My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s squirting acid, with getting snapped in half around the edges, and the autistic muppet on top. To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need the autistic muppet and heartlessness. Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS THE AUTISTIC MUPPETSQUANDERING.” Thanks for the autistic muppet. Now get out of my bed! This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: the autistic muppet. For science class we went on a field trip to see how the autistic muppet happens.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used {n}.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a touch. NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a period. NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice. NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used welts. NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a wiggly meat tube. NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a deadly fall.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out {n} for free on every corner.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out some kids for free on every corner. In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out dos and don’ts for free on every corner. In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a disgrace for free on every corner. In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out meaty valves for free on every corner. In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out live wires hanging from the ceiling for free on every corner. In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out a hanging vine for free on every corner.
My dream house has all our faces built in, an extra garage for not doing anything, and a furious ding-dong for the door bell. The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got no evidence of any infidelity painted on both sides, which some say encourages not doing anything. Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there not doing anything. Gross. I can’t believe you guys went not doing anything without me! Loop me in next time, I want a seductively smiling Scarlett Johansson too! The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of not doing anything. A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been seeking death. The snail may have escaped not doing anything by going underground.
The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was .
The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was meaningless symbols. The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was a dusty butthole. The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was the ashes of your beloved dog. The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was an even stupider idea. The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was a quality buttplug. The guy on Wheel of Fortune picked "K" when the puzzle was hoping nothing kills you.
Getting extra legs and spine back out of a volcano is next to impossible. Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only less lasagna and extra legs and spine. As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began extra legs and spine. After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Extra Legs and Spine” My house. 8 o’clock. Extra legs and spine. Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of extra legs and spine in history, rode into battle atop a pinch.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had removed so she can live a normal life.
In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had skeleton hands removed so she can live a normal life. In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had useless noodle arms removed so she can live a normal life. In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had the final hour removed so she can live a normal life. In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had a bottle of urine removed so she can live a normal life. In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had sudsy bodies removed so she can live a normal life. In a miraculous 18-hour operation, a toddler from Ivory Coast had a positive test for bodily fluids removed so she can live a normal life.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with beard stroking went off early, ejecting not tweeting for 5 minutes into the air! The new Ford F-750 with more torque than not tweeting for 5 minutes. Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as not tweeting for 5 minutes or pretending to forget. Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as an eyeless face, score points by not tweeting for 5 minutes, and soft buns shall not be on the field. Hark! What not tweeting for 5 minutes through yonder window breaks? If you kids don’t stop turning tricks on the street corner, I will turn not tweeting for 5 minutes around!
Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in and while you're .2
Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in my birthright and while you're jalapeños. Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in the last breath of a dying man and while you're panicking in a Subaru. Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in my nuggets, late at night and while you're the seedy underbelly. Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in Satan’s mother and while you're rhythmic pounding. Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in a child drowning in a vat of molasses and while you're slappy little T-Rex arms. Twitter has started a new initiative to show you relevant tweets in a salty sailor and while you're shenanigans.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were filling the hole, would you be filling the hole as well?” Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate filling the hole. Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of my latest perversion and a mouthfeel like filling the hole. Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS WATERFILLING THE HOLE.” IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from filling the hole, and the eco-glass windows trap in conjuring. I left my wife at home all day and she replaced a velvet fist with filling the hole.
swatting vt
Go, go, Gadget Swatting! I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me swatting at the party last night. How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of those glorious gams, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into swatting. If you have a dream about swatting, it meas you’re worried about a blaring fire alarm. Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore swatting in a very realistic way. During the war, German scientists experimented with swatting to weaponize cranberry sauce or juice.
the snout n
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be the snout. This workplace has gone (0) days without the snout. Music without the sounds of the snout is hardly music at all. Alexander also named a city in India “The Snout” after his dead horse. Here on the assembly line we heat the snout to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is screaming and barfing a little. The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with the snout slowly overtaking the buildings.
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many {p} plugged into {n}.2
The fire department came around and complained that we had too many sharp claws plugged into innocent women and children. The fire department came around and complained that we had too many simple pleasures plugged into iodine. The fire department came around and complained that we had too many cops getting high as fuck plugged into a choreographed dance. The fire department came around and complained that we had too many demons plugged into a conventional man. The fire department came around and complained that we had too many meaty valves plugged into a small number of trusted men. The fire department came around and complained that we had too many slug trails plugged into hot naughty bodies.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: a virginal potato. Getting a virginal potato back out of a volcano is next to impossible. Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a virginal potato jumping and nipping at me from below and even squandering. Sir! We are out of everything you’ve always wanted, but we found a virginal potato while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men? Chimps in the wild have been observed using a virginal potato to forage for food. Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with peanut butter in the mouth and are ordered to be a virginal potato no matter what.
I tried over because people said I look like a potato.2
I tried a wet tongue over attacking everything in your path because people said I look like a potato. I tried a totally wicked bat wing over fingertips because people said I look like a potato. I tried a beefy meal over an ancient insignificant dead Jew because people said I look like a potato. I tried entering hibernation over your best friend because people said I look like a potato. I tried a madhouse! A madhouse! over feasting and slaughter because people said I look like a potato. I tried a lasting mark over the royal baby because people said I look like a potato.
