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Posts written by lord:
User
An all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives
n The cruiseliner struck an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives and lost power, leaving hundreds of vacationers to deal with a winking hole.
Skin worms is an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives in the ocean of life!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives really affected me.
Fellating everything in the room with an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives is a uniquely British problem.
The thief was caught stealing an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of what Mom made.
I will do anything for the power of love. But I won’t do an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives!
Skin worms is an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives in the ocean of life!
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives really affected me.
Fellating everything in the room with an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives is a uniquely British problem.
The thief was caught stealing an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of what Mom made.
I will do anything for the power of love. But I won’t do an all-white circle of Hawaii's power wives!
User
An extra creamy orgasm
n Ok, I’ll admit giant meaty hands might have been a bad idea. But to be fair, I didn’t expect it to result in an extra creamy orgasm.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: An extra creamy orgasm and closet lesbians.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had an extra creamy orgasm.
The water tower looks like it’s an extra creamy orgasm from this angle.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like an extra creamy orgasm.
I don’t know how getting tickled until you bust a nut could lead to an extra creamy orgasm but it probably involves laughing with a mouth full of firecrackers!
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: An extra creamy orgasm and closet lesbians.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had an extra creamy orgasm.
The water tower looks like it’s an extra creamy orgasm from this angle.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like an extra creamy orgasm.
I don’t know how getting tickled until you bust a nut could lead to an extra creamy orgasm but it probably involves laughing with a mouth full of firecrackers!
User
courtesy of someone's profile I just read:
Some frothing whore
n Some frothing whore travelled over 20 feet after making it go back in.
When the celestial spheres align, some frothing whore will descend from the heavens.
Some frothing whore like this is enough to kill a horse!
When you two are done getting boinked, can we please get some frothing whore and get out of here?!
Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold, which has the hole right in some frothing whore.
Let some frothing whore host your next party, providing white guilt like you’ve never experienced before.
When the celestial spheres align, some frothing whore will descend from the heavens.
Some frothing whore like this is enough to kill a horse!
When you two are done getting boinked, can we please get some frothing whore and get out of here?!
Parents are upset with the Spider-Man balloons I sold, which has the hole right in some frothing whore.
Let some frothing whore host your next party, providing white guilt like you’ve never experienced before.
User
A fleshy connection
n A new study found that giving employees compliments and a fleshy connection can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady doing surgery on LSD with a fleshy connection.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a fleshy connection.
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into a fleshy connection and your cheeks should be relaxed.
A fleshy connection is the only way to say goodbye.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a fleshy connection. Would you like to try our new special, daddy juice?
In Nevada you can pay for a lady doing surgery on LSD with a fleshy connection.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a fleshy connection.
Use the same action as when puffing your cheeks, but the air should pass into a fleshy connection and your cheeks should be relaxed.
A fleshy connection is the only way to say goodbye.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am a fleshy connection. Would you like to try our new special, daddy juice?
User
Juicy fruits of the sea
np I thought I was alone with juicy fruits of the sea but my mom walked in. We got to screaming and barfing a little and I felt better.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a carefully contained fart and is carrying juicy fruits of the sea.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out juicy fruits of the sea for free on every corner.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of juicy fruits of the sea.
For my last meal I want hate-fucking seasoned lightly with juicy fruits of the sea.
Instructions unclear: got his holiness the pope stuck in juicy fruits of the sea.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a carefully contained fart and is carrying juicy fruits of the sea.
In Arizona, because of the heat, they hand out juicy fruits of the sea for free on every corner.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of juicy fruits of the sea.
For my last meal I want hate-fucking seasoned lightly with juicy fruits of the sea.
Instructions unclear: got his holiness the pope stuck in juicy fruits of the sea.
User
Fucking your own butt
v No more fucking your own butt at Starbucks.
Senator, I trust you enjoyed fucking your own butt last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
You should come over. I’ve got lots of fucking your own butt at my place.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a uniquely British problem and fucking your own butt.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise fucking your own butt by rewarding them with my middle pocket.
The water tower looks like it’s fucking your own butt from this angle.
Senator, I trust you enjoyed fucking your own butt last night. Now, can I count on your vote?
You should come over. I’ve got lots of fucking your own butt at my place.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only a uniquely British problem and fucking your own butt.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise fucking your own butt by rewarding them with my middle pocket.
The water tower looks like it’s fucking your own butt from this angle.
User
Weaponized lesbians
np 1) A robot may not injure weaponized lesbians, or through inaction allow weaponized lesbians to come to harm.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for weaponized lesbians?
It’s dangerous to leave weaponized lesbians on the stairs.
I’m getting weaponized lesbians installed in my car, so I can be a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other while I drive.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady screaming and barfing a little with weaponized lesbians.
I was surprised to find bones in weaponized lesbians. Is that normal?
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for weaponized lesbians?
It’s dangerous to leave weaponized lesbians on the stairs.
I’m getting weaponized lesbians installed in my car, so I can be a bunch of hillbillies buggering each other while I drive.
In Nevada you can pay for a lady screaming and barfing a little with weaponized lesbians.
I was surprised to find bones in weaponized lesbians. Is that normal?
User
What? No I'm not , I'm just !
Play 2What? No I'm not the song of my people, I'm just a lady making eyes at Dad!
What? No I'm not whatEVER, I'm just a rip!
What? No I'm not googly eyes, I'm just a Russian bride!
What? No I'm not sandpaper, I'm just multiple cameras!
What? No I'm not energy, I'm just pregnancy!
What? No I'm not Velcro shoes, I'm just inertia!
What? No I'm not whatEVER, I'm just a rip!
What? No I'm not googly eyes, I'm just a Russian bride!
What? No I'm not sandpaper, I'm just multiple cameras!
What? No I'm not energy, I'm just pregnancy!
What? No I'm not Velcro shoes, I'm just inertia!
User
Raw, unadulterated wood
nc Cosmetic surgeons hate this! Raw, unadulterated wood can increase your breast size in three weeks!
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a protective membrane. So bring raw, unadulterated wood.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking raw, unadulterated wood onto the International Space Station.
Until quite recently, raw, unadulterated wood had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
I didn’t mean to start raw, unadulterated wood, it just happened!
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add raw, unadulterated wood to the pan, while stirring constantly.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with a protective membrane. So bring raw, unadulterated wood.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield is well known for sneaking raw, unadulterated wood onto the International Space Station.
Until quite recently, raw, unadulterated wood had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
I didn’t mean to start raw, unadulterated wood, it just happened!
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add raw, unadulterated wood to the pan, while stirring constantly.
User
An edgy shit
n I need help with my computer! I downloaded an edgy shit and now I’m having trouble with the next time.
Sir! We are out of honey, but we found an edgy shit while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Daddy! There’s an edgy shit under my bed. Kill it kill it!
My kids keep installing an edgy shit on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that an edgy shit is being deep inside each other.
This year’s hottest new fashion is an edgy shit on your head.
Sir! We are out of honey, but we found an edgy shit while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
Daddy! There’s an edgy shit under my bed. Kill it kill it!
My kids keep installing an edgy shit on the computer and I think it’s making it slow.
These special lenses help colorblind people see that an edgy shit is being deep inside each other.
This year’s hottest new fashion is an edgy shit on your head.
User
Well-worn baby teeth
nc Well-worn baby teeth is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Furious that I was dying in captivity into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into well-worn baby teeth.
Go, go, Gadget Well-worn Baby Teeth!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “well-worn baby teeth”.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing well-worn baby teeth is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
If my neighbor doesn’t get well-worn baby teeth off my property, I’m calling the cops!
Furious that I was dying in captivity into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into well-worn baby teeth.
Go, go, Gadget Well-worn Baby Teeth!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “well-worn baby teeth”.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing well-worn baby teeth is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
If my neighbor doesn’t get well-worn baby teeth off my property, I’m calling the cops!
User
A salty surprise
n Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with a salty surprise.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a salty surprise and a mouthfeel like a wasted life.
I never expected to be fingered by a salty surprise.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a salty surprise.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called your panties, are the passages for a salty surprise to flow.
#a salty surprise-shaming
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a salty surprise and a mouthfeel like a wasted life.
I never expected to be fingered by a salty surprise.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a salty surprise.
Rocky tubes inside the volcano, sometimes called your panties, are the passages for a salty surprise to flow.
#a salty surprise-shaming
User
Wild whores
np In the third world, luxuries like a shrieking tarantula are an alien concept, and most people don't even have access to wild whores.
The thief was caught stealing a falling piano from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of wild whores.
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add wild whores to the pan, while stirring constantly.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate wild whores.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of wild whores. Half the country is giving birth to it.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be wild whores.
The thief was caught stealing a falling piano from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of wild whores.
When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add wild whores to the pan, while stirring constantly.
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate wild whores.
Deep Earth miners in Venezuela struck an enormous ore vein of wild whores. Half the country is giving birth to it.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be wild whores.
User
Throw {n} at your enemies to distract them.
Throw a big slow boat at your enemies to distract them.
Throw literally every single thing at your enemies to distract them.
Throw stainless steel plating at your enemies to distract them.
Throw child-bearing hips at your enemies to distract them.
Throw significant achievements at your enemies to distract them.
Throw big dudes with big dudes at your enemies to distract them.
Throw literally every single thing at your enemies to distract them.
Throw stainless steel plating at your enemies to distract them.
Throw child-bearing hips at your enemies to distract them.
Throw significant achievements at your enemies to distract them.
Throw big dudes with big dudes at your enemies to distract them.
User
Domesticated bird corpses
np The new artsy indie game “Domesticated Bird Corpses” is a deeply emotional exploration of this stew.
At the coffee shop they put “domesticated bird corpses” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with domesticated bird corpses in his lap.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: domesticated bird corpses.
Authorities were tallying damage from domesticated bird corpses that struck southern California Friday evening.
How high do you have to be to enjoy domesticated bird corpses in justice for all?
At the coffee shop they put “domesticated bird corpses” on my cup. I ran out covering my face.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with domesticated bird corpses in his lap.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: domesticated bird corpses.
Authorities were tallying damage from domesticated bird corpses that struck southern California Friday evening.
How high do you have to be to enjoy domesticated bird corpses in justice for all?
User
Pregnancy super powers
np That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Pregnancy Super Powers,” the finest ship in the harbor!
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with pregnancy super powers slowly overtaking the buildings.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with pregnancy super powers! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain pregnancy super powers?
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into pregnancy super powers. It was not my lips you kissed, but something I just hate.
Thanks for pregnancy super powers last night. *wink* *wink*
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with pregnancy super powers slowly overtaking the buildings.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with pregnancy super powers! It’s all here in my manifesto!
Yeah right Charles! I know you’re cheating on me! How do you explain pregnancy super powers?
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into pregnancy super powers. It was not my lips you kissed, but something I just hate.
Thanks for pregnancy super powers last night. *wink* *wink*
User
Accepting the penis
v Let’s wait for ice cold seawater to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get accepting the penis.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Accepting the Penis”
In Kentucky stores can’t sell cosmetic surgery for my cat after 8pm, or on holidays like Accepting the Penis Day.
Life without love is like accepting the penis without your mom’s bathroom or fruit.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was accepting the penis and tried to attack it.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is accepting the penis.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “Accepting the Penis”
In Kentucky stores can’t sell cosmetic surgery for my cat after 8pm, or on holidays like Accepting the Penis Day.
Life without love is like accepting the penis without your mom’s bathroom or fruit.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was accepting the penis and tried to attack it.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is accepting the penis.
User
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us {n}.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us just a little something to cap off the night.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us a test.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us a fat lot o’ good.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us sliced vegetables.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us Satan’s dark snatch.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us a close call.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us a test.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us a fat lot o’ good.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us sliced vegetables.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us Satan’s dark snatch.
We gotta get Mom latte'd up so she'll give us a close call.
User
Uncle Beemish's magical "sword"
nc A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with Uncle Beemish's magical "sword".
My house. 8 o’clock. Uncle Beemish's magical "sword".
Sir! We are out of circumstance, but we found Uncle Beemish's magical "sword" while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
I pushed hard enough to snap Uncle Beemish's magical "sword", but some powerful kind of skin slack was blocking the door.
I saw the whole planet down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be Uncle Beemish's magical "sword" with us.”
People around the world recognize Uncle Beemish's magical "sword" as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
My house. 8 o’clock. Uncle Beemish's magical "sword".
Sir! We are out of circumstance, but we found Uncle Beemish's magical "sword" while on patrol. Shall we ration it to the men?
I pushed hard enough to snap Uncle Beemish's magical "sword", but some powerful kind of skin slack was blocking the door.
I saw the whole planet down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be Uncle Beemish's magical "sword" with us.”
People around the world recognize Uncle Beemish's magical "sword" as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
User
Subterranean items and trinkets
np I pushed hard enough to snap subterranean items and trinkets, but some powerful kind of hooplah was blocking the door.
It's dangerous to leave subterranean items and trinkets on the stairs.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of subterranean items and trinkets in its food processing operations.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex subterranean items and trinkets leaked out of my butt.
In this game you get to collect subterranean items and trinkets and craft little turds everywhere.
When the beef came at me it was like subterranean items and trinkets.
It's dangerous to leave subterranean items and trinkets on the stairs.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of subterranean items and trinkets in its food processing operations.
It was awful, in the middle of having sex subterranean items and trinkets leaked out of my butt.
In this game you get to collect subterranean items and trinkets and craft little turds everywhere.
When the beef came at me it was like subterranean items and trinkets.
User
The clear, unvarnished truth
n the clear, unvarnished truth is not something you want to slide up your ass with reckless abandon.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from the clear, unvarnished truth.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of the clear, unvarnished truth getting all obsessed.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise the clear, unvarnished truth by rewarding them with failure abroad.
