SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike
SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions: 3rd Strike
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The Internet is made out of freshly birthed cells.
Freshly birthed cells! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all humping people.
You spent all your food-stamps on freshly birthed cells?!
My pharmacist separated success into two parts, and carefully lowered one into freshly birthed cells.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in freshly birthed cells in the middle of each intersection.
People in Taiwan are getting freshly birthed cells implanted in their bodies for mistreating the clitoris.
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2019 Jun 4 at 21:00 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 4 at 21:00 UTC
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My pharmacist separated {n} into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me. My pharmacist separated mmmiiillllennnNNIAAALLSS!!! into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
My pharmacist separated pictures of my body into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
My pharmacist separated fingertips into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
My pharmacist separated grab-ass into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
My pharmacist separated too much milk into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
My pharmacist separated skin slack into two parts, and put half in my prescription bottle for me.
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2019 Jun 4 at 21:01 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 4 at 21:02 UTC
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Threatening a Taco Bell employee CAUTION: Keep a festively decorated corpse out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks threatening a Taco Bell employee.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by threatening a Taco Bell employee.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been threatening a Taco Bell employee. The snail may have escaped taking it easy by going underground.
No more threatening a Taco Bell employee at Starbucks.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as threatening a Taco Bell employee.
Doctor! My child has threatening a Taco Bell employee coursing through his veins!
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2019 Jun 6 at 15:59 UTC
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The fire department came around and complained that we had too many you sick fucks plugged into my behavioral problem.
Pool rules: No running. No edible disguises. Keep my behavioral problem out of the deep end.
The weirdest thing about my behavioral problem is that sometimes even girls have my behavioral problem.
I ordered my behavioral problem privately over the Internet so I can get better at rolling in.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of my behavioral problem.
During the half-time show, a rip in a shard of shrapnel exposed my behavioral problem to the audience.
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2019 Jun 6 at 16:38 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 6 at 16:38 UTC
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Thousands of pictures of me Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw a muscular, naked Santa flavor and then thousands of pictures of me flavor.
Thousands of pictures of me is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just foaming, not at the mouth. Sorry.
The main ingredient in my front fat is thousands of pictures of me.
Last Christmas, I gave you thousands of pictures of me. The very next day, you gave it away.
But I promised I would get my kids thousands of pictures of me for Christmas!
I’ve got a master’s degree in Thousands of Pictures of Me!
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of {n}. I found an extra room in my house. It's full of a bunch of vulvas in my face.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of a virus.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of secretions.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of a motorist.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of a uniquely adapted slave race.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of Winona Ryder’s leather jacket.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of . I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of a prybar.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of sex for procreation.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of graffiti that says “FUCK YOU”.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of closing her legs.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of a girl on roller skates.
I found an extra room in my house. It's full of pictures of an email.
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2019 Jun 9 at 05:33 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5102
1,227 ₧
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An overwhelming lust for Asian penises Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “an overwhelming lust for Asian penises,” with a picture of divorce papers.
Making the best cookies requires a tacky, god-awful facelift and an overwhelming lust for Asian penises.
You should come over. I’ve got lots of an overwhelming lust for Asian penises at my place.
After Lincoln was shot, an overwhelming lust for Asian penises briefly became the next president.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is an overwhelming lust for Asian penises.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have an overwhelming lust for Asian penises.
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2019 Jun 10 at 08:22 UTC
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Potable water from a nearby hose In the first Battle of Taking a Flying Leap he faced potable water from a nearby hose, and with one great blow he split them in half.
Chocolate? Or maybe poop produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under potable water from a nearby hose to keep warm.
The sign at the fountain says not to throw potable water from a nearby hose in.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with potable water from a nearby hose.
I was born on a pile of potable water from a nearby hose.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had potable water from a nearby hose.
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2019 Jun 12 at 14:42 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 12 at 20:15 UTC
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I Googled for my pancreas and found a picture of myself.
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in my pancreas!
I get chills when my pancreas brushes against my leg.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride hip-hop specifically made for white people. It made me feel like I was my pancreas.
Somebody screenshotted my Snapchat and now everyone thinks I’m my pancreas.
I’m that fly in here in the streets, but my pancreas in the sheets.
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2019 Jun 12 at 23:15 UTC
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I can't sleep because the cat is . I can't sleep because the cat is getting boinked.
I can't sleep because the cat is one of the Baldwin brothers.
I can't sleep because the cat is sewing my eyes shut.
I can't sleep because the cat is a hotdog.
I can't sleep because the cat is a plug for the other hole.
I can't sleep because the cat is struggling with a police officer.
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2019 Jun 14 at 17:38 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 14 at 17:38 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 819
175 ₧
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This carved horse bone totem After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was this carved horse bone totem.
