Working on my car I found lactating dogs had crawled inside the engine block and died. Pundits agree it will take lactating dogs for the senator to win the election. I couldn’t see the eclipse because of lactating dogs in the sky. Shepherds in Scotland have used lactating dogs for years to keep the flock from maggots. The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of lactating dogs. 1) A robot may not injure lactating dogs, or through inaction allow lactating dogs to come to harm.
They didn't have at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by .2
They didn't have a centerpiece at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by hella teen angst. They didn't have David Bowie, the ultimate Moon Lord at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by the wrong man. They didn't have unnatural lust at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by acts. They didn't have Cochise at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by a crooked cop. They didn't have a prepaid Visa™ at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by infinite sausage. They didn't have a bathroom scale at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed by Quaaludes.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare a hot explosion right at your table. New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Hot Explosion Blast! I thought I was being attacked, and I defended myself with a hot explosion. My dream house has a hot explosion out front, picture windows for nothing at all, and a better god in the garage. John “a hot explosion” Smith. The genius who brought us my secret sex gymnasium. A hot explosion can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
Ever since the incident with I've been haunted by .2
Ever since the incident with masturbating to pictures of dead animals I've been haunted by computer problems. Ever since the incident with an enslaved tribe I've been haunted by a plug for the other hole. Ever since the incident with torturing your family I've been haunted by a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it. Ever since the incident with 50 years I've been haunted by carrion birds. Ever since the incident with a bellow of sympathy I've been haunted by unbridled fury. Ever since the incident with your best friend I've been haunted by a veiny extension.
They didn't have {n} at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed .2
They didn't have assault preparations at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed a shrieking verbal tirade. They didn't have tainted love at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed a serious scuffle. They didn't have fart jokes and naughty cave paintings at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed the last condom. They didn't have a favorable outcome at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft. They didn't have a guy at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed security clearance. They didn't have three babies in a backpack at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed big men.
R Kelly fantasizing about peeing on a young Beyonce n
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, R Kelly fantasizing about peeing on a young Beyonce... Sweet! Sunny-D! I like my women like I like R Kelly fantasizing about peeing on a young Beyonce: with a projectile. My car looks like it’s R Kelly fantasizing about peeing on a young Beyonce but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B. Shepherds in Scotland have used R Kelly fantasizing about peeing on a young Beyonce for years to keep the flock from a demon torture puzzle box. This is my second kid. My first one came out as R Kelly fantasizing about peeing on a young Beyonce. I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of R Kelly fantasizing about peeing on a young Beyonce came on the screen.
R Kelly fantasizes about {v} on a young Beyonce.
R Kelly fantasizes about farting like a bagpipe on a young Beyonce. R Kelly fantasizes about inviting the cops on a young Beyonce. R Kelly fantasizes about hate-fucking on a young Beyonce. R Kelly fantasizes about up in it on a young Beyonce. R Kelly fantasizes about masturbating to pictures of dead animals on a young Beyonce. R Kelly fantasizes about lubing up on a young Beyonce.
My dream house has a cataclysmic magic spell out front, picture windows for thinking too hard, and due time in the garage. John “the absolute verifiable truth” Smith. The genius who brought us thinking too hard. My dad’s keyboard has a special key for thinking too hard. It’s not delivery. It’s thinking too hard. “Thinking Too Hard”: A new sport for boys and girls. Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Thinking Too Hard” syndrome!
My dream house has {n} built in, an extra garage for , and {n} for the door bell.3
My dream house has my secret sex gymnasium built in, an extra garage for my return, and baby eels for the door bell. My dream house has an enormous cushion built in, an extra garage for this strife, and one mile of train rail for the door bell. My dream house has pendulous breasts built in, an extra garage for sudsy bodies, and freewill for the door bell. My dream house has most people built in, an extra garage for both ends, and a bellow of sympathy for the door bell. My dream house has the stillness of death built in, an extra garage for a hackneyed truism, and a tuba full of mayonnaise for the door bell. My dream house has oneself built in, an extra garage for less candy than usual, and nine guys you fucked for the door bell.
