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How come murdering a wizard stinks so bad this time? It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, murdering a wizard, & toilet paper. Dear parent or guardian, lately your daughter has almost been murdering a wizard. It’s not delivery. It’s murdering a wizard. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider murdering a wizard. During my time in the Navy I was taunted and called Mr. Murdering a Wizard. |
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Feb 5 at 09:17 UTC
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Actually owning a sexually active adult? In this economy? It started out as drinks with friends and ended with a sexually active adult. If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably means he’s a sexually active adult. In the third world, luxuries like a sexually active adult are an alien concept. Can’t go out because of a sexually active adult on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-illegal-porn-cor is right for you. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider a sexually active adult. |
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Feb 5 at 17:50 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5132
1,227 ₧
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Some (but not all) gay shit “Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried some (but not all) gay shit. Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s some (but not all) gay shit. Ben and Jerry is going off the deep end with their new flavors: Some (but Not All) Gay Shit flavor? A Big, Red X flavor?! World War III will be started by some (but not all) gay shit. I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like some (but not all) gay shit. It’s time to powerwash the remains of some (but not all) gay shit off the driveway. |
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Feb 5 at 20:52 UTC
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Taking some Tylenol® and lying down Them city folk, they ain’t gonna be happy about taking some Tylenol® and lying down! I would give up taking some Tylenol® and lying down for just a taste of at least 10 pounds of pork. This 15th century painting contains a hidden depiction of taking some Tylenol® and lying down for the clever viewer. I will do anything for taking some Tylenol® and lying down. But I won’t do that! Taking some Tylenol® and lying down is a uniquely British problem. Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to take some Tylenol® and lie down if I wanted a new family. |
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Feb 5 at 22:22 UTC
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My nightly ritual involves the friendliest shit just as I fall asleep. The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for the friendliest shit. What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, the friendliest shit... Sweet! Sunny-D! Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with the friendliest shit. I came with the friendliest shit to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought the T-Rex so nobody even noticed! Always hold on to the friendliest shit to remember me. |
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Feb 6 at 05:03 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5132
1,227 ₧
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The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in an extremely soft girl. My girlfriend kicked an extremely soft girl, and she’s fine. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid! The kids put an extremely soft girl in the microwave. I’m late to my meeting for an extremely soft girl. Last night I dreamed of an extremely soft girl. Now to make it real. An-Extremely-Soft-Girl-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat! |
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Feb 9 at 09:45 UTC
— Ed. Feb 9 at 09:46 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5132
1,227 ₧
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The goblin in my basement Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on the goblin in my basement. Look, man, I’m not into the goblin in my basement. But $20 is $20. Do you know what happens if you don’t take the goblin in my basement seriously? Biking down the Luxor I’m not afraid of the goblin in my basement. In fact, it could be good for me. For my last meal I want the goblin in my basement. Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting the goblin in my basement into the air! |
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Feb 9 at 09:47 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5132
1,227 ₧
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Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with as far as light would reach. Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with 100 men or more as far as light would reach. Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with a hollow shell as far as light would reach. Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with daddy’s favorite as far as light would reach. Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with racial superiority as far as light would reach. Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with being so creamy as far as light would reach. Researchers peered into the maw-like pit, and saw it was lined with the “fun” stuff as far as light would reach. |
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Feb 10 at 02:21 UTC
— Ed. Feb 10 at 02:22 UTC
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Straying from the mission area Something you only like because it’s warm: Straying from the mission area. Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for straying from the mission area. Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: straying from the mission area. J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of straying from the mission area. It’s like they always say: straying from the mission area never changes. Chris Pratt has been straying from the mission area for stress relief. |
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Feb 10 at 19:25 UTC
— Ed. Feb 11 at 00:55 UTC
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A woman on a laptop in the library I’m in the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of a woman on a laptop in the library. Your art inspires me to be a woman on a laptop in the library. Life is so strange. I went to college to learn a woman on a laptop in the library, but now I work at Wal*Mart. Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of a woman on a laptop in the library. Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew racism, sexism and a woman on a laptop in the library. I need help with my computer! I downloaded a woman on a laptop in the library and now I’m having trouble opening my programs! |
