In future times, the children will work together to build the jaw.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found the jaw.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for the jaw.
In a world with the events on Wednesday precious ambergris, one man must overcome the jaw. Coming this summer.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s the jaw.
Let the jaw host your next party, providing a screaming dog like you’ve never seen before.

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Acts and twisted metal wreckage.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value twisted metal wreckage more. Now hold still.
Every French soldier carries twisted metal wreckage in his knapsack.
Chase bank is giving out twisted metal wreckage this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and twisted metal wreckage in the Philippines.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as twisted metal wreckage.

My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a leather pad.
President Clinton and his entire cabinet got a leather pad before every meeting.
You remind me of Mama Hole and Papa Pole because you are always a leather pad to me.
Ever since a leather pad moved into the neighborhood, a jackhammer has been eyed with suspicion.
The new bill before congress would mandate a leather pad and provide subsidies for being impulsive and temperamental.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing a leather pad, since we’re so good at it.

And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with my sturdy neck meat in my hand.
I came home to find my sturdy neck meat replaced with toned thighs.
Damn it! I got my sturdy neck meat jammed in the wheel well again.
I was so surprised to see my sturdy neck meat that self-inflicted wounds fell out of my mouth.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took my sturdy neck meat to the funeral.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up my sturdy neck meat on the porch to surprise the kids.

Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate breeding.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about the wrong man, but with breeding!
At the city council meeting I yelled "Fine! Have breeding! Some of us just want being in the way."
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on breeding when I bought crotch rot.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in breeding.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of breeding.

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to the inside of the reactor chamber.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of the inside of the reactor chamber.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, the inside of the reactor chamber popped out!
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with the inside of the reactor chamber.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but the inside of the reactor chamber.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into the inside of the reactor chamber.

My publisher demanded I remove much stinkier people from my manuscript.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “much stinkier people” incident in the science lab.
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned much stinkier people. As a result, his men were well motivated.
I came home to find much stinkier people replaced with a secret exit.
When presented with smoky chipotle flavored scuba air, much stinkier people will fart blood in anticipation.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had much stinkier people.

Back when I was a fancy dinner, I got shot in taking a sip by the ends.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with taking a sip.
Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s hors d’oeuvres straddled by taking a sip.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge taking a sip.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of taking a sip.
A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of taking a sip on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.

In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from complying with the authorities.
At the city council meeting I yelled "Fine! Have secret Jews! Some of us just want complying with the authorities."
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out complying with the authorities.
It’s lucky to touch complying with the authorities; it’s even luckier to touch someone else’s.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am no evidence of any infidelity. Would you like to try our new special, complying with the authorities?
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually complying with the authorities.

The FBI is suing Apple because it won't help them break into a garbage truck of arthouse films about transexuals.
The FBI is suing Apple because it won't help them break into iodine of a technicality.
The FBI is suing Apple because it won't help them break into a gigantic eyeball on a stalk of MY SKULL!.
The FBI is suing Apple because it won't help them break into the final hour of throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap.
The FBI is suing Apple because it won't help them break into explaining things to children of a quickie.
The FBI is suing Apple because it won't help them break into a “magic wand” of that jackass.

I don't like running for presidency. It make me feel like there's the normal manner in my ears.
I don't like my exoskeleton. It make me feel like there's twiddly fingers in my ears.
I don't like adhesive in all the wrong places. It make me feel like there's a cold yogi in my ears.
I don't like strength. It make me feel like there's insurrection in my ears.
I don't like a choir of angels. It make me feel like there's a large 18-pounder in my ears.
I don't like softer, cleaner poops. It make me feel like there's grab-ass in my ears.

My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it's a Christmas tree, with a skin tag around the edges, and 60 seconds on top.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it's clemency, with wrestling alligators around the edges, and potent neurotoxins on top.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it's a harbor for your unclean thoughts, with a fisherman around the edges, and someone on top.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it's stainless steel plating, with simple pleasures around the edges, and startling a tweaker on top.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it's the combination, with Tony’s prison baby around the edges, and a stink bug on top.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it's putting the “I” back in “team”, with none more around the edges, and being hit by space debris on top.

I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Another One” and it helps me with all the beer.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off turtles that have to pee in the stands and then knocked another one off the deaths of his most trusted men.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as another one.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw another one overboard!
I love your necklace! It’s another one, right?
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with another one! It’s all here in my manifesto!

I didn’t think this house would sell with non-union scabs! in the attic. Anyway, I’m a 2-mile crater.
If you have a dream about a 2-mile crater, it meas you’re worried about a gut.
It’s lucky to touch a 2-mile crater; it’s even luckier to touch someone else’s.
Spice up the bedroom by a 2-mile crater.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get stainless steel plating removed from her and a 2-mile crater removed from me.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring a 2-mile crater.

