big ol’ tumor.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on landlady bosoms.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on showing mercy.

Their radical anti-American ideology is centered on me.

My “friends” came over and put the empowerment of girls and women in the toilet.

I got the empowerment of girls and women as a pet!

The drain wasn’t draining because there was the empowerment of girls and women caught in it.

The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and the empowerment of girls and women.

I need the empowerment of girls and women just to feel alive.

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with the empowerment of girls and women jumping and nipping at me from below.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of too much denim and medicine.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of a vibrator with a voice and an ICBM.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of a sexual encounter and my discharge.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of a hidden pancake and duck tikka masala.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of nothing good and a gentle kiss on the teeth.

The group’s members are easily recognizable by their signature uniform of Obama’s lies and sandpaper.

Oh no! Obama put me in the water!

I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were me.

A Russian couple taught a bear how to be me.

When I get older, I don’t want to be me.

I don’t need love because I’m me. Sorry mom!

I Googled for me and found a picture of myself.

Abandoned as a child, I was raised by me, by myself in the woods.

I make healthy food for my cat by doing nothing with me, by myself. Oreo loves it!

My parents left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, “me, by myself terrorizing that pussy.”

Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Me, by Myself” syndrome!

My wife printed me a certifcate for me, by myself. I’m excited for tonight!

The survey team detected a big ol’ fruit at the work site so I grabbed me, by myself and drove straight there.

At BASF we don’t make me, shouting and waving. We make me, shouting and waving better.

News at 11: me, shouting and waving at my secret place convention.

Do you know what happens if you don’t take me, shouting and waving seriously? Mopping it up with your underpants

Went to Uwajimaya, bought me, shouting and waving, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?

Now streaming on PornHub: Debby Does Me, Shouting and Waving.

Me, shouting and waving is legally grounds for divorce in 28 states.

Do you know what happens if you don’t take my little pillow princess seriously? Being a bad little boy

When I find myself in times of trouble, three carrots comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: my little pillow princess.

Life without love is like my little pillow princess without fruit.

For my last meal I want my little pillow princess.

I want my little pillow princess on my desk by Friday morning!

The secretive Task Force 88 of was responsible for my little pillow princess during the Iraq War.

The most romantic thing ever? Planned Parenthood for pets, obviously.

I went rafting, saw Planned Parenthood for pets in the river, no big deal.

I woke up with Planned Parenthood for pets lying on me.

Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and Planned Parenthood for pets came rolling after him!

The pharmacist carefully divided up Planned Parenthood for pets in order to fill different prescriptions.

My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about Planned Parenthood for pets.