Doctor! My child has this carved horse bone totem coursing through his veins!
Alexander also named a city in India “This Carved Horse Bone Totem” after his dead horse.
It's like they always say: this carved horse bone totem never changes.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me this carved horse bone totem while we were still in the car.
The media’s nonstop coverage of a system of tunnels leading to key locations is just to distract us from this carved horse bone totem.
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2019 Jun 14 at 22:42 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 14 at 22:44 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 819
175 ₧
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This horse bone totem never changes. It never, for example, turns into a bloodthirsty demon horse. That is what every one says, always.
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2019 Jun 14 at 22:45 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 819
175 ₧
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This here heap of garbage Don’t look at me while I’m this here heap of garbage! It messes me up!
There’s always time for this here heap of garbage before breakfast.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with this here heap of garbage.
In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of this here heap of garbage.
You can’t keep running around like this here heap of garbage, you’re endangering a very old jellybean!
Wolves don’t eat this here heap of garbage, and neither should kings.
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2019 Jun 14 at 22:52 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 14 at 22:54 UTC
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The Great Wall was actually built to keep a male Kardashian out of mainland China.
Last Christmas, I gave you a male Kardashian. The very next day, you gave it away.
Make sure to hang inhaling in a tree so a male Kardashian leaves your tent alone.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab a male Kardashian and walk right out the door without putting on pants.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during a male Kardashian that overturned their car.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with a male Kardashian.
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2019 Jun 16 at 07:26 UTC
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Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get at any time. Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get dating your daughter at any time.
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get just a peek at any time.
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get sliding up the walls, twitching and shrieking at any time.
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get so few little turds at any time.
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get emergency bacon at any time.
Welcome to the hotel. Feel free to get Princess Perfect at any time.
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2019 Jun 17 at 23:46 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 17 at 23:46 UTC
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Researchers have trained chimps to recognise urine sprinkles by rewarding them with ideally, thighs.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of ideally, thighs.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Ideally, Thighs”
When the celestial spheres align, ideally, thighs will descend from the heavens.
Ever since the incident with intersex children I’ve been haunted by ideally, thighs.
The problem with America is ideally, thighs.
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2019 Jun 19 at 06:35 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 19 at 06:36 UTC
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Sewing my eyes shut nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid angry crocodiles.
I went to my step mom’s church and the priest blessed me with angry crocodiles.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with angry crocodiles.
The referee just issued a red card to big dudes with big dudes for sliding into angry crocodiles.
Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s a Vietnamese landmine straddled by angry crocodiles.
I was so surprised to see angry crocodiles that another way in fell out of my mouth.
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2019 Jun 19 at 18:32 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 19 at 18:36 UTC
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In a world with my musk wetting the bed, one man must overcome a shark attack survivor. Coming this summer.
I came with a shark attack survivor to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought man animals so nobody even noticed!
In public restrooms I always put a shark attack survivor on the toilet before sitting down.
The ‘nothingness moth’ has adapted to feed on a shark attack survivor, and hide under a Hitler moustache in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
I like a shark attack survivor like I like my coffee: being dragged by the neck, put in a sack, and dragged across a rotting buffalo carcass.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that a shark attack survivor is barely in the butthole.
My publisher demanded I remove surviving a shark attack from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
But I promised I would get my kids surviving a shark attack for Christmas!
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began surviving a shark attack.
Slender and muscled, like live wires hanging from the ceiling. She was the spitting image of surviving a shark attack.
It’s not delivery. It’s surviving a shark attack.
My wife printed me a certifcate for surviving a shark attack. I’m excited for tonight!
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2019 Jun 20 at 00:14 UTC
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Everybody killin' themselves I found out why I’m always sick... they found everybody killin' themselves in the walls at my office.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than everybody killin' themselves.
I thought I was alone with everybody killin' themselves but my mom walked in. We got to being cooked and eaten and I felt better.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by everybody killin' themselves.
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into everybody killin' themselves and your cheeks should be relaxed.
Jesus is everybody killin' themselves.
They finally caught and locked up {n}! They finally caught and locked up a piñata full of cigarettes!
They finally caught and locked up damage!
They finally caught and locked up spandex!
They finally caught and locked up casualties!
They finally caught and locked up a real butt-toucher!
They finally caught and locked up dark magic!
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2019 Jun 20 at 17:24 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 20 at 17:25 UTC
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A deerskin sack filled with bear oil The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a deerskin sack filled with bear oil.
The cruiseliner struck a tard and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a deerskin sack filled with bear oil.
I didn’t mean to start a deerskin sack filled with bear oil, it just happened!
If my neighbor doesn’t get a deerskin sack filled with bear oil off my property, I’m calling the cops!
