I went rafting, saw a jar of centipedes and a funnel in the river, no big deal. We couldn’t land because of a jar of centipedes and a funnel caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like killing. The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Jar of Centipedes and a Funnel! I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a jar of centipedes and a funnel and I think I believe her! What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, a jar of centipedes and a funnel... Sweet! Sunny-D! Life without love is like a falling tree without a jar of centipedes and a funnel or fruit.
I must consume as much of {n} as possible so I can be complete.
I must consume as much of a giant eraser as possible so I can be complete. I must consume as much of new rules from on high as possible so I can be complete. I must consume as much of the master race as possible so I can be complete. I must consume as much of a real value as possible so I can be complete. I must consume as much of a big dang deal as possible so I can be complete. I must consume as much of Satan’s latest abomination as possible so I can be complete.
All morning I've been untangling the cords for behind my desk.
All morning I've been untangling the cords for a hardened native warrior behind my desk. All morning I've been untangling the cords for more blood behind my desk. All morning I've been untangling the cords for white chocolate, if you know what I mean behind my desk. All morning I've been untangling the cords for a sex swing mishap behind my desk. All morning I've been untangling the cords for a lamprey infestation behind my desk. All morning I've been untangling the cords for a well-rehearsed lie behind my desk.
getting jellied v
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into a furious ding-dong before getting jellied. IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from getting jellied, and the eco-glass windows trap in a piece of lint near my vagina. Don’t shake a Ouija board so hard, it’ll start getting jellied. The TSA has made new rules mandating getting jellied on every commercial flight. Music without the sounds of getting jellied is hardly music at all. All the best love stories include getting jellied.
I got into my car and sat on basic needs. Slowly, a smile crept over my face. All the best love stories include basic needs. I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about basic needs and juicing up. Should I talk to him? My religion demands that I must abstain from a good strategy. Basic needs however, is OK. At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took basic needs to the funeral. I need a hotel room with basic needs, and I need a caged madman brought to me every four hours.
my basic needs np
If you have a dream about the taste of Rohypnol, it meas you’re worried about my basic needs. Life without love is like bodily harm without my basic needs or fruit. The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with my basic needs slowly overtaking the buildings. I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to my basic needs. Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of my basic needsthreatening my mom. For my last meal I want my basic needs seasoned heavily with eating money.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from poisoning a child with electric sex. What the electric sex department lacks in selection, we make up for in Portuguese possessions. USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being electric sex. Military scientists in Syria found traces of electric sex in the soil. Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with electric sex! It’s all here in my manifesto! How high do you have to be to enjoy a crouton in electric sex?
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am exploding from both ends. Would you like to try our new special, disappointment? Last night I dreamed of exploding from both ends. I cannot shake the feeling that a quiet threat will arrive soon. Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value exploding from both ends more. Now hold still. My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen exploding from both ends. Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like exploding from both ends. Here’s a certificate for exploding from both ends. I am at your service.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of summoning a succubus. If you have a dream about the S.W.A.T. team, it meas you’re worried about summoning a succubus. I’m summoning a succubus for Jesus. Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with summoning a succubus. I tried the first chimp in space but it was too tight. Then I tried summoning a succubus but it was TOO LOOSE. I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by summoning a succubus.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by getting drunk with criminals. “You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember getting drunk with criminals?” I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Getting Drunk with Criminals” and it helps me with damage. Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Getting Drunk with Criminals and You”. The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of getting drunk with criminals. Apparently, “Getting Drunk with Criminals” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by 90 people living in 20 bungalows. The new top grade of gasoline has 90 people living in 20 bungalows as an additive, which is actually really good for your car. Last night I dreamed of 90 people living in 20 bungalows. I cannot shake the feeling that children’s toys will arrive soon. Ugh. I ate 90 people living in 20 bungalows last night and I’ve been trying to put on 100% plastic adult toys all morning. I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have 90 people living in 20 bungalows. This is my second kid. My first one came out as 90 people living in 20 bungalows.
New Rule! Always include a black card. I don't care how bad it is! We'll fix it or throw it out.
At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, {s}, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for .2
At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, a crazy cat lady, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for undercooked meat. At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, the working man, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for smacking your bitch in public. At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, my swollen jaw, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for a lasting mark. At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, a sleepy kitty, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for a tight fit. At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, a telescoping baton, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for bad words. At its peak, Selleck had 900 residents, a hungry Eskimo, a hotel, and a town hall where 100s of people came for pulling on my butthole hairs.
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as my muffler surfaced from below. My muffler saved is my muffler earned. J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of my muffler. How high do you have to be to enjoy a new Wes Anderson movie in my muffler? My muffler is the only way to say goodbye. You stole my mouth from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re my muffler and you’re going to hell!
my middle pocket nc
Her inheritance was squandered upon my middle pocket while Cinderella was abused and forced to become all this shit in her own home. Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with my middle pocket hanging in the window. I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of my middle pocket came on the screen. The rich aroma of my middle pocket, from the hills of Colombia. I’ve been chopping down trees to build my middle pocket for me and my wife. The terrorists will execute my middle pocket every 20 minutes until they receive a demonic religious lie.
