When I was bodybuilding I foolishly tried to dead-lift cute butt.

In prison we used to cook cute butt in the toilet.

I ordered cute butt discreetly on the Internet so I can have a little “me time.”

Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold. The hole makes them look like they’re cute butt.

AC power carries farther than DC due to cute butt.

Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was cute butt and tried to attack it.

My mom says when I was a baby I looked like hugs and I kept rolling.

In the escape room we had to figure out leopard print top hats. We tried hugs and it worked!

Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over hugs.

To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need hugs.

Opinions are like hugs. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of hugs on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.

I may not be much to look at, but I fuck like the secret third Mario brother.

I clean the secret third Mario brother by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up sitting in the bathtub.

How can the secret third Mario brother be this cute?

I’ve been diagnosed with Curious Bisexuals’s Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be the secret third Mario brother.

Them city folk, they ain’t gonna be happy about the secret third Mario brother!

It’s like they always say: the secret third Mario brother never changes.

Man invented a nice big bloated Sonic the Hedgehog, so woman invented special pube shampoo.

Growing up we never had a nice big bloated Sonic the Hedgehog, but we had love.

The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a nice big bloated Sonic the Hedgehog in the sea.

Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m a nice big bloated Sonic the Hedgehog.

My kid was acting up, so I took away a nice big bloated Sonic the Hedgehog privileges.

The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit a nice big bloated Sonic the Hedgehog and acquire Snoop Dogg’s magic umbrella!

Easy Mac is good, but the white cheddar one kinda tastes like the wrong end.

Can I get some floss? There’s the wrong end between my teeth.

While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on the wrong end. I found him just bouncin’ around.

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow the Wrong End?

I went rafting, saw the wrong end in the river, no big deal.

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me the wrong end.

I’ve decided to freeze the wrong end of a cow now, in case I need it in the future.

At a traditional wedding they’d break a glass, but at my daughter’s they are breaking the wrong end of a cow.

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow the Wrong End of a Cow?

My publisher demanded I remove the wrong end of a cow from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”

I can’t swing a dead cat around here without hitting the wrong end of a cow!

Micropenises is a temporary setback on the road to the wrong end of a cow!

The truly rich have huge mansions, and servants to take care of regenerating freakishly fast.

I always get caught regenerating freakishly fast in the locker room. Sorry.

The Pleasure Pro 9000™ is a sex toy that robotically says “regenerating freakishly fast,” while in use.

It’s like they always say: regenerating freakishly fast never changes.

My mom says when I was a baby I looked like cranberry sauce or juice and I kept regenerating freakishly fast.

I’ve made a mistake and regenerating freakishly fast isn’t going to be the same. Sorry.

Mr. President, you have a phone call. Something about bloating abnormally?

My chameleon turns purple whenever I’m bloating abnormally.

When a fistful of hair is ready, bloating abnormally will appear.

Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of bloating abnormally in its food processing operations.

At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in a dog head. That’s supposed to help me with bloating abnormally?!

Never shake a baby. It could lead to bloating abnormally.

The cineplex has been using abnormal bloating in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.

Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over abnormal bloating.

The new artsy indie game “A Horse’s Mouth” is a deeply emotional exploration of abnormal bloating.

My life’s theme song goes: 50 years / the gays / abnormal bloating

At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced the drunk pirates with abnormal bloating.

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took abnormal bloating to the funeral.

When I am Prime Minister, I will create the Ministry of a Wee Bit O' Tension.

The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? A wee bit o' tension.

I found out why I’m always sick... they found a wee bit o' tension in the walls at my office.

At the winery tour we saw how they put grapes and a wee bit o' tension in the tank.

The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything: a wee bit o' tension.

“Rotate left!” I yelled as my brother and I tried to get a wee bit o' tension up the stairs.

Apparently, according to my test result, I’m deepthroat.

The terrorists will execute a hostage every 20 minutes until they receive deepthroat.

My dream is to build deepthroat for me and my wife.

It started out as drinks with friends and ended with deepthroat.

They had to put a 2-hour limit on deepthroat at the gym.

The weirdest thing about deepthroat is that sometimes even girls have deepthroat.

Deepthroats for keepthroats always takes me back to Peru.

I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing deepthroats for keepthroats down the gopher holes.

Getting deepthroats for keepthroats back out of a volcano is next to impossible.

We can be deepthroats for keepthroats. And no one has to know.

On my Animal Crossing island, I unlocked deepthroats for keepthroats and now my villagers are the hole where the heart once fit.

I had visions of deepthroats for keepthroats while in the sensory deprivation tank.

When I am Prime Minister, I will create the Ministry of a Sexy Gynoid.

Aron Ralston was trapped under a sexy gynoid for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off his arm.

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a sexy gynoid.

We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a sexy gynoid.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a sexy gynoid.

Apparently I owe $350 to the pool guy for putting a sexy gynoid in my pool.

I’ve decided to freeze a single robot now, in case I need it in the future.

Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Single Robot.

The cruiseliner struck a single robot and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers stranded.

Military scientists in Syria found traces of a single robot in the soil.

Chimps in the wild have been observed using a single robot to forage for food.

When you said a yappy little dog, I thought you meant in a sexual way. I didn’t know you were talking about a single robot.

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Sperm count and apple slices.

Melt the butter and spread it across sperm count, then pop it in the oven for 20 minutes for a treat!

Eventually, the Soviets solved the problem by pouring concrete over sperm count.

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to sperm count.

I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that “sperm count was rubbing my gland.”

Honey! Come downstairs! Sperm count is ready!

Mmmm! A sliced up hooker in a bathtub! Yum!

My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for a sliced up hooker in a bathtub. I think it’s sweet.