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with a deerskin sack filled with bear oil in his lap.
I don’t need love because I’m a deerskin sack filled with bear oil. Sorry mom!
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2019 Jun 20 at 17:51 UTC
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Somehow, the cat pulled {n} in through the pet door. Somehow, the cat pulled my DMs in through the pet door.
Somehow, the cat pulled my arm that fell asleep in through the pet door.
Somehow, the cat pulled compost in through the pet door.
Somehow, the cat pulled an email in through the pet door.
Somehow, the cat pulled a wasted life in through the pet door.
Somehow, the cat pulled ghosts who don’t know what they’re doing in through the pet door.
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2019 Jun 20 at 22:12 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 20 at 22:13 UTC
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After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was getting euthanized.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re getting euthanized and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
I don’t need love because I’m getting euthanized. Sorry mom!
Designed as a feature meant to enhance pleasure, the sex toy will robotically call out “getting euthanized,” over and over again while in use.
The four schools of ethics: relativism, universalism, utilitarianism, and getting euthanized.
During the war, German scientists experimented with getting euthanized to weaponize my out of control libido.
That kind of attitude is why we have being naked now.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a falling tree by rewarding them with being naked.
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other a Christmas tree, while a man is being naked on a galloping horse.
I dreamed I was back in school, late to class. You were there! But you were being naked.
If being naked were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in being naked together.
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2019 Jun 25 at 17:56 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 25 at 17:58 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 819
175 ₧
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This one might be kinda long:
Employee morale went down when we removed from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got {n}. Employee morale went down when we removed stainless steel plating from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got quiet poots.
Employee morale went down when we removed a child drowning in a vat of molasses from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a carpet beetle.
Employee morale went down when we removed nothing else from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a guillotine.
Employee morale went down when we removed being strung up from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got feigned sympathy.
Employee morale went down when we removed a bad landing from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got damage.
Employee morale went down when we removed my bruised thighs from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a deluge of vomit.
Employee morale went down when we stopped {v} on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got . Employee morale went down when we stopped horsing around on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a ceremonial ribbon.
Employee morale went down when we stopped giving birth to a prosthetic baby on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a gaggle of nuns.
Employee morale went down when we stopped smearing on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a squeaky-clean bottom.
Employee morale went down when we stopped blowing in my ear on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got almost everyone.
Employee morale went down when we stopped tandem showering on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got a crocodile death-rolling my taint.
Employee morale went down when we stopped doing your best and trying your hardest on Fridays, but, strangely, went way back up when every employee got 80,000 tons of nuclear waste.
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2019 Jun 27 at 03:20 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 29 at 23:30 UTC
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I like it but it needs shorter.
Attempt:
Employee morale dropped when Friday {TUv} was cut. But then every employee got for free! Employee morale dropped when Friday Being Tall Enough to Ride was cut. But then every employee got a protective layer of rubber for free!
Employee morale dropped when Friday Fingering was cut. But then every employee got Mexican forces for free!
Employee morale dropped when Friday Letting Her in was cut. But then every employee got the girl in this photo for free!
Employee morale dropped when Friday Thinking About Dwarves was cut. But then every employee got violent death for free!
Employee morale dropped when Friday Lifting His Kilt and Winking was cut. But then every employee got exact science for free!
Employee morale dropped when Friday Cutting a Hole in My Pants was cut. But then every employee got blowing a koala for free!
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2019 Jun 27 at 17:07 UTC
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a special little fuck is where delicious protein goes to die.
That new mmo is coming out next week and I’ve already reserved my name: xXdelicious-proteinXx
Ok, I’ll admit butt licks might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in delicious protein.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of delicious protein in the soil.
I can tell my mom’s car because of the bumper sticker: Proud Mom of Delicious Protein.
In prison we used to cook delicious protein in the toilet.
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2019 Jun 29 at 16:13 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jun 29 at 16:17 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 819
175 ₧
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Oh, I've got it! This is a better phrasing:
Employee morale went down when we banned from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had installed in the lobby. Employee morale went down when we banned fuzzy handcuffs from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had struggling to get out of the vaninstalled in the lobby.
Employee morale went down when we banned a complete set of cybernetic implants from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had instant deathinstalled in the lobby.
Employee morale went down when we banned a flea from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had the nannyinstalled in the lobby.
Employee morale went down when we banned hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had bedtimeinstalled in the lobby.
Employee morale went down when we banned a Steam update from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had shitty chairs from IKEA®installed in the lobby.
Employee morale went down when we banned compressed gas from the office, but, strangely, went way back up when we had things that aren’t fruitinstalled in the lobby.
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2019 Jun 29 at 23:29 UTC
— Ed. 2019 Jul 1 at 00:54 UTC
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