This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select {n}.
This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select a “Hey!”. This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select two country bumpkins. This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select all your drama. This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select my black son. This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select the world’s fastest pump. This gas pump is weird. It says, "push button to select a hot explosion.
I saw the weirdest thing on Amazon, it was , I didnt know that came in three colors...
I saw the weirdest thing on Amazon, it was a cage built for an autistic student, I didnt know that came in three colors... I saw the weirdest thing on Amazon, it was a life preserver, I didnt know that came in three colors... I saw the weirdest thing on Amazon, it was live wires hanging from the ceiling, I didnt know that came in three colors... I saw the weirdest thing on Amazon, it was somersaults, I didnt know that came in three colors... I saw the weirdest thing on Amazon, it was electric sex, I didnt know that came in three colors... I saw the weirdest thing on Amazon, it was real life, I didnt know that came in three colors...
Music without the sounds of a rock hard biscuit is hardly music at all. What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a rock hard biscuit... Sweet! Sunny-D! The cineplex has been using a rock hard biscuit in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil. They didn’t have a rock hard biscuit at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed a spooky mummy. I heard you were talking about a rock hard biscuit so I had to come over! I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a rock hard biscuit.
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for your baloney hole. This food is so good it’s making your baloney hole quiver! Senator, give us your baloney hole biannually and you’ll get our vote. Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to your baloney hole, even before I put on my clothes. Dad! I’m all done surviving a gentle sneeze, so I have your baloney hole left over if you’re still interested. This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw your baloney hole overboard!
Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start beard stroking before something a mother whale would do. I like my women like I like something a mother whale would do: backing up on it with taffy. Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with something a mother whale would do. I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle something a mother whale would do. If mom hears us talking about something a mother whale would do we’ll be SO grounded! People in Taiwan are getting something a mother whale would do implanted in their bodies for tandem showering.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into going "boop!" on the nose. Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by going "boop!" on the nose. The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with black market lungs went off early, ejecting going "boop!" on the nose into the air! But I promised I would get my kids going "boop!" on the nose for Christmas! Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: barely any swaggoing "boop!" on the nose! SWF looking for a real man. If you’re going "boop!" on the nose, get to the front of the line.
Ammunition can only be killed by being sad or maybe dead. You evaded my “Being Sad or Maybe Dead” attack! Most impressive. Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw being sad or maybe dead. Sir, you have a phone call. Something about being sad or maybe dead? When I saw stainless steel plating I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, being sad or maybe dead, I freaked! Last night I dreamed of being sad or maybe dead. I cannot shake the feeling that a trap that shoots a poison dart will arrive soon.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate sleeping with a gun. Howdy neighbor, love recalled pizza with glass in it! Let’s get sleeping with a gun sometime! I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always sleeping with a gun. Always. Ha! You activated my trap card, “Sleeping with a Gun!” You’re cursed with self-cutting until the end of the game! Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be sleeping with a gun if I wanted a new family. Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be sleeping with a gun.
Working on my car I found Shakira's "sexy" robot voice had crawled inside the engine block and died. The new Ford F-750 with more torque than Shakira's "sexy" robot voice. Roman battlesex can only be killed by Shakira's "sexy" robot voice. I noticed symptoms of Shakira's "sexy" robot voice, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s my work!” but I’m not sure. During my driving test, I backed my car into Shakira's "sexy" robot voice. I still got an 85! “Snake jizz torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get Shakira's "sexy" robot voice from a suspected terrorist.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a virus in the toilet in the sea. The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to a virus in the toilet. Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a virus in the toilet. 10% of all proceeds from sales of a virus in the toilet will go to The Violent Death Foundation. My wife is WAY better at a virus in the toilet than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a virus in the toilet.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for duck legs. I noticed symptoms of getting covered in spicy mayonnaise, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s duck legs!” but I’m not sure. My spirit animal: duck legs. The rich aroma of duck legs, from the hills of Colombia. I prayed to God for duck legs, and God delivered! The problem with America is duck legs.
Bug legs
np
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to bug legs, even before I put on my clothes. When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with bug legs!” Ah, bug legs for my collection. Now no one has more than me. Oh no! Someone rolled up bug legs in a duvet and threw it on the side of the road. The cineplex has been using bug legs in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil. In the first Battle of Bug Legs he faced half the people around here, and with one great blow he split them in half.
One time I left fist pumping in my vagina for a month. One time I left a quickie in my vagina for a month. One time I left a piece of lint near my vagina in my vagina for a month. One time I left a bruised ego in my vagina for a month. One time I left the roof in my vagina for a month. One time I left my butt surgery in my vagina for a month.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was allowing babies to starve while you gorge, part was a heroin-caked frying pan locked in a safe, and it was crowned with a giant spider corpse. If you kids don’t stop knowing hell, I will turn a giant spider corpse around! Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a giant spider corpse. I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with a giant spider corpse. The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a giant spider corpse. I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a giant spider corpse. Always.
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is .
I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is sizzling assholes. I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is fictitious queer same sex transformation. I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is sacrificing the homeless. I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is poisoning a child. I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is a succulent jumbo prawn. I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is David Bowie’s mysterious bulge.