I tried a hidden pancake but it was too tight. Then I tried the clear, unvarnished truth but it was TOO LOOSE.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the clear, unvarnished truth went off early, ejecting almost no air left into the air!
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from the clear, unvarnished truth.
Our mystical secret society is dedicated to elucidating the mysteries of the clear, unvarnished truth getting all obsessed.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise the clear, unvarnished truth by rewarding them with failure abroad.
I tried a hidden pancake but it was too tight. Then I tried the clear, unvarnished truth but it was TOO LOOSE.
The band hadn’t started playing when the stage effect with the clear, unvarnished truth went off early, ejecting almost no air left into the air!
User
Little nightmares
np Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate little nightmares.
On the assembly line we heat little nightmares to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is adopting a Romanian baby.
I ordered little nightmares privately over the Internet so I can get better at panicking in a Subaru.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted little nightmares to the vastness of space.
It’s lucky to touch little nightmares; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still little nightmares!
On the assembly line we heat little nightmares to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is adopting a Romanian baby.
I ordered little nightmares privately over the Internet so I can get better at panicking in a Subaru.
As an homage to humanity, NASA has broadcasted little nightmares to the vastness of space.
It’s lucky to touch little nightmares; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still little nightmares!
User
A weaponized butthole
n Experts said that based on preliminary data, a weaponized butthole appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a weaponized butthole in the pillows.
Help! I’m a weaponized butthole and I need YOU to do something about it!
My mom picked me up a weaponized butthole from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a weaponized butthole.
A weaponized butthole brings somersaults to a child’s face.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I had put a weaponized butthole in the pillows.
Help! I’m a weaponized butthole and I need YOU to do something about it!
My mom picked me up a weaponized butthole from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a weaponized butthole.
A weaponized butthole brings somersaults to a child’s face.
User
Dead mothers
np A social skill is any skill facilitating dead mothers with others.
Daddy! There’s dead mothers under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Opinions are like dead mothers. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
God didn’t create me. God created dead mothers. And dead mothers created me.
I reached expectantly into a lonely grave, but found only dead mothers.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had dead mothers removed so he could be dating your daughter.
Daddy! There’s dead mothers under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Opinions are like dead mothers. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
God didn’t create me. God created dead mothers. And dead mothers created me.
I reached expectantly into a lonely grave, but found only dead mothers.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had dead mothers removed so he could be dating your daughter.
User
Superior dad arms
np Live wires hanging from the ceiling can actually erode superior dad arms, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen superior dad arms.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience superior dad arms like I was really there.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab superior dad arms and walk right out the door without choking bitches.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then superior dad arms really affected me.
Ah, superior dad arms for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen superior dad arms.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience superior dad arms like I was really there.
At the Amazon Go store you can grab superior dad arms and walk right out the door without choking bitches.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then superior dad arms really affected me.
Ah, superior dad arms for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
User
She wears {n} after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears a nurse after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears love handles after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears the man who is stalking me after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears a burn victim after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears enough mules after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears pirate booty after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears love handles after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears the man who is stalking me after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears a burn victim after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears enough mules after labor day because audacity is always in style.
She wears pirate booty after labor day because audacity is always in style.
User
Blanket free cuddling
vt So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s blanket free cuddling.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like blanket free cuddling.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then blanket free cuddling really affected me.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with blanket free cuddling.
Always walk into an interview with the Army and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate blanket free cuddling.
If you do it right, blanket free cuddling is all about a needle.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like blanket free cuddling.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then blanket free cuddling really affected me.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with blanket free cuddling.
Always walk into an interview with the Army and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate blanket free cuddling.
If you do it right, blanket free cuddling is all about a needle.
User
Absolute high speed maximum fapping
vt I can’t believe you forced my mom into absolute high speed maximum fapping! She’s 62!
In the first Battle of Absolute High Speed Maximum Fapping he faced a new attitude, and with one great blow he split them in half.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was absolute high speed maximum fapping and tried to attack it.
I can’t believe you guys went absolute high speed maximum fapping without me! Loop me in next time, I want sabotage too!
People in Taiwan are getting napkins implanted in their bodies for absolute high speed maximum fapping.
A dust bunny can only be killed by absolute high speed maximum fapping.
In the first Battle of Absolute High Speed Maximum Fapping he faced a new attitude, and with one great blow he split them in half.
Don Quixote, having never seen a windmill before, instantly assumed it was absolute high speed maximum fapping and tried to attack it.
I can’t believe you guys went absolute high speed maximum fapping without me! Loop me in next time, I want sabotage too!
People in Taiwan are getting napkins implanted in their bodies for absolute high speed maximum fapping.
A dust bunny can only be killed by absolute high speed maximum fapping.
User
A digital adventure
n I beat a digital adventure all the time!
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a digital adventure.
I’m getting a long, winding trail of blood installed in my car, so I can be a digital adventure while I drive.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing a digital adventure down the gopher holes.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a digital adventure.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a digital adventure.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was a digital adventure.
I’m getting a long, winding trail of blood installed in my car, so I can be a digital adventure while I drive.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing a digital adventure down the gopher holes.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as a digital adventure.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a digital adventure.
User
Having no gag reflex
v For my last meal I want violent death seasoned heavily with having no gag reflex.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from having no gag reflex, and the eco-glass windows trap in a bony ass.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Having No Gag Reflex Co., tapping into the growing market for just rockin’ that ass.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from having no gag reflex.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember having no gag reflex?”
But of the tree of having no gag reflex you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from having no gag reflex, and the eco-glass windows trap in a bony ass.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Having No Gag Reflex Co., tapping into the growing market for just rockin’ that ass.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from having no gag reflex.
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember having no gag reflex?”
But of the tree of having no gag reflex you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Butt stuff
nc 12th street is closed due to a man in a tree throwing butt stuff at cars and passers-by.
My dream house has concerning news built in, an extra garage for a feast of blood, and butt stuff for the door bell.
When I saw butt stuff I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, going to Wendy’s, I went white as a sheet!
The authorities followed the trail of butt stuff, leading them straight to the suspect.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be banning the Pope and where does butt stuff come in?
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by butt stuff.
My dream house has concerning news built in, an extra garage for a feast of blood, and butt stuff for the door bell.
When I saw butt stuff I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, going to Wendy’s, I went white as a sheet!
The authorities followed the trail of butt stuff, leading them straight to the suspect.
These condom directions are confusing: who is supposed to be banning the Pope and where does butt stuff come in?
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by butt stuff.
User
A wanton slut
n Thanks for a wanton slut. Now get out of my bed!
The hardware store didn’t have a real sonuvabitch left, so I got a wanton slut.
I was vacuuming when I sucked too much milk out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a wanton slut came out too!
I got into my car and sat on a wanton slut. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I’m gonna prove the link between my mom fondling a meat sack and a wanton slut! You’ll all see!
While I was out the Roomba got into a wanton slut and was getting fat.
The hardware store didn’t have a real sonuvabitch left, so I got a wanton slut.
I was vacuuming when I sucked too much milk out from under the couch. I kept pulling until a wanton slut came out too!
I got into my car and sat on a wanton slut. Slowly, a smile crept over my face.
I’m gonna prove the link between my mom fondling a meat sack and a wanton slut! You’ll all see!
While I was out the Roomba got into a wanton slut and was getting fat.
User
A way huge discount
n The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a way huge discount.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a way huge discount by rewarding them with a stretch.
I don’t need love because I’m a way huge discount. Sorry mom!
Here on the assembly line we heat a way huge discount to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is breaking a promise.
The TSA has made new rules mandating a way huge discount on every commercial flight.
The road of royalty is paved with a way huge discount, and awash with a traffic cop.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise a way huge discount by rewarding them with a stretch.
I don’t need love because I’m a way huge discount. Sorry mom!
Here on the assembly line we heat a way huge discount to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is breaking a promise.
The TSA has made new rules mandating a way huge discount on every commercial flight.
The road of royalty is paved with a way huge discount, and awash with a traffic cop.
User
Pushing throat limits
v Apparently, “Pushing Throat Limits” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I beat pushing throat limits all the time!
I don’t need love because I’m pushing throat limits. Sorry mom!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was pushing throat limits.
More armies need to incorporate pushing throat limits into their uniforms.
I went rafting, saw pushing throat limits in the river, no big deal.
I beat pushing throat limits all the time!
I don’t need love because I’m pushing throat limits. Sorry mom!
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was pushing throat limits.
More armies need to incorporate pushing throat limits into their uniforms.
I went rafting, saw pushing throat limits in the river, no big deal.
User
A bloody latex witch outfit
n As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began a bloody latex witch outfit.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a bloody latex witch outfit into women’s purses and bags.
Men, like a bloody latex witch outfit, go farthest when they are a humorless Japanese businessman.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see a bloody latex witch outfit spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
This workplace has gone (0) days without a bloody latex witch outfit.
Uh oh. I think a bloody latex witch outfit just fell out of my bung hole.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking a bloody latex witch outfit into women’s purses and bags.
Men, like a bloody latex witch outfit, go farthest when they are a humorless Japanese businessman.
At LAX travelers were horrified to see a bloody latex witch outfit spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
This workplace has gone (0) days without a bloody latex witch outfit.
Uh oh. I think a bloody latex witch outfit just fell out of my bung hole.
User
{U} is always a contest when I'm involved.
A made up racial slur is always a contest when I'm involved.
A child born of incest is always a contest when I'm involved.
A prelude to battle is always a contest when I'm involved.
Toned thighs is always a contest when I'm involved.
An upstart is always a contest when I'm involved.
Her first marriage is always a contest when I'm involved.
A child born of incest is always a contest when I'm involved.
A prelude to battle is always a contest when I'm involved.
Toned thighs is always a contest when I'm involved.
An upstart is always a contest when I'm involved.
Her first marriage is always a contest when I'm involved.
User
Slurping up the umbilical cord
v I want to say one word to you, just one word: slurping up the umbilical cord.
Music without the sounds of slurping up the umbilical cord is hardly music at all.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore slurping up the umbilical cord in a very realistic way.
I chipped my tooth on a gasoline enema. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t slurping up the umbilical cord.
I’ve finally got the last of a cat in a paper bag out of slurping up the umbilical cord.
Although moving away from my momma’s fatness proved effective for schools, the switch to slurping up the umbilical cord initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Music without the sounds of slurping up the umbilical cord is hardly music at all.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore slurping up the umbilical cord in a very realistic way.
I chipped my tooth on a gasoline enema. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t slurping up the umbilical cord.
I’ve finally got the last of a cat in a paper bag out of slurping up the umbilical cord.
Although moving away from my momma’s fatness proved effective for schools, the switch to slurping up the umbilical cord initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
User
Cold babies
np I’m gonna prove the link between a trap that shoots a poison dart and cold babies! You’ll all see!
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took cold babies to the funeral.
I went rafting, saw cold babies in the river, no big deal.
Opinions are like cold babies. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience cold babies like I was really there.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by cold babies.
At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took cold babies to the funeral.
I went rafting, saw cold babies in the river, no big deal.
Opinions are like cold babies. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience cold babies like I was really there.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by cold babies.
User
Smashing a bird
v At the winery tour we saw how they put total collapse and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like smashing a bird.
If you have a dream about smashing a bird, it meas you’re worried about a broken lock.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs will go to The Smashing a Bird Foundation.
John “bursting exuberantly onto the national scene” Smith. The genius who brought us smashing a bird.
Smashing a bird can actually erode a mindless animal response, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Another leopard, ointment and smashing a bird.
If you have a dream about smashing a bird, it meas you’re worried about a broken lock.
10% of all proceeds from sales of a twisted horror body creeping down the stairs will go to The Smashing a Bird Foundation.
John “bursting exuberantly onto the national scene” Smith. The genius who brought us smashing a bird.
Smashing a bird can actually erode a mindless animal response, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Another leopard, ointment and smashing a bird.
User
A pet that says "penis"
n Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a pet that says "penis", even before I put on my clothes.
Last Christmas, I gave you a pet that says "penis". The very next day, you gave it away.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and a pet that says "penis" in the Philippines.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a pet that says "penis".
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under a pet that says "penis".
Go, go, Gadget a Pet That Says "penis"!
Last Christmas, I gave you a pet that says "penis". The very next day, you gave it away.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and a pet that says "penis" in the Philippines.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a pet that says "penis".
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under a pet that says "penis".
Go, go, Gadget a Pet That Says "penis"!
User
Being hard at work
v If you kids don’t stop being hard at work, I will turn two F-bombs around!
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with being hard at work.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider being hard at work.
Being hard at work like this is enough to kill a horse!
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me being hard at work at the party last night.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began being hard at work.
Since I deserve it, I am going to reward myself with being hard at work.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider being hard at work.
Being hard at work like this is enough to kill a horse!
I’m grounded ‘cuz my parents saw me being hard at work at the party last night.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began being hard at work.
User
You're not a mom! You're just !
You're not a mom! You're just a bitch as nasty as that!
You're not a mom! You're just 50 years!
You're not a mom! You're just a snack!
You're not a mom! You're just beluga tits!
You're not a mom! You're just Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks!
You're not a mom! You're just scissoring!
You're not a mom! You're just 50 years!
You're not a mom! You're just a snack!
You're not a mom! You're just beluga tits!
You're not a mom! You're just Walt Disney’s preserved ass cheeks!
You're not a mom! You're just scissoring!
User
Penis butter
np At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took penis butter to the funeral.
Don’t look at me while I’m penis butter! It messes me up!
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of penis butter.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using penis butter to treat being bred in captivity!
But I promised I would get my kids penis butter for Christmas!
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of penis butter hanging over the freeway.
Don’t look at me while I’m penis butter! It messes me up!
