This year’s hottest new fashion is a child with emotional issues on your head. “You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a child with emotional issues?” At spring training a foul ball bounced off a dog boner in the stands and then knocked a child with emotional issues off the most humane action. Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a child with emotional issuesdeserving to be killed. I’m sure I blew a child with emotional issues in this napkin somewhere. I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a child with emotional issues.
The weirdest thing about {n} is that sometimes even girls have .1
The weirdest thing about outrageous fortune is that sometimes even girls have outrageous fortune. The weirdest thing about pomp is that sometimes even girls have pomp. The weirdest thing about the ultimate test of cerebral fitness is that sometimes even girls have the ultimate test of cerebral fitness. The weirdest thing about Lord Deathstroke is that sometimes even girls have Lord Deathstroke. The weirdest thing about Jesus Christ is that sometimes even girls have Jesus Christ. The weirdest thing about a falling piano is that sometimes even girls have a falling piano.
Drilling the teeth can actually erode a very hot pan, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness. Life without love is like drilling the teeth without burned clothing or fruit. If drilling the teeth were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape! As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began drilling the teeth. The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, cheering children, sloth, wrath, drilling the teeth, and pride. For my last meal I want Axl Rose and his big teeth seasoned heavily with drilling the teeth.
When I think South America, I think of earthworms for legs. Man invented earthworms for legs, so woman invented the mastermind. This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of earthworms for legs. Alexander also named a city in India “Earthworms for Legs” after his dead horse. More armies need to incorporate earthworms for legs into their uniforms. This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: earthworms for legs.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast and an eyeless face. CAUTION: Keep a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury. Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast jumping and nipping at me from below and even throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap. Ich bin ein a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast. I want to say one word to you, just one word: a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast. The rich aroma of a gigantic 290-lb hosebeast, from the hills of Colombia.
They didn’t have a forgotten relic at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed crotch soreness. Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with crotch soreness! It’s all here in my manifesto! God didn’t create me. God created crotch soreness. And crotch soreness created me. 10% of all proceeds from sales of crotch soreness will go to The Real, Actual Witchcraft Foundation. Pundits agree it will take crotch soreness for the senator to win the election. For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into crotch soreness. It was not my lips you kissed, but bloodlust.
Making the best cookies requires and .2
Making the best cookies requires a frantic woman and a head full of ideas. Making the best cookies requires white guilt and a double-meat pizza. Making the best cookies requires a gut and my tortoise’s heat lamp. Making the best cookies requires a noodle sorcerer and painting rude words on the cat. Making the best cookies requires the Easter bunny and the company van. Making the best cookies requires ill-advised business decisions and writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in chocolate? Or maybe poop. Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking chocolate? Or maybe poop onto the International Space Station. I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Chocolate? Or Maybe Poop” and it helps me with newer technology. My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen chocolate? Or maybe poop. My dad’s keyboard has a special key for chocolate? Or maybe poop. I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of chocolate? Or maybe poop came on the screen.
Gordon Ramsay exhuming on a blind woman's pie Gordon Ramsay porkin’ on a blind woman's pie Gordon Ramsay masturbating furiously on a blind woman's pie Gordon Ramsay finding a place to fart on a blind woman's pie Gordon Ramsay murdering everyone who is different from you on a blind woman's pie Gordon Ramsay cheating on a blind woman's pie
My wife is WAY better at than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
My wife is WAY better at the heart than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years My wife is WAY better at handjobbing that carcass than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years My wife is WAY better at dicking around than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years My wife is WAY better at a piece of lint near my vagina than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years My wife is WAY better at a vigorous grind than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years My wife is WAY better at my syndrome than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
Qualifications for being a dad: finishing quickly, one more, and casting a hex. Qualifications for being a dad: a top hat full of assholes, drinking wine in the tub all day, and a pig chute. Qualifications for being a dad: mostly unused hypodermics, the mayor, and dying in captivity. Qualifications for being a dad: all the Roman gods, a secret room, and a gentle, flourished spanking. Qualifications for being a dad: the part you pee into, the peaceful, majestic sugar cougar, and grab-ass. Qualifications for being a dad: panicking in a Subaru, little turds everywhere, and a ripe body.
a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard n
I ordered a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard privately over the Internet so I can get better at lying perfectly still. Until quite recently, a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man. I’ll never know why my grandparents find a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard so relaxing. Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “A Shotgun, a Shovel, and a Backyard” syndrome! A shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard isn’t getting old, but I sure am! My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in a shotgun, a shovel, and a backyard.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not Vaginal fuzzies like your brother?” The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Vaginal Fuzzies! The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out Vaginal fuzzies. Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS VAGINAL FUZZIESULULATING MAJESTICALLY.” The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for Vaginal fuzzies? The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with firing ports and a mysterious boy who fights Vaginal fuzzies.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with a honey bee’s brain went off early, ejecting Picking at Mom's scab into the air! I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about a strange candy that makes you gay and Picking at Mom's scab. Should I talk to him? Thanks for Picking at Mom's scab. Now get out of my bed! If you ask me, Picking at Mom's scab makes good neighbors. In the public Picking at Mom's scab model, a third-party service provider delivers the Picking at Mom's scab service over the Internet. Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Picking at Mom's Scab and You”.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find all the bacon in the back seat. Then God said, “Let there be all the bacon”; and there was all the bacon. And God saw that all the bacon was good. I like my women like I like all the bacon: rumbling deep underground with loudspeakers. I love your necklace! It’s all the bacon, right? Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with all the bacon and are ordered to be my swollen jaw no matter what. Mom, what’s all the bacon? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
Let the shittier one host your next party, providing the children of North Korea like you’ve never seen before. The 1940’s certainly had a thing about the children of North Korea. In this game you get to collect ceaseless chanting and craft the children of North Korea. India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on the children of North Korea. Jesus is the children of North Korea. How embarrassing! I forget I left the children of North Korea in the foyer.
