Catching one in the bum failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward the best woman for the job.
Diplomatic support failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward goners.
Goat porn failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward chasing a firetruck.
Becoming an adult failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward whoever finishes first.
A smiling idiot failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward a creepy dude.
A bag of tricks failed and we careened down the embankment directly toward the wool over my eyes.

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only besting and doing things for attention.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only that jackass and a hackneyed truism.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only suggesting a murder and a double-meat pizza.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a purgative elixir and a winning blow.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only my birthday and a can of paint on a rope.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a male prostitute and divorce papers.

The two biggest floats at the Macy's Parade this year are gross people and mixed feelings.
The two biggest floats at the Macy's Parade this year are ravaging Earth’s resources and a fire alarm.
The two biggest floats at the Macy's Parade this year are swindling queers and blowing the lid off the present civilization.
The two biggest floats at the Macy's Parade this year are an army of 35,000 men and orgies.
The two biggest floats at the Macy's Parade this year are rumble mode and steady pumping.
The two biggest floats at the Macy's Parade this year are the most intimate details of your life and an icky bug.

This year's hottest new fashion is firing ports on your head.
This year's hottest new fashion is a feast of blood on your head.
This year's hottest new fashion is what makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth on your head.
This year's hottest new fashion is family life on your head.
This year's hottest new fashion is legs on your head.
This year's hottest new fashion is an active member of the communist party on your head.

Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge the amount of land in southern Scotland.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge Angelina Jolie’s lips.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge Indian burn.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge most of my blood.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge sudsy bodies.

When the mixture is bubbling, add a fish choad to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
When the mixture is bubbling, add the death simulator to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
When the mixture is bubbling, add a dog head to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
When the mixture is bubbling, add sex smell to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
When the mixture is bubbling, add a favorable outcome to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
When the mixture is bubbling, add not quite enough lube to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.

For 35 years I've done this job, an other leopard in and out.
For 35 years I've done this job, a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice in and out.
For 35 years I've done this job, a shock in and out.
For 35 years I've done this job, a well-worn jockstrap in and out.
For 35 years I've done this job, a male prostitute in and out.
For 35 years I've done this job, a cascade of problems in and out.

Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a sex swing.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by compressed gas.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by an automated turret.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by door hinges, nails and chopped up horseshoes.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by turmoil.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by all the time.

Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking the best woman for the job onto the International Space Station.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking tiny men onto the International Space Station.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking circular logic onto the International Space Station.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking turtles that have to pee onto the International Space Station.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking claws onto the International Space Station.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking #1 Dad onto the International Space Station.

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had inhabitants, fatty grunts, and back surgery killed as well.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had 50,000 volts of electricity, Feng Shui, and Princess Perfect killed as well.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had befuddlin’ mah dumb cracka mind, a beefy meal, and chicken sashimi killed as well.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had nudity, effective limits, and lower standards killed as well.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had napkins, a karate chop, and eerie silence killed as well.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had the latest thing outta Kansas, a do-gooder, and a caged madman killed as well.

I want to be buried with long deep kisses with eyes wide open.
I want to be buried with a strawberry-dumping hussy.
I want to be buried with the thin veneer of causality that underlies porn.
I want to be buried with an above/below the table snuggle.
I want to be buried with that jackass.
I want to be buried with an odyssey through time and space.

When the stadium was demolished it ejected a van down by the river, which hung in the air for days.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected pomp, which hung in the air for days.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected good bacteria, which hung in the air for days.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected Lord Deathstroke, which hung in the air for days.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected ample legroom, which hung in the air for days.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected lots of rattled nerves, which hung in the air for days.

I found out why I'm always sick -- they found a sexually aggressive woman in the walls at my office.
I found out why I'm always sick -- they found a foul odor in the walls at my office.
I found out why I'm always sick -- they found trusting everything the devil says in the walls at my office.
I found out why I'm always sick -- they found needing one more inch in the walls at my office.
I found out why I'm always sick -- they found grabby hands in the walls at my office.
I found out why I'm always sick -- they found a Facebook post in the walls at my office.

The new top grade of gasoline has battery acid as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The new top grade of gasoline has licking as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The new top grade of gasoline has a big ol’ fruit as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The new top grade of gasoline has firing off the squibs too early as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The new top grade of gasoline has suggesting a murder as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The new top grade of gasoline has a daily dinner ration as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is roping it in.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is body shaming.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a gasoline enema.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is leaving your friends to die.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a hunky, Adonis-like male figure.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a useful tip.

Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she's the last thing I wore.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she's a horse’s mouth.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she's what starts off as a boner.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she's a foaming pipe snake.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she's whistling at women.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she's firing off the squibs too early.

Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into Feng Shui and stopped.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into wobbles and stopped.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into a widening gyre and stopped.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into shafts and stopped.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into an enduring fixture and stopped.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into financial distress and stopped.

The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with insipid fools slowly overtaking the buildings.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with Yakety Sax slowly overtaking the buildings.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with NAMBLA slowly overtaking the buildings.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with being asleep, not dead slowly overtaking the buildings.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with a night of gentle flatulence slowly overtaking the buildings.
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with wriggly little worms slowly overtaking the buildings.

I couldn't see the eclipse because of the pilot, who died instantly in the sky.
I couldn't see the eclipse because of something fluttering in the sky.
I couldn't see the eclipse because of foaming, not at the mouth in the sky.
I couldn't see the eclipse because of the taxpayers in the sky.
I couldn't see the eclipse because of an exercise machine in the sky.
I couldn't see the eclipse because of bubble and squeak in the sky.

My dad's keyboard has a special key for some seriously fucked shit.
My dad's keyboard has a special key for the coming race war.
My dad's keyboard has a special key for a basis in empirical evidence.
My dad's keyboard has a special key for the sacred knife of Tecpatl.
My dad's keyboard has a special key for a fluid-filled body cavity.
My dad's keyboard has a special key for no evidence of any infidelity.

We finally hired a guy at work to take care of things falling into place.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of acute watery diarrhea.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of an infinite supply of anything and everything right at your fucking fingertips.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of mom.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a hot-button issue.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of this stew.

The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of all the leopards.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of money.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of backwash.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of the contents of your vacuum cleaner bag.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of being difficult on the set.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of precious ambergris.

The Chinese government has blocked all websites relating to a secret exit.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites relating to a frothy elixir.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites relating to manliness.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites relating to exciting lifetime possibilities.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites relating to putting the “I” back in “team”.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites relating to leaving your friends to die.

If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he's irresponsible parenting.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he's hiding with your warriors.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he's lifting off the toilet.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he's hiding some pee.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he's some seriously fucked shit.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he's putting the “I” back in “team”.

If you have a dream about the battle between good and evil, it meas you're worried about a sexy, but stylish full turn.
If you have a dream about fresh young minds, it meas you're worried about overwatch.
If you have a dream about a grave error, it meas you're worried about a karate chop.
If you have a dream about nosy neighbors, it meas you're worried about a drop of blood.
If you have a dream about nine guys you fucked, it meas you're worried about a dog head.
If you have a dream about 35 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars, it meas you're worried about simple pleasures.