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of penis butter.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using penis butter to treat being bred in captivity!
But I promised I would get my kids penis butter for Christmas!
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of penis butter hanging over the freeway.
User
Growing a human body inside yourself
v Military scientists in Syria found traces of growing a human body inside yourself in the soil.
I don’t need love because I’m growing a human body inside yourself. Sorry mom!
They didn’t have a robotic policeman at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed growing a human body inside yourself.
Apparently, “Growing a Human Body Inside Yourself” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
The Halo on Your Fucking Head is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by growing a human body inside yourself.
This workplace has gone (0) days without growing a human body inside yourself.
I don’t need love because I’m growing a human body inside yourself. Sorry mom!
They didn’t have a robotic policeman at the animal shelter, so the 5-day old puppy had to be fed growing a human body inside yourself.
Apparently, “Growing a Human Body Inside Yourself” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
The Halo on Your Fucking Head is an elite black ops unit of the United States Army that was established by growing a human body inside yourself.
This workplace has gone (0) days without growing a human body inside yourself.
User
going crazy, Broadway style v
In Kentucky stores can’t sell non-human animals after 8pm, or on holidays like Going Crazy, Broadway Style Day.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from going crazy, Broadway style with a coked up hooker.
The TSA has made new rules mandating going crazy, Broadway style on every commercial flight.
In a world with a gasping woman picking at it, one man must overcome going crazy, Broadway style. Coming this summer.
Here’s a certificate for going crazy, Broadway style. I am at your service.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: going crazy, Broadway style!!!
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from going crazy, Broadway style with a coked up hooker.
The TSA has made new rules mandating going crazy, Broadway style on every commercial flight.
In a world with a gasping woman picking at it, one man must overcome going crazy, Broadway style. Coming this summer.
Here’s a certificate for going crazy, Broadway style. I am at your service.
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: going crazy, Broadway style!!!
User
squirty cream nc
I love your necklace! It’s squirty cream, right?
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on squirty cream.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider squirty cream.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with squirty cream hanging in the window.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s squirty cream and I think I believe her!
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to squirty cream, even before I put on my clothes.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on squirty cream.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider squirty cream.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with squirty cream hanging in the window.
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s squirty cream and I think I believe her!
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to squirty cream, even before I put on my clothes.
User
a cup of yogurt n
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a cup of yogurt and I think I believe her!
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to a cup of yogurt.
CAUTION: Keep a cup of yogurt out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
Could you buy me a cup of yogurt? I’ll pay you back.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is a cup of yogurt.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: My Black Son Does a Cup of Yogurt.
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to a cup of yogurt.
CAUTION: Keep a cup of yogurt out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
Could you buy me a cup of yogurt? I’ll pay you back.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is a cup of yogurt.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: My Black Son Does a Cup of Yogurt.
User
lesbian incestuous witch romance np
There’s no reason for lesbian incestuous witch romance before breakfast.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS LESBIAN INCESTUOUS WITCH ROMANCE FARTING WHILE ASLEEP.”
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had lesbian incestuous witch romance.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during lesbian incestuous witch romance that overturned their car.
The TSA has made new rules mandating lesbian incestuous witch romance on every commercial flight.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing lesbian incestuous witch romance down the gopher holes.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS LESBIAN INCESTUOUS WITCH ROMANCE FARTING WHILE ASLEEP.”
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had lesbian incestuous witch romance.
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during lesbian incestuous witch romance that overturned their car.
The TSA has made new rules mandating lesbian incestuous witch romance on every commercial flight.
I thought I’d solve two problems at once by stuffing lesbian incestuous witch romance down the gopher holes.
User
your connected weiner nc
They said your connected weiner was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got your connected weiner... and then some!
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found your connected weiner sticking to the wall.
I tried to sneak out of the store with your connected weiner under one arm and a wish-granting goblin down my pants.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing your connected weiner, since we’re so good at it.
Look, man, I’m not into your connected weiner. But $20 is $20.
Let your connected weiner host your next party, providing a polite way to say no like you’ve never seen before.
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found your connected weiner sticking to the wall.
I tried to sneak out of the store with your connected weiner under one arm and a wish-granting goblin down my pants.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing your connected weiner, since we’re so good at it.
Look, man, I’m not into your connected weiner. But $20 is $20.
Let your connected weiner host your next party, providing a polite way to say no like you’ve never seen before.
User
shaking the hand of the brewmaster v
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about shaking the hand of the brewmaster?
I would have never thought that I’d actually be shaking the hand of the brewmaster while I’m a clown’s genitals!
In this 15th century painting, shaking the hand of the brewmaster is represented by a man with my immortal soul for a head.
Happiness: My wedding ring, blindness, and shaking the hand of the brewmaster.
Ever since Jesus Christ appeared in the neighborhood, shaking the hand of the brewmaster has been eyed with suspicion.
The TSA has made new rules mandating shaking the hand of the brewmaster on every commercial flight.
I would have never thought that I’d actually be shaking the hand of the brewmaster while I’m a clown’s genitals!
In this 15th century painting, shaking the hand of the brewmaster is represented by a man with my immortal soul for a head.
Happiness: My wedding ring, blindness, and shaking the hand of the brewmaster.
Ever since Jesus Christ appeared in the neighborhood, shaking the hand of the brewmaster has been eyed with suspicion.
The TSA has made new rules mandating shaking the hand of the brewmaster on every commercial flight.
User
performing a surgical strike v
I want to say one word to you, just one word: performing a surgical strike.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “performing a surgical strike”.
The tickle zone travelled over 20 feet after performing a surgical strike.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: performing a surgical strike.
Jesus is performing a surgical strike.
Look, man, I’m not into performing a surgical strike. But $20 is $20.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “performing a surgical strike”.
The tickle zone travelled over 20 feet after performing a surgical strike.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: performing a surgical strike.
Jesus is performing a surgical strike.
Look, man, I’m not into performing a surgical strike. But $20 is $20.
User
a huge bitch with a big dirty taint n
Until quite recently, a huge bitch with a big dirty taint had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a huge bitch with a big dirty taint, even before I put on my clothes.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a huge bitch with a big dirty taint around the building.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a huge bitch with a big dirty taint emerged.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a huge bitch with a big dirty taint and are ordered to be the ends no matter what.
Whenever I cook a huge bitch with a big dirty taint I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into bathwater.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to a huge bitch with a big dirty taint, even before I put on my clothes.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by a huge bitch with a big dirty taint around the building.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a huge bitch with a big dirty taint emerged.
Soldiers in Iraq are deployed with a huge bitch with a big dirty taint and are ordered to be the ends no matter what.
Whenever I cook a huge bitch with a big dirty taint I drop a little on the floor. It’s building up into bathwater.
User
? That's so kinky.
a segmented penis? That's so kinky.
one of the Baldwin brothers? That's so kinky.
being dragged? That's so kinky.
a pale reflection? That's so kinky.
a faulty support? That's so kinky.
a ripe potato? That's so kinky.
one of the Baldwin brothers? That's so kinky.
being dragged? That's so kinky.
a pale reflection? That's so kinky.
a faulty support? That's so kinky.
a ripe potato? That's so kinky.
dating your own wife v
My new phone looks like it’s dating your own wife but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
I’m late to my meeting for dating your own wife.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Dating Your Own Wife.
They said dating your own wife was out of my league, but I showed them. I got bitches on the love throne!
My favorite new band is “Bad Math and Dating Your Own Wife”.
When multiethnic genitalia is ready, dating your own wife will appear.
I’m late to my meeting for dating your own wife.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Dating Your Own Wife.
They said dating your own wife was out of my league, but I showed them. I got bitches on the love throne!
My favorite new band is “Bad Math and Dating Your Own Wife”.
When multiethnic genitalia is ready, dating your own wife will appear.
User
high quality dog treats np
Monopoly: All the Time Edition comes with high quality dog treats and some guy named Darryl instead of houses and hotels.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “High Quality Dog Treats” syndrome!
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me high quality dog treats.
Ah, high quality dog treats for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of high quality dog treats on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: High quality dog treats with inquisitive middle schoolers.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “High Quality Dog Treats” syndrome!
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me high quality dog treats.
Ah, high quality dog treats for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
A BBC team has witnessed the effects of high quality dog treats on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: High quality dog treats with inquisitive middle schoolers.
User
an unhealthy amount of butt sex nc
Music without the sounds of an unhealthy amount of butt sex is hardly music at all.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of an unhealthy amount of butt sex.
The cineplex has been using an unhealthy amount of butt sex in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
I can’t believe you guys went being bred in captivity without me! Loop me in next time, I want an unhealthy amount of butt sex too!
Getting an unhealthy amount of butt sex back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always an unhealthy amount of butt sex just around the corner.
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of an unhealthy amount of butt sex.
The cineplex has been using an unhealthy amount of butt sex in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
I can’t believe you guys went being bred in captivity without me! Loop me in next time, I want an unhealthy amount of butt sex too!
Getting an unhealthy amount of butt sex back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
I can’t shake the feeling there’s always an unhealthy amount of butt sex just around the corner.
User
Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters np
The authorities followed the trail of Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters, leading them straight to the suspect.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters.
Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters saved is Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters earned.
During routine surgery, the doctors found Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters embedded in my abdomen.
People around the world recognize Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
Ah, Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters.
Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters saved is Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters earned.
During routine surgery, the doctors found Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters embedded in my abdomen.
People around the world recognize Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters as the unofficial symbol of the USA.
Ah, Pizza obsessed fairies wielding box cutters for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
User
party bitches np
Every time I go to Costco I feel like I come back with party bitches.
Man invented very depraved porn, so woman invented party bitches.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy party bitches one ounce at a time.
You stole party bitches from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re everything under the sea and you’re going to hell!
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a Hot Pocket® painted on both sides, which some say encourages party bitches.
I went rafting, saw party bitches in the river, no big deal.
Man invented very depraved porn, so woman invented party bitches.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy party bitches one ounce at a time.
You stole party bitches from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re everything under the sea and you’re going to hell!
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got a Hot Pocket® painted on both sides, which some say encourages party bitches.
I went rafting, saw party bitches in the river, no big deal.
User
dad sounds np
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in dad sounds.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a short muscular rectum to treat dad sounds!
What the pomp department lacks in selection, we make up for in dad sounds.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of dad sounds heard remote.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with dad sounds! It’s all here in my manifesto!
This is my second kid. My first one came out as dad sounds.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a short muscular rectum to treat dad sounds!
What the pomp department lacks in selection, we make up for in dad sounds.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of dad sounds heard remote.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with dad sounds! It’s all here in my manifesto!
This is my second kid. My first one came out as dad sounds.
User
dildo overload nc
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find dildo overload.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of dildo overload heard remote.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn dildo overload, but now for work I’m ionizing radiation. Go figure!
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by dildo overload.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like dildo overload and is carrying a wet burst.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking dildo overload into women’s purses and bags.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of dildo overload heard remote.
Life is so strange. I went to college to learn dildo overload, but now for work I’m ionizing radiation. Go figure!
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by dildo overload.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like dildo overload and is carrying a wet burst.
At the mall Santa kiosk, the elves were caught sneaking dildo overload into women’s purses and bags.
User
a backdoor woman n
I’m getting a backdoor woman installed in my car, so I can be a “magic wand” while I drive.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on a backdoor woman when I bought Schadenfreude.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Some kids and a backdoor woman.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a backdoor woman emerged.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got good, Christian values painted on both sides, which some say encourages a backdoor woman.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to a backdoor woman.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on a backdoor woman when I bought Schadenfreude.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: Some kids and a backdoor woman.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a backdoor woman emerged.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got good, Christian values painted on both sides, which some say encourages a backdoor woman.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to a backdoor woman.
User
professional hatred nc
During the war, German scientists experimented with a warhead to weaponize professional hatred.
If you do it right, professional hatred is all about the last man in the room.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen professional hatred.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with professional hatred.
But I promised I would get my kids professional hatred for Christmas!
Furious that I was seizing the means of production into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into professional hatred.
If you do it right, professional hatred is all about the last man in the room.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen professional hatred.
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with professional hatred.
But I promised I would get my kids professional hatred for Christmas!
Furious that I was seizing the means of production into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into professional hatred.
User
weird, wobbly, witch sex nc
Amtrak officials confirm weird, wobbly, witch sex would have prevented train derailment.
Weird, wobbly, witch sex saved is weird, wobbly, witch sex earned.
I think that ecstasy was cut with weird, wobbly, witch sex. After one hit I began very, very rapidly whaling.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: weird, wobbly, witch sex.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Weird, Wobbly, Witch Sex!
No one in Morocco can be weird, wobbly, witch sex without registering with the government.
Weird, wobbly, witch sex saved is weird, wobbly, witch sex earned.
I think that ecstasy was cut with weird, wobbly, witch sex. After one hit I began very, very rapidly whaling.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: weird, wobbly, witch sex.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Weird, Wobbly, Witch Sex!
No one in Morocco can be weird, wobbly, witch sex without registering with the government.
User
A mother cannot refuse .
A mother cannot refuse being lured into a van.
A mother cannot refuse windmilling.
A mother cannot refuse not many teeth.
A mother cannot refuse a thump on the head.
A mother cannot refuse a demand from the king.
A mother cannot refuse a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls.
A mother cannot refuse windmilling.
A mother cannot refuse not many teeth.
A mother cannot refuse a thump on the head.
A mother cannot refuse a demand from the king.
A mother cannot refuse a squirming pile of Japanese robot sex dolls.
User
a fatal mistake n
Look, man, I’m not into a fatal mistake. But $20 is $20.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for a fatal mistake?
I want to say one word to you, just one word: a fatal mistake.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a fatal mistake out of mainland China.
I love your necklace! It’s a fatal mistake, right?
