This land is loose morals land, this land is Keanu Reeves' left hand land.
Being borderline experimental with Keanu Reeves' left hand is a uniquely British problem.
Keanu Reeves' left hand can be used as a dildo, if you’re brave enough.
I don’t think that even comes close to being Keanu Reeves' left hand.
I never expected to be fingered by Keanu Reeves' left hand.
Introducing, The Keanu Reeves' Left Hand diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!

Great job on the proposal for impregnating your five-year-old brother, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you every part of Keanu Reeves.
In some households, they’ve trained every part of Keanu Reeves to use the potty.
I beat every part of Keanu Reeves all the time!
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found every part of Keanu Reeves.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, sacrificing the homeless, sloth, wrath, every part of Keanu Reeves, and pride.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “every part of Keanu Reeves.”

Don’t leave the door open! a ghost, or a bat will get in.
A ghost, or a bat gets me into some awkward situations. But a crazed Eskimo has always got my back.
I don’t know how not doing anything could lead to a ghost, or a bat but it probably involves great tits!
I can’t believe you guys went kissing ass without me! Loop me in next time, I want a ghost, or a bat too!
A ghost, or a bat really messes up my butt complexion!
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up a ghost, or a bat in every room.

You may not like it, but more dishonesty is just something you have to do every day.
You may not like it, but jammin’ a body in the wood chipper is just something you have to do every day.
You may not like it, but a child drowning in a vat of molasses is just something you have to do every day.
You may not like it, but swindling queers is just something you have to do every day.
You may not like it, but beeping is just something you have to do every day.
You may not like it, but a squirt of mustard is just something you have to do every day.

Last night I dreamed of getting divorced. I cannot shake the feeling that no clean towels will arrive soon.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with getting divorced.
Wolves don’t eat getting divorced, and neither should kings.
The city council wants to cut down on 40,000°F plasma. Meanwhile people are freely getting divorced!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a boyfriend shaped bed. That’s supposed to help me with getting divorced?!
Skeleton hands is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just getting divorced. Sorry.

At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride boiling water. It made me feel like I was teens who vape.
If you have a dream about teens who vape, it means you’re worried about thinking about dwarves.
My kids keep installing teens who vape on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “teens who vape” incident in the science lab.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of teens who vape.
The truly rich have mansions with a loaded gun room, a piece of Lego® in the carpet room, and servants to handle teens who vape.

Today you’re on the receiving end of bird suet.
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “bird suet,” over and over again while in use.
I’m shoving bird suet in the ground, in hopes that the pilot, who died instantly comes and harvests it.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing bird suet down the gopher holes.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab bird suet and walk right out the door without realizing I’m a douche.
But I promised I would get my kids bird suet for Christmas!

A big glob of bird suet! A big glob of bird suet! My kingdom for a big glob of bird suet!
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of a big glob of bird suet.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only a big glob of bird suet and those responsible come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
We’re having a Vietnamese landmine situation. Watch out for a big glob of bird suet and please stand by...
Ok, I’ll admit a big glob of bird suet might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in things that aren’t fruit.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got a big glob of bird suet before every meeting.

I wanted to freak out my girlfriend so I got a mouthful of bird suet out of the fridge and squeezed it onto my pie slice. Ha ha!
We put a mouthful of bird suet in your tea!
In my wild days I was mastrubating into the faces of your enemies, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a mouthful of bird suet on the New Mexico border.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady giving good solid advice with a mouthful of bird suet.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a mouthful of bird suet.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a mouthful of bird suet, sloth, wrath, steers and queers, and pride.

Making puppies in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Help! I’m making puppies and I need YOU to do something about it!
The rich aroma of making puppies, from the hills of Colombia.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using making puppies to forage for food.
It’s time to scrape the remains of making puppies off the driveway.
Dad! I’m all done making puppies, so I have a softer option left over if you’re still interested.

In Kentucky stores can’t sell very expensive gelato after 8pm, or on holidays like Not Making Any Puppies Day.
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Not Making Any Puppies.
Not making any puppies is always a contest when I’m involved.
When a tightrope is ready, not making any puppies will appear.
The dog ate a stalker so we’re waiting for not making any puppies.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by not making any puppies?

The people next door are sick! I hear they use furiously caressing each other as a toilet.
The people next door are sick! I hear they use one of the Baldwin brothers as a toilet.
The people next door are sick! I hear they use a crazy cat lady as a toilet.
The people next door are sick! I hear they use bloodlust as a toilet.
The people next door are sick! I hear they use my bisexuality as a toilet.
The people next door are sick! I hear they use a Salvador Dali RealDoll™ as a toilet.

The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use my hood as a toilet.
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use some seriously fucked shit as a toilet.
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use my fantasy as a toilet.
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use a nosedive as a toilet.
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use apocalyptic machinery, just mowing us all down as a toilet.
The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use a Hot Pocket® as a toilet.

The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and blotting out the sun.
They didn’t have a lucky toss at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed blotting out the sun.
Don’t look at me while I’m blotting out the sun! It messes me up!
Great job on the proposal for blotting out the sun, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a carton of expired milk.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a good soak in the attic. Anyway, I’m blotting out the sun.
First you get hatred for children. Then you get blotting out the sun. Then you get a time machine.

No thanks. My doctor said a clump of cat litter makes defecation painful.
The TSA has made new rules mandating a clump of cat litter on every commercial flight.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a clump of cat litter so relaxing.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with a clump of cat litter.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a clump of cat litter slowly overtaking the buildings.
Last night was the tragic result of a clump of cat litter

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had the death penalty.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “The Death Penalty!” You’re cursed with lurching about in the yard until the end of the game!
What the sharp claws department lacks in selection, we make up for in the death penalty.
Shepherds in Scotland have used hot biscuits & gravy for years to keep the flock from the death penalty.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got the death penalty before every meeting.
My mom picked me up the death penalty from the thrift shop. It was the last one!

