They don’t allow quick-set cement at the topless bars around here anymore.

They don’t allow apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down at the topless bars around here anymore.

They don’t allow a Vietnamese landmine at the topless bars around here anymore.

They don’t allow “forensic evidence” (semen) at the topless bars around here anymore.

They don’t allow fucking at the topless bars around here anymore.

They don’t allow running around slamming doors at the topless bars around here anymore.

Hefeweizen's new slogan: It's a Can of Paint on a Rope Time!

Hefeweizen's new slogan: It's an Exploding Car Time!

Hefeweizen's new slogan: It's No Spider Time!

Hefeweizen's new slogan: It's Moistness Time!

Hefeweizen's new slogan: It's Getting Yelled at by Women Time!

Hefeweizen's new slogan: It's Pulling on My Butthole Hairs Time!

I'm doing it again against the advice of my doctor!

I'm wildly swinging middle fingers against the advice of my doctor!

I'm giving good solid advice against the advice of my doctor!

I'm rubbing my gland against the advice of my doctor!

I'm showing mercy against the advice of my doctor!

I'm catching one in the bum against the advice of my doctor!

In my state, painting their name on their car is a legal right for me and my native brothers.

In Kentucky, stores can’t sell alcohol on holidays like Painting Their Name on Their Car Day.

Painting their name on their car in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Sorry to bother, but I heard you were talking about painting your name on your car over here. I love painting my name on my car!

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen painting their name on their car.

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn painting their name on their car, but now I work at Wal*Mart.

There is no revenge so complete as cutting someone's head off with a samurai sword.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with cutting someone's head off with a samurai sword, a naturopathic remedy.

The dog is barking at cutting someone's head off with a samurai sword again.

It’s time to powerwash the remains of cutting someone's head off with a samurai sword off the driveway.

The TSA is now mandating cutting someone's head off with a samurai sword on every commercial flight.

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for cutting someone's head off with a samurai sword?

Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around a horny little rodent on the freeway.

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to have a horny little rodent on the top.

I got a horny little rodent as a pet!

In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a horny little rodent in the middle of each intersection.

Look, man, I’m not into a horny little rodent. But $20 is $20.

In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a horny little rodent.

At the Game Awards, Baldur's Gate 3 won Best Game about That Sack of Shit.

At the Game Awards, Baldur's Gate 3 won Best Game about a Sex Swing Mishap.

At the Game Awards, Baldur's Gate 3 won Best Game about Sucking a Rat Dry like a Furry Little Juice Box.

At the Game Awards, Baldur's Gate 3 won Best Game about Being Hit by Space Debris.

At the Game Awards, Baldur's Gate 3 won Best Game about Greed, Secrets, Poison and Murder.

At the Game Awards, Baldur's Gate 3 won Best Game about a Human-sized Hamster Ball.

“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried arriving by helicopter.

James Bond will return in “The Man with Arriving by Helicopter”!

The media’s nonstop coverage of arriving by helicopter is just to distract us from my VERY jealous, protective pet spider.

The government should stop wasting my tax dollars on arriving by helicopter.

A billboard on my way home had a picture of wet cat food and the words “Arriving by Helicopter”.

The number one issue for voters is the economy, followed by arriving by helicopter and then healthcare.

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use fudge drizzle to treat depression!

Surviving my overdose, from that day forward I’ve dedicated my life to fudge drizzle.

I love your necklace! It’s fudge drizzle, right?

Best New Artist of the Year goes to “DJ Fudge Drizzle”.

I never shower without fudge drizzle.

Don’t leave the door open! Fudge drizzle will get in.

A new factory has opened to pump out ribs.

A new factory has opened to pump out Angelina Jolie’s lips.

A new factory has opened to pump out stubby fingers.

A new factory has opened to pump out our cute little gay faces.

A new factory has opened to pump out pornstars.

A new factory has opened to pump out high-voltage wires.