Ever since the incident with a fatal mistake I’ve been haunted by the roof.
The new intern is starting this week. Can you set up her workstation for a fatal mistake?
I want to say one word to you, just one word: a fatal mistake.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a fatal mistake out of mainland China.
I love your necklace! It’s a fatal mistake, right?
Ever since the incident with a fatal mistake I’ve been haunted by the roof.
User
a big, wet, juicy scoop n
The best comfort food will always be greens, a big, wet, juicy scoop, and fried chicken.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a big, wet, juicy scoop, would you be a big, wet, juicy scoop as well?”
Last night I dreamed of a powerful Chinese man. I cannot shake the feeling that a big, wet, juicy scoop will arrive soon.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing a big, wet, juicy scoop, since we’re so good at it.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a big, wet, juicy scoop.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of hot slugs in history, rode into battle atop a big, wet, juicy scoop.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were a big, wet, juicy scoop, would you be a big, wet, juicy scoop as well?”
Last night I dreamed of a powerful Chinese man. I cannot shake the feeling that a big, wet, juicy scoop will arrive soon.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing a big, wet, juicy scoop, since we’re so good at it.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a big, wet, juicy scoop.
Jan Sobieski, leading the largest charge of hot slugs in history, rode into battle atop a big, wet, juicy scoop.
User
a happy way to die nc
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at sex for procreation and my card appeared in a happy way to die!
My publisher demanded I remove a happy way to die from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Dagnabbit! I got a happy way to die all jammed up in the wheel well again.
It’s not delivery. It’s a happy way to die.
At Boeing R&D, we test a traffic cone full of bibimbap by connecting through a happy way to die to a special 10,000-volt battery.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a happy way to die.
My publisher demanded I remove a happy way to die from my manuscript because it’s “not decent.”
Dagnabbit! I got a happy way to die all jammed up in the wheel well again.
It’s not delivery. It’s a happy way to die.
At Boeing R&D, we test a traffic cone full of bibimbap by connecting through a happy way to die to a special 10,000-volt battery.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a happy way to die.
User
some bitch named Carol nc
In this 15th century painting, some bitch named Carol is represented by a man with the reanimated corpse of my neighbor for a head.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began some bitch named Carol.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS SOME BITCH NAMED CAROL GOING SOLO.”
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being some bitch named Carol.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of some bitch named Carol in its food processing operations.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, some bitch named Carol... Sweet! Sunny-D!
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began some bitch named Carol.
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS SOME BITCH NAMED CAROL GOING SOLO.”
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being some bitch named Carol.
Kraft Foods has announced that it will phase out the use of some bitch named Carol in its food processing operations.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, some bitch named Carol... Sweet! Sunny-D!
User
yucky boy germs np
At the urgent care clinic they distracted me with half a man. I barely even felt yucky boy germs.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of yucky boy germs.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Yucky Boy Germs is a milky sweat bead.
Man invented undercooked meat, so woman invented yucky boy germs.
Daddy! There’s yucky boy germs under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is yucky boy germs.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of yucky boy germs.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. Yucky Boy Germs is a milky sweat bead.
Man invented undercooked meat, so woman invented yucky boy germs.
Daddy! There’s yucky boy germs under my bed. Kill it kill it!
Bumper sticker: My other ride is yucky boy germs.
User
an unnatural fondness for jelly n
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with an unnatural fondness for jelly.
I’m getting “forensic evidence” (semen) installed in my car, so I can be an unnatural fondness for jelly while I drive.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were an unnatural fondness for jelly, would you be an unnatural fondness for jelly as well?”
10% of all proceeds from sales of an unnatural fondness for jelly will go to The Drawing Your Knife and Slashing Your Way out of the Tent Foundation.
How embarrassing! I forget I left an unnatural fondness for jelly in the foyer.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk an unnatural fondness for jelly.
I’m getting “forensic evidence” (semen) installed in my car, so I can be an unnatural fondness for jelly while I drive.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were an unnatural fondness for jelly, would you be an unnatural fondness for jelly as well?”
10% of all proceeds from sales of an unnatural fondness for jelly will go to The Drawing Your Knife and Slashing Your Way out of the Tent Foundation.
How embarrassing! I forget I left an unnatural fondness for jelly in the foyer.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk an unnatural fondness for jelly.
User
Your {n} made me fart! Stop it!
Your camaraderie and shenanigans made me fart! Stop it!
Your theatrics made me fart! Stop it!
Your donkeydump made me fart! Stop it!
Your a mother whale made me fart! Stop it!
Your tits like a smoking chimney made me fart! Stop it!
Your bed inspectors made me fart! Stop it!
Your theatrics made me fart! Stop it!
Your donkeydump made me fart! Stop it!
Your a mother whale made me fart! Stop it!
Your tits like a smoking chimney made me fart! Stop it!
Your bed inspectors made me fart! Stop it!
User
exploding from both ends v
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am exploding from both ends. Would you like to try our new special, disappointment?
Last night I dreamed of exploding from both ends. I cannot shake the feeling that a quiet threat will arrive soon.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value exploding from both ends more. Now hold still.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen exploding from both ends.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like exploding from both ends.
Here’s a certificate for exploding from both ends. I am at your service.
Last night I dreamed of exploding from both ends. I cannot shake the feeling that a quiet threat will arrive soon.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value exploding from both ends more. Now hold still.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen exploding from both ends.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like exploding from both ends.
Here’s a certificate for exploding from both ends. I am at your service.
User
a thug with a death wish n
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a thug with a death wish jumping and nipping at me from below and even rolling in it.
A thug with a death wish: It’s nature’s candy!
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Thug with a Death Wish”! I shook his hand and it felt like a thug with a death wish.
Ich bin ein a thug with a death wish.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “A Thug with a Death Wish and You”.
The rich aroma of a thug with a death wish, from the hills of Colombia.
A thug with a death wish: It’s nature’s candy!
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of a Thug with a Death Wish”! I shook his hand and it felt like a thug with a death wish.
Ich bin ein a thug with a death wish.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “A Thug with a Death Wish and You”.
The rich aroma of a thug with a death wish, from the hills of Colombia.
User
weaponized mothers np
I’ve got a master’s degree in Weaponized Mothers!
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on weaponized mothers.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Weaponized Mothers” and it helps me with killer abs.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing weaponized mothers.”
When wicked sack is ready, weaponized mothers will appear.
If my neighbor doesn’t get weaponized mothers off my property, I’m calling the cops!
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on weaponized mothers.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “Weaponized Mothers” and it helps me with killer abs.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing weaponized mothers.”
When wicked sack is ready, weaponized mothers will appear.
If my neighbor doesn’t get weaponized mothers off my property, I’m calling the cops!
User
acting like an adult v
Amtrak officials confirm acting like an adult would have prevented train derailment.
If you have a dream about getting too excited, it meas you’re worried about acting like an adult.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Iodine!” You’re cursed with acting like an adult until the end of the game!
The survey team detected acting like an adult at the work site so I threw quicksand in my truck and drove straight there.
When I get older, I don’t want to be acting like an adult.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had prey removed so he could be acting like an adult.
If you have a dream about getting too excited, it meas you’re worried about acting like an adult.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Iodine!” You’re cursed with acting like an adult until the end of the game!
The survey team detected acting like an adult at the work site so I threw quicksand in my truck and drove straight there.
When I get older, I don’t want to be acting like an adult.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had prey removed so he could be acting like an adult.
User
Trying out two versions
filthy clams in my mouth np
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow Filthy Clams in My Mouth?
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Filthy Clams in My Mouth Blast!
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me filthy clams in my mouth while we were still in the car.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is filthy clams in my mouth.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare filthy clams in my mouth right at your table.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, filthy clams in my mouth, sloth, wrath, a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim, and pride.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Filthy Clams in My Mouth Blast!
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me filthy clams in my mouth while we were still in the car.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is filthy clams in my mouth.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare filthy clams in my mouth right at your table.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, filthy clams in my mouth, sloth, wrath, a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim, and pride.
filthy clams np
Getting filthy clams back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by filthy clams.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into filthy clams.
When I saw filthy clams I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, turning around when you see your ex, I went white as a sheet!
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by danglin’ out there all pink and naked and filthy clams.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of life-altering injuries, so the temporary replacement uses filthy clams.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by filthy clams.
Ever since I got back from Mexico I’ve been really into filthy clams.
When I saw filthy clams I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, turning around when you see your ex, I went white as a sheet!
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by danglin’ out there all pink and naked and filthy clams.
The Halifax bridge failed under the intense weight of life-altering injuries, so the temporary replacement uses filthy clams.
User
a wench of ill repute n
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a wench of ill repute.
Can I get some floss? There’s a wench of ill repute between my teeth.
The best comfort food will always be greens, a wench of ill repute, and fried chicken.
Furious that I was revealing just enough to garner interest into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a wench of ill repute.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began a wench of ill repute.
The rich aroma of a wench of ill repute, from the hills of Colombia.
Can I get some floss? There’s a wench of ill repute between my teeth.
The best comfort food will always be greens, a wench of ill repute, and fried chicken.
Furious that I was revealing just enough to garner interest into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into a wench of ill repute.
President Putin’s approval rating shot to nearly 100% when the Russian government began a wench of ill repute.
The rich aroma of a wench of ill repute, from the hills of Colombia.
User
stiff beans np
I ordered stiff beans privately over the Internet so I can get better at taking a flying leap.
Don’t shake some mysterious jelly so hard, it’ll start stiff beans.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: stiff beans.
This year’s hottest new fashion is stiff beans on your head.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up stiff beans on the porch to surprise the kids.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of stiff beans, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism.
Don’t shake some mysterious jelly so hard, it’ll start stiff beans.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: stiff beans.
This year’s hottest new fashion is stiff beans on your head.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up stiff beans on the porch to surprise the kids.
How did I get hurt? I got my foot caught in a bucket of stiff beans, tumbled down the escalator and crashed into Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism.
User
embracing your girth v
You evaded my “Embracing Your Girth” attack! Most impressive.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value embracing your girth more. Now hold still.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a Japanese vending machine and embracing your girth.
When bad math is ready, embracing your girth will appear.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by embracing your girth.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about embracing your girth and doing surgery on LSD. Should I talk to him?
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value embracing your girth more. Now hold still.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by a Japanese vending machine and embracing your girth.
When bad math is ready, embracing your girth will appear.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by embracing your girth.
I checked my son’s browser history. Found links about embracing your girth and doing surgery on LSD. Should I talk to him?
User
sudden nudity nc
Chris Angel hurled the deck of cards at sudden nudity and my card appeared in shitty chairs from IKEA®!
Ha! You activated my trap card, “The First Chimp in Space!” You’re cursed with sudden nudity until the end of the game!
Pool rules: No running. No all the Roman gods. Keep sudden nudity out of the deep end.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing sudden nudity, since we’re so good at it.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as sudden nudity.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got sudden nudity before every meeting.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “The First Chimp in Space!” You’re cursed with sudden nudity until the end of the game!
Pool rules: No running. No all the Roman gods. Keep sudden nudity out of the deep end.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing sudden nudity, since we’re so good at it.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as sudden nudity.
President Reagan and his entire cabinet got sudden nudity before every meeting.
User
a beef bath n
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s a beef bath.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a beef bath to treat being a bad little boy!
When the mixture is bubbling, add a beef bath to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a beef bath! It’s all here in my manifesto!
A social skill is any skill facilitating a beef bath with others.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a beef bath came on the screen.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using a beef bath to treat being a bad little boy!
When the mixture is bubbling, add a beef bath to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a beef bath! It’s all here in my manifesto!
A social skill is any skill facilitating a beef bath with others.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a beef bath came on the screen.
User
a fine ale n
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me a fine ale.
In my wild days I was catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a fine ale on the New Mexico border.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a tight fit. It was not my lips you kissed, but a fine ale.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a fine ale.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into a fine ale, get to the front of the line.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Fine Ale Blast!
In my wild days I was catchin’ heat for sellin’ a piece of ass, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with a fine ale on the New Mexico border.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a tight fit. It was not my lips you kissed, but a fine ale.
The fire raged out of control because the firemen’s hoses got caught around a fine ale.
SWF looking for a real man. If you’re into a fine ale, get to the front of the line.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Fine Ale Blast!
User
a throat or mouth n
The refugees must be relocated because the shelter is right on top of a throat or mouth.
I need a hotel room with a throat or mouth, and I need thick pudding brought to me every four hours.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A throat or mouth with an icy tomb.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of a throat or mouth.
Thanks for a throat or mouth. Now get out of my bed!
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate a throat or mouth.
I need a hotel room with a throat or mouth, and I need thick pudding brought to me every four hours.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A throat or mouth with an icy tomb.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of a throat or mouth.
Thanks for a throat or mouth. Now get out of my bed!
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate a throat or mouth.
a lump in your neck n
I’m getting domestic strife installed in my car, so I can be a lump in your neck while I drive.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a lump in your neck.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a lump in your neck.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a lump in your neck.
At the skating rink there was a lump in your neck and everyone fell down at once.
I buried my treasure under a lump in your neck so you’d never find it!
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a lump in your neck.
Traditionally, vampires and other undead are repelled by a lump in your neck.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on a lump in your neck.
At the skating rink there was a lump in your neck and everyone fell down at once.
I buried my treasure under a lump in your neck so you’d never find it!
User
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have ?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have joie de vivre?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have the digital bonus pack?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have a foul odor?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have a mass of lymphatic tissue?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have attacking everything in your path?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have animalistic hunger?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have the digital bonus pack?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have a foul odor?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have a mass of lymphatic tissue?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have attacking everything in your path?
Did you know that you're at risk for throat cancer if you have animalistic hunger?
User
a body pillow with a penis n
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s a body pillow with a penis and I think I believe her!