No thanks. My doctor said a poop hurricane makes defecation painful. When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a poop hurricane!” The new MacBook Pro weighs about as much as a poop hurricane and comes with 1 USB-C port and dope! Groovy! I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with a poop hurricane. At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a poop hurricane into women’s purses and bags. Last night I dreamed of porkin’. I cannot shake the feeling that a poop hurricane will arrive soon.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using the sky to forage for food. When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with the sky!” I prayed to God for the sky, and God delivered! Everything I need to live on a desert island: Homo hot lips with the sky. In a world with this assholeexpectorating some sludge, one man must overcome the sky. Coming this summer. I looked up “the sky” in Urban Dictionary, and apparently its an act involving the inside.
Letting down my hair
v
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be letting down my hair during sex. I beat letting down my hair all the time! Apparently, “Letting Down My Hair” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community. Life is so strange. I went to college to learn letting down my hair, but now for work I’m a disease. Go figure! Letting down my hair really messes up my butt complexion! Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of hog dander. Half the country is letting down my hair.
Do you know what happens if you don't take {n} seriously? {Uv}
Play 2
Do you know what happens if you don't take a motorist seriously? Completely wigging out Do you know what happens if you don't take the fuel line seriously? Snuggling with Ian McKellen Do you know what happens if you don't take my musk seriously? Realizing I’m a douche Do you know what happens if you don't take those responsible seriously? Killing again Do you know what happens if you don't take my out of control libido seriously? Hiding the pain Do you know what happens if you don't take a sudden penetration seriously? Whacking your sausage against the counter
Velociraptors with swords for arms
np
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was wallowing in your filth, part was moving and talking at the same time, and it was crowned with velociraptors with swords for arms. I’m shoving velociraptors with swords for arms in the ground, in hopes that that jackass comes and harvests it. Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use velociraptors with swords for arms to treat the majestic Humboldt squid! Although moving away from butt magic proved effective for schools, the switch to velociraptors with swords for arms initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations. Don’t shake a Secret Service agent so hard, it’ll start velociraptors with swords for arms. I like my women like I like velociraptors with swords for arms: making didgeridoo sounds with wildly swinging middle fingers.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for two black boyfriends and to avoid getting slathered. SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate two black boyfriends to prepare for a mission to mars. For Halloween we’re peeling an old, Asian martial arts master so it feels like eyeballs, and we made two black boyfriends so it feels like brains. President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began two black boyfriends. Honey, you can’t keep putting two black boyfriends down the garbage disposal! What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to two black boyfriends.
Slender and muscled, like just not much food. She was the spitting image of a swarm of pill bugs. Apparently, “a Swarm of Pill Bugs” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community. These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a joke from the Internet, part was a swarm of pill bugs, and it was crowned with ointment. The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of more dishonesty, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a swarm of pill bugs. Serve in my last tooth. The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a ball gag painted on both sides, which some say encourages a swarm of pill bugs. At the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they replaced a swarm of pill bugs with sufficient funds.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of beefy queefs in the soil. The Great Wall was actually built to keep beefy queefs out of mainland China. I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for beefy queefs” At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with a divorce. I barely even felt beefy queefs. At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in beefy queefs. That’s supposed to help me with all the beer?! Up next, you won’t believe what our secret cameras caught: beefy queefsgetting off!
Obese children panting over conjuring. Obese children panting over just falling out of my bung hole. Obese children panting over hindquarters. Obese children panting over crashing out of a window. Obese children panting over cuddling. Obese children panting over shame.
Who needs consent when you can have befuddlin’ mah dumb cracka mind. Who needs consent when you can have the island and everyone on it. Who needs consent when you can have pulling out just in time. Who needs consent when you can have hiding the pain. Who needs consent when you can have struggling with a police officer. Who needs consent when you can have me.
I hope I'll still be {v} after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
I hope I'll still be huddling in the corner after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot. I hope I'll still be being an overweight bitch after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot. I hope I'll still be tandem showering after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot. I hope I'll still be inhaling after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot. I hope I'll still be not taking care of your body after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot. I hope I'll still be killing again after Wii Fit makes me skinny and hot.
Having problems with my butthole
v
The TSA has made new rules mandating having problems with my butthole on every commercial flight. The thief was caught stealing a tiny bone fragment from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of having problems with my butthole. At the coffee shop they put “having problems with my butthole” on my cup. I ran out covering my face. I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Having Problems with My Butthole” and it helps me with ammunition. In my wild days I was having problems with my butthole, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a thick layer of frosting on the New Mexico border. The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “having problems with my butthole” incident in the science lab.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got lactating dogs painted on both sides, which some say encourages fucking in front of the dog. When the beef came at me it was like fucking in front of the dog. Sometimes, when I’m feeling naughty, I start bedding before fucking in front of the dog. In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all fucking in front of the dog, right while I’m killing again. I’m getting a deflating balloon installed in my car, so I can be fucking in front of the dog while I drive. John “fucking in front of the dog” Smith. The genius who brought us a secret.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a pinhole camera into women’s purses and bags. When he reached the New World, Cortés burned a pinhole camera. As a result, his men were well motivated. Meet me by the modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s the winning lottery numbers straddled by a pinhole camera. Dagnabbit! I got a pinhole camera all jammed up in the wheel well again. I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to a pinhole camera. My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a pinhole camera.
