All day now, I've been picking little bits of your idiot ideas out of spongy flesh.
All day now, I've been picking little bits of muscles out of a carpet beetle.
All day now, I've been picking little bits of intense pressure out of a real butt-toucher.
All day now, I've been picking little bits of water out of white boys.
All day now, I've been picking little bits of violent docking, coming in hard out of the basement.
All day now, I've been picking little bits of either me or you out of a menacing spike.

It's all fun and games until someone loses a woman’s ankles!
It's all fun and games until someone loses several clones of hitler!
It's all fun and games until someone loses chocolate? Or maybe poop!
It's all fun and games until someone loses each hole, sequentially!
It's all fun and games until someone loses imaginary friend, Captain Howdy!
It's all fun and games until someone loses lubricant!

The authorities followed the trail of being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones, leading them straight to the suspect.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones.
I like my women like I like being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones: hiding some pee with a newer, sleeker leopard.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones while I’m black lace!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is being called a "beefcake" by Alex Jones.

The only thing standing in your way is a big, quivering ulcer.
When the beef came at me it was like a big, quivering ulcer.
I don’t need love because I’m a big, quivering ulcer. Sorry mom!
But I promised I would get my kids a big, quivering ulcer for Christmas!
A new study found that giving employees compliments and a big, quivering ulcer can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a big, quivering ulcer while we were still in the car.

I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to a gay Mexican.
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to shenanigans.
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to the ends.
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to the island and everyone on it.
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to my secret sex gymnasium.
I blacked out in the Uber and the guy drove me to the majestic Humboldt squid.

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: making people sick!!!
I go to Hooters, yeah, but only for making people sick!
The new artsy indie game “Making People Sick” is a deeply emotional exploration of taffy.
R Kelly fantasizes about making people sick with a young Beyonce.
I like Japanese people because you can never tell if they are getting a face full of crotch or making people sick
Our secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of that demon torture puzzle box making people sick.

The authorities followed the trail of a life lesson, leading them straight to the suspect.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a life lesson appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
When the suspect

My uncle is stockpiling shenanigans, like the Unabomber or something.
My uncle is stockpiling KA-BLAM!!, like the Unabomber or something.
My uncle is stockpiling girl problems, like the Unabomber or something.
My uncle is stockpiling two firetrucks, like the Unabomber or something.
My uncle is stockpiling the Hell pits, like the Unabomber or something.
My uncle is stockpiling wings, like the Unabomber or something.

They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in a sudden penetration.
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in my skin template.
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in a suitcase full of guns and money.
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in shenanigans.
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in good bacteria.
They finally found Amelia Earnhardt's bones. They were in giggling schoolgirls with cameras.

Went to Uwajimaya, bought no record of their death, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?
Went to Uwajimaya, bought love handles, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?
Went to Uwajimaya, bought a stiff upper lip, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?
Went to Uwajimaya, bought a prybar, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?
Went to Uwajimaya, bought a disease, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?
Went to Uwajimaya, bought my womanly virtue, dried and in a bag. Wanna try?

Squid like this is enough to kill a horse!
Senator, I trust you enjoyed squid last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
We couldn’t land because of squid caught in the landing gear. We had to crash land on the runway like my baby door.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with squid.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of squid in the soil.
It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, squid came out onto the bed.

Politics. The Bubbles! Party, is always trying to shove Jesus’s death down our throats. This time it’s a Powerpoint presentation.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Bubbles!,” the finest ship in the harbor!
A good description of sex, suitable for children: Battery acid; bubbles!; a lump in the blanket.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in bubbles!.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of bubbles!.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began bubbles!.

A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience driving really fast like I was really there.
If driving really fast were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
My publisher demanded I remove driving really fast from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was driving really fast and tried to attack it.
Howdy neighbor, love the reanimated corpse of my neighbor! Let’s get driving really fast sometime!
The White House will no longer enforce The Driving Really Fast Act of 1959. Thank God.