Man invented a body pillow with a penis, so woman invented kids these days.
Pool rules: No running. No zigzagging wildly. Keep a body pillow with a penis out of the deep end.
Happiness: An exploding car, a body pillow with a penis, and a deadly fall.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A Japanese woman’s underwear and a body pillow with a penis.
Ever since a body pillow with a penis appeared in the neighborhood, Mexican forces has been eyed with suspicion.
Man invented a body pillow with a penis, so woman invented kids these days.
Pool rules: No running. No zigzagging wildly. Keep a body pillow with a penis out of the deep end.
Happiness: An exploding car, a body pillow with a penis, and a deadly fall.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: A Japanese woman’s underwear and a body pillow with a penis.
Ever since a body pillow with a penis appeared in the neighborhood, Mexican forces has been eyed with suspicion.
User
Omg noooooooooooo
User
a good girl n
There’s no reason for a good girl before breakfast.
If you do it right, a good girl is all about the stars of the night sky.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on a good girl when I bought my salvation.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Good Girl” after his dead horse.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a good girl?
It’s lucky to touch a good girl; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
If you do it right, a good girl is all about the stars of the night sky.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on a good girl when I bought my salvation.
Alexander also named a city in India “A Good Girl” after his dead horse.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about a good girl?
It’s lucky to touch a good girl; it’s even luckier to touch mine.
User
breathing irresponsibly v
The new Ford F-750 with more torque than breathing irresponsibly.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be breathing irresponsibly.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by Mexican forces and breathing irresponsibly.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and breathing irresponsibly.
Don’t look at me while I’m breathing irresponsibly! It messes me up!
I’ve got a master’s degree in Breathing Irresponsibly!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be breathing irresponsibly.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by Mexican forces and breathing irresponsibly.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and breathing irresponsibly.
Don’t look at me while I’m breathing irresponsibly! It messes me up!
I’ve got a master’s degree in Breathing Irresponsibly!
User
There is also no mention of erotic pooping. Viking vampire angel sure made me giggle though.
User
In honor of what happened to me yesterday...
watching your phone get run over by a car v
Let’s wait for military-themed porn to fall asleep, then we can sneak out and get watching your phone get run over by a car.
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Watching Your Phone Get Run over by a Car.
Alexander also named a city in India “Watching Your Phone Get Run over by a Car” after his dead horse.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Watching Your Phone Get Run over by a Car.
My nightly ritual involves an actual rusty trombone, a demonic religious lie, and finally watching your phone get run over by a car just as I fall asleep.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from watching your phone get run over by a car, and the eco-glass windows trap in a mind-erasing kit.
The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan: Watching Your Phone Get Run over by a Car.
Alexander also named a city in India “Watching Your Phone Get Run over by a Car” after his dead horse.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Watching Your Phone Get Run over by a Car.
My nightly ritual involves an actual rusty trombone, a demonic religious lie, and finally watching your phone get run over by a car just as I fall asleep.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from watching your phone get run over by a car, and the eco-glass windows trap in a mind-erasing kit.
User
listening to your father scream v
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is listening to your father scream.
There’s no reason for listening to your father scream before breakfast.
My favorite new band is “Listening to Your Father Scream and Pakistani Cosmonauts”.
The TSA has made new rules mandating listening to your father scream on every commercial flight.
Listening to your father scream is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Listening to Your Father Scream”! I shook his hand and it felt like listening to your father scream.
There’s no reason for listening to your father scream before breakfast.
My favorite new band is “Listening to Your Father Scream and Pakistani Cosmonauts”.
The TSA has made new rules mandating listening to your father scream on every commercial flight.
Listening to your father scream is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Listening to Your Father Scream”! I shook his hand and it felt like listening to your father scream.
User
This is exactly what this forum is for.
User
a boyfriend shaped bed n
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for a boyfriend shaped bed.
It’s not delivery. It’s a boyfriend shaped bed.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a boyfriend shaped bed emerged.
Go, go, Gadget a Boyfriend Shaped Bed!
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in a boyfriend shaped bed.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. A Shock is a boyfriend shaped bed.
It’s not delivery. It’s a boyfriend shaped bed.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a boyfriend shaped bed emerged.
Go, go, Gadget a Boyfriend Shaped Bed!
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in a boyfriend shaped bed.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. A Shock is a boyfriend shaped bed.
User
screwing with pants on v
In this 15th century painting, screwing with pants on is represented by a man with a guillotine for a head.
The authorities followed the trail of screwing with pants on, leading them straight to the suspect.
It’s not delivery. It’s screwing with pants on.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, all your drama, sloth, wrath, screwing with pants on, and pride.
There is no revenge so complete as screwing with pants on.
You stole insurance from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re screwing with pants on and you’re going to hell!
The authorities followed the trail of screwing with pants on, leading them straight to the suspect.
It’s not delivery. It’s screwing with pants on.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, all your drama, sloth, wrath, screwing with pants on, and pride.
There is no revenge so complete as screwing with pants on.
You stole insurance from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re screwing with pants on and you’re going to hell!
User
pitching your tent v
I need help with my computer! I downloaded a silly goose and now I’m having trouble with pitching your tent.
The authorities followed the trail of pitching your tent, leading them straight to the suspect.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was pitching your tent.
Always walk into an interview with strands of my darling’s hair and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate pitching your tent.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about pitching your tent.
Jesus is pitching your tent.
The authorities followed the trail of pitching your tent, leading them straight to the suspect.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was pitching your tent.
Always walk into an interview with strands of my darling’s hair and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate pitching your tent.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about pitching your tent.
Jesus is pitching your tent.
Is this your first time {v}? You should practice more.
Is this your first time impacting my sister? You should practice more.
Is this your first time why I suck at this job? You should practice more.
Is this your first time completely avoiding conflict? You should practice more.
Is this your first time gathering supplies? You should practice more.
Is this your first time twerking while uncontrollably farting? You should practice more.
Is this your first time trusting everything the devil says? You should practice more.
Is this your first time why I suck at this job? You should practice more.
Is this your first time completely avoiding conflict? You should practice more.
Is this your first time gathering supplies? You should practice more.
Is this your first time twerking while uncontrollably farting? You should practice more.
Is this your first time trusting everything the devil says? You should practice more.
User
grandpa's peakless jawbone n
I thought I was being attacked, so I defended myself with grandpa's peakless jawbone.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be grandpa's peakless jawbone.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Grandpa's Peakless Jawbone” syndrome!
My pharmacist separated grandpa's peakless jawbone into two piles, and carefully lowered one into not quite enough lube.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and grandpa's peakless jawbone in the Philippines.
In this 15th century painting, providing unscrupulous advice is represented by a man with grandpa's peakless jawbone for a head.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be grandpa's peakless jawbone.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Grandpa's Peakless Jawbone” syndrome!
My pharmacist separated grandpa's peakless jawbone into two piles, and carefully lowered one into not quite enough lube.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and grandpa's peakless jawbone in the Philippines.
In this 15th century painting, providing unscrupulous advice is represented by a man with grandpa's peakless jawbone for a head.
User
"Give a man the highest intelligence possible and you feed him for a day. Give him a wave of babies, and you feed him for a lifetime."
Oh... oh nooooooo...
Oh... oh nooooooo...
User
last minute changes np
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Last Minute Changes.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a big, heavy shotgun and a mouthfeel like last minute changes.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and last minute changes.
I went rafting, saw last minute changes in the river, no big deal.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring last minute changes.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find last minute changes.
Wine tasters describe this Pinot Grigio as having silky hints of a big, heavy shotgun and a mouthfeel like last minute changes.
The 13 colonies were founded on the principles of liberty, brotherhood, and last minute changes.
I went rafting, saw last minute changes in the river, no big deal.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring last minute changes.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find last minute changes.
machismo nc
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of machismo.
I didn’t think this house would sell with MY SKULL! in the attic. Anyway, I’m machismo.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in machismo.
My favorite new band is “A Phone Booth and Machismo”.
In my wild days I was flailing, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with machismo on the New Mexico border.
My mom picked me up machismo from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
I didn’t think this house would sell with MY SKULL! in the attic. Anyway, I’m machismo.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in machismo.
My favorite new band is “A Phone Booth and Machismo”.
In my wild days I was flailing, among other crimes. They finally caught me doing it with machismo on the New Mexico border.
My mom picked me up machismo from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
a Powerpoint presentation n
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw a Powerpoint presentation for the first time!
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a Powerpoint presentation.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a Powerpoint presentation jumping and nipping at me from below and even acting in an irresponsible fashion.
I tried a Powerpoint presentation but it was too tight. Then I tried a gentleman with the tummy grumbles but it was TOO LOOSE.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a Powerpoint presentation emerged.
I love your necklace! It’s a Powerpoint presentation, right?
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a Powerpoint presentation.
Terrified, I scrambled up the tree, with a Powerpoint presentation jumping and nipping at me from below and even acting in an irresponsible fashion.
I tried a Powerpoint presentation but it was too tight. Then I tried a gentleman with the tummy grumbles but it was TOO LOOSE.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a Powerpoint presentation emerged.
I love your necklace! It’s a Powerpoint presentation, right?
a wave of babies n
At Boeing R&D, we test a wave of babies by connecting through bacteria, fish eggs, and zooplankton to a special 10,000-volt battery.
If a wave of babies were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a wave of babies?”
There’s no reason for a wave of babies before breakfast.
Give a man the highest intelligence possible and you feed him for a day. Give him a wave of babies, and you feed him for a lifetime.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found a wave of babies.
If a wave of babies were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
“You didn’t even get me anything for my birthday!” “Yes I did, remember a wave of babies?”
There’s no reason for a wave of babies before breakfast.
Give a man the highest intelligence possible and you feed him for a day. Give him a wave of babies, and you feed him for a lifetime.
I dug around for hours in the trash but never found a wave of babies.
User
a filthy anal pirate n
Men, like the latest fad, go farthest when they are a filthy anal pirate.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Filthy Anal Pirate.
The city condemned our house after finding a filthy anal pirate in the crawlspace.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s a filthy anal pirate.
At the winery tour we saw how they put very recent arrivals and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like a filthy anal pirate.
In future times, the children will work together to build a filthy anal pirate.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of a Filthy Anal Pirate.
The city condemned our house after finding a filthy anal pirate in the crawlspace.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s a filthy anal pirate.
At the winery tour we saw how they put very recent arrivals and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like a filthy anal pirate.
In future times, the children will work together to build a filthy anal pirate.
User
raging, horny, pussy sluts n
When he reached the New World, Cortés burned raging, horny, pussy sluts. As a result, his men were well motivated.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in raging, horny, pussy sluts, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Go, go, Gadget Raging, Horny, Pussy Sluts!
Last night I dreamed of raging, horny, pussy sluts. I cannot shake the feeling that meaty valves will arrive soon.
There’s no reason for raging, horny, pussy sluts before breakfast.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A positive test for bodily fluids with raging, horny, pussy sluts.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in raging, horny, pussy sluts, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Go, go, Gadget Raging, Horny, Pussy Sluts!
Last night I dreamed of raging, horny, pussy sluts. I cannot shake the feeling that meaty valves will arrive soon.
There’s no reason for raging, horny, pussy sluts before breakfast.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A positive test for bodily fluids with raging, horny, pussy sluts.
User
hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex nc
I ordered hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex privately over the Internet so I can get better at solving a problem.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex.
Amtrak officials confirm hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex would have prevented train derailment.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Hot, Sweaty, Wall-slamming Sex” syndrome!
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex came on the screen.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex.
Amtrak officials confirm hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex would have prevented train derailment.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Hot, Sweaty, Wall-slamming Sex” syndrome!
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of hot, sweaty, wall-slamming sex came on the screen.
User
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: {n}.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: rent-controlled coffins.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: energy.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: retaliatory skirmishes.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: water.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: a dense woolly undercoat over the chest.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: a lucky toss.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: energy.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: retaliatory skirmishes.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: water.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: a dense woolly undercoat over the chest.
I'm building something that's gonna solve all of our problems: a lucky toss.
User
What the fuck card generator?? What's with all the murder violence!?
User
Watch me {v}. Now watch me {v}.2
Watch me being strung up. Now watch me walking backwards into John Cena.
Watch me shooting a rabbit with an arrow. Now watch me eating feathers.
Watch me smearing blood all over the bathroom. Now watch me hiding the elderly.
Watch me having a zero-value existence. Now watch me murdering someone through the internet.
Watch me smashing skulls. Now watch me killing.
Watch me removing a uterine tumor with my teeth. Now watch me punching a hole in the roof.
Watch me shooting a rabbit with an arrow. Now watch me eating feathers.
Watch me smearing blood all over the bathroom. Now watch me hiding the elderly.
Watch me having a zero-value existence. Now watch me murdering someone through the internet.
Watch me smashing skulls. Now watch me killing.
Watch me removing a uterine tumor with my teeth. Now watch me punching a hole in the roof.
User
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take {n} as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take this half of the planet as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take failure as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take a good strategy as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take a frothy elixir as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take morbid thoughts as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take toned thighs as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take failure as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take a good strategy as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take a frothy elixir as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take morbid thoughts as a reward.
Thank you for saving me, hero. Please take toned thighs as a reward.
User
underwater spiders np
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was underwater spiders.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in underwater spiders.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on underwater spiders.
A clever bastard produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under underwater spiders to keep warm.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a stain of unknown origin, with underwater spiders around the edges, and the amount of land in southern Scotland on top.
At the skating rink there was underwater spiders and everyone fell down at once.
The way to the lost city was perilous, and we soon found ourselves knee deep in underwater spiders.
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on underwater spiders.
A clever bastard produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under underwater spiders to keep warm.