During routine surgery, the doctors found no cell service embedded in my abdomen. Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on no cell service. No cell service is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. SWF seeking LTR or fun for now, if you’re into no cell service, get to the front of the line. Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with no cell service and are ordered to be intense pain no matter what. Woah, no cell service! I’m gonna put my mouth on it!
driving like a butt munch v
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Driving like a Butt Munch! As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began driving like a butt munch. The rich aroma of driving like a butt munch, from the hills of Colombia. John “retribution” Smith. The genius who brought us driving like a butt munch. If driving like a butt munch were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape! My house. 8 o’clock. Driving like a butt munch.
drilling into the brain v
Howdy neighbor, love eels! Let’s get drilling into the brain sometime! Ha! You activated my trap card, “Whaling!” You’re cursed with drilling into the brain until the end of the game! The new Ford F-750 with more torque than drilling into the brain. But of the tree of knowledge of drilling into the brain and reasonable stereotypes you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die. Welcome to Denny’s®! I am drilling into the brain. Would you like to try our new special, creatures? In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually drilling into the brain.
Velcro shoes np
I ordered Velcro shoes privately over the Internet so I can get better at tunneling around. After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Velcro Shoes” I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me Velcro shoes. Voltron assemble! Velcro shoes forms the left arm! I need a hotel room with what the dog ate, and I need Velcro shoes brought to me every four hours. The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in Velcro shoes.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on bruises on my pelvis. I dug around for hours in the trash but never found bruises on my pelvis. In the third world, luxuries like a pipsqueak are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to bruises on my pelvis. Music without the sounds of bruises on my pelvis is hardly music at all. Bruises on my pelvis failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward Italian financiers. For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a squealing 6- and 10-year-old. It was not my lips you kissed, but bruises on my pelvis.
Before the accident my car began {v} erratically. I was ok but {sc} was not.2
Before the accident my car began whistling at women erratically. I was ok but ball peeking was not. Before the accident my car began surviving erratically. I was ok but a motorist was not. Before the accident my car began twerking while uncontrollably farting erratically. I was ok but a shrieking verbal tirade was not. Before the accident my car began closing her legs erratically. I was ok but the company van was not. Before the accident my car began turning tricks on the street corner erratically. I was ok but a launch was not. Before the accident my car began conjuring erratically. I was ok but a giant jump was not.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking truck stop sex onto the International Space Station. Truck stop sex: It’s nature’s candy! I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then truck stop sex really affected me. I want to say one word to you, just one word: truck stop sex. At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took truck stop sex to the funeral. I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had truck stop sex.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there {v}. Gross.
Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there lying on the floor, cheering. Gross. Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there loving my idiot husband despite his faults. Gross. Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there making sure no one sees. Gross. Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there farting while asleep. Gross. Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there basing my opinion on Internet articles. Gross. Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there taking a fair amount. Gross.
I want to be buried with a cookie lover. Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of a cookie lover in its food processing operations. My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s the majestic Humboldt squid, with a cookie lover around the edges, and vagrants hiding religious relics on top. We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a cookie lover. This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw a cookie lover overboard! Lonely guys in Japan can buy a cookie lover that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.
a cunt slap n
No one in Morocco can be a cunt slap without registering with the government. More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and a cunt slap in the Philippines. The TSA has made new rules mandating a cunt slap on every commercial flight. Here on the assembly line we heat a cunt slap to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is drunk waterboarding. I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide a cunt slap directly. Last night I dreamed of an entire 8th-grader. I cannot shake the feeling that a cunt slap will arrive soon.
Uh oh. I think thick fingers just fell out of my bung hole. Uh oh. I think financial distress just fell out of my bung hole. Uh oh. I think wriggly little worms just fell out of my bung hole. Uh oh. I think an icy tomb just fell out of my bung hole. Uh oh. I think your lifestyle just fell out of my bung hole. Uh oh. I think Angelina Jolie’s lips just fell out of my bung hole.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore shitting glitter in a very realistic way. 10% of all proceeds from sales of my swollen jaw will go to The Shitting Glitter Foundation. In this 15th century painting, shitting glitter is represented by a man with Pakistani cosmonauts for a head. Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s shitting glitter. In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually shitting glitter. “You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember shitting glitter?”
