Daddy, what’s grinding a monkey's organ? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.

Life without love is like grinding a monkey's organ without fruit.

These snails have evolved to live underground without light or grinding a monkey's organ.

The N64 was Nintendo’s first console with grinding a monkey's organ.

Experts said that based on preliminary data, grinding a monkey's organ appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

Hefeweizen’s new slogan: It’s Grinding a Monkey's Organ Time!

The most romantic thing ever? Planned Parenthood for pets, obviously.

I went rafting, saw Planned Parenthood for pets in the river, no big deal.

I woke up with Planned Parenthood for pets lying on me.

Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and Planned Parenthood for pets came rolling after him!

The pharmacist carefully divided up Planned Parenthood for pets in order to fill different prescriptions.

My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about Planned Parenthood for pets.

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had consensual duck sex.

Last night a water line broke, completely soaking consensual duck sex. Now the dog can have it!

I didn’t know they made consensual duck sex in lemon flavor.

At the airport consensual duck sex in my bag set off the TSA’s machine.

My kid was acting up, so I took away consensual duck sex privileges.

I was born on a pile of consensual duck sex.

If my neighbor doesn’t get a family sized value pack off my property, I’m calling the cops!

My kids keep installing a family sized value pack on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.

Lots of people drive down to Portland for a family sized value pack.

The new top grade of gasoline has a family sized value pack as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

I got so drunk last night that I got a family sized value pack all over everyone and everything.

“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried a family sized value pack.

These wounds were given to me by Stretching the hidden penis.

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for Stretching the hidden penis”

Matt Lauer had a button under his desk for Stretching the hidden penis without even getting up.

Pool rules: No running. No diving. No Stretching the hidden penis.

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember Stretching the hidden penis?”

The Pentagon’s most secure room is for Stretching the hidden penis.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming my weed dealer in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming Crisco ® in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming beautiful girl hair in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming their dead parents in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming a bulky frame, sturdy legs, and rounded cloven hooves in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

Audiences of the Minecraft movie have started screaming whatever THAT is in the theatre for more views on TikTok. Jack Black was not amused.

A billboard on my way home had a picture of yoga balls and the words “99 Dancers, Dancing in Unison”.

Emergency crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of yoga balls hanging over the freeway.

In public restrooms I always put yoga balls on the toilet before sitting down.

“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember yoga balls?”

The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town, except for yoga balls.

Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and yoga balls.

Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Sitting on yoga balls can increase your breast size in three weeks!

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s sitting on yoga balls and I think I believe her!

Sorry I’m late. There was sitting on yoga balls in my usual parking spot.

My car looks like it’s sitting on yoga balls but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.

Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of you sick fucks, with an estimated three to four sitting on yoga balls per 100 square kilometers.

Run, Run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m sitting on yoga balls.

My brother and I started a business mastrubating in Grandma's bed, since we’re so good at it.

If we’re gonna play an RPG, my character is going to be mastrubating in Grandma's bed.

The only thing standing in your way is mastrubating in Grandma's bed.

My neighbors like to gather in front of my house for mastrubating in Grandma's bed. I think it’s sweet.

Mastrubating in Grandma's bed? I got all dressed up for mastrubating in Grandma's bed?

Rush hadn’t started playing when a stage effect went off early, ejecting mastrubating in Grandma's bed into the air!

My nightly ritual involves the friendliest shit just as I fall asleep.

The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for the friendliest shit.

What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, the friendliest shit... Sweet! Sunny-D!

Huge scandal this week as the PM of Australia was caught with the friendliest shit.

I came with the friendliest shit to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought the T-Rex so nobody even noticed!

Always hold on to the friendliest shit to remember me.

New Mountain Dew™ flavor: Getting Stuck in an Elevator and Accused of Shooting Your Dad Blast!

I had the most horrific bowel movement. It was like getting stuck in an elevator and accused of shooting your dad.

We finally hired a guy at work to take care of getting stuck in an elevator and accused of shooting your dad.

In my state, getting stuck in an elevator and accused of shooting your dad is a legal right for me and my native brothers.

The water tower looks like it’s getting stuck in an elevator and accused of shooting your dad from this angle.

Introducing, The Getting Stuck in an Elevator and Accused of Shooting Your Dad Diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.