My fiancee wants our wedding cake to look like it’s a stain of unknown origin, with underwater spiders around the edges, and the amount of land in southern Scotland on top.
At the skating rink there was underwater spiders and everyone fell down at once.
User
a fool with a madman's dream n
In a world with a fool with a madman's dream getting crushed between two trucks, one man must overcome sizzling lard. Coming this summer.
In future times, the children will work together to build a fool with a madman's dream.
My pharmacist separated a slot into two piles, and carefully lowered one into a fool with a madman's dream.
You spent all your food-stamps on a fool with a madman's dream?!
Life without love is like M. Night Shyamalan-a-ding-dong without a fool with a madman's dream or fruit.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider a fool with a madman's dream.
In future times, the children will work together to build a fool with a madman's dream.
My pharmacist separated a slot into two piles, and carefully lowered one into a fool with a madman's dream.
You spent all your food-stamps on a fool with a madman's dream?!
Life without love is like M. Night Shyamalan-a-ding-dong without a fool with a madman's dream or fruit.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider a fool with a madman's dream.
User
Some of those are way too freaking long.
User
the fist of love n
When I saw the fist of love I was scared, but when it started coming toward me, smoking crack, I went white as a sheet!
The fist of love isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
Here’s a certificate for the fist of love. I am at your service.
Chase bank is giving out the fist of love this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
When I get older, I don’t want to be the fist of love.
On Ebay you can get the fist of love but it comes in several tiny boxes.
The fist of love isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
Here’s a certificate for the fist of love. I am at your service.
Chase bank is giving out the fist of love this week if you open an account and put $100 in it.
When I get older, I don’t want to be the fist of love.
On Ebay you can get the fist of love but it comes in several tiny boxes.
User
manufactured ass nc
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get manufactured ass removed from her and a well-rehearsed lie removed from me.
CAUTION: Keep manufactured ass out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
Give a man a gasoline enema and you feed him for a day. Give him manufactured ass, and you feed him for a lifetime.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge manufactured ass.
How high do you have to be to enjoy manufactured ass in competitive masturbation?
Manufactured ass is the only way to say goodbye.
CAUTION: Keep manufactured ass out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
Give a man a gasoline enema and you feed him for a day. Give him manufactured ass, and you feed him for a lifetime.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge manufactured ass.
How high do you have to be to enjoy manufactured ass in competitive masturbation?
Manufactured ass is the only way to say goodbye.
User
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. and ...2
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. the “treasure box” and the contents of your vacuum cleaner bag...
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. morningwood and a bear in a trashcan...
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. a horse’s mouth and a funnel...
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. a harbor for your unclean thoughts and a close friend...
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. the brave men and women fighting for us and a traffic cone full of bibimbap...
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. the moron I hired to kill you and a grand staircase...
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. morningwood and a bear in a trashcan...
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. a horse’s mouth and a funnel...
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. a harbor for your unclean thoughts and a close friend...
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. the brave men and women fighting for us and a traffic cone full of bibimbap...
And here's a thing nobody ever wanted to think about again. the moron I hired to kill you and a grand staircase...
Oh my Gosh! You like ? I like !1
Oh my Gosh! You like pacifying all religions? I like pacifying all religions!
Oh my Gosh! You like tumbling down a mountain? I like tumbling down a mountain!
Oh my Gosh! You like a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim? I like a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim!
Oh my Gosh! You like beautiful girl hair? I like beautiful girl hair!
Oh my Gosh! You like juicing up? I like juicing up!
Oh my Gosh! You like a slut who deserved it? I like a slut who deserved it!
Oh my Gosh! You like tumbling down a mountain? I like tumbling down a mountain!
Oh my Gosh! You like a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim? I like a Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim!
Oh my Gosh! You like beautiful girl hair? I like beautiful girl hair!
Oh my Gosh! You like juicing up? I like juicing up!
Oh my Gosh! You like a slut who deserved it? I like a slut who deserved it!
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on {n}.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on a soap bubble.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on a cranky, foul mouthed old lady.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on manliness.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on slow diarrhea.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on a festively decorated corpse.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on a listless wasp.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on a cranky, foul mouthed old lady.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on manliness.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on slow diarrhea.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on a festively decorated corpse.
Godlike powers are fun and all, but they're only really fun if you extend them on a listless wasp.
Ah ! It must be love!
Ah multiethnic genitalia! It must be love!
Ah an otherwise peaceful man! It must be love!
Ah gangstas! It must be love!
Ah removing a uterine tumor with my teeth! It must be love!
Ah peanut butter in the mouth! It must be love!
Ah my fantasy! It must be love!
Ah an otherwise peaceful man! It must be love!
Ah gangstas! It must be love!
Ah removing a uterine tumor with my teeth! It must be love!
Ah peanut butter in the mouth! It must be love!
Ah my fantasy! It must be love!
The only thing that fuels me is .
The only thing that fuels me is a leather swing.
The only thing that fuels me is circumcising your dad.
The only thing that fuels me is a wayward dental implant.
The only thing that fuels me is a happy ending at a low price.
The only thing that fuels me is knowing what to do.
The only thing that fuels me is intense pain.
The only thing that fuels me is circumcising your dad.
The only thing that fuels me is a wayward dental implant.
The only thing that fuels me is a happy ending at a low price.
The only thing that fuels me is knowing what to do.
The only thing that fuels me is intense pain.
User
SuperJer said:
Or... reversed?
Reversed fur shore.
Let's play pretend! You can be . And I'll be .2
Let's play pretend! You can be unnatural lust. And I'll be gangstas.
Let's play pretend! You can be American interference. And I'll be a loose handrail.
Let's play pretend! You can be unsuspecting bystanders. And I'll be a burn victim.
Let's play pretend! You can be various fluids. And I'll be Coach Diddleplayers.
Let's play pretend! You can be banning the Pope. And I'll be an icy tomb.
Let's play pretend! You can be a dusty butthole. And I'll be hot naughty bodies.
Let's play pretend! You can be American interference. And I'll be a loose handrail.
Let's play pretend! You can be unsuspecting bystanders. And I'll be a burn victim.
Let's play pretend! You can be various fluids. And I'll be Coach Diddleplayers.
Let's play pretend! You can be banning the Pope. And I'll be an icy tomb.
Let's play pretend! You can be a dusty butthole. And I'll be hot naughty bodies.
Reversed fur shore.
Demon General Darkdeath Evilman n
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: Demon General Darkdeath Evilman.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with Demon General Darkdeath Evilman.
You stole the elevator shaft from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re Demon General Darkdeath Evilman and you’re going to hell!
In this game you get to collect cute lil’ child soldiers and craft Demon General Darkdeath Evilman.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by Demon General Darkdeath Evilman.
If you have a dream about a seat belt, it meas you’re worried about Demon General Darkdeath Evilman.
Though mortally wounded by three shots to his abdomen, the Secret Service agent returned fire, killing the assassin with Demon General Darkdeath Evilman.
You stole the elevator shaft from a charity? That’s like taking candy from a baby! You’re Demon General Darkdeath Evilman and you’re going to hell!
In this game you get to collect cute lil’ child soldiers and craft Demon General Darkdeath Evilman.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by Demon General Darkdeath Evilman.
If you have a dream about a seat belt, it meas you’re worried about Demon General Darkdeath Evilman.
User
Let's play pretend! I'll be . You can be .2
Let's play pretend! I'll be nature’s candy. You can be hindquarters.
Let's play pretend! I'll be an English-speaking Mexican. You can be windmilling.
Let's play pretend! I'll be a doozy. You can be nuances.
Let's play pretend! I'll be the longest, thinnest hot dog. You can be a watermelon.
Let's play pretend! I'll be membranes. You can be making it go back in.
Let's play pretend! I'll be dilation of the uterus. You can be a vortex that keeps mumbling.
Let's play pretend! I'll be an English-speaking Mexican. You can be windmilling.
Let's play pretend! I'll be a doozy. You can be nuances.
Let's play pretend! I'll be the longest, thinnest hot dog. You can be a watermelon.
Let's play pretend! I'll be membranes. You can be making it go back in.
Let's play pretend! I'll be dilation of the uterus. You can be a vortex that keeps mumbling.
User
bumping monkeys v
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by bumping monkeys and a dog head.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into bumping monkeys! She’s 62!
John “bumping monkeys” Smith. The genius who brought us tumbling down a mountain.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and bumping monkeys in the Philippines.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk bumping monkeys.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around bumping monkeys on the freeway.
I can’t believe you forced my mom into bumping monkeys! She’s 62!
John “bumping monkeys” Smith. The genius who brought us tumbling down a mountain.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and bumping monkeys in the Philippines.
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk bumping monkeys.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around bumping monkeys on the freeway.
User
I like playing with princely ideas. That being said, I think I like your first one better.
Your download of has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of horror movie gore has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of torturing your family has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of a chip off the ol’ block has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of a choir of angels has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of a suitcase full of guns and money has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of a cat in a paper bag has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of torturing your family has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of a chip off the ol’ block has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of a choir of angels has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of a suitcase full of guns and money has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
Your download of a cat in a paper bag has now completed. Would you like to open it now?
User
fresh creamery butter nc
Ich bin ein fresh creamery butter.
For my last meal I want fresh creamery butter seasoned heavily with the island and everyone on it.
My mom picked me up fresh creamery butter from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during fresh creamery butter that overturned their car.
The rich aroma of fresh creamery butter, from the hills of Colombia.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be fresh creamery butter.
For my last meal I want fresh creamery butter seasoned heavily with the island and everyone on it.
My mom picked me up fresh creamery butter from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
In Brea several people suffered minor injuries during fresh creamery butter that overturned their car.
The rich aroma of fresh creamery butter, from the hills of Colombia.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be fresh creamery butter.
User
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of my mouth too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of bitches on the love throne too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of getting tickled until you bust a nut too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of my biggest vein too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of napkins too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of lacerations too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of bitches on the love throne too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of getting tickled until you bust a nut too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of my biggest vein too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of napkins too!
Oh, he's so sexy... I want the prince of lacerations too!
User
having a pillow fight v
Howdy neighbor, love having a pillow fight! Let’s get a sexy, but stylish full turn sometime!
Having a pillow fight is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is having a pillow fight.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Having a Pillow Fight Co., tapping into the growing market for a cow with haunting moos.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Having a Pillow Fight.
Ich bin ein having a pillow fight.
Having a pillow fight is legally grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is having a pillow fight.
Facebook just bought Silicon Valley tech startup Having a Pillow Fight Co., tapping into the growing market for a cow with haunting moos.
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Having a Pillow Fight.
Ich bin ein having a pillow fight.
User
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be {v}.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be horsing around.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be getting wrapped around a tree.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be seizing the means of production.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be proving she’s a witch.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be assuming complete control.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be peeing in the sink.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be getting wrapped around a tree.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be seizing the means of production.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be proving she’s a witch.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be assuming complete control.
This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be peeing in the sink.
User
Wow that tested a lot better than I thought it would. Let's try another one!
Nothing says sinister like .
Nothing says sinister like a gentle, flourished spanking.
Nothing says sinister like booms and flashes.
Nothing says sinister like a silent, anonymous encounter.
Nothing says sinister like another hole in the head.
Nothing says sinister like learning an important lesson.
Nothing says sinister like a tattered jockstrap.
Nothing says sinister like booms and flashes.
Nothing says sinister like a silent, anonymous encounter.
Nothing says sinister like another hole in the head.
Nothing says sinister like learning an important lesson.
Nothing says sinister like a tattered jockstrap.
User
this dick n
Everything I need to live on a desert island: A sex swing with this dick.
Ah, this dick for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Although moving away from this dick proved effective for schools, the switch to what the dog ate initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Hot lava nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid this dick.
Music without the sounds of this dick is hardly music at all.
Look, man, I’m not into this dick. But $20 is $20.
Ah, this dick for my collection. Now no one has more than me.
Although moving away from this dick proved effective for schools, the switch to what the dog ate initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Hot lava nearly killed me in my dream. I think it's my brain telling me to avoid this dick.
Music without the sounds of this dick is hardly music at all.
Look, man, I’m not into this dick. But $20 is $20.
User
Does {s} spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does a foaming pipe snake spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does the southwest corner spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does a one hundred dollar bill spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does a homeless man jerking it on the bus spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does a wish-granting goblin spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does my last tooth spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does the southwest corner spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does a one hundred dollar bill spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does a homeless man jerking it on the bus spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does a wish-granting goblin spend any point of the day with their pants up?
Does my last tooth spend any point of the day with their pants up?
User
a butthole simulator n
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a butthole simulator.
A butthole simulator: It’s nature’s candy!
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: A Butthole Simulator Does a Gasoline Enema.
Her inheritance was squandered upon truth serum while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a butthole simulator in her own home.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a butthole simulator.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a butthole simulator! It’s all here in my manifesto!
A butthole simulator: It’s nature’s candy!
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: A Butthole Simulator Does a Gasoline Enema.
Her inheritance was squandered upon truth serum while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a butthole simulator in her own home.
In protest, Gandhi swore to abstain from a butthole simulator.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a butthole simulator! It’s all here in my manifesto!
User
All the best love stories include
All the best love stories include Christopher Lloyd holding a dog
All the best love stories include getting too excited
All the best love stories include brimming with babies
All the best love stories include each hole, sequentially
All the best love stories include a quiver of love arrows
All the best love stories include expulsion
All the best love stories include getting too excited
All the best love stories include brimming with babies
All the best love stories include each hole, sequentially
All the best love stories include a quiver of love arrows
All the best love stories include expulsion
User
Another amazing one by Superjer. I should try harder!
User
Nezumi said:
I think it works pretty well. Let's try it with non-countable nouns:
Non-countable nouns definitely works better.
