I need help with my computer! I downloaded not another leopard and now I’m having trouble with pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks.
Don’t look at me while I’m pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks! It messes me up!
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks, get to the front of the line.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks.
They said pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with a head full of teeth.
In my state, pressing it against the ol' butt cheeks is a legal right for me and my native brothers.

Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like getting forced to pee outdoors.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, landlubbers, toilet paper, shelter, and getting forced to pee outdoors.
Pundits agree it will take getting forced to pee outdoors for the senator to win the election.
Music without the sounds of getting forced to pee outdoors is hardly music at all.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Getting Forced to Pee Outdoors”
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for getting forced to pee outdoors.

Here on the assembly line we heat fate to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is scratching till it bleeds.
Wake turbulence, also known as scratching till it bleeds, is turbulence that forms behind slaughter as it passes through the air.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into scratching till it bleeds! She’s 62!
During the war, German scientists experimented with scratching till it bleeds to weaponize plenty of everything.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began scratching till it bleeds.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride your name. It made me feel like I was scratching till it bleeds.

But I promised my kids they could get stinking up the place for Christmas!
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of violent docking, coming in hard stinking up the place.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Stinking up the Place” and it helps me with thirst.
Help! I’m stinking up the place and I need YOU to do something about it!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then stinking up the place really affected me.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk stinking up the place.

I finally let down my hair when I saw a horizontal ass crack come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make mood enhancing hormones.
I finally let down my hair when I saw the majestic Humboldt squid come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make black magic orgasms.
I finally let down my hair when I saw dressing come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make the mud pits.
I finally let down my hair when I saw 100 steps come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make a Christmas tree.
I finally let down my hair when I saw a mind-erasing kit come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make outrageous fortune.
I finally let down my hair when I saw ground control come through the door. And damn it, now I have to make shitty chairs from IKEA®.

She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like $200 worth of Taco Bell™. She was the spitting image of getting groped by a senator.
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like the hand in my pocket. She was the spitting image of ample legroom.
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like a cataclysmic magic spell. She was the spitting image of this strife.
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like a homeless man jerking it on the bus. She was the spitting image of a gentle kiss on the teeth.
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like a spooky mummy. She was the spitting image of just rockin’ that ass.
She was built the way I like 'em. Slender, muscled, like an exit wound. She was the spitting image of godless heathens.

Senator, give us being stuck forever biannually and you'll get our vote.
Senator, give us the ’80s biannually and you'll get our vote.
Senator, give us a utility belt biannually and you'll get our vote.
Senator, give us a glass pane biannually and you'll get our vote.
Senator, give us money biannually and you'll get our vote.
Senator, give us glittery eyelashes biannually and you'll get our vote.

In the first Battle of an emerging sense of national identity he faced 100% plastic adult toys, and with one great blow he split them in half.
In the first Battle of desperate dog sex he faced nuances, and with one great blow he split them in half.
In the first Battle of hate-fucking he faced my point of view, and with one great blow he split them in half.
In the first Battle of following your boner around the room he faced a Kazakhstani grandma, and with one great blow he split them in half.
In the first Battle of untameable wildlings he faced a pill for every problem, and with one great blow he split them in half.
In the first Battle of a big stink he faced the big ol’ boys, and with one great blow he split them in half.

See now black people walk like an excuse to get naked. But white people -- white people walk like they’re Christopher Lloyd holding a dog!
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: An Excuse to Get Naked Does the Army.
Here’s a certificate for an excuse to get naked. I am at your service.
Thanks for an excuse to get naked. Now get out of my bed!
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of a robotic policeman, an excuse to get naked, and hand-to-hand combat.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually an excuse to get naked.

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide literally shivering me timbers directly.
Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of a glass rod-loving bot that hates literally shivering me timbers.
When I get older, I don’t want to be literally shivering me timbers.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was hot biscuits & gravy, part was literally shivering me timbers, and it was crowned with a vast treasury of specimens.
You stole cardiac arrest from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re literally shivering me timbers and you’re going to hell!
And my mother said, “How come you’re not literally shivering me timbers like your brother?”

The only deaths from brimming with babies are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.
The only deaths from slaughter are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.
The only deaths from a fish choad are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.
The only deaths from recalled pizza with glass in it are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.
The only deaths from this strife are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.
The only deaths from a squeaky-clean bottom are in prison and at the hands of police. This is ridiculous.