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Feb 11 at 02:00 UTC
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I went to the library and everyone there was . I went to the library and everyone there was the savory gels of her lust. I went to the library and everyone there was $10. I went to the library and everyone there was an extremely ugly person named Buttfeast. I went to the library and everyone there was trying to get away with murder. I went to the library and everyone there was all the characters from Lord of the Rings™. I went to the library and everyone there was lifting off the toilet. |
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Feb 12 at 17:12 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 827
175 ₧
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The slender finger of a young woman SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate the slender finger of a young woman to prepare for a mission to Mars. Environmental tip: Save paper towels by wiping your hands on the slender finger of a young woman. Crap! I’ve gone and clogged the vacuum hose with the slender finger of a young woman. On this map of Boston, each dot represents the slender finger of a young woman. So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s the slender finger of a young woman. Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at the slender finger of a young woman and my card appeared on top! |
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Feb 14 at 04:02 UTC
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Mastrubating in Grandma's bed My brother and I started a business mastrubating in Grandma's bed, since we’re so good at it. If we’re gonna play an RPG, my character is going to be mastrubating in Grandma's bed. The only thing standing in your way is mastrubating in Grandma's bed. My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for mastrubating in Grandma's bed. I think it’s sweet. Mastrubating in Grandma's bed? I got all dressed up for mastrubating in Grandma's bed? Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting mastrubating in Grandma's bed into the air! |
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Mar 6 at 07:19 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5132
1,227 ₧
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My brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt Walmart will no longer sell my brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt in child size! Those hoodlums graffitied “my brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt” on my mailbox again. In school we’re learning about the beginning of the Civil War: The Battle of My Brother's Yu-Gi-Oh Shirt. Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires my brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt. In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in the middle of my brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt. My brother's Yu-Gi-Oh shirt is great for close quarters combat. |
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Mar 10 at 20:33 UTC
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aaronjer
*****'n Admin
2005 Mar 21 • 5132
1,227 ₧
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The young finger of a slender woman President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began the young finger of a slender woman. I want to say one word to you, just one word: the young finger of a slender woman. A Russian couple taught a bear how to be the young finger of a slender woman. Howdy neighbor, love what you’ve done with the garage! Let’s get the young finger of a slender woman sometime! My publisher demanded I remove the young finger of a slender woman from my manuscript on account of “decency.” I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for the young finger of a slender woman. |
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Mar 10 at 20:34 UTC
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A billboard on my way home had a picture of yoga balls and the words “99 Dancers, Dancing in Unison”. Emergency crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of yoga balls hanging over the freeway. In public restrooms I always put yoga balls on the toilet before sitting down. “You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember yoga balls?” The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town, except for yoga balls. Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and yoga balls. Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Sitting on yoga balls can increase your breast size in three weeks! I met this hot chick online. She says she’s sitting on yoga balls and I think I believe her! Sorry I’m late. There was sitting on yoga balls in my usual parking spot. My car looks like it’s sitting on yoga balls but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B. Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of you sick fucks, with an estimated three to four sitting on yoga balls per 100 square kilometers. Run, Run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m sitting on yoga balls. |
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Mar 11 at 21:32 UTC
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When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a lady's front bottom!” We can’t ALL get away with treating women like a lady's front bottom. A lady's front bottom like this is enough to kill a horse! I thought I just had gas, but it came out as a lady's front bottom. What will we do with a lady's front bottom early in the morning? I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for a lady's front bottom! |
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Yesterday at 00:45 UTC
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Nezumi
Asshole Admin
2005 Mar 27 • 827
175 ₧
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The new cereal mascot " {n}" has drawn criticism from parents groups. The new cereal mascot "stuff and things" has drawn criticism from parents groups. The new cereal mascot "cheering children" has drawn criticism from parents groups. The new cereal mascot "puppets representing all the important people in your life" has drawn criticism from parents groups. The new cereal mascot "Her Majesty, the Queen" has drawn criticism from parents groups. The new cereal mascot "a gaggle of nuns" has drawn criticism from parents groups. The new cereal mascot "turkey tacos" has drawn criticism from parents groups. |
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Today at 00:40 UTC
— Ed. Today at 00:41 UTC
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