“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried some (but not all) gay shit.

Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s some (but not all) gay shit.

Ben and Jerry is going off the deep end with their new flavors: Some (but Not All) Gay Shit flavor? A Big, Red X flavor?!

World War III will be started by some (but not all) gay shit.

I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like some (but not all) gay shit.

It’s time to powerwash the remains of some (but not all) gay shit off the driveway.

My nightly ritual involves the friendliest shit just as I fall asleep.

The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for the friendliest shit.

What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, the friendliest shit... Sweet! Sunny-D!

Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with the friendliest shit.

I came with the friendliest shit to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought the T-Rex so nobody even noticed!

Always hold on to the friendliest shit to remember me.

The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in an extremely soft girl.

My girlfriend kicked an extremely soft girl, and she’s fine. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!

The kids put an extremely soft girl in the microwave.

I’m late to my meeting for an extremely soft girl.

Last night I dreamed of an extremely soft girl. Now to make it real.

An-Extremely-Soft-Girl-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!

Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on the goblin in my basement.

Look, man, I’m not into the goblin in my basement. But $20 is $20.

Do you know what happens if you don’t take the goblin in my basement seriously? Biking down the Luxor

I’m not afraid of the goblin in my basement. In fact, it could be good for me.

For my last meal I want the goblin in my basement.

Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting the goblin in my basement into the air!

Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with 100 men or more as far as light would reach.

Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with a hollow shell as far as light would reach.

Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with daddy’s favorite as far as light would reach.

Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with racial superiority as far as light would reach.

Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with being so creamy as far as light would reach.

Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with the “fun” stuff as far as light would reach.

SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate the slender finger of a young woman to prepare for a mission to Mars.

Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on the slender finger of a young woman.

Crap! I’ve gone and clogged the vacuum hose with the slender finger of a young woman.

On this map of Boston, each dot represents the slender finger of a young woman.

So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s the slender finger of a young woman.

Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at the slender finger of a young woman and my card appeared on top!

My brother and I started a business mastrubating in Grandma's bed, since we’re so good at it.

If we’re gonna play an RPG, my character is going to be mastrubating in Grandma's bed.

The only thing standing in your way is mastrubating in Grandma's bed.

My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for mastrubating in Grandma's bed. I think it’s sweet.

Mastrubating in Grandma's bed? I got all dressed up for mastrubating in Grandma's bed?

Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting mastrubating in Grandma's bed into the air!

Walmart will no longer sell my brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt in child size!

Those hoodlums graffitied “my brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt” on my mailbox again.

In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of My Brother's Yu-Gi-Oh Shirt.

Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires my brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt.

In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in the middle of my brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt.

My brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt is great for close quarters combat.

President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began the young finger of a slender woman.

I want to say one word to you, just one word: the young finger of a slender woman.

A Russian couple taught a bear how to be the young finger of a slender woman.

Howdy neighbor, love what you’ve done with the garage! Let’s get the young finger of a slender woman sometime!

My publisher demanded I remove the young finger of a slender woman from my manuscript on account of “decency.”

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for the young finger of a slender woman.

A billboard on my way home had a picture of yoga balls and the words “99 Dancers, Dancing in Unison”.

Emergency crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of yoga balls hanging over the freeway.

In public restrooms I always put yoga balls on the toilet before sitting down.

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember yoga balls?”

The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town, except for yoga balls.

Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and yoga balls.

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Sitting on yoga balls can increase your breast size in three weeks!

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s sitting on yoga balls and I think I believe her!

Sorry I’m late. There was sitting on yoga balls in my usual parking spot.

My car looks like it’s sitting on yoga balls but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.

Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of you sick fucks, with an estimated three to four sitting on yoga balls per 100 square kilometers.

Run, Run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m sitting on yoga balls.

The new cereal mascot "stuff and things" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "cheering children" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "puppets representing all the important people in your life" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "Her Majesty, the Queen" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "a gaggle of nuns" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

The new cereal mascot "turkey tacos" has drawn criticism from parents groups.

During the half-time show, a “wardrobe malfunction” with Janet Jackson’s costume exposed full uncut virgin to the audience.

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into full uncut virgin, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.

I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still full uncut virgin!

I was surprised to find bones in full uncut virgin. Is that normal?

In this story, only the true king can pull the sword out of full uncut virgin.

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking full uncut virgin onto the International Space Station.

If Benjamin Franklin didn’t invent doughy pink-faced gingers, certainly others would have.

I will do anything for doughy pink-faced gingers. But I won’t do that!

I’ve got a master’s degree in Doughy Pink-faced Gingers!

The gas pump is saying “Push button to select doughy pink-faced gingers.”

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen doughy pink-faced gingers.

I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by doughy pink-faced gingers.

When the bear came at me it was like my 3 weed-smoking girlfriends.

This is my second kid. My first one came out as my 3 weed-smoking girlfriends.

Come on down to Golden Corral™ for my 3 weed-smoking girlfriends.

Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with my 3 weed-smoking girlfriends jumping and nipping at me from below.

Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for my 3 weed-smoking girlfriends without even getting up.

Apparently, “My 3 Weed-smoking Girlfriends” is a dance move on TikTok.

Slender and muscled, like unnecessary penises. She was the spitting image of femininity.

Today the Senate is voting on unnecessary penises.

Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: unnecessary penises.

I need to talk to someone because unnecessary penises just makes a whistling noise.

Music without the sounds of unnecessary penises is hardly music at all.

I make healthy food for my cat by receiving a lot of money with unnecessary penises. Oreo loves it!

In the third world, luxuries like the whole thing this time are an alien concept.

But of the tree of the whole thing this time you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

If we’re gonna play an RPG, my character is going to be the whole thing this time.

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of the whole thing this time on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.

I couldn’t see the eclipse because of the whole thing this time in the sky.

A billboard on my way home had a picture of the whole thing this time and the words “No Less Than Sixteen Mexican Corpses”.

Researchers have trained chimps to communicate by rewarding them with leaving a nugget behind.

When I find myself in times of trouble, a urinal cake comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: leaving a nugget behind.

My spirit animal: leaving a nugget behind.

The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit leaving a nugget behind and acquire your past!

George can’t come to the party. He’s leaving a nugget behind.

The FBI is at the door. I think they’re here because of... you know... leaving a nugget behind.

If you have a dream about school, it means you’re worried about brain necrosis.

I’ve been at work for more than 5 and half hours. Time for brain necrosis.

Well butter brain necrosis and call me a pneumatic bidet!

In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had brain necrosis removed so she can live a normal life.

4,000 drones at the Olympics formed the shape of brain necrosis in the air.

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of brain necrosis.