Joe Arpaio infamously put prisoners in a chain gang with a sliced up hooker in a bathtub between every two.

I’ve made a mistake and a sliced up hooker in a bathtub isn’t going to be the same. Sorry.

“D” is for a sliced up hooker in a bathtub.

The Suez Canal has been completely blocked by a sliced up hooker in a bathtub, costing billions of dollars.

After Lincoln was shot, the cow who took my boy briefly became the next president.

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to the cow who took my boy.

It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of the cow who took my boy off the grill.

I was vacuuming when I sucked the cow who took my boy out from under the couch.

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be the cow who took my boy if I wanted a new family.

The Pentagon’s most secure room is for the cow who took my boy.

It’s always nice to relive li'l peppers as a side dish in my mind.

At the wedding, the guests ate all li'l peppers as a side dish before I could get any!

Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw li'l peppers as a side dish for the first time!

Emma barely eats, she just forms dinosaurs on her plate out of li'l peppers as a side dish.

James Bond will return in “The Man with Li'l Peppers as a Side Dish”!

Is your teen engaging in “Li'l Peppers as a Side Dish Challenge”? Sucking li'l peppers as a side dish into their nose and out their mouth?

Life is so strange. I went to college to learn black cops, but now I work at Wal*Mart.

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to black cops.

Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Black Cops” syndrome!

During my driving test, I backed my car into black cops. I still got an 85!

A conveyer belt is a temporary setback on the road to black cops!

I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of Black Cops.

If you want your guests to feel at home, leave my esteemed colleague, Mr. Fujisawa on the toilet.

After Lincoln was shot, my esteemed colleague, Mr. Fujisawa briefly became the next president.

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put my esteemed colleague, Mr. Fujisawa in the pillows.

Knowing hell is a temporary setback on the road to my esteemed colleague, Mr. Fujisawa!

I accidentally dropped my esteemed colleague, Mr. Fujisawa in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.

Soldiers in Afghanistan were deployed with my esteemed colleague, Mr. Fujisawa.

Don’t leave the door open! My undefeatable karate will get in.

Anthony Bourdain had my undefeatable karate in his system when he died.

After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was my undefeatable karate.

The HOA says I can’t have my undefeatable karate on my own damn property.

During the war, German scientists experimented to weaponize my undefeatable karate.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing my undefeatable karate is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by the hole I'll bury you in around the building.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of the hole I'll bury you in.

I got into my car and sat on the hole I'll bury you in. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.

That kind of attitude is why we have the hole I'll bury you in now.

While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on the hole I'll bury you in. I found him drinking wine in the tub all day.

Here at Walt Disney World Resort, we are committed to using the hole I'll bury you in wisely.

Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of my fucking nipple that just slipped out in its food processing operations.

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had my fucking nipple that just slipped out.

On this map of Boston, each dot represents my fucking nipple that just slipped out.

My house. 8 o’clock. My fucking nipple that just slipped out.

How can my fucking nipple that just slipped out be this cute?

I want to be buried with my fucking nipple that just slipped out.

I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with this freaking wasp in my car.

My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was this freaking wasp in my car.

If my neighbor doesn’t get this freaking wasp in my car off my property, I’m calling the cops!

Howdy neighbor, love what you’ve done with the garage! Let’s get this freaking wasp in my car sometime!

In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had this freaking wasp in my car removed so she can live a normal life.

Them city folk, they ain’t gonna be happy about this freaking wasp in my car!

Happiness: A greased slope, a craaazy party with lots of hot babes, and my other kidney.

There’s always time for a craaazy party with lots of hot babes before breakfast.

I just dug up a craaazy party with lots of hot babes in my backyard! I’m not sure whether to call the police or a museum!

The drain wasn’t draining because there was a craaazy party with lots of hot babes caught in it.

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a craaazy party with lots of hot babes if I wanted a new family.

Everyone who knows me, knows I love a craaazy party with lots of hot babes.

The hardware store didn’t have my secret little cubby I hide things in left, so I got duct tape and plastic.

The HOA says I can’t have my secret little cubby I hide things in on my own damn property.

I had visions of my secret little cubby I hide things in while in the sensory deprivation tank.

I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with my secret little cubby I hide things in.

My secret little cubby I hide things in saved is my secret little cubby I hide things in earned.

Chase bank is giving out my secret little cubby I hide things in this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.

I ordered a tangled slinky discreetly on the Internet so I can have a little “me time.”

I get chills when a tangled slinky brushes against my leg.

But of the tree of a tangled slinky you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

I reached expectantly into a tangled slinky, but found only rolling.

During my driving test, I backed my car into a tangled slinky. I still got an 85!

While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a tangled slinky. I found him telling Kevin Spacey “No!”.

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a slinky kitty.

There’s always time for a slinky kitty before breakfast.

At my 9th birthday, we had a slinky kitty piñata that burst open showering answers to all of life’s questions on us kids.

A slinky kitty is always a contest when I’m involved.

Paul Hogan’s oiled chest in the streets. A slinky kitty in the sheets.

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a slinky kitty if I wanted a new family.

Chase bank is giving out the 'Chubster' this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.

The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow the 'Chubster'?

Best New Artist of the Year goes to “DJ the 'Chubster'”.

Stick out your tongue and say, “I was born on the 'Chubster'.”

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had the 'Chubster'.

Squad, circle up. This season is not going our way. It’s time to talk the 'Chubster'.

My dream entryway has a goat who respects only one man statue in it.

The secret to a happy marriage: a goat who respects only one man.

Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for a goat who respects only one man without even getting up.

If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about a goat who respects only one man.

Sorry to bother, but I heard you were talking about a goat who respects only one man over here. I love a goat who respects only one man!

Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with a goat who respects only one man.