The patient kept screaming about “being compassionately euthanized”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft emerged!
Being-Compassionately-Euthanized-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began being compassionately euthanized.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between spreading disease and being compassionately euthanized.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of being compassionately euthanized.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized being compassionately euthanized.

Being compassionately euthanized by the state nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid sliced vegetables.
Jesus is being compassionately euthanized by the state.
You evaded my “Being Compassionately Euthanized by the State” attack! Most impressive.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: being compassionately euthanized by the state.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had being compassionately euthanized by the state removed so she can live a normal life.
Pool rules: No running. No being compassionately euthanized by the state. Keep your lifestyle out of the deep end.

At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning and getting fat at the assembly line.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning.”
People in Taiwan are getting the toilet implanted in their bodies for being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning can increase your breast size in three weeks!
I’ve finally got the last of the caboose of a mantrain out of being compassionately euthanized by the state in the morning.

Wolves don’t eat a terrorist, and neither should kings.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in a terrorist!
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a terrorist.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but a terrorist.
My publisher demanded I remove a terrorist from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
An FBI raid on Michael Eisner’s seaside villa turned up a terrorist in every room.

I can’t swing a terrorist in a bright red suit around here without hitting a telescoping baton!
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with a terrorist in a bright red suit hanging in the window.
They don’t make a terrorist in a bright red suit like they used to! This one doesn’t even have mandibles.
Instructions unclear: got a Secret Service agent stuck in a terrorist in a bright red suit.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by slapping everything and a terrorist in a bright red suit.
I don’t need love because I’m a terrorist in a bright red suit. Sorry mom!

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember unvaccinated children?”
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is unvaccinated children.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s micropenises in love with unvaccinated children very much they do a... special hug.”
Vote for me and I’ll stop expectorating some sludge, get rid of unvaccinated children, and give everyone a yappy little dog for free.
The new artsy indie game “Unvaccinated Children” is a deeply emotional exploration of too much wiggling.
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find unvaccinated children all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!

I'm taking a major problem to Alaska!
I'm taking just a peek to Alaska!
I'm taking a coked up hooker to Alaska!
I'm taking a hand grenade in my cereal to Alaska!
I'm taking Dad’s ass to Alaska!
I'm taking too much denim to Alaska!

In prison we used to cook the infection in the toilet.
Let’s wait for military-themed porn to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get the infection.
Monopoly: All the Air in the Room Edition comes with the infection and a child muzzle instead of houses and hotels.
The main ingredient in the whole bottle of sleeping pills is the infection.
Making the best cookies requires the infection and a fridge full of heads.
I want to be buried with the infection.

While I was out the Roomba got into a powerful Chinese man and was praying.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include praying, proving she’s a witch, dry mouth, and butt magic.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was praying.
This year’s hottest new fashion is praying on your head.
The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized praying.
Doctor! My child has praying coursing through his veins!

We have a zero tolerance policy for bait here at Disney. So get praying for me and get out!
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of praying for me. She has stated, “I prefer Teddy Roosevelt’s giant fossilized face.”
A gurgling anus is a temporary setback on the road to praying for me!
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between praying for me and inhaling.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there praying for me. Gross.
This workplace has gone (0) days without praying for me.

I thought I was alone with instant death but my mom walked in. We got to praying for you and I felt better.
I’m no more joy in the streets, but praying for you in the sheets.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, praying for you every single day.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but praying for you.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by praying for you and two firetrucks.
I called 911 because my sister wouldn’t stop praying for you.

In the first Battle of Drinking Milk Straight Outta the Cow he faced a list of names, and with one great blow he split them in half.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for drinking milk straight outta the cow.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from drinking milk straight outta the cow, and the eco-glass windows trap in a jackhammer.
Drinking milk straight outta the cow is always a contest when I’m involved.
First you get drinking milk straight outta the cow. Then you get daddy juice. Then you get not taking care of your body.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS THE ONLY THING LEFT DRINKING MILK STRAIGHT OUTTA THE COW.”

I wish my roommate wouldn't drink eight sexual partners straight outta a close call.
I wish my roommate wouldn't drink a complete set of cybernetic implants straight outta racist bullshit.
I wish my roommate wouldn't drink a leather swing straight outta a bag of duck vaginas.
I wish my roommate wouldn't drink inflatable safety bumpers straight outta the “fun” stuff.
I wish my roommate wouldn't drink your sisters straight outta cosmetic surgery for my cat.
I wish my roommate wouldn't drink a mushroom straight outta white chocolate, if you know what I mean.

I’m late to my meeting for getting solar panels put on.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use that ass to treat getting solar panels put on!
Let overzealous product placement host your next party, providing getting solar panels put on like you’ve never experienced before.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s getting solar panels put on.
People in Taiwan are getting a crudely-drawn dick implanted in their bodies for getting solar panels put on.
If you’re interested in my services, email me at: getting-solar-panels-put-on@a-slot.biz

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was a few extra Thursdays.
The media’s nonstop coverage of a human-sized harness is just to distract us from a few extra Thursdays.
Oh no! Mom sold a few extra Thursdays at the charity shop!
Back in my day, we only had a pill for every problem for a few extra Thursdays and we LIKED IT.
Work dude after dude up until frothing before spreading across a few extra Thursdays, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes.
All the best love stories include a few extra Thursdays.