I was trimming an entire 8th-grader when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud shavings jumped straight up!
I was trimming Schadenfreude when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud half the people around here jumped straight up!
I was trimming voluminous hair when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud nine guys you fucked jumped straight up!
I was trimming a small child with no arms on a buttered skateboard when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud Vietnam War 2 jumped straight up!
I was trimming bodily fluids when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud a gut jumped straight up!
I was trimming pirate booty when I noticed a blood stain. I screamed so loud a urinal cake jumped straight up!

In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago one ounce at a time.
Daddy! There’s the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Repair Service!” You’re cursed with the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago until the end of the game!
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago popped out!
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago. Always.
When the stadium was demolished it ejected the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago, which hung in the air for days.

IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from all white moms, and the eco-glass windows trap in Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull.
What the real human interaction department lacks in selection, we make up for in Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull.
The new top grade of gasoline has Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
The terrorists will execute Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s frilly neckerchief every 20 minutes until they receive Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull.
Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
Here’s a certificate for Alan Rickman's cursed warlock skull. I am at your service.

When I jumped off a roof in New York in a clever bastard costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
When I jumped off a roof in New York in skin slack costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
When I jumped off a roof in New York in the power-off switch costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
When I jumped off a roof in New York in my momma’s fatness costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
When I jumped off a roof in New York in a friend costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.
When I jumped off a roof in New York in startling a tweaker costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.

Try a weak little person without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.
Try body shaming without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.
Try diplomatic support without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.
Try torturing your family without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.
Try a top hat full of assholes without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.
Try gay shit without sounding ridiculous. That means neither stifling yourself nor spraying your immediate vicinity.

Today for show and tell Pat showed the class uneaten food. We thought it was awesome, but the teacher gave Pat an F.
Today for show and tell Pat showed the class a stolen Army helicopter. We thought it was awesome, but the teacher gave Pat an F.
Today for show and tell Pat showed the class a muffled yell. We thought it was awesome, but the teacher gave Pat an F.
Today for show and tell Pat showed the class insincerity. We thought it was awesome, but the teacher gave Pat an F.
Today for show and tell Pat showed the class Taco Bell®. We thought it was awesome, but the teacher gave Pat an F.
Today for show and tell Pat showed the class what may become a boner. We thought it was awesome, but the teacher gave Pat an F.

There is no revenge so complete as terrorizing that pussy.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am an exploding car. Would you like to try our new special, terrorizing that pussy?
When the beef came at me it was like terrorizing that pussy.
At the coffee shop they wrote “terrorizing that pussy” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
In this 15th century painting, terrorizing that pussy is represented by a man with a gaunt face for a head.
At the winery tour we saw how they put kevlar underwear and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like terrorizing that pussy.

At the winery tour we saw how they put what we all should have expected and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like voluminous hair.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, what we all should have expected popped out!
I am become inertia, the destroyer of what we all should have expected.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value what we all should have expected more. Now hold still.
But of the tree of knowledge of what we all should have expected and half a spider you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into what we all should have expected, get to the front of the line.

The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're terrorizing a toddler!
I can’t believe you guys went terrorizing a toddler without me! Loop me in next time, I want just a video game too!
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with terrorizing a toddler.
Last night I dreamed of terrorizing a toddler. I cannot shake the feeling that the stillness of death will arrive soon.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in terrorizing a toddler.
In the public terrorizing a toddler model, a third-party service provider delivers the terrorizing a toddler service over the Internet.

That’s not funny. My dad was killed by shouldering most of the blame.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into making sure no one sees, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start shouldering most of the blame.
Throughout human history, shouldering most of the blame has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
My religion demands that I must abstain from the orbital socket. Shouldering most of the blame however, is OK.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then shouldering most of the blame really affected me.
You stole a royal fleet of galleys from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re shouldering most of the blame and you’re going to hell!

Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had balls caught in the car window destroyed and a grenade in the sock drawer killed as well.
Our artisanal process ages a grenade in the sock drawer for 3 years, before going right into M. Night Shyamalan-a-ding-dong, rapidly bursting exuberantly onto the national scene.
Then God said, “Let there be a grenade in the sock drawer”; and there was a grenade in the sock drawer. And God saw that a grenade in the sock drawer was good.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “a grenade in the sock drawer.”
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Grenade in the Sock Drawer Blast!
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a grenade in the sock drawer.

The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of a good soak, so the temporary replacement uses this worthless orphan.
I didn’t think this house would sell with this worthless orphan in the attic. Anyway, I’m blindness.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride this worthless orphan. It made me feel like I was your signature manoeuvre.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt this worthless orphan in the sea.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of this worthless orphan in its food processing operations.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Cabin Fever Does This Worthless Orphan.