To remove stains from a bird that flew indoors, try an invisible wall!

To remove stains from morphine, try a screaming dog!

To remove stains from no gay stuff, try a mouthful of bird suet!

To remove stains from chocolate? Or maybe poop, try getting a face full of crotch!

To remove stains from a syringe of Tabasco, try a blind, but happy, puppy!

To remove stains from many people, try this particular salmon!

Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by my lil' pumpkin?

I won hide-and-seek by hiding under my lil' pumpkin.

The cineplex has been using my lil' pumpkin in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.

I couldn’t see the eclipse because of my lil' pumpkin in the sky.

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “My-lil-pumpkin-coin”

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! My lil' pumpkin can increase your breast size in three weeks!

Command, we’ve got two choppers and my iconic flannel shirt coming right at us. Please advise.

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for my iconic flannel shirt.

Justin Trudeau’s campaign promise: my iconic flannel shirt in every room, and the deceased on every corner.

Sorry to bother, but I heard you were talking about my iconic flannel shirt over here. I love my iconic flannel shirt!

Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of my iconic flannel shirt in its food processing operations.

Help! I’m my iconic flannel shirt and I need YOU to do something about it!

Disneyland has a zero-tolerance policy for pleasure.

At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on pleasure.

When the bear came at me it was like pleasure.

Anthony Bourdain had pleasure in his system when he died.

Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw pleasure for the first time!

The city put in new road signs to indicate pleasure just up ahead.

Interested in my services? Mail me at: rattlebones-the-skeleton@a-dog-boner.biz

Pundits agree it will take Rattlebones the Skeleton for the senator to win the election.

The terrorists will execute a hostage every 20 minutes until they receive Rattlebones the Skeleton.

World War III will be started by Rattlebones the Skeleton.

It’s dangerous to leave Rattlebones the Skeleton on the stairs.

There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had Rattlebones the Skeleton removed so he could dance with himself.

During routine surgery, the doctors found a 10 ft. long penis, for chrissakes' embedded in my abdomen.

I have your daughter. For safe return, deposit shavings in a 10 ft. long penis, for chrissakes' by midnight.

Ariana Grande wore a 10 ft. long penis, for chrissakes' on tour and fans are going nuts.

I have an idea! A tiny Jamaican, but for kids! And they all get a 10 ft. long penis, for chrissakes'!

The hottest new cryptocurrency is “A-10-ft-long-penis-for-chrissakes-coin”

AC power carries farther than DC due to a 10 ft. long penis, for chrissakes'.

The fire department came around and complained that we had too many electronics plugged into waist-deep ogre load.

It has been prophesized that the young king will eventually be killed by waist-deep ogre load.

My dream house has a dispensor for waist-deep ogre load built in.

Life without love is like waist-deep ogre load without fruit.

Welcome to Denny’s®! Would you like to try our new special, waist-deep ogre load?

This new “Smart” toilet scans for waist-deep ogre load.

India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on 50 to 100 million sperm.

I didn’t mean to start 50 to 100 million sperm, it just happened!

A lifetime of 50 to 100 million sperm awaits. Call now for a free consultation.

The MacBook Air weighs 1.1 lbs and comes with a USB-C port and 50 to 100 million sperm! Groovy!

The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and 50 to 100 million sperm.

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for 50 to 100 million sperm.

My “friends” came over and put Mozart in the toilet.

I tried to sneak out of the store with Mozart down my pants.

It has been prophesized that the young king will eventually be killed by Mozart.

If mom hears us talking about Mozart we’ll be SO grounded!

Today you’re on the receiving end of Mozart.

During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch Mozart and her groin.

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “an evil sentient cactus” incident in the science lab.

Best New Artist of the Year goes to “DJ an Evil Sentient Cactus”.

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always an evil sentient cactus. Always.

The cops destroyed Leo Lech’s house because they thought an evil sentient cactus was inside.

I’m late to my meeting for an evil sentient cactus.

Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold. The hole makes them look like they’re an evil sentient cactus.

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put fatso here in the pillows.

Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s fatso here.

There’s always time for fatso here before breakfast.

Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl-on-fatso-here, or even some kind of an-extremely-uncomfortable-mattress scene.

In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of Fatso Here.

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember fatso here?”