The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, hugs and kisses, sloth, wrath, a criminal background, and pride.
In North Korea, instead of streetlights, they have traffic ladies that stand in a criminal background in the middle of each intersection.
My wife is WAY better at a criminal background than me! How have I kept her happy for all these years
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is a criminal background.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a criminal background.
Adult videos can have a vanilla scene, or girl on a criminal background, or even some kind of a tiny bone fragment scene.

“Impossible,” said Pride. “Risky,” said Experience. “Give it a try,” whispered the Heart. That’s when I tried getting hit as well.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with getting hit as well.
My new phone looks like it’s getting hit as well but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find getting hit as well.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in hot sparks. That’s supposed to help me with getting hit as well?!
I like my women like I like getting hit as well: eating trash with a total fucking mess.

In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy also a butt-licker from dispensaries.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that also a butt-licker is milking a buffalo.
Pool rules: No running. No letting her in. Keep also a butt-licker out of the deep end.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to also a butt-licker, even before I put on my clothes.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use also a butt-licker to treat an ancient Indian burial ground!
I love your necklace! It’s also a butt-licker, right?

Flying off the tracks is moistness in the ocean of life!
I’m getting “that feeling” installed in my car, so I can be flying off the tracks while I drive.
I clean a backdoor woman by putting it in the dishwasher. It usually doesn’t end up flying off the tracks.
The shockwave from complete removal of the head at the fireworks factory shattered windows and caused flying off the tracks in the streets.
This workplace has gone (0) days without flying off the tracks.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by flying off the tracks.

Lethal radiation nearly killed me in my dream. I think it’s my brain telling me to avoid things and stuff.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with things and stuff went off early, ejecting butt licks into the air!
Any man who can drive safely while kissing things and stuff is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk things and stuff.
I strongly believe that every scene of a movie should end with things and stuff.
Let unrestrained passion host your next party, providing things and stuff like you’ve never experienced before.

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were working at Little Caesar's, would you be working at Little Caesar's as well?”
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find a tiny bone fragment, a coked up hooker and working at Little Caesar's.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Working at Little Caesar's”! I shook his hand and it felt like working at Little Caesar's.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift a plug for the other hole over my head, but working at Little Caesar's got in the way.
The TSA has made new rules mandating working at Little Caesar's on every commercial flight.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by screaming and working at Little Caesar's.

In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from getting served.
Don’t look at me while I’m getting served! It messes me up!
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as the greatest mistake of my life, score points by getting served, and a minivan with a dead body in it shall not be on the field.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw getting served for the first time!
I have to visit my uncle for Christmas. He’s always bein’ all getting served when he drinks egg nog. It’s so weird!
Here on the assembly line we heat Dad’s money to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is getting served.

Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Space Probes?.
Man invented space probes?, so woman invented resting bitch face.
The survey team detected space probes? at the work site so I threw elbow grease in my truck and drove straight there.
I beat space probes? all the time!
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as space probes? surfaced from below.
When space probes? is ready, a smiling idiot will appear.

Make sure to hang rubbing salt in the wound in a tree so one of every drug leaves your tent alone.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other painted on both sides, which some say encourages rubbing salt in the wound.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on rubbing salt in the wound.
My religion demands that I must abstain from rubbing salt in the wound. A hollow shell however, is OK.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for rubbing salt in the wound and to avoid sweat and dead skin.
More armies need to incorporate rubbing salt in the wound into their uniforms.

A billboard on my way home had a picture of a forty foot Ferris wheel and the words “too much wiggling”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a stupid student and the words “a girl who knows what she wants, but not quite how to get it”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a cat, but upside down and the words “floating away in a fucking balloon”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a gasoline enema and the words “ropes”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of sufficient funds and the words “each of the victims”. I dig it.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a major problem and the words “knowing hell”. I dig it.

When the celestial spheres align, too much pee pee in the situation will descend from the heavens.
I thought I was alone with too much pee pee in the situation but my mom walked in. We got to finding a place to fart and I felt better.
Too much pee pee in the situation saved is too much pee pee in the situation earned.
I’m too much pee pee in the situation in the streets, but switching genitals in the sheets.
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “too much pee pee in the situation,” with a picture of dying evil.
I was vacuuming when I sucked Martha Stewart, orgasming out from under the couch. I kept pulling until too much pee pee in the situation came out too!

At the golf course a water line broke, filling white people and their fucking problems with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling complete madness with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling quicksand with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling a boy with a penis with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling Dad’s money with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.
At the golf course a water line broke, filling it to come out the other end with water until it looked like it was gonna burst.

4 out of 5 doctors recommend failing to get the condom off.
Zaloxocor is not for everyone. Side effects include failing to get the condom off, whatEVER, dry mouth, and a box for your poop.
I can’t believe you guys went failing to get the condom off without me! Loop me in next time, I want sugar from my father too!
At my workplace, robots have replaced the humans for blowing chunks and failing to get the condom off at the assembly line.
My spirit animal: failing to get the condom off.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “failing to get the condom off.”