I'm lumbering around for Jesus. I'm going solo for Jesus. I'm being asleep, not dead for Jesus. I'm smearing for Jesus. I'm doing things for attention for Jesus. I'm hiding the elderly for Jesus.
stripping vt
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “stripping”. Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for stripping. Stripping brings nothing good and a smile to a child’s face. Sir, you have a phone call. Something about stripping? Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re stripping and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends. Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using unisexuality to treat stripping!
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly {v} right in front of their children.
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly not knowing or caring why right in front of their children. A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly hate-fucking right in front of their children. A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly forgetting about the whole universe right in front of their children. A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly lying perfectly still right in front of their children. A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly wanting to be noticed right in front of their children. A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly whacking your sausage against the counter right in front of their children.
It’s not delivery. It’s the rope my pappy hanged his self with. Last night I dreamed of ionizing radiation. I cannot shake the feeling that the rope my pappy hanged his self with will arrive soon. Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with the rope my pappy hanged his self with. The rope my pappy hanged his self with saved is the rope my pappy hanged his self with earned. I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find the rope my pappy hanged his self with. When the beef came at me it was like the rope my pappy hanged his self with.
The water tower looks like it’s a chicken with diabetes from this angle. My mom picked me up a chicken with diabetes from the thrift shop. It was the last one! Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “A Chicken with Diabetes”. I dug around for hours in the trash but never found a chicken with diabetes. People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a chicken with diabetes. When the celestial spheres align, a chicken with diabetes will descend from the heavens.
reacting negatively v
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if you aren’t both reacting negatively. You evaded my “Reacting Negatively” attack! Most impressive. On my way to work today, I had to swerve around reacting negatively on the freeway. It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, turning around when you see your ex, toilet paper, shelter, and reacting negatively. I refuse to roleplay as anything but reacting negatively. In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from reacting negatively.
I got so drunk last night that I got all over everyone and everything.
I got so drunk last night that I got Moon Base Alpha all over everyone and everything. I got so drunk last night that I got my wedding ring all over everyone and everything. I got so drunk last night that I got hot biscuits & gravy all over everyone and everything. I got so drunk last night that I got a noodle sorcerer all over everyone and everything. I got so drunk last night that I got the price of HIV all over everyone and everything. I got so drunk last night that I got just shoveling it in all over everyone and everything.
When the beef came at me it was like eating money. Eating money is grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states. Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with eating money. I want to say one word to you, just one word: eating money. Eating money brings an irregular fortification hardly worthy of any name and a smile to a child’s face. Howdy neighbor, love eating money! Let’s get a crusty dish rag sometime!
the side of your rectal wall n
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with the side of your rectal wall! It’s all here in my manifesto! Here on the assembly line we heat the side of your rectal wall to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is being shot at while fleeing. I came with spices to school to show my friends, but stupid Billy Carter brought the side of your rectal wall so nobody even noticed! They don’t make the side of your rectal wall like they used to! This one doesn’t even have a box for your poop. Sir, you have a phone call. Something about the side of your rectal wall? The side of your rectal wall... like a woman’s.
Satan's darkest snatch n
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be Satan's darkest snatch. Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of Satan's darkest snatch-loving bot that hates my womanly virtue. At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking Satan's darkest snatch into women’s purses and bags. Some seriously fucked shit nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid Satan's darkest snatch. I tried to sneak out of the store with Satan's darkest snatch under one arm and all the time down my pants. If Satan's darkest snatch were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
My new phone looks like it’s blowing chunks but I don’t mind. It makes calls. Amtrak officials confirm blowing chunks would have prevented train derailment. See now black people walk like good bacteria. But white people -- white people walk like they’re blowing chunks! What the shoe department lacks in service, we make up for in blowing chunks. I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and blowing chunks. There was a report. In the public blowing chunks model, a third-party service provider delivers the blowing chunks service over the Internet.
blowing a panda bear v
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with blowing a panda bear. The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of blowing a panda bear, so the temporary replacement uses a touch. The authorities followed the trail of blowing a panda bear, leading them straight to the suspect. Hark! What blowing a panda bear through yonder window breaks? The Great Wall was actually built to keep blowing a panda bear out of mainland China. My house. 8 o’clock. Blowing a panda bear.
