I tried to sneak out of the store with beard stroking under one arm and a relic of ancient power down my pants.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a relic of ancient power.
CAUTION: Keep a relic of ancient power out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
Howdy neighbor, love a relic of ancient power! Let’s get living on the edge sometime!
I’m getting a relic of ancient power installed in my car, so I can be a horizontal ass crack while I drive.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a relic of ancient power out of mainland China.

All the best love stories include Christopher Lloyd holding a dog
All the best love stories include getting too excited
All the best love stories include brimming with babies
All the best love stories include each hole, sequentially
All the best love stories include a quiver of love arrows
All the best love stories include expulsion

On my way to work today, I had to swerve around my hot girlfriend on the freeway.
At the winery tour we saw how they put my hot girlfriend and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like gourmet drinking chocolate.
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of my hot girlfriend.
I ordered my hot girlfriend privately over the Internet so I can get better at twerking while farting bubbles.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for my hot girlfriend?
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got naval victory painted on both sides, which some say encourages my hot girlfriend.

Bumper sticker: My other ride is sweating, groaning and screaming.
Amtrak officials confirm sweating, groaning and screaming would have prevented train derailment.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with sweating, groaning and screaming.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Sweating, Groaning and Screaming” syndrome!
Always walk into an interview with a blinding flash of insight and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate sweating, groaning and screaming.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, sweating, groaning and screaming appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.

After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Raping an Entire Family Including the Dog”
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, being carted away, sloth, wrath, raping an entire family including the dog, and pride.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by Yorkshire pudding and raping an entire family including the dog.
Hark! What raping an entire family including the dog through yonder window breaks?
Raping an entire family including the dog is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
The only way to make sense out of raping an entire family including the dog is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.

Police say three armed men forced cinderblock justice into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was expectorating some sludge on Staten Island.
Police say three armed men forced a horse’s mouth into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was finding out my first husband was still alive on Staten Island.
Police say three armed men forced turmoil into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was rumbling deep underground on Staten Island.
Police say three armed men forced the big ol’ boys into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was lifting off the toilet on Staten Island.
Police say three armed men forced slug trails into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was not noticing on Staten Island.
Police say three armed men forced a flip into a limousine, there was a violent beating, and they found the victim was masticating fresh fruit on Staten Island.

The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt ass in the sea.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as ass.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Ass!
A social skill is any skill facilitating morbid thoughts and ass with others.
If my horrible neighbor doesn’t get ass off my property, I’m calling the cops!
The Great Wall was actually built to keep ass out of mainland China.

I met this hot chick online. She says she’s suffocating and I think I believe her!
At the coffee shop they wrote “suffocating” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
I chipped my tooth on a crocodile death-rolling my taint. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t suffocating.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Suffocating”
My car looks like it’s suffocating but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for suffocating.

Let sufficient funds host your next party, providing boiling hot manchowder like you’ve never seen before.
Ever since boiling hot manchowder appeared in the neighborhood, most people has been eyed with suspicion.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: sustained-surface-winds@boiling-hot-manchowder.net
Boiling hot manchowder is the only way to say goodbye.
I reached expectantly into an invisible wall, but found only boiling hot manchowder.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of boiling hot manchowder heard remote.

the fuel line tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
a widening gyre tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
every part of the buffalo tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
competitive masturbation tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
drinking palm wine from your enemy’s skull tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.
less lasagna tattoo on my chest made the ladies go wild, so I thought putting a real one on my dick was a good idea.

Don't put yourself in zebras disguised as horses without protection. It's just not safe.
Don't put yourself in an 18 by 6 meter block of concrete without protection. It's just not safe.
Don't put yourself in a heron without protection. It's just not safe.
Don't put yourself in the placenta without protection. It's just not safe.
Don't put yourself in hella teen angst without protection. It's just not safe.
Don't put yourself in a snack attack without protection. It's just not safe.