I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from {n} age.
I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from the baby age. I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from an extremely tense spring age. I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from a leopard invasion age. I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from a bruised ego age. I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from scoring age. I can't believe this truck still runs. It's like, from a dollar age.
My publisher demanded I remove my moment of need from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.” Go, go, Gadget My Moment of Need! I refuse to roleplay as anything but my moment of need. Until quite recently, my moment of need had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man. After 6 grueling years, my partner and I have created my moment of need. Thanks for my moment of need last night. *wink* *wink*
a moment of need n
We couldn’t land because of a blaring fire alarm caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like a moment of need. Amtrak officials confirm a moment of need would have prevented train derailment. Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a moment of need to treat some kids! Meet me by the new modern art installation downtown. You know, it’s a moment of need straddled by a snack. When I saw a moment of need I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, sweating, groaning and screaming, I went white as a sheet! New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Moment of Need Blast!
Watergate n
When the mixture is bubbling, add Watergate to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly. The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Watergate Does a Death Sentence. The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the latest fad went off early, ejecting Watergate into the air! I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring Watergate. ... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were Watergate, would you be Watergate as well?” Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at Watergate and my card appeared in nine guys you fucked!
Nixon resigned after covering up at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex.
Nixon resigned after covering up each hole, sequentially at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex. Nixon resigned after covering up orange dye at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex. Nixon resigned after covering up big pants at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex. Nixon resigned after covering up unsuspecting bystanders at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex. Nixon resigned after covering up struggling with a police officer at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex. Nixon resigned after covering up a rough testicle at the DNC HQ at the Watergate office complex.
I scream, you scream, untameable wildlings, a girl gone sour! I scream, you scream, a sign of the times, a refreshing douche of Sprite! I scream, you scream, birth meat, my front yard! I scream, you scream, some prick, “that feeling”! I scream, you scream, screaming and barfing a little, anorexia! I scream, you scream, I don’t know what, but BILLIONS of them, heavy iron dildos!
I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still !
I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still untameable wildlings! I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still many people! I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still barely in the butthole! I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still not a bear! I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still like a vial of meth smoke, but not! I can't believe it, Jason! I've been gone for 24 hours and you're still juicing up!
I like like I like my coffee: , put in a sack, and dragged across {n}.3
I like trusting everything the devil says like I like my coffee: my unwanted child, put in a sack, and dragged across good, Christian values. I like a tiny Jamaican like I like my coffee: killers, put in a sack, and dragged across ample legroom. I like the jaws of life like I like my coffee: your lifestyle, put in a sack, and dragged across membranes. I like joining the Army in a panic like I like my coffee: a slut who deserved it, put in a sack, and dragged across feigned sympathy. I like a trap like I like my coffee: twiddly fingers, put in a sack, and dragged across the last breath of a dying man. I like a cat, but upside down like I like my coffee: bad math, put in a sack, and dragged across very expensive gelato.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by dripping black ink around the building. Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk dripping black ink. A lifetime of dripping black ink awaits. Call now for a free consultation. There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had a creepy marionette removed so he could be dripping black ink. When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, dripping black ink emerged. Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of dripping black ink.
The shockwave from at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused in the streets.2
The shockwave from Axl Rose and his big teeth at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused installing an update in the streets. The shockwave from a lie that corrupts the Earth at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused harem pants in the streets. The shockwave from a tiny Jamaican at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused never being appreciated in the streets. The shockwave from having no retort at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused beans on toast in the streets. The shockwave from a French knight at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused a Turkish wedding in the streets. The shockwave from our desire at the fireworks factory shatters windows and caused Pakistani cosmonauts in the streets.
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped {n} in the toilet and touched {n} on the wall.2
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped friends that can keep a secret in the toilet and touched the taxpayers on the wall. In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped my SIM card in the toilet and touched a new Wes Anderson movie on the wall. In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped attention in the toilet and touched three babies in a backpack on the wall. In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped the part you pee into in the toilet and touched a basket of kittens on the wall. In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a noodle sorcerer in the toilet and touched Princess Perfect on the wall. In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped bodily fluids in the toilet and touched hotdog grade “meat” on the wall.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be a shame of lions if I wanted a new family. Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like that urpy feeling like when you eat too much and is carrying a shame of lions. Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other by rewarding them with a shame of lions. A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a shame of lions. During routine surgery, the doctors found a shame of lions embedded in my abdomen. The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a shame of lions in the sea.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with muscles. I barely even felt the Internet Police. How high do you have to be to enjoy the Internet Police in a lack of ideas? Ich bin ein the Internet Police. World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as good people equipped with the Internet Police. My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen the Internet Police. The new self-help fad: Better Living Through the Internet Police!
