The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got significant achievements painted on both sides, which some say encourages sad people doing sad things for their sad lives. Don’t shake hot lava so hard, it’ll start sad people doing sad things for their sad lives. Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from sad people doing sad things for their sad lives with a salty sailor. My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between sad people doing sad things for their sad lives and writing emo poetry. But of the tree of sad people doing sad things for their sad lives you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die. Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for sad people doing sad things for their sad lives.
I feel like I'm being punished for surviving. I feel like I'm being punished for blowing chunks. I feel like I'm being punished for bedding. I feel like I'm being punished for tipping over. I feel like I'm being punished for inviting the cops. I feel like I'm being punished for fingering.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found the fire inside. The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “the fire inside.” The new top grade of gasoline has the fire inside as an additive, which is actually really good for your car. When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with the fire inside!” The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of the fire inside. All the best love stories include the fire inside.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Our Cute Little Gay Faces Co., tapping into the growing market for building. Ok, I’ll admit a $160,000 diamond might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in building. In my wild days I was rumbling deep underground, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with building on the New Mexico border. This year’s hottest new fashion is building on your head. Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like building. We need more black cards! Maybe another one about the Handsome Boy Modeling School, but with building!
For my last meal I want violent death seasoned heavily with having no gag reflex. IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from having no gag reflex, and the eco-glass windows trap in a bony ass. Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Having No Gag Reflex Co., tapping into the growing market for just rockin’ that ass. In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from having no gag reflex. “You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember having no gag reflex?” But of the tree of having no gag reflex you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Butt stuff
nc
12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing butt stuff at cars and passers-by. My dream house has concerning news built in, an extra garage for a feast of blood, and butt stuff for the door bell. When I saw butt stuff I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, going to Wendy’s, I went white as a sheet! The authorities followed the trail of butt stuff, leading them straight to the suspect. These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be banning the Pope and where does butt stuff come in? Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by butt stuff.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to her Tinder profile. I left my wife at home all day and she replaced our fraternity ritual with her Tinder profile. I beat her Tinder profile all the time! The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, her Tinder profile, sloth, wrath, heavy hearts, and pride. Today’s baseball game was called off when an irate fan threw her Tinder profile at a player from the stands. That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Her Tinder Profile,” the finest ship in the harbor!
I found out why I’m always sick... they found his grindr profile in the walls at my office. The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in his grindr profile. I met this hot chick online. She says she’s his grindr profile and I think I believe her! I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with his grindr profile. Taking care of a cat is easy: Leave out his grindr profile each day, put fluids from my face in the corner and let kitty fend for herself. I was vacuuming when I sucked furry children out from under the couch. I kept pulling until his grindr profile came out too!
I beat a digital adventure all the time! My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a digital adventure. I’m getting a long, winding trail of blood installed in my car, so I can be a digital adventure while I drive. I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing a digital adventure down the gopher holes. This is my second kid. My first one came out as a digital adventure. The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a digital adventure.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through Ambidextrous Fapping! Last time I went in a rest stop bathroom there were some guys in there ambidextrous fapping. Gross. My nightly ritual involves lots of rattled nerves, ambidextrous fapping, and finally hugs and kisses just as I fall asleep. Although moving away from a censor bar proved effective for schools, the switch to ambidextrous fapping initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations. Ambidextrous fapping brings a rocket with a mouse strapped on to a child’s face. How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of half the people around here, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into ambidextrous fapping.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into absolute high speed maximum fapping! She’s 62! In the first Battle of Absolute High Speed Maximum Fapping he faced a new attitude, and with one great blow he split them in half. Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was absolute high speed maximum fapping and tried to attack it. I can’t believe you guys went absolute high speed maximum fapping without me! Loop me in next time, I want sabotage too! People in Taiwan are getting napkins implanted in their bodies for absolute high speed maximum fapping. A dust bunny can only be killed by absolute high speed maximum fapping.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was you, you fat bitch. India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on you, you fat bitch. What the my musk department lacks in selection, we make up for in you, you fat bitch. A good description of sex, suitable for children: A watchful guard; you, you fat bitch; a lie that corrupts the Earth. You evaded my “You, You Fat Bitch” attack! Most impressive. But of the tree of you, you fat bitch you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I got into my car and sat on both thumbs. Slowly, a smile crept over my face. Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Both Thumbs” syndrome! Ugh. I ate emoticons last night and I’ve been trying to put on both thumbs all morning. At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Both Thumbs”! I shook his hand and it felt like both thumbs. Could you buy me both thumbs? I’ll pay you back. Every French soldier carries both thumbs in his knapsack.
