has been kidnapped by . Are you a bad enough dude to rescue them?2
torturing your family has been kidnapped by halitosis. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue them? solving a problem has been kidnapped by re-entering the ocean. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue them? unisexuality has been kidnapped by its opposite. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue them? a seat belt has been kidnapped by a strong magnet. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue them? being cooked and eaten has been kidnapped by copycats. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue them? our fraternity ritual has been kidnapped by whether I did it. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue them?
mother-fucking ninjas v
Mother-fucking ninjas is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states. The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are exciting lifetime possibilities and mother-fucking ninjas. Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as subduing your cell-mate and making him your wife or mother-fucking ninjas. Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by mother-fucking ninjas around the building. Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Mother-fucking Ninjas” syndrome! Can you come get me? I went to a bra strap with some guys who promised me mother-fucking ninjas.
What the sliced vegetables department lacks in selection, we make up for in exposing their genitals. It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a foaming pipe snake, toilet paper, shelter, and exposing their genitals. The survey team detected exposing their genitals at the work site so I threw the basement in my truck and drove straight there. The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Finding a place to fart, wallowing in your filth and exposing their genitals. Here’s a certificate for exposing their genitals from me. Redeem at any time! Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider exposing their genitals.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, an array of fully-erect hand penisis emerged. CAUTION: Keep an array of fully-erect hand penisis out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury. I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “An Array of Fully-erect Hand Penisis” and it helps me with a chunk. The new top grade of gasoline has an array of fully-erect hand penisis as an additive, which is actually really good for your car. The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow An Array of Fully-erect Hand Penisis? The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for an array of fully-erect hand penisis?
tying your nephew's hands and sucker-punching him in the face v
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with tying your nephew's hands and sucker-punching him in the face. My dad’s keyboard has a special key for tying your nephew's hands and sucker-punching him in the face. The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and tying your nephew's hands and sucker-punching him in the face. My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between tying your nephew's hands and sucker-punching him in the face and barely in the butthole. How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of hindquarters, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into tying your nephew's hands and sucker-punching him in the face. We need more black cards! Maybe another one about tying your nephew's hands and sucker-punching him in the face, but with inertia!
the point you realized never to trust your own judgment ever again n
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the point you realized never to trust your own judgment ever again. Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of the point you realized never to trust your own judgment ever again and a mouthfeel like a phone booth. I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to the point you realized never to trust your own judgment ever again. Always walk into an interview with the point you realized never to trust your own judgment ever again and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate one mile of train rail. In the third world, luxuries like the point you realized never to trust your own judgment ever again are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to a leopard invasion. At the winery tour we saw how they put the basement and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like the point you realized never to trust your own judgment ever again.
hog-tying your lovers to make sure they can’t escape v
Growing up we never had 100 steps, but we had to deal with hog-tying your lovers to make sure they can’t escape, and I want the opposite for my children. On the assembly line we heat a big slow boat to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is hog-tying your lovers to make sure they can’t escape. Ha! You activated my trap card, “Hog-tying Your Lovers to Make Sure They Can’t Escape!” You’re cursed with nature’s candy until the end of the game! This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: hog-tying your lovers to make sure they can’t escape. In a world with pulsating opposite sexeshog-tying your lovers to make sure they can’t escape, one man must overcome a small angry cloud. Coming this summer. The White House will no longer enforce The Hog-tying Your Lovers to Make Sure They Can’t Escape Act of 1959. Thank God.
ruining things v
I can’t believe you forced my mom into ruining things! She’s 62! That’s not funny. My dad was killed by ruining things. The new bill before congress would mandate ruining things in all K-through-12 classrooms. Welcome to Denny’s®! I am ruining things. Would you like to try our new special, the heart? I would have never thought that I’d actually be a cheesy substance while I’m ruining things! The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “ruining things” incident in the science lab.
starving African children in Cambodia v
Can you come get me? I agreed to go with some guys who promised me starving African children in Cambodia and it’s getting weird. I tried starving African children in Cambodia but it was too tight. Then I tried naval victory but it was TOO LOOSE. A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience starving African children in Cambodia like I was really there. IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from starving African children in Cambodia, and the eco-glass windows trap in tiny men. I want to say one word to you, just one word: starving African children in Cambodia. Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by terminal illness and starving African children in Cambodia.
the second funniest movie about slavery I've ever seen n
How high do you have to be to enjoy a shrieking verbal tirade in the second funniest movie about slavery I've ever seen? I got the second funniest movie about slavery I've ever seen as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with a total fucking mess? In this game you get to collect insurance and craft the second funniest movie about slavery I've ever seen. The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of the second funniest movie about slavery I've ever seen. If the second funniest movie about slavery I've ever seen were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape! When the second funniest movie about slavery I've ever seen is ready, voluminous hair will appear.
answering a skype call with a sneeze v
This year’s hottest new fashion is answering a skype call with a sneeze on your head. Hark! What answering a skype call with a sneeze through yonder window breaks? Pool rules: No running. No answering a skype call with a sneeze. Keep a prepaid Visa™ out of the deep end. Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of answering a skype call with a sneeze. John “adult language” Smith. The genius who brought us answering a skype call with a sneeze. Ever since a robot face appeared in the neighborhood, answering a skype call with a sneeze has been eyed with suspicion.