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: {c}
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: outrageous fortune
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: evil thinking
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: moral anguish
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: hands-free massage
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: bat country
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: thunderous applause
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: evil thinking
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: moral anguish
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: hands-free massage
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: bat country
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: thunderous applause
Non-countable nouns definitely works better.
User
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: {n}
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: violent death
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: a bullet hole
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: a creepier perv
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: a warhead
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: a coming horrific hell
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: a lumberjack orgy
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: a bullet hole
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: a creepier perv
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: a warhead
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: a coming horrific hell
That new mmo is coming out next week and I've already reserved my name: a lumberjack orgy
I feel like this could be worded better. Thoughts?
User
SuperJer said:
card=v making me cum
Oh wow, well done Superjer.
User
a hot explosion n
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare a hot explosion right at your table.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Hot Explosion Blast!
I thought I was being attacked, and I defended myself with a hot explosion.
My dream house has a hot explosion out front, picture windows for nothing at all, and a better god in the garage.
John “a hot explosion” Smith. The genius who brought us my secret sex gymnasium.
A hot explosion can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: A Hot Explosion Blast!
I thought I was being attacked, and I defended myself with a hot explosion.
My dream house has a hot explosion out front, picture windows for nothing at all, and a better god in the garage.
John “a hot explosion” Smith. The genius who brought us my secret sex gymnasium.
A hot explosion can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
User
catman abs np
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Desperate Dog Sex!” You’re cursed with catman abs until the end of the game!
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with catman abs.
My mom picked me up catman abs from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're catman abs!
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always catman abs. Always.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how catman abs happens.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with catman abs.
My mom picked me up catman abs from the thrift shop. It was the last one!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're catman abs!
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always catman abs. Always.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how catman abs happens.
User
teen spirit nc
I can’t believe you forced my mom into teen spirit! She’s 62!
The cineplex has been using teen spirit in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had ropes removed so he could be teen spirit.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on teen spirit when I bought the recent tragedy in Africa.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only teen spirit and my musk.
My religion demands that I must always have teen spirit, and that I must abstain from being the small spoon.
The cineplex has been using teen spirit in the popcorn machine because it’s cheaper than oil.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had ropes removed so he could be teen spirit.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on teen spirit when I bought the recent tragedy in Africa.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only teen spirit and my musk.
My religion demands that I must always have teen spirit, and that I must abstain from being the small spoon.
User
an ornate shield n
The survey team detected an ornate shield so I threw overwatch in my truck and drove straight there.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: My first wife and an ornate shield.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, an ornate shield popped out!
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with an ornate shield slowly overtaking the buildings.
Don’t look at me while I’m an ornate shield! It messes me up!
Her inheritance was squandered upon a stain of unknown origin while Cinderella was abused and forced to become an ornate shield in her own home.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: My first wife and an ornate shield.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, an ornate shield popped out!
The area around Fukushima has become a ghost town with an ornate shield slowly overtaking the buildings.
Don’t look at me while I’m an ornate shield! It messes me up!
Her inheritance was squandered upon a stain of unknown origin while Cinderella was abused and forced to become an ornate shield in her own home.
User
endless dudes np
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of endless dudes.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Endless Dudes” syndrome!
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Endless Dudes!” You’re cursed with leaving your friends to die until the end of the game!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is endless dudes.
I reached expectantly into endless dudes, but found only a hand grenade in my cereal.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for endless dudes.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Endless Dudes” syndrome!
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Endless Dudes!” You’re cursed with leaving your friends to die until the end of the game!
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is endless dudes.
I reached expectantly into endless dudes, but found only a hand grenade in my cereal.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for endless dudes.
User
Nezumi said:
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began {v}.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began going solo.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began breaking a promise.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began laughing and lying.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began being difficult on the set.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began roping it in.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began juking left at the last second.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began breaking a promise.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began laughing and lying.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began being difficult on the set.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began roping it in.
As one, the entire U.N.assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began juking left at the last second.
Changed it so it's fully past tense
User
I would have never thought that I'd actually be {v} while I'm {v}!2
I would have never thought that I'd actually be leaving nothing sacred while I'm slipping on a jizz slick!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be losing on purpose while I'm leaving your friends to die!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be fornicating all day, every day while I'm whistling at women!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be turning around when you see your ex while I'm knowing hell!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be doing surgery on LSD while I'm doing it RIGHT this time!!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be never being appreciated while I'm lumbering around!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be losing on purpose while I'm leaving your friends to die!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be fornicating all day, every day while I'm whistling at women!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be turning around when you see your ex while I'm knowing hell!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be doing surgery on LSD while I'm doing it RIGHT this time!!
I would have never thought that I'd actually be never being appreciated while I'm lumbering around!
Truck
User
I'm Silver the Enchilada...
User
a vicious cupboard lesbian ?
And my mother said, “How come you’re not a vicious cupboard lesbian like your brother?”
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a vicious cupboard lesbian.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a vicious cupboard lesbian.
The water tower looks like it’s a vicious cupboard lesbian from this angle.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a vicious cupboard lesbian in the soil.
A vicious cupboard lesbian: It’s nature’s candy!
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by a vicious cupboard lesbian.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a vicious cupboard lesbian.
The water tower looks like it’s a vicious cupboard lesbian from this angle.
Military scientists in Syria found traces of a vicious cupboard lesbian in the soil.
A vicious cupboard lesbian: It’s nature’s candy!
User
a little creative violence ?
A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of a little creative violence on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Little Creative Violence!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about a little creative violence, but with the measure of a man!
If my horrible neighbor doesn’t get a little creative violence off my property, I’m calling the cops!
And my mother said, “How come you’re not a little creative violence like your brother?”
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare a little creative violence right at your table.
The new self-help fad: Better Living Through a Little Creative Violence!
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about a little creative violence, but with the measure of a man!
If my horrible neighbor doesn’t get a little creative violence off my property, I’m calling the cops!
And my mother said, “How come you’re not a little creative violence like your brother?”
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare a little creative violence right at your table.
User
a misbehaving clitoris ?
The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to a misbehaving clitoris.
My nightly ritual involves a misbehaving clitoris, a vast treasury of specimens, and finally the reanimated corpse of my neighbor just as I fall asleep.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a misbehaving clitoris appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
President Clinton and his entire cabinet got a misbehaving clitoris before every meeting.
When the mixture is bubbling, add a misbehaving clitoris to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a misbehaving clitoris.
My nightly ritual involves a misbehaving clitoris, a vast treasury of specimens, and finally the reanimated corpse of my neighbor just as I fall asleep.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, a misbehaving clitoris appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
President Clinton and his entire cabinet got a misbehaving clitoris before every meeting.
When the mixture is bubbling, add a misbehaving clitoris to the pan, in small increments while stirring constantly.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is a misbehaving clitoris.
User
a devastating GUI blizzard ?
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on a devastating GUI blizzard.
You can’t get a bitch as nasty as that big enough or a devastating GUI blizzard long enough to suit me.
There is no revenge so complete as a devastating GUI blizzard.
The White House will no longer enforce The A Devastating GUI Blizzard Act of 1959. Thank God.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a devastating GUI blizzard while we were still in the car.
My publisher demanded I remove a devastating GUI blizzard from my manuscript.
You can’t get a bitch as nasty as that big enough or a devastating GUI blizzard long enough to suit me.
There is no revenge so complete as a devastating GUI blizzard.
The White House will no longer enforce The A Devastating GUI Blizzard Act of 1959. Thank God.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a devastating GUI blizzard while we were still in the car.
My publisher demanded I remove a devastating GUI blizzard from my manuscript.
User
succulent beef nuggets ?
Thanks for succulent beef nuggets. Now get out of my bed!
Succulent beef nuggets! Succulent beef nuggets! My kingdom for succulent beef nuggets!
The true reason for the Tacoma narrows bridge collapse? succulent beef nuggets
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, succulent beef nuggets, toilet paper, shelter, and Princess Perfect.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into succulent beef nuggets and stopped.
Apparently, “Succulent Beef Nuggets” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
Succulent beef nuggets! Succulent beef nuggets! My kingdom for succulent beef nuggets!
The true reason for the Tacoma narrows bridge collapse? succulent beef nuggets
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, succulent beef nuggets, toilet paper, shelter, and Princess Perfect.
Crews are working hard after Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine ran into succulent beef nuggets and stopped.
Apparently, “Succulent Beef Nuggets” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
User
Got this gem from Conan O'Brien
pinking up your nips v
Then God said, “Let there be pinking up your nips”; and there was pinking up your nips. And God saw that pinking up your nips was good.
When a Secret Service agent is ready, pinking up your nips will appear.
My dream house has a tug out front, picture windows for pinking up your nips, and a centerpiece in the garage.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore pinking up your nips in a very realistic way.
10% of all proceeds from sales of motor control will go to The Pinking up Your Nips foundation.
There is no revenge so complete as pinking up your nips.
When a Secret Service agent is ready, pinking up your nips will appear.
My dream house has a tug out front, picture windows for pinking up your nips, and a centerpiece in the garage.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore pinking up your nips in a very realistic way.
10% of all proceeds from sales of motor control will go to The Pinking up Your Nips foundation.
There is no revenge so complete as pinking up your nips.
User
aaronjer said:
Wake turbulence, also known as , is turbulence that forms behind as it passes through the air.2
Wake turbulence, also known as tweaker logic, is turbulence that forms behind a falling tree as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as rhythmic pounding, is turbulence that forms behind some guy named Darryl as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as scary men, is turbulence that forms behind a makeshift defensive structure as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as less chaos, is turbulence that forms behind flailing as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a double-meat pizza, is turbulence that forms behind very fine points as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a statue of the goddess, is turbulence that forms behind sabotage as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as rhythmic pounding, is turbulence that forms behind some guy named Darryl as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as scary men, is turbulence that forms behind a makeshift defensive structure as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as less chaos, is turbulence that forms behind flailing as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a double-meat pizza, is turbulence that forms behind very fine points as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a statue of the goddess, is turbulence that forms behind sabotage as it passes through the air.
Ooh I like that one. Let's do that one.
User
^ Thoughts on this one? Do you like the wording, or do you think it could be worded a little differently/better?
User
Wake turbulence, also known as , is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as zigzagging wildly, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as grunting mermaids, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as conjuring, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a light dusting of pubes, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as T-boning an ambulance, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as grunting mermaids, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as conjuring, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a light dusting of pubes, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as T-boning an ambulance, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
User
advanced settings ?
Happiness: A vortex that keeps mumbling, advanced settings, and a man staring into space.
Go, go, Gadget Advanced Settings!
It’s not delivery. It’s advanced settings.
In this 15th century painting, advanced settings is represented by a man with ancient Chinese medicine for a head.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Advanced Settings!
If my horrible neighbor doesn’t get advanced settings off my property, I’m calling the cops!
Go, go, Gadget Advanced Settings!
It’s not delivery. It’s advanced settings.
In this 15th century painting, advanced settings is represented by a man with ancient Chinese medicine for a head.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Advanced Settings!
If my horrible neighbor doesn’t get advanced settings off my property, I’m calling the cops!
User
a prybar ?
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by strands of my darling’s hair and a prybar.
What the shoe department lacks in service, we make up for in a prybar.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up a prybar on the porch to surprise the kids.
Happiness: A jaunty tune, a prybar, and smearing.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a prybar emerged.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from counting the dead sons with a prybar.
What the shoe department lacks in service, we make up for in a prybar.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up a prybar on the porch to surprise the kids.
Happiness: A jaunty tune, a prybar, and smearing.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a prybar emerged.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from counting the dead sons with a prybar.
User
sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt v
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt.
My religion demands that I must always have Schizo Batman, and that I must abstain from sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt.
There’s no reason for sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt before breakfast.
Researchers have managed to train chimps to recognise sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt by rewarding them with this.
A lifetime of sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
Here’s a certificate for sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt from me. Redeem at any time!
My religion demands that I must always have Schizo Batman, and that I must abstain from sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt.
There’s no reason for sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt before breakfast.
Researchers have managed to train chimps to recognise sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt by rewarding them with this.
A lifetime of sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
Here’s a certificate for sticking a finger in my ear, and one in my butt from me. Redeem at any time!
This one is amazing
User
Nezumi said:
Here on the assembly line we heat {n} to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for {v}.2
Here on the assembly line we heat a urinal cake to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for wallowing in your filth.
Here on the assembly line we heat something a mother whale would do to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for succumbing to nature.
Here on the assembly line we heat five full-time chefs to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for kicking the door down.
Here on the assembly line we heat a puffed up chest to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for untwisting.
Here on the assembly line we heat a sugar cougar to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for juking left at the last second.
Here on the assembly line we heat mood enhancing hormones to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for lying on the floor, cheering.
Here on the assembly line we heat something a mother whale would do to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for succumbing to nature.
Here on the assembly line we heat five full-time chefs to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for kicking the door down.
Here on the assembly line we heat a puffed up chest to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for untwisting.
Here on the assembly line we heat a sugar cougar to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for juking left at the last second.
Here on the assembly line we heat mood enhancing hormones to a bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is for lying on the floor, cheering.
How do you feel about me adding "for" to the end of that?
User
Holy fuck that turned out much better than I thought it would.
User
a test
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always a test. Always.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a test happens.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “a Test”
Chimps in the wild have been observed using a test to forage for food.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about a test.
Man invented a test, so woman invented tweaker logic.
For science class we went on a field trip to see how a test happens.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “a Test”
Chimps in the wild have been observed using a test to forage for food.
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about a test.
Man invented a test, so woman invented tweaker logic.
my sister's baby
Every French soldier carries my sister's baby in his knapsack.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, my sister's baby appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
I came home to find my sister's baby replaced with my momma’s fatness.
My new phone looks like it’s my sister's baby but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find my sister's baby in the back seat.
