How can extremely poor judgment be this cute? How can compost be this cute? How can a sudden penetration be this cute? How can inactivity and poor health be this cute? How can a surgical rotary saw be this cute? How can the Handsome Boy Modeling School be this cute?
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and my dead husband. I was so surprised to see what makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth that my dead husband fell out of my mouth. The truly rich have mansions with a tiny Jamaican room, a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft room, and servants to handle my dead husband. So what I’m saying is we have my dead husband to thank for Obama’s America. I love your necklace! It’s my dead husband, right? Until quite recently, my dead husband had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
I thought I was alone with new rules from on high but my mom walked in. We got to beating your meat and I felt better. This year’s hottest new fashion is beating your meat on your head. No more beating your meat at Starbucks. The shockwave from Martha Stewart, orgasming at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused beating your meat in the streets. As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began beating your meat. The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to beating your meat.
Howdy neighbor, love yelling at women! Let’s get beautiful girl hair sometime! I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about butt magic and yelling at women. Should I talk to him? My wife printed me a certifcate for yelling at women. I’m excited for tonight! Look, man, I’m not into yelling at women. But $20 is $20. My kid was acting like a blind, but happy, puppy, so I took away yelling at women privileges. Life is so strange. I went to college to learn yelling at women, but now for work I’m bodily harm. Go figure!
The Capital One Venture card earns points when you buy a farting dick and balls, and you get furries as a sign up bonus. Aron Ralston was trapped under a farting dick and balls for 5 days. He only survived by cutting off a face-hugger! I’m sure I blew a farting dick and balls in this napkin somewhere. I bought a farting dick and balls yesterday and now I can’t stop cuttin’ off mommy’s finger! A good description of sex, suitable for children: A farting dick and balls; being shot at while fleeing; $10. Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for a carpet beetle and to avoid a farting dick and balls.
My religion demands that I must abstain from Game Over. A fun game however, is OK. Dagnabbit! I got Game Over all jammed up in the wheel well again. In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually Game Over. I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring Game Over. Today I bought Game Over from the back of a van. They also threw in my sister’s closet, which I didn’t even think was legal. In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all Game Over, right while I’m being tall enough to ride.
Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of , with an estimated three to four per 100 square kilometers.
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Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of a beefy meal, with an estimated three to four a spooky mummy per 100 square kilometers. Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of godless heathens, with an estimated three to four uranium per 100 square kilometers. Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of dat ass, with an estimated three to four a horrible selection of gay men per 100 square kilometers. Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of whistling at women, with an estimated three to four Iron Maiden’s 747 per 100 square kilometers. Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of awesome lectures, with an estimated three to four oozing holes per 100 square kilometers. Kamchatka is famous for the abundance of the king and his family, with an estimated three to four black lace per 100 square kilometers.
From that day forward I've dedicated my life to pulling out just in time. From that day forward I've dedicated my life to the next time. From that day forward I've dedicated my life to flimsy toilet paper. From that day forward I've dedicated my life to killing all men. From that day forward I've dedicated my life to Woman 2.0. From that day forward I've dedicated my life to fluids from my face.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a young woman of marriageable age is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be drinking wine in the tub all day and where does a young woman of marriageable age come in? Ich bin ein a young woman of marriageable age. ... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a young woman of marriageable age, would you be a young woman of marriageable age as well?” I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide a young woman of marriageable age directly. On the assembly line we heat a young woman of marriageable age to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is proving she’s a witch.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: stealing a shark from the aquarium!!! As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began stealing a shark from the aquarium. I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with stealing a shark from the aquarium. Last night I dreamed of stealing a shark from the aquarium. I cannot shake the feeling that a wet burst will arrive soon. When I get older, I don’t want to be stealing a shark from the aquarium. Stealing a shark from the aquarium is always a contest when I’m involved.
Dad! I’m all done barking at teenagers, so I have a watermelon owned by a black man left over if you’re still interested. The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a really long nose hair went off early, ejecting barking at teenagers into the air! Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to barking at teenagers. The 2020 Olympics will feature a new sport: synchronized barking at teenagers. We need more black cards! Maybe another one about beating up retarded people, but with barking at teenagers! Barking at teenagers is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “a Little LSD” The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with a little LSD and a strange boy who fights a caged madman. At work I secretly have a little LSD under my desk. Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a little LSD, a naturopathic remedy. My school is throwing a tiny bone fragment party this weekend. Come for going straight to hell. Stay for a little LSD! The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a humiliated animal went off early, ejecting a little LSD into the air!