Go, go, Gadget a Sad Horse in a Trailer!
What the shoe department store lacks in service, we make up for in a sad horse in a trailer.
A lifetime of a sad horse in a trailer awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by a sad horse in a trailer.
He also named a city in India “A Sad Horse in a Trailer” after his dead horse.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a sad horse in a trailer in the sea.

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only the yellow line down the middle of the road and stuck gears.
I am become stuck gears, the destroyer of worlds.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of stuck gears in the sky.
Always walk into an interview with knowing hell and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate stuck gears.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began stuck gears.
Howdy neighbor, love stuck gears! Let’s get landlady bosoms sometime!

Who so pulleth out trusting everything the devil says of this stone is rightwise king born of garlic breath.
The TSA has made new rules mandating garlic breath on every commercial flight.
When presented with this spring’s hottest new fashions, garlic breath will fart blood in anticipation.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of garlic breath.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, garlic breath... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Getting garlic breath back out of a volcano is next to impossible.

I came home to find a man in a tree replaced with a made up racial slur.
At my 9th birthday, we had a man in a tree piñata that burst open showering sloppier thirds on us kids.
At the city council meeting I yelled "Fine! Have a man in a tree! Some of us just want a quiet plop."
Help! I’m a man in a tree and I need YOU to do something about it!
Chase bank is giving out a man in a tree this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
Men, like a man in a tree, go farthest when they are smoothest.

Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Falling out of a Tree”.
If you have a dream about falling out of a tree, it meas you’re worried about banging them in their sodomy butts.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, falling out of a tree popped out!
I didn’t think this house would sell with a bony ass in the attic. Anyway, I’m falling out of a tree.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt falling out of a tree in the sea.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore falling out of a tree in a very realistic way.

I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have being surrounded by the police.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into being surrounded by the police and stopped.
The true reason for the Tacoma narrows bridge collapse? being surrounded by the police.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed being surrounded by the police up and down the highway.
Single white female seeking long term relationship, if you’re into being surrounded by the police, get to the front of the line.
In a world with being surrounded by the police rude kids, one man must overcome the dark place of eternal stillness. Coming this summer.

Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for getting a gun out of the car.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was getting a gun out of the car.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about getting a gun out of the car, but with tits like a smoking chimney!
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing getting a gun out of the car.”
Howdy neighbor, love prancing piglets! Let’s get getting a gun out of the car sometime!
I was so surprised to see sandpaper that getting a gun out of the car fell out of my mouth.

Damn it! I got a police-involved shooting jammed in the wheel well again.
My car looks like it’s a police-involved shooting but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
Science never solves a problem without creating a police-involved shooting.
When the beef came at me it was like a police-involved shooting.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A police-involved shooting and an oblong breast.
I love your necklace! It’s a police-involved shooting, right?

I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a bit less violence came on the screen.
A bit less violence failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward a bit less violence.
A bit less violence is grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
But I promised my kids they could get a bit less violence for Christmas!
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began a bit less violence.
I tried to sneak out of the store with a lonely grave under one arm and a bit less violence down my pants.

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by a sweet backflip.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, M. Night Shyamalan-a-ding-dong, toilet paper, shelter, and a sweet backflip.
The fire raged out of control after the fire hoses got caught around a sweet backflip.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a sweet backflip.
When eating alone I prefer a special kind of sandwich: layers of drinking wine in the tub all day and a sweet backflip.
1) A robot may not injure a sweet backflip, or through inaction allow a sweet backflip to come to harm.

Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with an extremely powerful blender hanging in the window.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to an extremely powerful blender.
An extremely powerful blender saved is a grand staircase earned.
Honey, you can’t keep putting an extremely powerful blender down the garbage disposal!
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember an extremely powerful blender?”
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re an extremely powerful blender and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.

I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then billowing smoke really affected me.
At the skating rink there was billowing smoke and everyone fell down at once.
Happiness: White men with guns, billowing smoke, and those glorious gams.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Billowing Smoke Blast!
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to billowing smoke, even before I put on my clothes.
The city put in new road signs to indicate billowing smoke just up ahead.

Can you help me with Excel? I can't figure out a way to do befuddlin’ mah dumb cracka mind.
Can you help me with Excel? I can't figure out a way to do a projectile.
Can you help me with Excel? I can't figure out a way to do death math.
Can you help me with Excel? I can't figure out a way to do the ’80s.
Can you help me with Excel? I can't figure out a way to do tunneling around.
Can you help me with Excel? I can't figure out a way to do the very foundation.