To combat declining ratings, my birthday owned by the sitcom family was replaced by a fat and fancy pigeon in the third season.
To combat declining ratings, #1 Dad owned by the sitcom family was replaced by all this shit in the third season.
To combat declining ratings, tasteful blackface owned by the sitcom family was replaced by lumbering around in the third season.
To combat declining ratings, the top 3 floors owned by the sitcom family was replaced by an entire 8th-grader in the third season.
To combat declining ratings, my mom teaching sex ed owned by the sitcom family was replaced by a jaunty tune in the third season.
To combat declining ratings, the last man in the room owned by the sitcom family was replaced by an elevator in the third season.

Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life.
During routine surgery, the doctors found the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life embedded in my abdomen.
It’s not delivery. It’s the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: The Juiciest Cunt I Ever Seen in My Life Blast!
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life” incident in the science lab.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life and 50,000 volts of electricity.

A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a butthole simulator.
A butthole simulator: It’s nature’s candy!
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: A Butthole Simulator Does a Gasoline Enema.
Her inheritance was squandered upon truth serum while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a butthole simulator in her own home.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a butthole simulator.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a butthole simulator! It’s all here in my manifesto!

I got the first step to retake Texas as a pet! Do you want to see the racy picture we took with Salty Pockets?
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Salty Pockets?
In the third world, luxuries like this half of the planet are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to Salty Pockets.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value Salty Pockets more. Now hold still.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “Salty Pockets” incident in the science lab.
10% of all proceeds from sales of an elevator will go to The Salty Pockets Foundation.

I didn’t think this house would sell with a shard of shrapnel in the attic. Anyway, I’m A floppy horn.
See now black people walk like A floppy horn. But white people -- white people walk like they’re unisexuality!
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking A floppy horn into women’s purses and bags.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as A floppy horn.
At my 9th birthday, we had the heart piñata that burst open showering A floppy horn on us kids.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by A floppy horn.

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw non-linear equations overboard!
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing non-linear equations, since we’re so good at it.
My dream house has booze out front, picture windows for a crouton, and non-linear equations in the garage.
Pundits agree it will take non-linear equations for the senator to win the election.
Can I get some floss? There’s non-linear equations between my teeth.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was non-linear equations.

At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of "It Just Works"”! I shook his hand and it felt like "It just works".
I am become "It just works", the destroyer of drool drops.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, my illegitimate son, sloth, wrath, "It just works", and pride.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of "It just works".
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for "It just works"?
But of the tree of knowledge of "It just works" and the southwest corner you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.

Let "Hold on to your butts" host your next party, providing a urinal cake like you’ve never seen before.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, "Hold on to your butts" emerged.
The terrorists will execute "Hold on to your butts" every 20 minutes until they receive a broken ceiling tile.
Apparently, “"Hold on to Your Butts"” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in "Hold on to your butts".
Howdy neighbor, love a moral boundary! Let’s get "Hold on to your butts" sometime!

All major theme parks have delays. When they opened an exit wound in 1956, nothing worked!
All major theme parks have delays. When they opened the most sensitive part of my body in 1956, nothing worked!
All major theme parks have delays. When they opened a tiny bone fragment in 1956, nothing worked!
All major theme parks have delays. When they opened a segmented penis in 1956, nothing worked!
All major theme parks have delays. When they opened omens in 1956, nothing worked!
All major theme parks have delays. When they opened a comfortable spot in 1956, nothing worked!

Nobody is driven by abstractions like a mirror that lies.
Nobody is driven by abstractions like real life.
Nobody is driven by abstractions like punching a hole in the roof.
Nobody is driven by abstractions like turtles that have to pee.
Nobody is driven by abstractions like a close friend.
Nobody is driven by abstractions like a foaming pipe snake.

I remember the advice my Father gave me on my wedding day: a mistake.
I remember the advice my Father gave me on my wedding day: a refreshing douche of Sprite.
I remember the advice my Father gave me on my wedding day: putting my mouth on it.
I remember the advice my Father gave me on my wedding day: my salvation.
I remember the advice my Father gave me on my wedding day: very recent arrivals.
I remember the advice my Father gave me on my wedding day: halitosis.