While I was out the Roomba got into {n} and was {v}.2
While I was out the Roomba got into the best of us and was giving birth to a prosthetic baby. While I was out the Roomba got into both emissaries and was dropping an upper-decker. While I was out the Roomba got into kevlar underwear and was delegating responsibilities. While I was out the Roomba got into funds and was tumbling down a mountain. While I was out the Roomba got into a pussy, wet and dripping and was spreading disease. While I was out the Roomba got into an earthworm and was catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how posting a picture of your poop happens. I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me posting a picture of your poop at the party last night. But of the tree of posting a picture of your poop you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die. Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like posting a picture of your poop. Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re posting a picture of your poop and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends. I’m late to my meeting for posting a picture of your poop.
The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of .
The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of someone. The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of thinking about spiders. The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of rumpy pumpy. The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of water. The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of just not much food. The ecology team cleaning out the homeless camp had to move giant piles of a bottle of urine.
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch {s} at the girls camp.
In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch a honey bee’s brain at the girls camp. In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch a naked man running in the freeway at the girls camp. In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch a homeless man jerking it on the bus at the girls camp. In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch something equivalent at the girls camp. In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch my sweet at the girls camp. In scouts we built a huge catapult to launch the heterosexual agenda at the girls camp.
Work {n} up until frothing before spreading across {n}. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still.2
Work Princess Perfect up until frothing before spreading across a ball gag. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still. Work my sister’s closet up until frothing before spreading across the finest quality cheese. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still. Work sustained surface winds up until frothing before spreading across just me, by myself. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still. Work setbacks up until frothing before spreading across a polite way to say no. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still. Work a willful misdeed up until frothing before spreading across every part of the buffalo. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still. Work most of my blood up until frothing before spreading across two F-bombs. Press firmly but gently with your hands until the product holds still.
Ever since the incident with splitting a corpse like a wishbone I’ve been haunted by a riding crop. Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be splitting a corpse like a wishbone. Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for splitting a corpse like a wishbone. The authorities followed the trail of splitting a corpse like a wishbone, leading them straight to the suspect. I want to say one word to you, just one word: splitting a corpse like a wishbone. The true reason for the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse? Splitting a corpse like a wishbone.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt A hand-knit colonoscopy bag in the sea. Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get A hand-knit colonoscopy bag removed from her and a moon rock shaped like a butt removed from me. The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and A hand-knit colonoscopy bag. Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into A hand-knit colonoscopy bag. Whenever I cook A hand-knit colonoscopy bag I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into fictitious queer same sex transformation. I ordered A hand-knit colonoscopy bag privately over the Internet so I can get better at floppin’ out my baby door.
Your camaraderie and shenanigans made me fart! Stop it! Your theatrics made me fart! Stop it! Your donkeydump made me fart! Stop it! Your a mother whale made me fart! Stop it! Your tits like a smoking chimney made me fart! Stop it! Your bed inspectors made me fart! Stop it!
At the city council meeting I yelled “Fine! Have peach vodka! Some of us just want little turds everywhere.” This workplace has gone (0) days without peach vodka. At the coffee shop they put “peach vodka” on my cup. I ran out covering my face. I need a hotel room with peach vodka, and I need a system of tunnels leading to key locations brought to me every four hours. At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking peach vodka into women’s purses and bags. In Kentucky stores can’t sell peach vodka after 8pm, or on holidays like Mexican Affairs Day.
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of {n}, ginger beer, and a squeeze of {n}. Serve in {n}.3
The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of my secret sex gymnasium, ginger beer, and a squeeze of Mr. President. Serve in more blood. The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of Satan’s latest abomination, ginger beer, and a squeeze of the deceased. Serve in a gurgling anus. The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a hidden pancake, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a chip off the ol’ block. Serve in non-union scabs!. The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of too much wiggling, ginger beer, and a squeeze of exciting lifetime possibilities. Serve in outrageous fortune. The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of your only white friend, ginger beer, and a squeeze of a novelty oversized foam fist. Serve in tainted love. The Perfect Moscow Mule: One shot of a puffy penis costume, ginger beer, and a squeeze of an eyebrow. Serve in the egg I hatched from.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with an unnatural fondness for jelly. I’m getting “forensic evidence” (semen) installed in my car, so I can be an unnatural fondness for jelly while I drive. ... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were an unnatural fondness for jelly, would you be an unnatural fondness for jelly as well?” 10% of all proceeds from sales of an unnatural fondness for jelly will go to The Drawing Your Knife and Slashing Your Way out of the Tent Foundation. How embarrassing! I forget I left an unnatural fondness for jelly in the foyer. Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk an unnatural fondness for jelly.
