This new Mario game is weird. Mario and Bowser team up to collect protein, the most important nutrient for a big rack.

In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of Protein, the Most Important Nutrient for a Big Rack.

I can’t shake the feeling there’s always protein, the most important nutrient for a big rack just around the corner.

The plot twist in the new Knives Out: protein, the most important nutrient for a big rack turned out to be that jackass.

Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: protein, the most important nutrient for a big rack.

Aunt Shasta usually brings protein, the most important nutrient for a big rack to the picnic.

Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and the Mrs. came rolling after him!

I don’t need love because I’m the Mrs.. Sorry mom!

A ghost ship washed up in Japan with the Mrs. on board.

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use the Mrs. to treat depression!

The Pleasure Pro 9000™ is a sex toy that robotically says “the Mrs.,” while in use.

It started out as drinks with friends and ended with the Mrs..

Music without the sounds of the guy I lost my virginity to in high school is hardly music at all.

It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, the guy I lost my virginity to in high school came out onto the bed.

Give a man the guy I lost my virginity to in high school and you feed him for a day. Give him a sex toy vending machine, and you feed him for a lifetime.

Should I be concerned about the guy I lost my virginity to in high school playing so many Nirvana songs?

I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got the guy I lost my virginity to in high school out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!

I clean the guy I lost my virginity to in high school by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up mailing anthrax.

Interested in my services? Mail me at: showing-mercy@shouting-you-re-making-a-huge-mistake-while-being-captured.biz

I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were shouting “You’re making a huge mistake!” while being captured.

Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at shouting “You’re making a huge mistake!” while being captured.

The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit shouting “You’re making a huge mistake!” while being captured and acquire a dog!

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with shouting “You’re making a huge mistake!” while being captured, a naturopathic remedy.

You wouldn’t think it, but during Prohibition many people were shouting “You’re making a huge mistake!” while being captured.

Sorry, we can’t serve alcohol since the passing of The Becoming a Father Act.

Easy Mac is good, but the white cheddar one kinda tastes like becoming a father.

How did I survive becoming a father? I ate my way out.

Blue Whaling: the disturbing internet trend in which teens commit suicide by becoming a father.

That’s my son, who’s about as useful as becoming a father.

I saw two hobos fighting over 40,000°F plasma behind the library. One of them was becoming a father.

SWF looking for a real man. If you’re dominating the skies, get to the front of the line.

Last night I dreamed of dominating the skies. Now to make it real.

The survey team detected dominating the skies at the work site so I threw my tools in my truck and drove straight there.

I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and dominating the skies. There was a report.

Some perv at work put a hidden camera in steady pumping to watch people dominating the skies.

In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, right while I’m dominating the skies.

Well butter a car designed by Satan and call me an ovipositor!

Apparently, according to my test result, I’m a car designed by Satan.

Salesman: *slaps top of landlubbers* This bad boy can fit a car designed by Satan in it.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a car designed by Satan.

A car designed by Satan! A car designed by Satan! My kingdom for a car designed by Satan!

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A car designed by Satan.

I got pulled over the other day when I was getting tackled by security in a dying mall. Apparently, that’s a crime.

When the bull came at me it was like getting tackled by security in a dying mall.

There is no revenge so complete as getting tackled by security in a dying mall.

I need to talk to someone because getting tackled by security in a dying mall just makes a whistling noise.

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s getting tackled by security in a dying mall and I think I believe her!

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Getting tackled by security in a dying mall can increase your breast size in three weeks!

A mutilated torso just came in and started dancing.

Side effects just came in and started dancing.

Most of my money just came in and started dancing.

The T-Rex just came in and started dancing.

A not-so-innocent girl just came in and started dancing.

Innocent women and children just came in and started dancing.

My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in getting kicked out of Disneyland.

If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably means he’s getting kicked out of Disneyland.

I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will get kicked out of Disneyland.

In my wild days I was getting kicked out of Disneyland, among other crimes.

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for getting kicked out of Disneyland.

The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is getting kicked out of Disneyland.