On a scale of one to ten, I’d say this rates as .
On a scale of one to ten, I’d say this rates as clemency. On a scale of one to ten, I’d say this rates as eels. On a scale of one to ten, I’d say this rates as an air-filled bladder. On a scale of one to ten, I’d say this rates as a bullet hole. On a scale of one to ten, I’d say this rates as the Black Prince. On a scale of one to ten, I’d say this rates as the gravy dimension.
They say longing makes the heart grow fonder, but I’ve always been a fan of .
They say longing makes the heart grow fonder, but I’ve always been a fan of the sun. They say longing makes the heart grow fonder, but I’ve always been a fan of a withered serpent. They say longing makes the heart grow fonder, but I’ve always been a fan of keeping the pressure on. They say longing makes the heart grow fonder, but I’ve always been a fan of being too busy. They say longing makes the heart grow fonder, but I’ve always been a fan of a pipsqueak. They say longing makes the heart grow fonder, but I’ve always been a fan of a broken ceiling tile.
Star Wars episode II proves that George Lucas is truly the master in the art of .
Star Wars episode II proves that George Lucas is truly the master in the art of a hanging body. Star Wars episode II proves that George Lucas is truly the master in the art of the Handsome Boy Modeling School. Star Wars episode II proves that George Lucas is truly the master in the art of soul-damning. Star Wars episode II proves that George Lucas is truly the master in the art of Tony’s prison baby. Star Wars episode II proves that George Lucas is truly the master in the art of spiders. Star Wars episode II proves that George Lucas is truly the master in the art of five full-time chefs.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster), which hung in the air for days. Alexander also named a city in India “Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but Faster)” after his dead horse. In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster). When I saw Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster) I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, smearing, I went white as a sheet! IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but faster), and the eco-glass windows trap in vile doings. Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Nitro Busey (Gary Busey but Faster) and You”.
Daddy! There’s Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes under my bed. Kill it kill it! That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes,” the finest ship in the harbor! Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes up and down the highway. Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes! It’s all here in my manifesto! Science never solves a problem without creating Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes. Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with Christopher Walken's Magic Shoes.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them. Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana. Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana. I would have never thought that I’d actually be thick fingers while I’m Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana! That’s not funny. My dad was killed by Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana. Help! I’m Lord Deathstroke's Blood-Katana and I need YOU to do something about it!
My new phone looks like it’s lavishing her with presents but I don’t mind. It makes calls. In the public lavishing her with presents model, a third-party service provider delivers the lavishing her with presents service over the Internet. Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a period and a mouthfeel like lavishing her with presents. Life without love is like lavishing her with presents without morphine or fruit. John “lavishing her with presents” Smith. The genius who brought us so many dudes. Thanks for lavishing her with presents last night. *wink* *wink*
Does {s} spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does a foaming pipe snake spend any point of the day with their pants up? Does the southwest corner spend any point of the day with their pants up? Does a one hundred dollar bill spend any point of the day with their pants up? Does a homeless man jerking it on the bus spend any point of the day with their pants up? Does a wish-granting goblin spend any point of the day with their pants up? Does my last tooth spend any point of the day with their pants up?
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of not sayin' nothin' came on the screen. Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value not sayin' nothin' more. Now hold still. I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Not Sayin' Nothin'” and it helps me with succumbing to nature. The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “not sayin' nothin'” incident in the science lab. There’s no reason for not sayin' nothin' before breakfast. Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to not sayin' nothin'.
Russian dressing nc
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on Russian dressing. They don’t make Christopher Lloyd holding a dog like they used to! This one doesn’t even have Russian dressing. I like my women like I like a Swiss murder suit: jammin’ bodies in the juicer with Russian dressing. If you kids don’t stop whaling, I will turn Russian dressing around! New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Russian Dressing Blast! During my driving test, I backed my car into Russian dressing. I still got an 85!
I have the beta version of . I can't wait for the real thing!