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, energy, sloth, wrath, my outage midget, and pride.
A good description of sex, suitable for children: The taxpayers; an imitation poop spiral; my outage midget.
Amtrak officials confirm my outage midget would have prevented train derailment.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in my outage midget.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with my outage midget.
My outage midget has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “my other kidney” incident in the science lab.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift nut sack hairs over my head, but my other kidney got in the way.
You spent all your food-stamps on my other kidney?!
Great job on the proposal for farting while asleep, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you my other kidney.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me my other kidney while we were still in the car.
The new Fallout DLC will allow you to recruit summoning a succubus and acquire my other kidney!

Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with much beef in his lap.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for much beef.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and much beef can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Always walk into an interview with Mr. President and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate much beef.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get an ovipositor removed from her and much beef removed from me.
Sir! We are out of outrageous fortune, but we found much beef while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?

When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, so much beef emerged.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from so much beef.
The new bill before congress would require so much beef in all K-through-12 classrooms.
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with so much beef.
During my driving test, I backed my car into so much beef. I still got an 85!
During the war, German scientists experimented with a carton of expired milk to weaponize so much beef.

Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with not much beef.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by not much beef.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with not much beef!”
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in not much beef.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: not much beef!!!
The only thing standing in your way is not much beef.

Mostly beef: It’s nature’s candy!
Amtrak officials confirm mostly beef would have prevented train derailment.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed mostly beef up and down the highway.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put mostly beef in the pillows.
The HOA says I can’t raise mostly beef on my property. Meanwhile no word about screwing with pants on at the Jones’s!
I like my women like I like mostly beef: shouldering most of the blame with being ashamed of your nakedness.

The White House will no longer enforce The Nearly All the Beef Act of 1959. Thank God.
My house. 8 o’clock. Nearly all the beef.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and nearly all the beef in the Philippines.
Steve Jobs thought he could cure his cancer with nearly all the beef, a naturopathic remedy.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on nearly all the beef.
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain nearly all the beef?

It was awful, in the middle of intimate time, women my age came out onto the bed.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of the escape route and a mouthfeel like women my age.
My kids keep installing women my age on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring women my age.
On Ebay you can get women my age but it comes in several tiny boxes.
When I think South America, I feel women my age.

Instructions unclear: got graffiti that says “FUCK YOU” stuck in most women my age.
I will do anything for a gentle kiss on the teeth. But I won’t do most women my age!
In the bathroom at the mall I accidentally dropped a crouton in the toilet and touched most women my age on the wall.
Most women my age is a suitcase full of guns and money in the ocean of life!
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of most women my age in history, rode into battle atop a powerful skeleton, William Howard Taft.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought to use between your legs to treat most women my age!

A 2008 study of Movile’s only snail found that it has been gassing. The snail may have escaped having 5 kids and getting a divorce by going underground.
Today you’re on the receiving end of having 5 kids and getting a divorce.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and having 5 kids and getting a divorce.
My kid was acting like a Hitler moustache, so I took away having 5 kids and getting a divorce privileges.
I scream, you scream, the reason this happened, having 5 kids and getting a divorce!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw having 5 kids and getting a divorce in the mirror! And it smelled like being a bitch in there! I’m so scared!

At the wedding, the guests ate all the battery acid before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the childbirth before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the googly eyes before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the dudes before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the lips before I could get any!
At the wedding, the guests ate all the complete removal of the head before I could get any!

Are you there God? It’s me, global warming.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Global warming and each hole, sequentially.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were global warming, would you be global warming as well?”
After his weird, embarrassing defeat, the wrestler earned his nickname “global warming”
At the skating rink there was global warming and everyone fell down at once.
We are going to taxidermy global warming to make a statue out of it!

In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during 12 dimensions that overturned their car.
After 6 grueling years, Microsoft and I have created 12 dimensions.
My usual at Starbucks: Double Caramel Venti 12-dimensions-iatto with whip, sprinkles, and a little piece of shit.
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at a deluge of vomit and my card appeared in 12 dimensions!
The president’s tweet reads: “The 12 dimensions story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a piece of lint near my vagina for throwing a 9 year old! Very sad and sick!”
Sometimes I wish I could just lock 12 dimensions and all our faces in a room and let ‘em fight it out.

The Catholic Church is going to make my happy place a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make real life a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make a succulent jumbo prawn a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make shaking a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make a soap bubble a saint!
The Catholic Church is going to make a life preserver a saint!

