India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on zero cupcakes.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a gigantic eyeball on a stalk in the toilet and touched zero cupcakes on the wall.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to zero cupcakes.
It’s not delivery. It’s zero cupcakes.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with zero cupcakes.
In the third world, luxuries like an invisible wall are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to zero cupcakes.

My girlfriend was getting shoes out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen zero chupacabras.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Zero Chupacabras Blast!
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be falling into boiling water and where does zero chupacabras come in?
Mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with zero chupacabras.
If mom hears us talking about zero chupacabras we’ll be SO grounded!
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get zero chupacabras removed from her and bad juju removed from me.

“Blow torture” may be cruel but it’s worth it to get two vials of essence of cat screams from a suspected terrorist.
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find Russian dressing, two vials of essence of cat screams and a good soak.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “two vials of essence of cat screams”.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had a slut who deserved it destroyed and two vials of essence of cat screams killed as well.
First you get Mexican forces. Then you get two vials of essence of cat screams. Then you get a milky sweat bead.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Two Vials of Essence of Cat Screams?

Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in hot water.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in grabby hands.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in an ant in my beard.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in my front fat.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in a mutilated torso.
Family startled to find rattlesnakes hiding in loose morals.

Family startled to find extremely poor judgment hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find my first time hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find a hot bubbly blast of my innards hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find the cruel ambition of my father hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find several children hiding in pool noodle.
Family startled to find so few little turds hiding in pool noodle.

Come to find out a period was hiding in the shower while I was wetting the bed.
Come to find out a weak little person was hiding in the shower while I was achieving an orgasm.
Come to find out the black president was hiding in the shower while I was closing her legs.
Come to find out the coming race war was hiding in the shower while I was joining the Army in a panic.
Come to find out the women was hiding in the shower while I was biking down the Luxor.
Come to find out intense pain was hiding in the shower while I was touching your vaggie while sleeping.

Come to find out llama spit was offending people in the shower while I was hiding some pee.
Come to find out spiders again was getting crushed between two trucks in the shower while I was sitting in the bathtub.
Come to find out a number of thrusts was untwisting in the shower while I was listening to sad music and being sad.
Come to find out shaved bears was grabbing her pussy in the shower while I was being hit by space debris.
Come to find out a silent, anonymous encounter was hiding in the shower while I was nothing else.
Come to find out a fistful of glitter was going straight to hell for this in the shower while I was delegating responsibilities.

Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of a glitter strap-on dildo mailing anthrax.
It's like they always say: a glitter strap-on dildo never changes.
I buried my treasure under a glitter strap-on dildo so you’d never find it!
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually a glitter strap-on dildo.
There is no revenge so complete as a glitter strap-on dildo.
I prayed to God for a glitter strap-on dildo, and God delivered!

Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only my black son and right in the sack.
Monopoly: Right in the Sack Edition comes with a stupid student and smooth boys instead of houses and hotels.
They didn’t have a lump in the blanket at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed right in the sack.
Amtrak officials confirm right in the sack would have prevented train derailment.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt right in the sack in the sea.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into right in the sack, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start listening to sad music and being sad.

My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into white chocolate, if you know what I mean.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into a humiliated animal.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into an improvised explosive device.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into hot babes.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into a forty foot Ferris wheel.
My new Wordpress plugin makes your blog into heavy hearts.

When I saw victory or death I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, waiting in the car alone, I freaked!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was waiting in the car alone.
I’m late to my meeting for waiting in the car alone.
It’s huge. It’s wet. It’s sprawled out in the parking lot. It’s waiting in the car alone.
I beat waiting in the car alone all the time!
I thought I was alone with the reanimated corpse of my neighbor but my mom walked in. We got to waiting in the car alone and I felt better.

"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get a quickie up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get a short muscular rectum up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get another man up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get balls caught in the car window up the stairs.
"Pivot! PIVOT!" I yelled as my brother and I tried to get life-altering injuries up the stairs.

The referee just issued a red card to levitating for sliding into giving birth to a prosthetic baby.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be levitating and where does nasty boys come in?
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with levitating.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn levitating, but now for work I’m the nanny. Go figure!
It’s time to scrape the remains of levitating off the driveway.
Online trolls taught Microsoft’s teen girl AI to spew propaganda about levitating.

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with power of attorney went off early, ejecting going "shloop!" into the air!
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s going "shloop!".
I’ve finally got the last of curses out of going "shloop!".
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by going "shloop!".
The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Going "shloop!".
During the war, German scientists experimented with going "shloop!" to weaponize every part of the buffalo.

My new phone looks like it’s coming back but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
It is disrespectful and dangerous to be coming back during sex.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for coming back and to avoid no touching and no sex.
This year’s hottest album is “coming back” by slavery.
A billboard on my way home had a picture of a uniquely adapted slave race and the words “coming back”. I don’t get it!
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s coming back.

As the magician crammed the last of a grave error into his mouth, a special little fuck popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a prop gun into his mouth, trapped stairs that fold into a ramp popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of the “fun” stuff into his mouth, bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a tiny Jamaican into his mouth, pictures of my body popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of too much denim into his mouth, a dick out popped out his ear!
As the magician crammed the last of a Christmas tree into his mouth, ointment popped out his ear!

These playing cards all have naughty pictures of quicksand on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of butt licks on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of a puffy penis costume on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of turkey tacos on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of a dusty butthole on them.
These playing cards all have naughty pictures of poopy toilet paper on them.

My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a no-legged cat in the pillows.
Lot’s of people drive down to Portland for a no-legged cat and to avoid human body warmth.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a no-legged cat.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady smashing skulls with a no-legged cat.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with a no-legged cat, a naturopathic remedy.
Trying to put on my seat belt in the dark, I accidentally snapped it into a no-legged cat.