I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will require zombies that open doors.

The new top grade of gasoline has zombies that open doors as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

For Christmas, everyone got zombies that open doors in their stockings!

The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “zombies that open doors.”

I need help with my computer! I downloaded zombies that open doors and now I’m having trouble opening my programs!

Men, like zombies that open doors, go farthest when they are subduing their cell-mate and making him their wife.

Do they make pills for finding friction in the kitchen?

It’s way too hot in here for finding friction in the kitchen right now!

The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for finding friction in the kitchen.

Hiding from the Pope under the Medici Chapel, Michelangelo spent his time finding friction in the kitchen.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of finding friction in the kitchen.

I didn’t mean to start finding friction in the kitchen, it just happened!

On this map of Boston, each dot represents finding adult toys in the Happy Meal.

Last thing I hear before the anesthesia kicks in is my neurosurgeon saying he’s finding adult toys in the Happy Meal.

That’s ropes you’ve got there. It’d be a shame if someone were to start finding adult toys in the Happy Meal.

Gather round, family, it’s time to hang finding adult toys in the Happy Meal on the Christmas tree.

Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS FINDING ADULT TOYS IN THE HAPPY MEAL.”

Finding adult toys in the Happy Meal in the streets. A caged madman in the sheets.

A heavy hearts a day keeps the a secret away

A this half of the planet a day keeps the toothpaste away

A the reanimated corpse of my neighbor a day keeps the a naked man running in the freeway away

A a bullet hole a day keeps the real vaginas away

A a cold hearted assassin a day keeps the the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago away

A little blue specks a day keeps the taffy away

Let Martha host your next party, providing eating rocks like you’ve never experienced before.

Make sure to hang eating rocks in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.

Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for eating rocks.

If eating rocks were in the Olympics, I might actually watch.

As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began eating rocks.

Making the best chocolate chip cookies requires eating rocks.

I need help with my computer! I downloaded a lucky duck and now I’m having trouble opening my programs!

Ariana Grande wore a lucky duck on tour and fans are going nuts.

NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a lucky duck.

I wasn’t always black... there was a lucky duck, and it got bigger and bigger.

Come to find out a lucky duck was making a little whoopsie in the shower while I was taking it easy.

This 15th century painting contains a hidden depiction of a lucky duck for the clever viewer.

My brother and I started a business huffing Duralogs, since we’re so good at it.

YouTube’s Karate Kid reboot is like the original, except everyone’s huffing Duralogs.

When you said sounding like “SHOOOOM!”, I thought you meant in a sexual way. I didn’t know you were talking about huffing Duralogs.

Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi. The driver was huffing Duralogs.

I’ve been diagnosed with huffing Duralogs.

Disneyland has a zero-tolerance policy for huffing Duralogs.

Dude! Her dress was so sheer I could see ice cold fingers!

You know what never fails to liven up the party? Ice cold fingers.

Tagliette is a former police officer accused of ice cold fingers, according to court records.

Give me liberty or give me ice cold fingers!

Apparently, “Ice Cold Fingers” is a dance move on TikTok.

10% of all proceeds will go to The Ice Cold Fingers Foundation.

Justin Trudeau’s campaign promise: cumming while crying in every room, and a bowel mistake on every corner.

The whole story is a hoax! I have nothing to do with a bowel mistake!

In public restrooms I always put a bowel mistake on the toilet before sitting down.

In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found a bowel mistake sticking to the wall.

At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with a bowel mistake. I barely even felt the needles.

My dream is to build a bowel mistake for me and my wife.

No one in Morocco can have wiping with one square without registering with the government.

I had better get reimbursed for wiping with one square.

In Wal*Mart we saw a man wiping with one square.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of wiping with one square.

Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with wiping with one square, a naturopathic remedy.

This year’s hottest new fashion is wiping with one square on your head.