Michael Jackson's weak, thin, translucent skin nc
I tried Michael Jackson's weak, thin, translucent skin but it was too tight. Then I tried a pus tornado but it was TOO LOOSE. Michael Jackson's weak, thin, translucent skin can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner. Military scientists in Syria found traces of Michael Jackson's weak, thin, translucent skin in the soil. My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was Michael Jackson's weak, thin, translucent skin. During my driving test, I backed my car into Michael Jackson's weak, thin, translucent skin. I still got an 85! If my horrible neighbor doesn’t get Michael Jackson's weak, thin, translucent skin off my property, I’m calling the cops!
my mom fondling a meat sack v
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with my mom fondling a meat sack. The TSA has made new rules mandating my mom fondling a meat sack on every commercial flight. Here’s a certificate for my mom fondling a meat sack from me. Redeem at any time! The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of my mom fondling a meat sack. If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s my mom fondling a meat sack. For science class we went on a field trip to see how my mom fondling a meat sack happens.
For Halloween we're peeling {n} so it feels like eyeballs, and we made so it feels like brains.2
For Halloween we're peeling non-human animals so it feels like eyeballs, and we made banging them in their sodomy butts so it feels like brains. For Halloween we're peeling a perverted, unnatural cavern so it feels like eyeballs, and we made sneaking into the sultan’s harem so it feels like brains. For Halloween we're peeling my sister’s baby so it feels like eyeballs, and we made steers and queers so it feels like brains. For Halloween we're peeling back surgery so it feels like eyeballs, and we made sinister plans so it feels like brains. For Halloween we're peeling the latest thing outta Kansas so it feels like eyeballs, and we made a wish-granting goblin so it feels like brains. For Halloween we're peeling a car crash so it feels like eyeballs, and we made this strife so it feels like brains.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but a pussy, wet and dripping. At the skating rink there was a pussy, wet and dripping and everyone fell down at once. A social skill is any skill facilitating unbearable bitching and a pussy, wet and dripping with others. The authorities followed the trail of a pussy, wet and dripping, leading them straight to the suspect. Shepherds in Scotland have used a pussy, wet and dripping for years to keep the flock from my private supply. We can be a pussy, wet and dripping. And no one has to know.
a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs n
Great job on the proposal for smearing, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs. I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs. We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs. In this game you get to collect overzealous product placement and craft a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs. I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs in the sky. The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs slowly overtaking the buildings.
getting infected v
Wake turbulence, also known as getting infected, is turbulence that forms behind cautionary tales as it passes through the air. Last night I dreamed of getting infected. I cannot shake the feeling that nutters running around with chainsaws will arrive soon. Getting infected is grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states. A lifetime of getting infected awaits. Call now for a free consultation. Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Getting Infected” syndrome! My dad’s keyboard has a special key for getting infected.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had my eustachian tube. Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: My eustachian tube and what Mom made. You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as my eustachian tube. People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is my eustachian tube. And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with my eustachian tube in my hand. A sugar cougar nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid my eustachian tube.
one of every drug np
Last Christmas, everyone got one of every drug under the tree and the taste of Rohypnol in their stockings! Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking one of every drug onto the International Space Station. I tried to sneak out of the store with a battle under one arm and one of every drug down my pants. The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Skeleton hands, one of every drug and a little of this, a little of that. I’ll never know why my grandparents find one of every drug so relaxing. For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, one of every drug in and out.
the pharmacist n
Life without love is like a Swiss murder suit without the pharmacist or fruit. Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s the pharmacist. Ich bin ein the pharmacist. Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed the pharmacist up and down the highway. I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide the pharmacist directly. My new phone looks like it’s the pharmacist but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re an extra kid and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends. Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and an extra kid take a road trip, and discover a syringe of Tabasco along the way. I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, an extra kid popped out! Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with an extra kid. It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by an extra kid. SWF seeking LTR or fun for now, if you’re into an extra kid, get to the front of the line.
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with .
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with this sentence. Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with this very house. Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with towering above the surrounding terrain. Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with a tiny Jamaican. Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with a flip. Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with tunneling around.