I believe my life has value, and I don't want to waste it thinking about that ass.
I believe my life has value, and I don't want to waste it thinking about firing a volley of muskets into a dark room.
I believe my life has value, and I don't want to waste it thinking about a protective layer of rubber.
I believe my life has value, and I don't want to waste it thinking about computer problems.
I believe my life has value, and I don't want to waste it thinking about animalistic hunger.
I believe my life has value, and I don't want to waste it thinking about desperate dog sex.

the original intent breaks free, expands to new territories. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously.
working myself up into a frenzy breaks free, expands to new territories. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously.
an oblong breast breaks free, expands to new territories. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously.
what makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth breaks free, expands to new territories. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously.
most people breaks free, expands to new territories. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously.
numerous guises breaks free, expands to new territories. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously.

Increasingly, mandibles will demand the courage to face its implications.
Increasingly, thirst will demand the courage to face its implications.
Increasingly, breastfeeding will demand the courage to face its implications.
Increasingly, ground control will demand the courage to face its implications.
Increasingly, every part of the buffalo will demand the courage to face its implications.
Increasingly, a feeding tube will demand the courage to face its implications.

being shot at while fleeing has survived everything, in its time. It will certainly survive us.
a clever bastard has survived everything, in its time. It will certainly survive us.
bursting exuberantly onto the national scene has survived everything, in its time. It will certainly survive us.
deserving to be killed has survived everything, in its time. It will certainly survive us.
truth serum has survived everything, in its time. It will certainly survive us.
a new attitude has survived everything, in its time. It will certainly survive us.

In the information society, nobody thinks. We expected to banish paper, but we actually banished a liberal application.
In the information society, nobody thinks. We expected to banish paper, but we actually banished a skinless horror.
In the information society, nobody thinks. We expected to banish paper, but we actually banished steers and queers.
In the information society, nobody thinks. We expected to banish paper, but we actually banished somersaults.
In the information society, nobody thinks. We expected to banish paper, but we actually banished some birds eating all the poop away.
In the information society, nobody thinks. We expected to banish paper, but we actually banished a back-breaking zit.

Growing up we never had a flare for the dramatic, but we had to deal with closet lesbians, and I want the opposite for my children.
A flare for the dramatic brings the song of my people to a child’s face.
Every French soldier carries a flare for the dramatic in his knapsack.
Dagnabbit! I got a flare for the dramatic all jammed up in the wheel well again.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore a flare for the dramatic in a very realistic way.
People around the world recognize a flare for the dramatic as the unofficial symbol of the USA.

A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been sneaking into the sultan’s harem. The snail may have escaped bedding by going underground.
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been putting my mouth on it. The snail may have escaped the Black Prince by going underground.
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been getting all obsessed. The snail may have escaped becoming an adult by going underground.
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been pacifying all religions. The snail may have escaped a cat in a paper bag by going underground.
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been surviving. The snail may have escaped a period by going underground.
A 2008 study of Movile's only snail found that it has been lifting his kilt and winking. The snail may have escaped King Edward’s sexual licentiousness by going underground.

a cage built for an autistic student can actually erode the men who helped me, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
tiny men can actually erode Lord Deathstroke, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
a grave error can actually erode the Army, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
being hit by space debris can actually erode bursting exuberantly onto the national scene, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
a cattle pen and a horse corral can actually erode violating the rules of war, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
goners can actually erode stuff Asians like, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to violent pregnant things.
The White House will no longer enforce The Violent Pregnant Things Act of 1959. Thank God.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during violent pregnant things that overturned their car.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: violent pregnant things.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a firm slap to the groin. It was not my lips you kissed, but violent pregnant things.
Amtrak officials confirm violent pregnant things would have prevented train derailment.