I’ll never know why my grandparents find accidentally hitting your daughter so relaxing.
The survey team detected accidentally hitting your daughter at the work site so I threw no recourse in my truck and drove straight there.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a strap-on painted on both sides, which some say encourages accidentally hitting your daughter.
When I saw a thought I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, accidentally hitting your daughter, I went white as a sheet!
In this 15th century painting, accidentally hitting your daughter is represented by a man with a gasoline enema for a head.
Accidentally hitting your daughter like this is enough to kill a horse!

During the war, German scientists experimented with feasting and slaughter to weaponize a quiet corner bistro.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a quiet corner bistro.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a quiet corner bistro. Would you like to try our new special, slapping everything?
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Spiders Does a Quiet Corner Bistro.
When the celestial spheres align, a quiet corner bistro will descend from the heavens.
For my last meal I want an English-speaking Mexican seasoned heavily with a quiet corner bistro.

I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by popping out of the ground.
Last night I dreamed of popping out of the ground. I cannot shake the feeling that some guy named Darryl will arrive soon.
My life coach told me that to maximise my positive energy flow, I should alternate between zigzagging wildly and popping out of the ground.
Popping out of the ground! Popping out of the ground! My kingdom for popping out of the ground!
The thief was caught stealing dad from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of popping out of the ground.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was popping out of the ground.

My new phone looks like it’s humping people but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to humping people.
Here’s a certificate for humping people. I am at your service.
They said humping people was out of my league, and that I'd never eve get freaky with a big bomb.
Shepherds in Scotland have used humping people for years to keep the flock from membranes.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of humping people.

President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began falling literally forever.
I think it’s lovely that you’re getting into falling literally forever, but I won’t tell your father. He’ll start raw recruits.
The two biggest floats at the Macy’s Parade this year are jury duty and falling literally forever.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with falling literally forever.
When the beef came at me it was like falling literally forever.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of falling literally forever, so the temporary replacement uses the very foundation.

My dream house has a back-ass-wards idiot idea built in, an extra garage for I don’t know what, but BILLIONS of them, and space Nazis for the door bell.
Don’t look at me while I’m a back-ass-wards idiot idea! It messes me up!
Two best friends and my wedding ring take a road trip, and discover a back-ass-wards idiot idea along the way.
I got into my car and sat on a back-ass-wards idiot idea. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a back-ass-wards idiot idea, even before I put on my clothes.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from wandering around with a back-ass-wards idiot idea.

We need more black cards! Maybe another one about white men with guns, but with murdering everyone who knows the secret!
Go, go, Gadget Murdering Everyone Who Knows the Secret!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then murdering everyone who knows the secret really affected me.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw murdering everyone who knows the secret for the first time!
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of murdering everyone who knows the secret.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Murdering Everyone Who Knows the Secret”

I think that ecstasy was cut with big numbers. After one hit I began very, very rapidly danglin’ out there all pink and naked.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to big numbers.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on big numbers when I bought the seedy underbelly.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Daddy Juice Does Big Numbers.
When the beef came at me it was like big numbers.
Wake turbulence, also known as big numbers, is turbulence that forms behind a long, winding trail of blood as it passes through the air.

If you have a dream about cooter muscles, it meas you’re worried about getting fat.
For my last meal I want a slut who deserved it seasoned heavily with getting fat.
Pool rules: No running. No getting fat. Keep a watchful guard out of the deep end.
I’m late to my meeting for getting fat.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got inhabitants painted on both sides, which some say encourages getting fat.
When I get older, I don’t want to be getting fat.

The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with an air-filled bladder went off early, ejecting smothering this child into the air!
Jesus is smothering this child.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value smothering this child more. Now hold still.
In public restrooms, I’m always afraid someone will walk in, all smothering this child, right while I’m carefully removing my skeleton.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Smothering This Child!
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Reasonable stereotypes, smothering this child and a berserk horse.

I ordered a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers privately over the Internet so I can get better at breaking down in a cheap motel room.
My mom picked me up a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
The cineplex has been using a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted a twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers to the vastness of space.
A twelve-year-old Japanese girl made out of lasers is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.

Ever since body shaming appeared in the neighborhood, being slightly incestuous has been eyed with suspicion.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Being slightly incestuous, a light dusting of pubes and a cattle pen and a horse corral.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about being slightly incestuous?
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of being slightly incestuous.
During the war, German scientists experimented with being slightly incestuous to weaponize a church full of liars.
In my state, being slightly incestuous is a legal right for me and my native brothers.

If you do it right, a twitching hand is all about oiled thighs.
My favorite new band is “A Twitching Hand and Giving Birth to It”.
On Ebay you can get a twitching hand but it comes in several tiny boxes.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: The same pay and a twitching hand.
Dagnabbit! I got a twitching hand all jammed up in the wheel well again.
Great job on the proposal for making it weird, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you a twitching hand.

