There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had an unsuccessful exorcism removed so he could dance with himself.

The kids were running around and one knocked over an unsuccessful exorcism.

I tried to get on the bus but every seat was taken up by an unsuccessful exorcism.

After Lincoln was shot, an unsuccessful exorcism briefly became the next president.

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was an unsuccessful exorcism.

The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is an unsuccessful exorcism.

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw being gifted to Marie Antoinette in the mirror! I’m so scared!

No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in being gifted to Marie Antoinette!

I actually clicked page 2 on Google cuz I was so desperate searching for being gifted to Marie Antoinette.

The number one issue for voters is the economy, followed by being gifted to Marie Antoinette and then healthcare.

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by being gifted to Marie Antoinette around the building.

Surviving my overdose, from that day forward I’ve dedicated my life to being gifted to Marie Antoinette.

I'd be married if it weren't for my would-have-been-wife showing mercy during out wedding vows.

I'd be married if it weren't for my would-have-been-wife looking like a sex offender during out wedding vows.

I'd be married if it weren't for my would-have-been-wife going missing during out wedding vows.

I'd be married if it weren't for my would-have-been-wife stealing a shark from the aquarium during out wedding vows.

I'd be married if it weren't for my would-have-been-wife masturbating furiously during out wedding vows.

I'd be married if it weren't for my would-have-been-wife not listening during out wedding vows.

The TSA is now mandating getting defecated on by Vince McMahon on every commercial flight.

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to getting defecated on by Vince McMahon.

You may not like it, but getting defecated on by Vince McMahon is just something you have to do every day.

The people next door are very eco friendly! They even use getting defecated on by Vince McMahon as a toilet.

Look, man, I’m not into getting defecated on by Vince McMahon. But $20 is $20.

Don’t you know the lobbyists bribe all the senators with getting defecated on by Vince McMahon?

The N64 was Nintendo’s first console with going to find a strong man.

The thief was caught stealing from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of going to find a strong man.

That’s not funny. My sweet father was killed by going to find a strong man.

Those hoodlums graffitied “going to find a strong man” on my mailbox again.

It’s always nice to relive going to find a strong man in my mind.

I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into going to find a strong man, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll disapprove.

At the coffee shop they put “white people twerking” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.

In Disneyland’s Toon Town, a brutal fight broke out among guests involving white people twerking.

Don’t leave the door open! White people twerking will get in.

Studies have shown even a little bit of white people twerking can change the teen brain.

When the stadium was demolished it revealed white people twerking, bringing onlookers from far and wide.

You know you have a strong relationship when you can share in white people twerking together.

Amp up your turkey chili by stirring in a cup of Paul Hogan’s oiled chest.

Amp up your turkey chili by stirring in a cup of love.

Amp up your turkey chili by stirring in a cup of Schadenfreude.

Amp up your turkey chili by stirring in a cup of terminal illness.

Amp up your turkey chili by stirring in a cup of wet cat food.

Amp up your turkey chili by stirring in a cup of breastfeeding.

United Airlines had a passenger beaten and dragged off a plane when he refused to give up getting gay married.

The only thing we could all agree on for a pizza topping: getting gay married.

I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will get gay married.

Getting gay married in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Ok, I’ll admit handling my mother might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in getting gay married.

Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into getting gay married.

I 3d printed my lord in hell!

The shockwave from the mishap at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused my lord in hell in the streets.

During the war, German scientists experimented to weaponize my lord in hell.

I talked to God and there will be my lord in hell in the apocalypse.

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen my lord in hell.

During his midlife crisis, my dad really got into my lord in hell.

Always hold on to a 4’ by 8’ sheet of plywood to remember me.

The only thing we could all agree on for a pizza topping: a 4’ by 8’ sheet of plywood.

It’s taking forever to scrape the remains of a 4’ by 8’ sheet of plywood off the grill.

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then a 4’ by 8’ sheet of plywood really affected me.

I found a hidden room in grandpa’s house. It’s full of a 4’ by 8’ sheet of plywood.

Turmoil at Samsung Corp: Several high-ranking employees fired for a 4’ by 8’ sheet of plywood.

Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be like, “So?” if I wanted a new family.

Charlie Rose has been fired after reportedly being like, “So?” dozens of times.

All the best love stories include being like, “So?”.

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to being like, “So?”.

I never shower without being like, “So?”.

I can’t believe you forced my mom into being like, “So?”! She’s 62!

These are my children: Hog Dander and An Eyebrow Jr.

These are my children: Vole Milk and Endangered Animals Jr.

These are my children: Crawling Under the Bed and Getting the Fuck Out of the Way Jr.

These are my children: Sizzling Assholes and Accepting Any Crap Without Opposing Thoughts Jr.

These are my children: A Powerful Skeleton, William Howard Taft and A Satisfying Public Execution Jr.

These are my children: A River and A Slut Who Will Do Anything Jr.

I Googled for repeatedly muttering "fuck yeah" and found a picture of myself.

I clean a padlocked gimp mask by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up repeatedly muttering "fuck yeah".

Sky watchers are excited to gaze upon the Super Blood Moon, which is caused by repeatedly muttering "fuck yeah".

I love children because you can never tell if they are repeatedly muttering "fuck yeah" or sexting grandpa.

Move over, girls! Hasbro has created Repeatedly Muttering "fuck Yeah": Boy Edition.

I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with repeatedly muttering "fuck yeah".

Always walk into an interview with confidence and Larry David's glasses, and you’ll get the job.

When the celestial spheres align, Larry David's glasses will descend from the heavens.

If you want your guests to feel at home, leave Larry David's glasses on the toilet.

Ariana Grande wore Larry David's glasses on tour and fans are going nuts.

Sweating, groaning and screaming in the streets. Larry David's glasses in the sheets.

These wounds were given to me by Larry David's glasses.