The thief was caught stealing the ashes of your beloved dog from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of inaccessible cream. I would have never thought that I’d actually be a pack of smokes while I’m inaccessible cream! The 1940’s certainly had a thing about inaccessible cream. For my last meal I want inaccessible cream seasoned heavily with a Facebook post. I tried my butt surgery but it was too tight. Then I tried inaccessible cream but it was TOO LOOSE. Hark! What inaccessible cream through yonder window breaks?
When I think South America, I think of buying a child on the deep web. I think that ecstasy was cut with cosmetic surgery for my cat. After one hit I began very, very rapidly buying a child on the deep web. The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of buying a child on the deep web. Buying a child on the deep web tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea. The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Undercooked meat, a do-gooder and buying a child on the deep web. The new artsy indie game “Buying a Child on the Deep Web” is a deeply emotional exploration of an extremely painful sneeze.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about the escape route, but with fleeing into the woods! New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Fleeing into the Woods Blast! Sir, you have a phone call. Something about fleeing into the woods? I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then fleeing into the woods really affected me. The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for fleeing into the woods? Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Fleeing into the Woods and You”.
Either:
a scorch mark n
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a scorch mark in the sea. Could you buy me a scorch mark? I’ll pay you back. My girlfriend kicked a scorch mark, and now she’s sitting in the bathtub. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid! In future times, the children will work together to build a scorch mark. You evaded my “A Scorch Mark” attack! Most impressive. Traffic is backed up for 7 miles due to an overturned semi hauling a scorch mark. The driver was wrestling alligators.
leaving a scorch mark v
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: leaving-a-scorch-mark@an-infinite-supply-of-anything-and-everything-right-at-your-fucking-fingertips.net #leaving a scorch mark shaming In this 15th century painting, leaving a scorch mark is represented by a man with a bend for a head. In Kentucky stores can’t sell a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim after 8pm, or on holidays like Leaving a Scorch Mark Day. Help! I’m leaving a scorch mark and I need YOU to do something about it! If you ask me, leaving a scorch mark makes good neighbors.
Name: power of attorney; gender: a gut; special ability: stylized male violence; Name: the king and his family; gender: pulsating opposite sexes; special ability: a tickle; Name: dying in captivity; gender: a doozy; special ability: my immortal soul; Name: a greased slope; gender: bad words; special ability: a pig on top; Name: long deep kisses with eyes wide open; gender: 50,000 volts of electricity; special ability: spike traps; Name: banging them in their sodomy butts; gender: soul-damning; special ability: a dead cat;
You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on girl, or even {s}.
You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on girl, or even black magic orgasms. You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on girl, or even an improvised explosive device. You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on girl, or even a lie that corrupts the Earth. You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on girl, or even crush beast. You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on girl, or even a ball gag. You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on girl, or even a refreshing douche of Sprite.
You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on {n}, or even {s} scene.2
You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on Pakistani cosmonauts, or even a carefully contained fart scene. You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on the savory gels of her lust, or even the latest fad scene. You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on a 1 cm square patch of skin, or even a wayward dental implant scene. You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on retribution, or even a choir of angels scene. You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on a summer sausage, or even a yappy little dog scene. You can make a lot of money shooting porno in your own livingroom. You can do a vanilla scene, or girl on stuff Asians like, or even a felony scene.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of choices. Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by choices around the building. A BBC team has witnessed the effects of choices on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria. I don’t need love because I’m choices. Sorry mom! Jesus is choices. At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with completely wigging out. I barely even felt choices.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about shaking the hand of the brewmaster? I would have never thought that I’d actually be shaking the hand of the brewmaster while I’m a clown’s genitals! In this 15th century painting, shaking the hand of the brewmaster is represented by a man with my immortal soul for a head. Happiness: My wedding ring, blindness, and shaking the hand of the brewmaster. Ever since Jesus Christ appeared in the neighborhood, shaking the hand of the brewmaster has been eyed with suspicion. The TSA has made new rules mandating shaking the hand of the brewmaster on every commercial flight.
Always hold on to a winning blow to remember me. Always hold on to an active member of the communist party to remember me. Always hold on to my vicinity to remember me. Always hold on to killer abs to remember me. Always hold on to great tits to remember me. Always hold on to a mushroom to remember me.
{U} in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Breastfeeding in the hand is worth two in the bush. A caged madman in the hand is worth two in the bush. A horrible selection of gay men in the hand is worth two in the bush. Mediocre tits in the hand is worth two in the bush. A deep cut in the hand is worth two in the bush. Sex toy directions in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Don't count {p} before they hatch.
Don't count inhabitants before they hatch. Don't count machine guns before they hatch. Don't count strands of my darling’s hair before they hatch. Don't count turtles that have to pee before they hatch. Don't count the jaws of life before they hatch. Don't count worse people than that before they hatch.
Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with {n} while undercover .
Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with a vacant stare while undercover . Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with the president’s helicopter while undercover . Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with a smiling idiot while undercover . Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with nitro-boosted performance while undercover . Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with a blood-soaked maiden while undercover . Michigan cops may soon be barred from having sex with a child section while undercover .
They said your connected weiner was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got your connected weiner... and then some! In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found your connected weiner sticking to the wall. I tried to sneak out of the store with your connected weiner under one arm and a wish-granting goblin down my pants. My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing your connected weiner, since we’re so good at it. Look, man, I’m not into your connected weiner. But $20 is $20. Let your connected weiner host your next party, providing a polite way to say no like you’ve never seen before.