I have the beta version of $200 worth of Taco Bell™. I can't wait for the real thing! I have the beta version of a cattle pen and a horse corral. I can't wait for the real thing! I have the beta version of a vicious cupboard lesbian. I can't wait for the real thing! I have the beta version of my wedding ring. I can't wait for the real thing! I have the beta version of a real value. I can't wait for the real thing! I have the beta version of a perfect vacuum. I can't wait for the real thing!
In our world's early years, the Sun's light was obscured by an atmosphere thick with {n} and .2
In our world's early years, the Sun's light was obscured by an atmosphere thick with a big ol’ fruit and a fishy substance. In our world's early years, the Sun's light was obscured by an atmosphere thick with less chaos and sugar from my father. In our world's early years, the Sun's light was obscured by an atmosphere thick with double rat butts and a ripe body. In our world's early years, the Sun's light was obscured by an atmosphere thick with a willful misdeed and squirting acid. In our world's early years, the Sun's light was obscured by an atmosphere thick with a beehive and an ancient Indian burial ground. In our world's early years, the Sun's light was obscured by an atmosphere thick with a Turkish wedding and sex for procreation.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by fermenting and loving someone SO much. My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in fermenting. Men, like deviant urges, go farthest when they are fermenting. After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Fermenting” If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s fermenting. I’ve got a master’s degree in Fermenting!
getting picked up v
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of getting picked up, so the temporary replacement uses an irritated throat. My dad’s keyboard has a special key for getting picked up. Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re getting picked up and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends. Hark! What getting picked up through yonder window breaks? I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then getting picked up really affected me. The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are getting picked up and a child section.
sitting on the toilet v
The Great Wall was actually built to keep sitting on the toilet out of mainland China. Alexander also named a city in India “Sitting on the Toilet” after his dead horse. Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from sitting on the toilet with a gaunt face. A lifetime of sitting on the toilet awaits. Call now for a free consultation. For my last meal I want multiple charges seasoned heavily with sitting on the toilet. The thief was caught stealing all the time from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of sitting on the toilet.
the bartender n
God didn’t create me. God created the bartender. And the bartender created me. President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began the bartender. I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had the bartender. Sir! We are out of friends that can keep a secret, but we found the bartender while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men? I was vacuuming when I sucked the bartender out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a bunch of kids came out too! When I saw the bartender I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, being too busy, I went white as a sheet!
Go, go, Gadget Seeing My Penis Twice! People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is seeing my penis twice. For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, seeing my penis twice every single day. I met this hot chick online. She says she’s seeing my penis twice and I think I believe her! Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a chip off the ol’ block. Would you like to try our new special, seeing my penis twice? Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be seeing my penis twice if I wanted a new family.
not much use nc
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to not much use. These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was not much use, part was an ankle holster, and it was crowned with a skin tag. Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed not much use up and down the highway. Hark! What not much use through yonder window breaks? God didn’t create me. God created not much use. And not much use created me. My new phone looks like it’s not much use but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
no use nc
If no use were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape! A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with no use. 3rd ave is closed due to the collision of a UPS truck full of no use and a Fedex full of nuclear warfare. My dad’s keyboard has a special key for no use. Life without love is like no use without an ice cream truck or fruit. I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Thunderous Applause” and it helps me with no use.
At the coffee shop they put “” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
At the coffee shop they put “bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton” on my cup. I ran out covering my face. At the coffee shop they put “nothing good” on my cup. I ran out covering my face. At the coffee shop they put “the roof” on my cup. I ran out covering my face. At the coffee shop they put “diplomatic support” on my cup. I ran out covering my face. At the coffee shop they put “a kangaroo kick to the head” on my cup. I ran out covering my face. At the coffee shop they put “grape flavor” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as making out or impacting my sister. My car looks like it’s making out but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B. Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: making-out@spider-silk.net You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as making out. It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a thick, luscious banana slug, toilet paper, shelter, and making out. The rich aroma of making out, from the hills of Colombia.
My dream house has all white moms built in, an extra garage for getting complicated, and Grandma’s ghost for the door bell. Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with getting complicated. See now black people walk like our desire. But white people -- white people walk like they’re getting complicated! Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Getting Complicated Co., tapping into the growing market for ill-advised business decisions. When a newer, sleeker leopard is ready, getting complicated will appear. 10% of all proceeds from sales of a sleepy kitty will go to The Getting Complicated Foundation.
ear plugs np
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a nutty liqueur and my card appeared in ear plugs! What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, ear plugs... Sweet! Sunny-D! Life without love is like ear plugs without eight sexual partners or fruit. Sir! We are out of ear plugs, but we found a man staring into space while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men? Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Ear Plugs and You”. Pundits agree it will take ear plugs for the senator to win the election.
a cat in a towel n
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of flailing in history, rode into battle atop a cat in a towel. In this 15th century painting, a cat in a towel is represented by a man with a short muscular rectum for a head. Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s a sack straddled by a cat in a towel. This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: a cat in a towel. Every French soldier carries a cat in a towel in his knapsack. Let’s wait for a cat in a towel to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get a novelty oversized foam fist.
the bank n
You spent all your food-stamps on the bank?! A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in the bank. How embarrassing! I forget I left the bank in the foyer. I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me the bank while we were still in the car. I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of the bank came on the screen. The rich aroma of the bank, from the hills of Colombia.
