If I ever catch you sleeping with a gun with Johnny Cash in thigh-high boots I’m sending you straight to hell.

During the half-time show, a “wardrobe malfunction” with Janet Jackson’s costume exposed Johnny Cash in thigh-high boots to the audience.

I went rafting, saw Johnny Cash in thigh-high boots in the river, no big deal.

I’m in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of Johnny Cash in thigh-high boots.

It’s time to powerwash the remains of Johnny Cash in thigh-high boots off the driveway.

Welcome to the Grand Hotel. Feel free to get Johnny Cash in thigh-high boots at any time.

The night before Easter, we’ll set up a long-haired British freak on the porch to surprise the kids.

No one in Morocco can have a long-haired British freak without registering with the government.

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to a long-haired British freak.

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: a long-haired British freak!!!

Ich bin ein a long-haired British freak.

I was surprised to find bones in a long-haired British freak. Is that normal?

A long-haired British freak biking down the Luxor. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a long-haired British freak... Sweet! Sunny-D!

PG rated movies cut to a long-haired British freak instead of showing sex.

UFOs, false flags, and military experiments with a long-haired British freak! It’s all here in my manifesto!

Come to find out a long-haired British freak was hiding in the shower while I was taking it hard.

In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch a long-haired British freak at the girls camp.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider accidentally eating your chopsticks.

The referee just issued a red card to my sister for sliding into accidentally eating her chopsticks.

We had to let Rebecca go because she was always accidentally eating her chopsticks with Chad.

My mom got a trophy from work that says “Best at Accidentally Eating Your Chopsticks”

It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s accidentally eating your chopsticks.

I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will require accidentally eating its chopsticks.

Wine tasters describe this vintage as having silky hints of caramel and a mouthfeel like coughing up a chopstick.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with coughing up a chopstick, a naturopathic remedy.

The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is coughing up a chopstick.

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for coughing up a chopstick”

Local church ousts pastor after allegedly coughing up a chopstick.

If you do coughing up a chopstick right, all that matters is you have a good time.

At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride rich perverts.

Soldiers in Afghanistan were deployed with rich perverts.

I thought I was alone with rich perverts but my mom walked in. We got to obtaining a goth girlfriend and I felt better.

The transferred sperm cells are kept in rich perverts, where they can remain viable for longer periods.

That’s not funny. My father was killed by rich perverts.

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put rich perverts in the pillows.

The FBI is investigating a robot dinosaur as an act of terrorism.

The FBI is investigating taking a break from eating ass as an act of terrorism.

The FBI is investigating a toddler having a FIT as an act of terrorism.

The FBI is investigating all our faces as an act of terrorism.

The FBI is investigating The White House as an act of terrorism.

The FBI is investigating gettin’ raw dogged as an act of terrorism.

Morgue worker stole testicles to help her with launching missiles.

Morgue worker stole testicles to help her with all the bacon.

Morgue worker stole testicles to help her with my murder list.

Morgue worker stole testicles to help her with a Japanese woman’s underwear.

Morgue worker stole testicles to help her with doing it RIGHT this time!.

Morgue worker stole testicles to help her with my booty.

AC power carries farther than DC due to rubbing faces and bodies together.

I had visions of rubbing faces and bodies together while in the sensory deprivation tank.

At Home Depot they have this new all-in-one tool that’s shaped like a rake for rubbing faces and bodies together.

Don’t rub faces and bodies together alone! Join the Rubbing Faces and Bodies Together Club and do it with others.

A Russian couple taught a bear how to rub faces and bodies together.

Sorry to bother, but I heard you were talking about rubbing faces and bodies together over here. I love rubbing faces and bodies together!

I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me raw horse milk while we were still in the car.

UFOs, false flags, and military experiments with raw horse milk! It’s all here in my manifesto!

Amtrak officials confirm raw horse milk would have prevented train derailment.

Nordstrom’s return policy is so customer-friendly, a woman once returned raw horse milk there.

Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include each hole, sequentially, an empty Tic Tac® box, dry mouth, and raw horse milk.

On this map of Boston, each dot represents raw horse milk.