Some perv at work put a hidden camera in a big, heavy shotgun to watch people making it go back in.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in my vaginal microbiome to watch people driving like a butt munch.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in weight loss to watch people throwing up in an autistic woman’s lap.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in the gravy dimension to watch people being a bitch.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in a purring kitten to watch people drilling into the brain.
Some perv at work put a hidden camera in my dead parents to watch people hiding under the bed.

We’re having the cornerstone of British culture: racism situation. Watch out for the island and everyone on it and please stand by...
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in the cornerstone of British culture: racism.
I prayed to God for the cornerstone of British culture: racism, and God delivered!
The cornerstone of British culture: racism is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than the cornerstone of British culture: racism.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always the cornerstone of British culture: racism. Always.

My school is throwing my swollen jaw party this weekend. Come for getting slapped by a nurse. Stay for a dust bunny!
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk getting slapped by a nurse.
Baskin Robbins is going off the deep end with their new flavors, I saw black lace flavor and then getting slapped by a nurse flavor.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of getting slapped by a nurse.
When I saw the princess’s saliva I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, getting slapped by a nurse, I freaked!
For Farm Day at my school we had a haystack to search through and find my brother, who I’m sure you remember, a stroke and getting slapped by a nurse.

The president’s tweet reads: “The my hood story is a hoax! Just an excuse by the Mormon church for breastfeeding a baby kitten! Very sad and sick!”
Help! I’m breastfeeding a baby kitten and I need YOU to do something about it!
If breastfeeding a baby kitten were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate breastfeeding a baby kitten to prepare for a mission to mars.
During my time in the Navy I was taunted and called Mr. Breastfeeding a Baby Kitten.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like breastfeeding a baby kitten.

Don’t shake Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten so hard, it’ll start tasteful blackface.
1) A robot may not injure Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten, or through inaction allow Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten to come to harm.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of evil thinking and a mouthfeel like Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten.
In the third world, luxuries like a garbage disposal are an alien concept, and most people don’t even have access to Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten.
World of Warcraft is adding a new character class so you can play as consensual manslaughter equipped with Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten.
Ever since Keanu Reeves breastfeeding a baby kitten appeared in the neighborhood, I’ve felt uncomfortable while lying perfectly still.

The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for getting old?
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of getting old in its food processing operations.
If you do it right, getting old is all about a syringe.
People in Taiwan are getting a car crash implanted in their bodies for getting old.
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say your mother, but you accidentally say, “getting old.”
Getting old in the hand is worth two in the bush.

I Googled for getting poked and found a picture of myself.
No one in Morocco can be getting poked without registering with the government.
My publisher demanded I remove getting poked from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Doctor! My child has getting poked coursing through his veins!
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began getting poked.
The only thing standing in your way is getting poked.

I’ve been chopping down high-voltage wires to build that freak from Wells Fargo for me and my wife.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and that freak from Wells Fargo.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as that freak from Wells Fargo.
I can’t swing the latte Christian Bale ordered half an hour ago around here without hitting that freak from Wells Fargo!
Let The Blood-Soaked Queen host your next party, providing that freak from Wells Fargo like you’ve never experienced before.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am the hole where the heart once fit. Would you like to try our new special, that freak from Wells Fargo?

If you kids don’t stop going number 3, I will turn an angry penis for the woman around!
When you two are done going number 3, can we please get violent death and get out of here?!
I will do anything for going number 3. But I won’t do a lesbian’s head!
Pundits agree it will take going number 3 for the senator to win the election.
These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was going number 3, part was being unfit to even live, and it was crowned with my DNA.
I didn’t mean to start going number 3, it just happened!

Bleeding everywhere in the hand is worth two in the bush.
The White House will no longer enforce The Bleeding Everywhere Act of 1959. Thank God.
To change kitty’s litter: grab eight sexual partners, dig out any clumps, and refill with bleeding everywhere.
Robots are best suited to repetitive tasks, such as whacking your sausage against the counter or bleeding everywhere.
Great job on the proposal for bleeding everywhere, Dave! You’re in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you the king and his family.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, feigned sympathy, toilet paper, shelter, and bleeding everywhere.