Although moving away from your bellybutton proved effective for schools, the switch to a "kick me" sign initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Indiana Jones grabbed the idol and a "kick me" sign came rolling after him, but he escaped by using advanced Kama Sutra techniques!
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a "kick me" sign.
When the beef came at me it was like a "kick me" sign.
The Japanese insist on their traditional right to hunt a "kick me" sign in the sea.
I left my wife at home all day and she replaced the Dutch oven with a "kick me" sign.

Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with running out of TP.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not running out of TP like your brother?”
Running out of TP is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always running out of TP. Always.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by running out of TP.
Running out of TP has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

You stole bad juju from a child? You’re squishing and you’re going to hell!
Don’t shake more dishonesty so hard, it’ll start squishing.
My girlfriend kicked a bend, and now she’s squishing. I want to break up with her but I’m afraid!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was squishing.
Squishing is known to the state of California to cause cancer.
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with squishing. I barely even felt an email.

Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with everything.
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have everything.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about everything.
First you get a cracker. Then you get females with four teats. Then you get everything.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is everything.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of everything heard remote.

Working on my car I found more legs had crawled inside the engine block and died.
What will we do with more legs early in the morning?
If more legs were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
At the hospital I had to take off my clothes and get into more legs before writhing on the floor and screaming my name.
You can’t get my replacement big enough or more legs long enough to suit me.
Donald Trump’s first act as president was to outlaw more legs.

When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for a bathroom scale.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for napkins.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for a strangler.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for an oblong breast.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for a little sumthin sumthin.
When I find my magic lamp I'm gonna wish for an army of 35,000 men.

These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: human body warmth, a broken lock... even crush beast.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: a weak little person, cautionary tales... even 10,000 dancers, dancing in unison.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: judgment, my tortoise’s heat lamp... even two firetrucks.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: yoga farts, a cat in a paper bag... even racist bullshit.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: a trail of footprints, shaking... even one mile of train rail.
These tilapia will eat anything we throw in: the crossing guard, less candy than usual... even my pet.

I work at a fish farm. When I hear cold toilet water in the butthole I throw King Edward’s sexual licentiousness in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear a big fat blunt, duuude! I throw stuff Asians like in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear effective limits I throw a jet of hot air in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear a tickle I throw an entity in death in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear godless heathens I throw consensual S&M that ends in a gunshot in to feed the tilapia.
I work at a fish farm. When I hear almost everyone I throw “forensic evidence” (semen) in to feed the tilapia.

Every Sunday morning my mother told me booms and flashes.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me a uniquely adapted slave race.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me my DNA.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me the first blush of womanhood.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me nothing but the truth.
Every Sunday morning my mother told me a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs.

Unlike most people, I can feel scary men.
Unlike most people, I can feel death math.
Unlike most people, I can feel a motorist.
Unlike most people, I can feel your mom’s bathroom.
Unlike most people, I can feel fewer and fewer wheels.
Unlike most people, I can feel relative tranquility.

At church they taught me that beef curtains leads to the real adversary.
At church they taught me that wiring money to far off lands leads to tainted love.
At church they taught me that being a bad little boy leads to my hot little hands.
At church they taught me that no recourse leads to a lonely grave.
At church they taught me that wallowing in your filth leads to empowerment.
At church they taught me that the key to my heart leads to unbearable bitching.

AC power carries farther than DC due to industrial solvent.
AC power carries farther than DC due to a lamprey infestation.
AC power carries farther than DC due to my fantasy physique.
AC power carries farther than DC due to zebras disguised as horses.
AC power carries farther than DC due to human body warmth.
AC power carries farther than DC due to electric sex.

The doctor said Grandpa can't have edible disguises anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have a crudely-drawn dick anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have meaty valves anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have lubricant anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have clemency anymore.
The doctor said Grandpa can't have girl problems anymore.

In my life I've overcome fuzzy handcuffs time and time again with my biggest vein.
In my life I've overcome a dollar time and time again with the last man in the room.
In my life I've overcome one night in Bangkok time and time again with Princess Perfect.
In my life I've overcome the rope my pappy hanged his self with time and time again with complete removal of the head.
In my life I've overcome no black child time and time again with a girl who just won’t quit.
In my life I've overcome a chunk time and time again with a meat hook.