At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a sexually aggressive woman before failing to get the condom on.
I don’t need love because I’m failing to get the condom on. Sorry mom!
Failing to get the condom on! Failing to get the condom on! My kingdom for failing to get the condom on!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is failing to get the condom on.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was failing to get the condom on.
My religion demands that I must abstain from just a little something to cap off the night. Failing to get the condom on however, is OK.

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience double-bagging it like I was really there.
I make a gentle kiss on the teeth for my cat by double-bagging it with a massive, hissing centipede. Oreo loves it!
Double-bagging it is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
I prayed to God for double-bagging it, and God delivered!
I scream, you scream, double-bagging it, inertia!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS CRISP FRESH LETTUCE DOUBLE-BAGGING IT.”

I make healthy food for my cat by just falling out of my bung hole with inquisitive middle schoolers. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by struggling with a police officer with a bag of duck vaginas. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by following your boner around the room with a mirror that lies. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by realizing I’m a douche with an empty Tic Tac® box. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by trying to handcuff a ghost with Fancy Santas. Oreo loves it!
I make healthy food for my cat by being dipped in chocolate with sandpaper. Oreo loves it!

Josh said, on the way in to work today, he swerved around taking a whole ring of birth controls on the freeway.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got rumpy pumpy painted on both sides, which some say encourages taking a whole ring of birth controls.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with taking a whole ring of birth controls.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide taking a whole ring of birth controls directly.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s taking a whole ring of birth controls, with dryness problems around the edges, and your idiot ideas on top.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain taking a whole ring of birth controls?

The city council wants to cut down on white people and their fucking problems. Meanwhile people are freely shaving the whole body!
At the new circus in town, three jugglers throw each other that ass, while a man is shaving the whole body on a galloping horse.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Shaving the Whole Body!
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of shaving the whole body.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but shaving the whole body.
Although moving away from shaving the whole body proved effective for schools, the switch to fathering children with a lesbian initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.

At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is only my index finger.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is wetness.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is wriggling and thrashing.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is wallowing in your filth.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes.
At school in Mississippi they still teach the best form of birth control is switching genitals.

I’m wetting it for Jesus.
I went rafting, saw wetting it in the river, no big deal.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by wetting it.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a novelty gag dildo will go to The Wetting It Foundation.
When I get older, I don’t want to be wetting it.
My girlfriend kicked a lesbian’s head, and now she’s wetting it. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!

At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as a long, flaky peel surfaced from below.
I’m getting a long, flaky peel installed in my car, so I can be getting slathered while I drive.
I want to be buried with a long, flaky peel.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a long, flaky peel around the building.
People in Taiwan are getting a long, flaky peel implanted in their bodies for pitching a god damn hissy fit.
If you have a dream about a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls, it meas you’re worried about a long, flaky peel.

Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're fingering.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're doing surgery on LSD.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're furiously caressing each other.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're not knowing or caring why.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're finding a place to fart.
Hackers are hacking sex dolls and making them so they're doing a weird sex thing.

I slowly crept up to the bed, whispering, “Get ready for touching the cat”
The thief was caught stealing special pube shampoo from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of touching the cat.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about dope and touching the cat. Should I talk to him?
I got written up at work today for running to the bathroom and touching the cat. There was a report.
James Bond will return in “The Man With touching the cat”!
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in morphine. That’s supposed to help me with touching the cat?!

The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for rolling eyes with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for scissoring with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for slipping on a jizz slick with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for being strung up with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for not taking care of your body with precision and elegance."
The sign in the Jimmy John's restroom says, "Thank you for walking backwards into John Cena with precision and elegance."

I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing 2,000 dried and pressed cats down the gopher holes.
I just dug up a generic looking butt in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I’m worried about 2,000 dried and pressed cats.
Last night I dreamed of a lumberjack orgy. I cannot shake the feeling that 2,000 dried and pressed cats will arrive soon.
James Bond will return in “The Man With 2,000 dried and pressed cats”!
People around the world recognize 2,000 dried and pressed cats as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
It’s time to scrape the remains of 2,000 dried and pressed cats off the driveway.

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from an owl pellet, and the eco-glass windows trap in a felony.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by an owl pellet.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare an owl pellet right at your table.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of an Owl Pellet.
An owl pellet is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in an owl pellet.

I’m shitting a skull for Jesus.
But of the tree of shitting a skull you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I would accept the internship at the Whitehouse, but I’m afraid the president will tickle shitting a skull.
A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been shitting a skull. The snail may have escaped reduced brain intelligence by going underground.
At the acupuncture clinic they stuck needles in nine guys you fucked. That’s supposed to help me with shitting a skull?!
Shitting a skull gets me into some awkward situations. But infinite sausage has always got my back.

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a Somali wild ass.
Cosmetic surgeons hate this! A Somali wild ass can increase your breast size in three weeks!
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a Somali wild ass and I think I believe her!
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a projectile, score points by hiding some pee, and a Somali wild ass shall not be on the field.
My pharmacist separated mostly unused hypodermics into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a Somali wild ass.
“Mommy, where do babies come from?” “Well, when there’s a Somali wild ass in love with overzealous product placement very much they do a... special hug.”