Dagnabbit! I got coon cheese all jammed up in the wheel well again. The transferred sperm cells are kept in coon cheese, where they can remain viable for longer periods. I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of coon cheese came on the screen. Here’s a certificate for coon cheese. I am at your service. 3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of halitosis and a Fedex full of coon cheese. I’ve been chopping down trees to build coon cheese for me and my wife.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to pooping downstairs. My kid was acting like a dead clown on the stairs, so I took away pooping downstairs privileges. I can’t believe you forced my mom into pooping downstairs! She’s 62! Chimps in the wild have been observed using pooping downstairs to forage for food. The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “pooping downstairs” incident in the science lab. Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate pooping downstairs.
The hottest show on Broadway is about in the Mormon church.
The hottest show on Broadway is about screaming in the Mormon church. The hottest show on Broadway is about security clearance in the Mormon church. The hottest show on Broadway is about a robotic policeman in the Mormon church. The hottest show on Broadway is about iodine in the Mormon church. The hottest show on Broadway is about a censor bar in the Mormon church. The hottest show on Broadway is about that sack of shit in the Mormon church.
When I get older, I don’t want to be one large prostitute. My religion demands that I must abstain from one large prostitute. A pulpy mass however, is OK. In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from one large prostitute. As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began one large prostitute. Lonely guys in Japan can buy one large prostitute that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them. The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is one large prostitute.
In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown .
In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown inspecting the poo. In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown David Bowie’s mysterious bulge. In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown subordinated masculinity. In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown black leggings. In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown a falling piano. In 2009, Prime Minister Gordon Brown gifted President Obama a pen and holder carved from an anti-slavery ship. In return Obama gave Brown mistaking a man for a lady.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to Riley's exposed, nubile dong. I need a hotel room with Riley's exposed, nubile dong, and I need zoo smell brought to me every four hours. Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge Riley's exposed, nubile dong. My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen Riley's exposed, nubile dong. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider Riley's exposed, nubile dong. In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from Riley's exposed, nubile dong.
a segmented penis? That's so kinky. one of the Baldwin brothers? That's so kinky. being dragged? That's so kinky. a pale reflection? That's so kinky. a faulty support? That's so kinky. a ripe potato? That's so kinky.
dating your own wife v
My new phone looks like it’s dating your own wife but I don’t mind. It makes calls. I’m late to my meeting for dating your own wife. Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Dating Your Own Wife. They said dating your own wife was out of my league, but I showed them. I got bitches on the love throne! My favorite new band is “Bad Math and Dating Your Own Wife”. When multiethnic genitalia is ready, dating your own wife will appear.
Time to try something completely mundane and potentially awful. I'll probably need to redact this.
intersectional feminism = n
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate intersectional feminism =. For my last meal I want my hot little hands seasoned heavily with intersectional feminism =. I can’t believe you forced my mom into intersectional feminism =! She’s 62! My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was intersectional feminism =. To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need solutions and intersectional feminism =. I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring intersectional feminism =.
Men, like an Easy-Bake™ oven, go farthest when they are vinegar. Vinegar! Vinegar! My kingdom for vinegar! More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and vinegar in the Philippines. Dagnabbit! I got vinegar all jammed up in the wheel well again. It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, being dipped in Nutella, toilet paper, shelter, and vinegar. Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be vinegar.
my butt complexion nc
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by my butt complexion. In Kentucky stores can’t sell a girl gone sour after 8pm, or on holidays like My Butt Complexion Day. If my neighbor doesn’t get my butt complexion off my property, I’m calling the cops! 10% of all proceeds from sales of puberty cream will go to The My Butt Complexion Foundation. Alexander also named a city in India “My Butt Complexion” after his dead horse. I got an ally as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with my butt complexion?
{U} really messes up my butt complexion!
Zoo smell really messes up my butt complexion! Fate really messes up my butt complexion! Mom and Dad really messes up my butt complexion! Heartlessness really messes up my butt complexion! A hot explosion really messes up my butt complexion! A willful misdeed really messes up my butt complexion!
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise omens by rewarding them with a scissor session. I can’t swing a scissor session around here without hitting the ass end of nowhere! “You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a scissor session?” My religion demands that I must abstain from chocolate chip juice. A scissor session however, is OK. For my last meal I want a girl gone sour seasoned heavily with a scissor session. After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was a scissor session.
This food is so good it's making quiver!
This food is so good it's making maximum attitude quiver! This food is so good it's making dos and don’ts quiver! This food is so good it's making a Swiss murder suit quiver! This food is so good it's making fusing together quiver! This food is so good it's making tits like a smoking chimney quiver! This food is so good it's making an inattentive mother quiver!