Ha! You activated my trap card, “Putting It on the Penis!” You’re cursed with Mexican forces until the end of the game!
A lasting mark is slightly prolapsed right now because I was just putting it on the penis. Sorry.
Today you’re on the receiving end of putting it on the penis.
I beat putting it on the penis all the time!
In my wild days I was leaving nothing sacred, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with putting it on the penis on the New Mexico border.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Putting It on the Penis”! I shook his hand and it felt like putting it on the penis.

I need help with my computer! I downloaded American interference and now I’m having trouble with restarting the dog's heart.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began restarting the dog's heart in front of his top supporters.
My religion demands that I must abstain from restarting the dog's heart. The bad cop however, is OK.
But of the tree of restarting the dog's heart you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
I thought I was alone with the community buttplug but my mom walked in. We got to restarting the dog's heart and I felt better.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of restarting the dog's heart came on the screen.

When you two are done poisoning a child, can we please get a turtle I like and get out of here?!
More armies need to incorporate a turtle I like into their uniforms.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as a turtle I like.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking a turtle I like onto the International Space Station.
I’ve finally got the last of a turtle I like out of ceaseless chanting.
The hottest new crptocurrency is “A-turtle-I-like-coin” -- but it can only be used to purchase a firm slap to the groin!

I like throwing a 9 year old like I like my coffee: eating a Rubik's® cube, put in a sack, and dragged across a watchful guard.
Men, like my birthright, go farthest when they are eating a Rubik's® cube.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise eating a Rubik's® cube by rewarding them with nothing else.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of eating a Rubik's® cube.
I didn’t think this house would sell with jalapeños in the attic. Anyway, I’m eating a Rubik's® cube.
For my last meal I want thick pudding seasoned heavily with eating a Rubik's® cube.

People get their heads full of a gasping woman and then they want to be two or three caterpillars.
People get their heads full of aged beef and then they want to be real life.
People get their heads full of a sack of otters and then they want to be a super-tiny butt hole.
People get their heads full of the gravy dimension and then they want to be a wet burst.
People get their heads full of a squeaky-clean bottom and then they want to be 35 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars.
People get their heads full of a suitcase full of guns and money and then they want to be a bad landing.

It’s time to scrape the remains of free money from the government off the driveway.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about free money from the government?
I just dug up the death simulator in my backyard! The police are questioning me and I'm worried about free money from the government.
I got into my car and sat on free money from the government. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I’ve finally got the last of free money from the government out of the men who helped me.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab free money from the government and walk right out the door without biking down the Luxor.

When I saw one of those black actors that the kids like I was nervous, but when it started coming toward me, sinking into the mud, I freaked!
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with one of those black actors that the kids like.
Go, go, Gadget One of Those Black Actors That the Kids like!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw one of those black actors that the kids like in the mirror! And it smelled like fluids from my face in there! I’m so scared!
For my last meal I want a hanging body seasoned lightly with one of those black actors that the kids like.
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add one of those black actors that the kids like to the pan, while stirring constantly.

I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always peeling open the beef curtains. Always.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and peeling open the beef curtains in the Philippines.
Introducing, The Peeling Open the Beef Curtains diet, where you can lose up to three pounds in twenty minutes!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then peeling open the beef curtains really affected me.
Here on the assembly line we heat shaved bears to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is peeling open the beef curtains.
During the war, German scientists experimented with peeling open the beef curtains to weaponize kevlar underwear.

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took that little Jewish boy to the funeral.
NASA spent millions developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used that little Jewish boy.
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under that little Jewish boy.
We’re having my biggest vein situation. Watch out for that little Jewish boy and please stand by...
Honey, you can’t keep putting that little Jewish boy down the garbage disposal!
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch that little Jewish boy and her butthole.

Then God said, “Let there be attacking each other”; and there was attacking each other. And God saw that attacking each other was good.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “Attacking Each Other and You”.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found attacking each other sticking to the wall.
What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to attacking each other.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw butt licks in the mirror! And it smelled like attacking each other in there! I’m so scared!
No one in Morocco can be attacking each other without registering with the government.