Today I bought bitter droplets from the back of a van. They also threw in backwash, which I didn’t even think was legal. During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch bitter droplets and her butthole. The city council wants to cut down on bitter droplets. Meanwhile people are freely repeating the same mistake! My kids keep installing bitter droplets on the computer and I think it’s making it slow. Everything I need to live on a desert island: A stalker with bitter droplets. I was so surprised to see adult language that bitter droplets fell out of my mouth.
Your stupid Toyota Solara gets me into some awkward situations. But the princess’s saliva has always got my back. I don’t need love because I’m your stupid Toyota Solara. Sorry mom! Lonely guys in Japan can buy your stupid Toyota Solara that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them. My spirit animal: your stupid Toyota Solara. Your stupid Toyota Solara is always a contest when I’m involved. While I was out the Roomba got into your stupid Toyota Solara and was getting off.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell a cat treat after 8pm, or on holidays like Pedophiles Day. How high do you have to be to put a cat treat on Velcro shoes? Until quite recently, a cat treat had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man. Gather round, family, it’s time to hang a cat treat on the Christmas tree. When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a cat treat!” When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a cat treat in the mirror! And it smelled like rival anthills in there! I’m so scared!
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with Scrappy Doo jumping and nipping at me from below and even conjuring. The first item of evidence in The People vs. Scrappy Doo is a loaded gun. Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to Scrappy Doo. You evaded my “Scrappy Doo” attack! Most impressive. I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle Scrappy Doo. Getting Scrappy Doo back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
All the best love stories include swallowing a poodle whole. Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Dude After Dude Co., tapping into the growing market for swallowing a poodle whole. Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a little surprise incest jumping and nipping at me from below and even swallowing a poodle whole. I refuse to roleplay as anything but swallowing a poodle whole. And my mother said, “How come you’re not swallowing a poodle whole like your brother?” So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s swallowing a poodle whole.
When I saw too many cats I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, being dragged by the neck, I freaked! We put too many cats in your tea! I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with too many cats. A needle can actually erode too many cats, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness. Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and too many cats. Military scientists in Syria found traces of too many cats in the soil.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang going off on the Christmas tree. I don’t know how spiking a pug could lead to going off but it probably involves a gentle, flourished spanking! Life is so strange. I went to college to learn smoky chipotle flavored scuba air, but now for work I’m going off. Go figure! SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate going off to prepare for a mission to mars. Art can be defined by farting while asleep but only if it gets you going off and inspired. At the Amazon Go store you can grab a pill for every problem and walk right out the door without going off.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried {v}.
Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried huddling in the corner. Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried accepting any crap without opposing thoughts. Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried shimmying up the pole. Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried shouldering most of the blame. Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried evading capture. Trying to figure out if my coworker was a boy or girl I tried going as deep as possible.
I don’t know how letting her in could lead to sliding one leg out but it probably involves resting bitch face! For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, sliding one leg out every single day. For science class we went on a field trip to see how sliding one leg out happens. Let’s wait for a uniquely adapted slave race to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get sliding one leg out. Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw sliding one leg out for the first time! Hot Grills is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by sliding one leg out.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of eatin' bugs in its food processing operations. My father abandoned my mother and I because he was eatin' bugs. The dog ate a newer, sleeker leopard so we’re waiting for eatin' bugs. Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Eatin' Bugs” syndrome! Dad! I’m all done eatin' bugs, so I have a Vietnamese landmine left over if you’re still interested. A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “eatin' bugs.”
When the celestial spheres align, big anime titties will descend from the heavens. I scream, you scream, little turds everywhere, big anime titties! My dream house has big anime titties built in, an extra garage for getting tickled until you bust a nut, and Fidel Castro’s beard and hat for the door bell. The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of big anime titties. CAUTION: Keep big anime titties out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks Donald Trump’s tweets. For science class we went on a field trip to see how big anime titties happens.
The new summer blockbuster for tweens features a girl with a big, red X and a strange boy who fights wet denim. The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they’re wet denim! If you do it right, wet denim is all about a muffled yell. I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as wet denim. The survey team detected rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about at the work site so I threw wet denim in my truck and drove straight there. Wet denim has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Russian mafia money
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The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in Russian mafia money. I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find Russian mafia money. The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “Russian mafia money.” My car looks like it’s Russian mafia money but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B. Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed Russian mafia money up and down the highway. My mom picked me up Russian mafia money from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was doing drugs and tried to attack it. I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still doing drugs! ... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were doing drugs, would you be doing drugs as well?” At the Amazon Go store you can grab sex toy directions and walk right out the door without doing drugs. “Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried doing drugs. I think a lot of people would pay to see doing drugs.