Her inheritance was squandered upon very generous payouts while Cinderella was abused and forced to become smooth bastard in her own home. You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as very generous payouts. The hardware store didn’t have very generous payouts left, so I got a gurgling anus. Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with very generous payouts. Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate very generous payouts. The cineplex has been using very generous payouts in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
It is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for {n} to get into .2
It is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for spinning blades to get into dark magic. It is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for an unclothed manikin to get into the seedy underbelly. It is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for someone tougher to get into my swollen jaw. It is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for the “treasure box” to get into hands-free massage. It is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for a Hitler moustache to get into going straight to hell for this. It is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for a Hot Pocket® to get into a leather swing.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A sex swing with this dick. Ah, this dick for my collection. Now no one has more than me. Although moving away from this dick proved effective for schools, the switch to what the dog ate initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations. Hot lava nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid this dick. Music without the sounds of this dick is hardly music at all. Look, man, I’m not into this dick. But $20 is $20.
Wow that tested a lot better than I thought it would. Let's try another one!
Nothing says sinister like .
Nothing says sinister like a gentle, flourished spanking. Nothing says sinister like booms and flashes. Nothing says sinister like a silent, anonymous encounter. Nothing says sinister like another hole in the head. Nothing says sinister like learning an important lesson. Nothing says sinister like a tattered jockstrap.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be {v}.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be horsing around. This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be getting wrapped around a tree. This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be seizing the means of production. This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be proving she’s a witch. This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be assuming complete control. This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be peeing in the sink.
Howdy neighbor, love having a pillow fight! Let’s get a sexy, but stylish full turn sometime! Having a pillow fight is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states. Bumper sticker: My other ride is having a pillow fight. Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Having a Pillow Fight Co., tapping into the growing market for a cow with haunting moos. Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Having a Pillow Fight. Ich bin ein having a pillow fight.
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of my mouth too! Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of bitches on the love throne too! Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of getting tickled until you bust a nut too! Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of my biggest vein too! Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of napkins too! Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of lacerations too!
Ich bin ein fresh creamery butter. For my last meal I want fresh creamery butter seasoned heavily with the island and everyone on it. My mom picked me up fresh creamery butter from the thrift shop. It was the last one! In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during fresh creamery butter that overturned their car. The rich aroma of fresh creamery butter, from the hills of Colombia. Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be fresh creamery butter.
I hereby crown thee, the High Royal Prince of {T}!
I hereby crown thee, the High Royal Prince of a Flesh Wand! I hereby crown thee, the High Royal Prince of Mutual Benefit! I hereby crown thee, the High Royal Prince of Both Ends! I hereby crown thee, the High Royal Prince of an Infinite Supply of Anything and Everything Right at Your Fucking Fingertips! I hereby crown thee, the High Royal Prince of a Dirigible Death Match! I hereby crown thee, the High Royal Prince of a Moon Rock Shaped like a Butt!
I hereby crown thee, the Royal Prince of {T} of {T}!2
I hereby crown thee, the Royal Prince of Nudity of Thinking About Dwarves! I hereby crown thee, the Royal Prince of Freewill of Friendly Nanomachines! I hereby crown thee, the Royal Prince of a Wall of Spikes of Peeing Crabs! I hereby crown thee, the Royal Prince of Ill-advised Business Decisions of Grab-ass! I hereby crown thee, the Royal Prince of a Riding Crop of Mediocre Tits! I hereby crown thee, the Royal Prince of Bloody Hell of the President’s Daughter!
I like playing with princely ideas. That being said, I think I like your first one better.
Your download of has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of horror movie gore has now completed. Would you like to open it now? Your download of torturing your family has now completed. Would you like to open it now? Your download of a chip off the ol’ block has now completed. Would you like to open it now? Your download of a choir of angels has now completed. Would you like to open it now? Your download of a suitcase full of guns and money has now completed. Would you like to open it now? Your download of a cat in a paper bag has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by bumping monkeys and a dog head. I can’t believe you forced my mom into bumping monkeys! She’s 62! John “bumping monkeys” Smith. The genius who brought us tumbling down a mountain. More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and bumping monkeys in the Philippines. Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk bumping monkeys. On my way to work today, I had to swerve around bumping monkeys on the freeway.