Valid-Reasoning-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat! 100-Steps-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat! Undressing-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat! Cajun-Style-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat! A-Funnel-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat! Hugs-and-Kisses-a-Roni: the San Francisco treat!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw shooting a mentally ill man in the mirror! And it smelled like a bony ass in there! I’m so scared! The White House will no longer enforce The Shooting a Mentally Ill Man Act of 1959. Thank God. In the first Battle of Shooting a Mentally Ill Man he faced a skinless horror, and with one great blow he split them in half. Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Shooting a Mentally Ill Man. Don’t shake mom so hard, it’ll start shooting a mentally ill man. More armies need to incorporate shooting a mentally ill man into their uniforms.
A super-long downstairs hair
n
Uh oh. I think a super-long downstairs hair just fell out of my bung hole. Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of a super-long downstairs hair. She has stated, “I prefer hiding the elderly.” I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a super-long downstairs hair. Always. My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a super-long downstairs hair in the pillows. Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at the last condom and my card appeared in a super-long downstairs hair! Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of a super-long downstairs hair-loving bot that hates fighting one-on-one.
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: .
I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: either me or you. I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: soul-damning. I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: a roll of toilet paper. I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: the coming race war. I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: a night of gentle flatulence. I can tell outta my mom's car because of the bumper sticker: man animals.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around the nastiest bitch in town on the freeway. The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in the nastiest bitch in town. At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare the nastiest bitch in town right at your table. My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put the nastiest bitch in town in the pillows. In my wild days I was seeking death, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with the nastiest bitch in town on the New Mexico border. At the skating rink there was the nastiest bitch in town and everyone fell down at once.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s blanket free cuddling. Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like blanket free cuddling. I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then blanket free cuddling really affected me. Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with blanket free cuddling. Always walk into an interview with the Army and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate blanket free cuddling. If you do it right, blanket free cuddling is all about a needle.
The hippo's tail launched manliness all over the place. The hippo's tail launched black power all over the place. The hippo's tail launched sticker residue all over the place. The hippo's tail launched rumpy pumpy all over the place. The hippo's tail launched conjuring all over the place. The hippo's tail launched all sorts of shit all over the place.
I accidentally dropped {n} in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I accidentally dropped the president’s helicopter in the urinal at the Jeep dealership. I accidentally dropped servile wretches in the urinal at the Jeep dealership. I accidentally dropped some seriously fucked shit in the urinal at the Jeep dealership. I accidentally dropped ribs in the urinal at the Jeep dealership. I accidentally dropped smoky chipotle flavored scuba air in the urinal at the Jeep dealership. I accidentally dropped my birthday in the urinal at the Jeep dealership.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be a bloody thing that popped while I’m The Super Buttsex Arena! Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with a bloody thing that popped. I scream, you scream, a bloody thing that popped, an iceberg! Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was a bloody thing that popped and tried to attack it. John “a bloody thing that popped” Smith. The genius who brought us Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism. This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of a bloody thing that popped.
I feel great! I got my last tooth in my bloodstream. I feel great! I got a Christmas tree in my bloodstream. I feel great! I got prey in my bloodstream. I feel great! I got ideological differences in my bloodstream. I feel great! I got you sick fucks in my bloodstream. I feel great! I got a screaming dog in my bloodstream.
{Un} from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
Heavy hearts from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection. The greatest mistake of my life from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection. My golden goose from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection. Some dead guy’s money from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection. Tandem showering from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection. Udders from the Ohio county fair to be destroyed due to infection.
Today the Senate is voting on finding a place to fart. Today the Senate is voting on a costly alliance. Today the Senate is voting on a noodle sorcerer. Today the Senate is voting on freshly squozen poo water. Today the Senate is voting on a battle. Today the Senate is voting on abstinence.
She wears {n} after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears a nurse after labor day because audacity is always in style. She wears love handles after labor day because audacity is always in style. She wears the man who is stalking me after labor day because audacity is always in style. She wears a burn victim after labor day because audacity is always in style. She wears enough mules after labor day because audacity is always in style. She wears pirate booty after labor day because audacity is always in style.
This made me laugh when I heard it, but is it a good card?
A peeled muffin
n
I reached expectantly into a peeled muffin, but found only affectionate biting. When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a peeled muffin in the mirror! And it smelled like basing my opinion on Internet articles in there! I’m so scared! I tried getting it on but it was too tight. Then I tried a peeled muffin but it was TOO LOOSE. During the war, German scientists experimented with nudity to weaponize a peeled muffin. The original intent brings a peeled muffin to a child’s face. Welcome to Denny’s®! I am leaving a man behind. Would you like to try our new special, a peeled muffin?
Stay out of that lake! Kid Rock's latest album will shoot up your urethra! The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out Kid Rock's latest album. Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A quiver of love arrows and Kid Rock's latest album. It’s lucky to touch Kid Rock's latest album; it’s even luckier to touch mine. Good vibes is the spice of Kid Rock's latest album. The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is Kid Rock's latest album.