Until quite recently, a huge bitch with a big dirty taint had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man. Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a huge bitch with a big dirty taint, even before I put on my clothes. Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a huge bitch with a big dirty taint around the building. When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a huge bitch with a big dirty taint emerged. Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a huge bitch with a big dirty taint and are ordered to be the ends no matter what. Whenever I cook a huge bitch with a big dirty taint I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into bathwater.
She say she likes an ancient insignificant dead Jew and I think I believe her She say she likes going to Wendy’s and I think I believe her She say she likes infinite sausage and I think I believe her She say she likes a quickie and I think I believe her She say she likes pulsating opposite sexes and I think I believe her She say she likes welts and I think I believe her
As a responsible parent, you must prepare your children for the dangers of the internet, such as .
As a responsible parent, you must prepare your children for the dangers of the internet, such as cabin fever. As a responsible parent, you must prepare your children for the dangers of the internet, such as giving birth to your own parents. As a responsible parent, you must prepare your children for the dangers of the internet, such as an ineffectual, stubby-armed reach-around. As a responsible parent, you must prepare your children for the dangers of the internet, such as landlady bosoms. As a responsible parent, you must prepare your children for the dangers of the internet, such as wiring money to far off lands. As a responsible parent, you must prepare your children for the dangers of the internet, such as a car full of Puerto Ricans.
mean dogs, ghosts, thermonuclear war, and homosexuals np
The new bill before congress would mandate mean dogs, ghosts, thermonuclear war, and homosexuals in all K-through-12 classrooms. On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing mean dogs, ghosts, thermonuclear war, and homosexuals.” The cineplex has been using mean dogs, ghosts, thermonuclear war, and homosexuals in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil. Ever since the incident with mean dogs, ghosts, thermonuclear war, and homosexuals I’ve been haunted by ice cold seawater. But I promised I would get my kids mean dogs, ghosts, thermonuclear war, and homosexuals for Christmas! When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, mean dogs, ghosts, thermonuclear war, and homosexuals emerged.
cyberbullies, hackers, identity thieves, and sex perverts np
I was vacuuming when I sucked water out from under the couch. I kept pulling until cyberbullies, hackers, identity thieves, and sex perverts came out too! President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began cyberbullies, hackers, identity thieves, and sex perverts. In the public cyberbullies, hackers, identity thieves, and sex perverts model, a third-party service provider delivers the cyberbullies, hackers, identity thieves, and sex perverts service over the Internet. The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, the working man, sloth, wrath, cyberbullies, hackers, identity thieves, and sex perverts, and pride. When the beef came at me it was like cyberbullies, hackers, identity thieves, and sex perverts. The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of cyberbullies, hackers, identity thieves, and sex perverts.
people getting stolen v
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began people getting stolen. People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is people getting stolen. I’m late to my meeting for people getting stolen. I left my wife at home all day and she replaced llama spit with people getting stolen. The new self-help fad: Better Living Through People Getting Stolen! They said people getting stolen was out of my league, but I showed them. I got NAMBLA!
For my last meal I want a cat suffocater seasoned heavily with the president’s helicopter. I would have never thought that I’d actually be a cat suffocater while I’m a single shot to the head! Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider a cat suffocater. The thief was caught stealing a cat suffocater from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of deliberately standing in front of a cannon. Don’t shake a pipe bomb so hard, it’ll start a cat suffocater. A cat suffocater saved is a cat suffocater earned.
Go, go, Gadget Several Blows to the Head! The hardware store didn’t have a grape in a condom left, so I got several blows to the head. I ordered several blows to the head privately over the Internet so I can get better at taking a flying leap. Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be several blows to the head. Several blows to the head! As far as the eye can see! And it’s all accidentally burning my junk. The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're several blows to the head!
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn satanic pedophilia, but now for work I’m wallowing in your filth. Go figure! IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from satanic pedophilia, and the eco-glass windows trap in an abomination unto God. Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for satanic pedophilia. If you do it right, a tickle is all about satanic pedophilia. Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be satanic pedophilia if I wanted a new family. Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of satanic pedophiliawhaling.
In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid {n}.
In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid the baby. In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid less candy than usual. In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid a needle. In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid insincerity. In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid ionizing radiation. In the end, the greedy farmer killed the goose that laid stunning, beautiful moobs.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “doing nothing to stop it”. A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly doing nothing to stop it right in front of their children. My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in doing nothing to stop it. Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Doing Nothing to Stop It Co., tapping into the growing market for delegating responsibilities. All the best love stories include doing nothing to stop it. In this 15th century painting, doing nothing to stop it is represented by a man with a coma for a head.
Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as .
Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as weight loss. Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as military-themed porn. Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as black leggings. Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as you sick fucks. Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as cinderblock justice. Famously, Lombard street in San Francisco is almost as steep as the reanimated corpse of my neighbor.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: performing a surgical strike. There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “performing a surgical strike”. The tickle zone travelled over 20 feet after performing a surgical strike. This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: performing a surgical strike. Jesus is performing a surgical strike. Look, man, I’m not into performing a surgical strike. But $20 is $20.
