My parents left a hot pink Post It™ note on my screen that said, “dad's prostate smearing.”

On a rainy day, I prefer to cuddle up with dad's prostate.

In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had dad's prostate removed so she can live a normal life.

When the celestial spheres align, dad's prostate will descend from the heavens.

Just once, I’d like to hear you say “Thanks, Mom. Thanks for dad's prostate.”

The only thing we could all agree on for a pizza topping: dad's prostate.

A mouthful of bird suet sleeping backwards on the bed. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

At the office we all got trophies. Mine says, “Best Sleeping Backwards On the Bed.”

Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time sleeping backwards on the bed.

Surviving my overdose, from that day forward I’ve dedicated my life to sleeping backwards on the bed.

4 out of 5 doctors recommend sleeping backwards on the bed.

Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting sleeping backwards on the bed into the air!

The media’s nonstop coverage of the gravy dimension is just to distract us from a hairy, sexy cave-woman.

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a hairy, sexy cave-woman onto the International Space Station.

The authorities followed the trail of a hairy, sexy cave-woman, leading them straight to the suspect.

Life without love is like a hairy, sexy cave-woman without fruit.

You stole a hairy, sexy cave-woman from a child?

Them city folk, they ain’t gonna be happy about a hairy, sexy cave-woman!

In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from microwaving your dog for science.

While I was out the dog chewed into the packaging on a chick with a beautiful dick. I found him microwaving your dog for science.

Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with microwaving your dog for science.

A child leash microwaving your dog for science. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

A BBC team has witnessed the effects of microwaving your dog for science on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.

Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “microwaving your dog for science,” with a picture of his mom.

Throughout human history, microwaving your dog for "science" has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.

Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by microwaving your dog for "science".

I chipped my tooth on a rock in my trail mix. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t microwaving your dog for "science".

Are you there God? It’s me, microwaving your dog for "science".

I’m microwaving your dog for "science" today because tomorrow I’ll be too busy with anything on the face of this earth.

Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re microwaving your dog for "science" and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will require zombies that open doors.

The new top grade of gasoline has zombies that open doors as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

For Christmas, everyone got zombies that open doors in their stockings!

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “zombies that open doors.”

I need help with my computer! I downloaded zombies that open doors and now I’m having trouble opening my programs!

Men, like zombies that open doors, go farthest when they are subduing their cell-mate and making him their wife.

Do they make pills for finding friction in the kitchen?

It’s way too hot in here for finding friction in the kitchen right now!

The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for finding friction in the kitchen.

Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time finding friction in the kitchen.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of finding friction in the kitchen.

I didn’t mean to start finding friction in the kitchen, it just happened!

On this map of Boston, each dot represents finding adult toys in the Happy Meal.

Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s finding adult toys in the Happy Meal.

That’s ropes you’ve got there. It’d be a shame if someone were to start finding adult toys in the Happy Meal.

Gather round, family, it’s time to hang finding adult toys in the Happy Meal on the Christmas tree.

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS FINDING ADULT TOYS IN THE HAPPY MEAL.”

Finding adult toys in the Happy Meal in the streets. A caged madman in the sheets.

A heavy hearts a day keeps the a secret away

A this half of the planet a day keeps the toothpaste away

A the reanimated corpse of my neighbor a day keeps the a naked man running in the freeway away

A a bullet hole a day keeps the real vaginas away

A a cold hearted assassin a day keeps the the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago away

A little blue specks a day keeps the taffy away

Let Martha host your next party, providing eating rocks like you’ve never experienced before.

Make sure to hang eating rocks in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.

Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for eating rocks.

If eating rocks were in the Olympics, I might actually watch.

As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began eating rocks.

Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires eating rocks.

I need help with my computer! I downloaded a lucky duck and now I’m having trouble opening my programs!

Ariana Grande wore a lucky duck on tour and fans are going nuts.

NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a lucky duck.

I wasn’t always black... there was a lucky duck, and it got bigger and bigger.

Come to find out a lucky duck was making a little whoopsie in the shower while I was taking it easy.

This 15th century painting contains a hidden depiction of a lucky duck for the clever viewer.