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websiteman husband
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2016 April 30
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Creamed Korn

Recent posts by todays_wet_sin

Recent posts by todays_wet_sin

2023 Jan 14 at 03:50 UTC
Warm sweaty beef

Aunt Shasta usually brings warm sweaty beef to the picnic.

You’re not a mom! You’re just warm sweaty beef!

We’re having a garage sale to get rid of old clothes and warm sweaty beef.

The Catholic Church is going to make warm sweaty beef a saint!

We’re already half way through warm sweaty beef, so we might as well finish it off.

My spirit animal: warm sweaty beef.

2023 Jan 9 at 23:17 UTC
They/them bussy

Oh no! Mom sold they/them bussy at the charity shop!

Those hoodlums graffitied “they/them bussy” on my mailbox again.

For my last meal I want they/them bussy.

When I was bodybuilding I foolishly tried to dead-lift they/them bussy.

Politics. The They/them Bussy Party is always trying to shove a man in a meat suit down our throats.

Wine tasters describe this vintage as having silky hints of caramel and a mouthfeel like they/them bussy.

2023 Jan 7 at 09:35 UTC
Stolen valor

2848 A new mother abandoned stolen valor in the airport bathroom.

768 New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Stolen Valor Blast!

2332 I thought I was alone with stolen valor but my mom walked in. We got to throating and I felt better.

1435 We can be stolen valor. And no one has to know.

704 When he reached the New World, Cortés burned stolen valor. As a result, his men were well motivated.

2355 Introducing, The Stolen Valor diet, where you can lose 5lbs a week without exercise.

2023 Jan 6 at 07:56 UTC
Clam slammers

I scream, you scream, we all scream for Clam slammers!

Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me Clam slammers and it’s getting weird.

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about Clam slammers?

When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with Clam slammers!”

The suspect’s pockets were full of pictures of Clam slammers.

This year’s hottest album is “Clam Slammers” by Breaking a Promise.

2022 Jul 27 at 00:55 UTC
My cat wont stop  {v}. What should I do?

My cat wont stop throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap. What should I do?
My cat wont stop stopping just in time. What should I do?
My cat wont stop terrorizing a small Irish village. What should I do?
My cat wont stop making sure no one sees. What should I do?
My cat wont stop fighting one-on-one. What should I do?
My cat wont stop pushing it deeper. What should I do?

2022 Jul 27 at 00:25 UTC
Bank vaults

It’s dangerous to leave bank vaults on the stairs.
I didn’t think this house would sell with bank vaults in the attic.
Don’t look at me while I’m bank vaults! It messes me up!
What the accounting department lacks in attractiveness, we make up for in bank vaults.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be bank vaults.
Last night was the tragic result of bank vaults.

2022 Jul 15 at 02:01 UTC

When the stadium was demolished it revealed TITS TITS!, bringing onlookers from far and wide.
My wife is WAY better at TITS TITS! than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
I was surprised to find bones in TITS TITS!. Is that normal?
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of TITS TITS!.
Brooklyn mom makes $20,000 a week! How, you ask? TITS TITS!.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began TITS TITS!.

2022 Jul 11 at 23:52 UTC
Dangly bracelets

My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about dangly bracelets.
Dangly bracelets in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of dangly bracelets in the sky.
In future times, the children will work together to build dangly bracelets.
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of dangly bracelets.
If mom hears us talking about dangly bracelets we’ll be SO grounded!

2018 Feb 21 at 05:14 UTC
Telekinetic pleasure death

In this game you get to collect telekinetic pleasure death and craft racial superiority.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re telekinetic pleasure death, get to the front of the line.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were telekinetic pleasure death, would you be telekinetic pleasure death as well?”
At work I secretly have telekinetic pleasure death under my desk.
This land is telekinetic pleasure death land, this land is a cranky, foul mouthed old lady land.
I went rafting, saw telekinetic pleasure death in the river, no big deal.

2018 Jan 13 at 20:54 UTC
President Washington's head

Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed President Washington's head up and down the highway.
Let President Washington's head host your next party, providing rustic-looking shit that hipsters care about like you’ve never experienced before.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up President Washington's head on the porch to surprise the kids.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is President Washington's head.
It's like they always say: President Washington's head never changes.
If I had President Washington's head, you’d be her cooter!