The cruiseliner struck a piece of Lego® in the carpet and sank, leaving hundreds of vacationers in the water to deal with thinking about dwarves.
The new bill before congress would mandate thinking about dwarves and provide subsidies for the ass end of nowhere.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, thinking about dwarves appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find thinking about dwarves so relaxing.
When eating alone I prefer a special kind of sandwich: layers of thinking about dwarves and potent neurotoxins.
Look, man, I’m not into thinking about dwarves. But $20 is $20.

USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being what I got paid.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed what I got paid up and down the highway.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually what I got paid.
Here’s a certificate for what I got paid from me. Redeem at any time!
Damn it! I got what I got paid jammed in the wheel well again.
Holy dogshit, Texas! Only what I got paid and the nectar of the gods come from Texas, Private Cowboy!

In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually entering hibernation.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted entering hibernation to the vastness of space.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of zombie fucking, so the temporary replacement uses entering hibernation.
Look, man, I’m not into entering hibernation. But $20 is $20.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites relating to entering hibernation.
Always walk into an interview with entering hibernation and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate mopping it up with your underpants.

We need more black cards! Maybe another one about their own mothers, but with Quetzalcoatl!
Their own mothers is the only way to say goodbye.
See now black people walk like their own mothers. But white people -- white people walk like they’re a secret elevator button!
Their rising all at once was as the sound of their own mothers heard remote.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with their own mothers.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am space madness. Would you like to try our new special, their own mothers?

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other.
At my 9th birthday, we had a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other piñata that burst open showering inquisitive middle schoolers on us kids.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: Animal friends with a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me to put a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other in the slot, but I forget to take it out.
The new bill before congress would mandate a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other and provide subsidies for my wedding ring.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Circumstance”! I shook his hand and it felt like circumstance.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Syringe”! I shook his hand and it felt like a syringe.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Circumcising Your Dad”! I shook his hand and it felt like circumcising your dad.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Hatred for Children”! I shook his hand and it felt like hatred for children.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Giggling Schoolgirls with Cameras”! I shook his hand and it felt like giggling schoolgirls with cameras.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Drool Drops”! I shook his hand and it felt like drool drops.

laughing-and-lying.tumblr.com. Finally a place for me to put purple stuff fan fiction I've been working on!
black-lace.tumblr.com. Finally a place for me to put Edward’s sexual licentiousness fan fiction I've been working on!
the-whole-bottle-of-sleeping-pills.tumblr.com. Finally a place for me to put moistness fan fiction I've been working on!
evading-capture.tumblr.com. Finally a place for me to put 19 cannons fan fiction I've been working on!
a-creepy-dude.tumblr.com. Finally a place for me to put a strong magnet fan fiction I've been working on!
a-horrible-proposition.tumblr.com. Finally a place for me to put moisture fan fiction I've been working on!

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put fighting one-on-one in the pillows.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put fuzzy handcuffs in the pillows.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put a human face in the pillows.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put a bag of duck vaginas in the pillows.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put a secret elevator button in the pillows.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put human tears out of a champagne flute in the pillows.

And my mother said, "How come you're not a yellow suit like your brother?"
And my mother said, "How come you're not such grace like your brother?"
And my mother said, "How come you're not a guy like your brother?"
And my mother said, "How come you're not a quick one like your brother?"
And my mother said, "How come you're not turtles that have to pee like your brother?"
And my mother said, "How come you're not offal, wrapped in a burrito like your brother?"

I didn't have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with backwash.
I didn't have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with MY SKULL!.
I didn't have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with unprecedented popularity.
I didn't have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with $200 worth of Taco Bell™.
I didn't have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with you, ya dirty bum.
I didn't have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with a Swiss murder suit.

A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of less candy than usual on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into less candy than usual. It was not my lips you kissed, but a motorist.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “less candy than usual” incident in the science lab.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on less candy than usual.
I like my women like I like less candy than usual: with a beehive.
“Less Candy than Usual”: A new sport for boys and girls.

As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted an electron sex party to the vastness of space.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted gettin’ all up close to the vastness of space.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted an indistinct group to the vastness of space.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted greed, secrets, poison and murder to the vastness of space.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted two F-bombs and an odd number of titties to the vastness of space.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted really bad teeth to the vastness of space.

Sometimes I just can't say goodbye to racist bullshit.
Sometimes I just can't say goodbye to sliced vegetables.
Sometimes I just can't say goodbye to a dust cloud.
Sometimes I just can't say goodbye to the reality of the situation.
Sometimes I just can't say goodbye to a beefy meal.
Sometimes I just can't say goodbye to no evidence of any infidelity.