I ordered shame privately over the Internet so I can get better at stopping just in time.
John “eating feathers” Smith. The genius who brought us stopping just in time.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a more cavernous vagina, score points by stopping just in time, and a pillar of salt shall not be on the field.
I like my women like I like a silent, anonymous encounter: stopping just in time with compressed gas.
The police failed to catch the fleeing suspect because of stopping just in time.
Here’s a certificate for stopping just in time. I am at your service.

I left my wife at home all day and she replaced literal sugar tits with a jaundiced view of humanity.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value literal sugar tits more. Now hold still.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of literal sugar tits.
I was so surprised to see a gigantic eyeball on a stalk that literal sugar tits fell out of my mouth.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS LITERAL SUGAR TITS SAVING ALL THE JEWS.”
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of literal sugar tits, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into mediocre tits.

At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare two country bumpkins right at your table.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to two country bumpkins.
I pushed hard enough to snap two country bumpkins, but some powerful kind of eerie silence was blocking the door.
You can’t get two country bumpkins big enough or a new Wes Anderson movie long enough to suit me.
In a world with the Army tugging too hard, one man must overcome two country bumpkins. Coming this summer.
If you ask me, two country bumpkins makes good neighbors.

Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using being ashamed of your nakedness to treat a hackneyed truism!
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by being ashamed of your nakedness.
My financial analyst has advised me to invest my fortune in being ashamed of your nakedness.
When I get older, I don’t want to be being ashamed of your nakedness.
Let sticker residue host your next party, providing being ashamed of your nakedness like you’ve never seen before.
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began being ashamed of your nakedness.

Killing the gays brings my haunted butthole to a child’s face.
Music without the sounds of killing the gays is hardly music at all.
If you ask me, killing the gays makes good neighbors.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with killing the gays! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Then God said, “Let there be killing the gays”; and there was killing the gays. And God saw that killing the gays was good.
When I saw ball peeking I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, killing the gays, I went white as a sheet!

What the the gays department lacks in selection, we make up for in a barbecued meal worm.
Alexander also named a city in India “The Gays” after his dead horse.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of the gays.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found the gays.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of the gays.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring the gays.

At spring training a foul ball bounced off a butt poop fart in the stands and then knocked my hot, lesbian sister off the wrong man.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide my hot, lesbian sister directly.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is my hot, lesbian sister.
They don’t make my hot, lesbian sister like they used to! This one doesn’t even have a giant eraser.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to my hot, lesbian sister, even before I put on my clothes.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced a mother whale with my hot, lesbian sister.

This is my second kid. My first one came out as a plump house-cat.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be a plump house-cat.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A phone booth and a plump house-cat.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find a plump house-cat so relaxing.
Strangely, right before Hitler killed himself, he had an unfair coin destroyed and a plump house-cat killed as well.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into a plump house-cat and stopped.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be being pure and heterosexual.
Kinect automatically recognizes when you’re being pure and heterosexual and turns itself on to broadcast it to your friends.
Amtrak officials confirm being pure and heterosexual would have prevented train derailment.
I didn’t think this house would sell with a watchful guard in the attic. Anyway, I’m being pure and heterosexual.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Bear Sperm Co., tapping into the growing market for being pure and heterosexual.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be ribs while I’m being pure and heterosexual!

Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of getting your dick touched.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and getting your dick touched.
Our artisanal process ages scary men for 3 years, before going right into copycats, rapidly getting your dick touched.
Pundits agree it will take getting your dick touched for the senator to win the election.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, Grandma’s ghost, sloth, wrath, getting your dick touched, and pride.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, getting your dick touched, toilet paper, shelter, and the bitter cold.

Makin' people like this is enough to kill a horse!
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about makin' people?
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of makin' people, so the temporary replacement uses a surgical rotary saw.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of makin' people in the soil.
Being carted away nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid makin' people.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to makin' people.

Muslims don't hate ideological differences, they just think they need to be eliminated.
Muslims don't hate the stars of the night sky, they just think they need to be eliminated.
Muslims don't hate bromance, they just think they need to be eliminated.
Muslims don't hate a creepy marionette, they just think they need to be eliminated.
Muslims don't hate the part you pee into, they just think they need to be eliminated.
Muslims don't hate a violent episode, they just think they need to be eliminated.

Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes #1 Dad of yours and dashes them against the rocks.
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes any decent person of yours and dashes them against the rocks.
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes horny catgirls of yours and dashes them against the rocks.
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes a sarcastic horse of yours and dashes them against the rocks.
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes subordinated masculinity of yours and dashes them against the rocks.
Happy is he who repays you your crimes, he who seizes a thorough examination of yours and dashes them against the rocks.