1) A robot may not injure my sister's baby, or through inaction allow my sister's baby to come to harm.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, my sister's baby appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
I came home to find my sister's baby replaced with my momma’s fatness.
My new phone looks like it’s my sister's baby but I don’t mind. It makes calls.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find my sister's baby in the back seat.
1) A robot may not injure my sister's baby, or through inaction allow my sister's baby to come to harm.
User
SuperJer said:
aaronjer said:
John "_____" Smith. The genius who brought us _____.2
John "steady pumping" Smith. The genius who brought us your husband.
John "hiding with your warriors" Smith. The genius who brought us compost.
John "white man’s burden" Smith. The genius who brought us beets. Mashed beets.
John "spines" Smith. The genius who brought us new rules from on high.
John "a mutilated torso" Smith. The genius who brought us the NAACP.
John "being dipped in chocolate" Smith. The genius who brought us an exploitative sex tape.
John "hiding with your warriors" Smith. The genius who brought us compost.
John "white man’s burden" Smith. The genius who brought us beets. Mashed beets.
John "spines" Smith. The genius who brought us new rules from on high.
John "a mutilated torso" Smith. The genius who brought us the NAACP.
John "being dipped in chocolate" Smith. The genius who brought us an exploitative sex tape.
This is awesome.
So awesome.
User
_____ isn't getting old, but I sure am!
a yellow suit isn't getting old, but I sure am!
attacking everything in your path isn't getting old, but I sure am!
sharpened teeth isn't getting old, but I sure am!
a remedy isn't getting old, but I sure am!
my mouth isn't getting old, but I sure am!
smoking crack isn't getting old, but I sure am!
attacking everything in your path isn't getting old, but I sure am!
sharpened teeth isn't getting old, but I sure am!
a remedy isn't getting old, but I sure am!
my mouth isn't getting old, but I sure am!
smoking crack isn't getting old, but I sure am!
User
olsart69 said:
I love big boobs and frankly Best Pay Porn Site is definitely one of the top paid xxx sites selection. It has one of the biggest selection of top rated sites deeply and honestly written by the editors.
There is so much wrong with those sentences, where does one even begin to poke fun?
User
NatureJay said:
I was wondering if I could get a sort of political one. We'll see how this works although in reading anything with a verb, it would have to be tweaked.
I have _____. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have a corresponding rise in wages. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have a snack. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have spiders. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have prey. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have the white man. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have the manner to which I am accustomed. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have a snack. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have spiders. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have prey. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have the white man. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I have the manner to which I am accustomed. Beautiful! Many would argue it's the very best.
I chuckled
User
Jüri Pootsmann
Jüri Pootsmann makes good neighbors.
Ich bin ein Jüri Pootsmann.
Jüri Pootsmann... like a woman’s.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “spooning distance!” You’re cursed with Jüri Pootsmann until the end of the game!
The terrorists will execute one hostage every 20 minutes unless they receive Jüri Pootsmann.
God didn’t create me. God created Jüri Pootsmann. And Jüri Pootsmann created me.
Ich bin ein Jüri Pootsmann.
Jüri Pootsmann... like a woman’s.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “spooning distance!” You’re cursed with Jüri Pootsmann until the end of the game!
The terrorists will execute one hostage every 20 minutes unless they receive Jüri Pootsmann.
God didn’t create me. God created Jüri Pootsmann. And Jüri Pootsmann created me.
User
SuperJer said:
Those are amazing AaronJer. Holy crap these are some great cards lately. Much better than like:
My gratitude
my gratitude is the only way to say goodbye.
Throughout human history, my gratitude has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then my gratitude really affected me.
In the public my gratitude model, a third-party service provider delivers the my gratitude service over the Internet.
my gratitude can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
Music without the sounds of my gratitude is hardly music at all.
Throughout human history, my gratitude has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then my gratitude really affected me.
In the public my gratitude model, a third-party service provider delivers the my gratitude service over the Internet.
my gratitude can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
Music without the sounds of my gratitude is hardly music at all.
I actually quite like that one. Well maybe not those combos, but definitely the first one you posted!
User
Are there penises? Tell me there are penises!
User
Laughing with your smile on
Thank you ladies and gentlemen! For my next performance art piece, I will be Laughing with your smile on.
He also named a city in India “Laughing with your smile on” after his dead horse.
You evaded my “Laughing with your smile on” attack! Most impressive.
Jesus is Laughing with your smile on.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by Laughing with your smile on.
Laughing with your smile on is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
He also named a city in India “Laughing with your smile on” after his dead horse.
You evaded my “Laughing with your smile on” attack! Most impressive.
Jesus is Laughing with your smile on.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by Laughing with your smile on.
Laughing with your smile on is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
Truck
User
I sense another spider lawsuit.
User
From Nick -
Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man
And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man in my hand.
Then God said, “Let there be Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man”; and there was Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man. And God saw that Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man was good.
The new bill before congress would mandate the absolute verifiable truth and provide subsidies for Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and a giant jump take a road trip, and discover Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man along the way.
My religion demands that I must always have Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man, and that I must abstain from a felony.
Then God said, “Let there be Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man”; and there was Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man. And God saw that Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man was good.
The new bill before congress would mandate the absolute verifiable truth and provide subsidies for Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and a giant jump take a road trip, and discover Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man along the way.
My religion demands that I must always have Bruce Banner Lee Wayne Man, and that I must abstain from a felony.
User
An avalanche of justice
Kirkland mom makes $20,000 a week with An avalanche of justice.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider An avalanche of justice.
An avalanche of justice can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
When the celestial spheres align, An avalanche of justice will descend from the heavens.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: An avalanche of justice.
Come on down to Golden Corral for An avalanche of justice.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, consider An avalanche of justice.
An avalanche of justice can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
When the celestial spheres align, An avalanche of justice will descend from the heavens.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: An avalanche of justice.
Come on down to Golden Corral for An avalanche of justice.
User
A harrowing escape from the womb
You remind me of a harrowing escape from the womb because you are always Satan’s mother to me.
“a harrowing escape from the womb”: A new sport for boys and girls.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: a harrowing escape from the womb Blast!
He also named a city in India “a harrowing escape from the womb” after his dead horse.
a harrowing escape from the womb makes good neighbors.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a harrowing escape from the womb in the back seat.
“a harrowing escape from the womb”: A new sport for boys and girls.
New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: a harrowing escape from the womb Blast!
He also named a city in India “a harrowing escape from the womb” after his dead horse.
a harrowing escape from the womb makes good neighbors.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find a harrowing escape from the womb in the back seat.
Wearing a sleeping brony
Science never solves a problem without creating wearing a sleeping brony.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “wearing a sleeping brony”.
I tried to sneak out of the store with a hand grenade in my cereal under one arm and wearing a sleeping brony down my pants.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. wearing a sleeping brony is a bereaved wife with nothing to lose.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me wearing a sleeping brony.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw wearing a sleeping brony overboard!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “wearing a sleeping brony”.
I tried to sneak out of the store with a hand grenade in my cereal under one arm and wearing a sleeping brony down my pants.
The first item of evidence in The People vs. wearing a sleeping brony is a bereaved wife with nothing to lose.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me wearing a sleeping brony.
This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw wearing a sleeping brony overboard!
Three babies in a backpack
Can I get some floss? There’s three babies in a backpack between my teeth.
If you don’t stop three babies in a backpack, I’ll load you on my catapult and fire you into a piece of lint near my vagina!
I wasn’t always black... there was three babies in a backpack, and it got bigger and bigger.
Jesus is three babies in a backpack.
The city condemned our house after finding three babies in a backpack in the crawlspace.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, three babies in a backpack appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
If you don’t stop three babies in a backpack, I’ll load you on my catapult and fire you into a piece of lint near my vagina!
I wasn’t always black... there was three babies in a backpack, and it got bigger and bigger.
Jesus is three babies in a backpack.
The city condemned our house after finding three babies in a backpack in the crawlspace.
Experts said that based on preliminary data, three babies in a backpack appears to have occurred on the Puente Hills thrust fault.
Truck
User
So long as you get that Haku booty
User
A bikini clad load
A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of a bikini clad load on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a bikini clad load.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a bikini clad load.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a bikini clad load.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a bikini clad load.
The best comfort food will always be greens, a bikini clad load, and fried chicken.
A woman is like a teabag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in a bikini clad load.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a bikini clad load.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a bikini clad load.
The doctor held up my x-ray and I could just make out a bikini clad load.
The best comfort food will always be greens, a bikini clad load, and fried chicken.
A land based water beast
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to a land based water beast.
nothing but the truth brings a land based water beast and a smile to a child’s face.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a land based water beast and is carrying aiming for the open spots.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “a land based water beast”
I buried my treasure under a land based water beast so you’d never find it!
a land based water beast: The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan.
nothing but the truth brings a land based water beast and a smile to a child’s face.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like a land based water beast and is carrying aiming for the open spots.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “a land based water beast”
I buried my treasure under a land based water beast so you’d never find it!
a land based water beast: The President’s unimaginative campaign slogan.
User
Max level crotch
User
Slender fists
User
Black card
Check out this new hit show! ___ hosted by ___ every weeknight!
Check out this new hit show! ___ hosted by ___ every weeknight!
User
The perfect alibi
User
A piñata of flesh
User
Maximum bitch mode
User
Free range code monkeys
User
A cat, but upside down.
User
A blank slate
Truck
User
Signa said:
SuperJer said:
molkman said:
User
http://kotaku.com/nintendos-new-president-has-been-named-1730475135
Here ya go Superjer. Note, I personally don't think he's humorless. He just looks really sad.
Here ya go Superjer. Note, I personally don't think he's humorless. He just looks really sad.
User
Nezumi said:
a humorless Japanese businessman
the last wish of a dying man
the last wish of a dying man
Read Nintendo's article about the new president huh?
User
Infinite sausage
User
Tentacle bento: the game! (I'm not kidding, this is actually a thing I saw at PAX...)
Truck
User
Bone in Bi Bim Bap is the only Bi Bim Bap. No other can even exist, it's impossible.
Truck
User
Signa said:
xXJigsaw23Xx said:
SuperJer said:
xXJigsaw23Xx said:
Signa said:
BloodFarts said:
Truck
User
SuperJer said:
It's beautiful. Is that a painting?
Sure looks like one.
Truck
User
User
Say hi to Spidulon the Conquerer for me.
Truck
User
SuperJer said:
Truck
User
SuperJer said:
jeff is wizlord said:
SuperJer said:
Truck
User
SuperJer said:
Truck
User
Signa said:
SuperJer said:
Signa said:
ascv said:
SuperJer said:
FallingShit said:
jeff is wizlord said:
ascv said:
SuperJer said:
Truck
User
ascv said:
SuperJer said:
Truck
User
User
A dangerous space (alternatively, time in a dangerous space, spending time in a lover's dangerous space)
User
Sampling all of the condiments
Truck
User
Unless, of course, you were walking through the water and thinking about them. Then it's a whole new set of laws you have to adhere to. Spider laws.
User
Morbid curiosity, Superjer.
User
I heard a story about a boy who defeated _______ with nothing more than _______.
Truck
User
What kind of aids are you looking for? We have a vast assortment.
User
A starving fat-ass.
A fluffy bumblebee.
A fluffy bumblebee.
User
Getting PG Thirteened to death.
User
Porn starch
User
Beard stroking
User
Agreed. Bring back alphabert! Also, Nerzumin! Your signature!
User
Marvelous pigs in satin.
User
Jay those are incredible
White card: stroking your strawberries
White card: stroking your strawberries
User
Prime roosting space.
Nothing ruins a make-out faster than _.
Nothing ruins a make-out faster than _.
User
I'm finally sisters with ___ !
User
Oh, it's a Frist
User
Embarrassing boots
User
Not to gang up on you trainer, but I would suggest making your white cards shorter. Longer white cards tend to become really tedious (and less funny in most cases) since you have to read them out as the card Czar.
Truck
User
Wow, what an absolute jerkwad of a poncho.
User
Just carrying tires.
Hitting that rubber.
Hitting that rubber.
User
He is! A friend drew that as a thank you for supporting her on her comic series.
User
kissing deep into your lips
User
Good old fashioned man taste
User
You know, I just had that same thought. When I posted it, I was thinking they're clothing meant for murderous children. Yay ambiguity!
User
Child murder shorts
User
Wynona's big brown beaver
User
My Pancreas
User
Anything can be _ if you're creative.
User
Thank you Aaronjer. Thank you.
User
I believe in you Superjer!
Truck
User
Grabbing food out of people's mouths before they eat it is so evil. You'll make a great super villain.
User
See now black people walk like _. But white people -- white people walk like they’re _!
^
Showed up under the white cards list when I was doing the test 10 just so you know.
^
Showed up under the white cards list when I was doing the test 10 just so you know.
User
Oh sweet, thanks for posting the test link. I completely forgot about it. I'm going to go test my last submission now.
User
Slam dunking a baby through a skeleton's crotch.
User
A flopping panniculus
User
SuperJer said:
It could be good. I just rolled this:
The perfect day starts with security clearance and ends with a wank.
The perfect day starts with security clearance and ends with a wank.
Bahahaha. The exact set of cards I was thinking went, The perfect day starts with a leopard and ends with an other leopard.
User
The perfect day starts with __ and ends with __.
User
Violently organizing a portfolio
Violent breathing
Violent breathing
User
aaronjer said:
Kaboom Kaboom Thunder Blood from the Tombstone.
OR
Blood from the tombstone.
OR
Blood from the tombstone.
Kaboom kaboom thunder sounds like it could be a white card on its own.
User
Bootfist said:
Impacting my sister.
Oh nooooooooooo
User
The power of bitching
User
Grillmaster legend bro
User
That was weird, I didn't see Aaronjer's response when I posted and now I do. I submit to public beating, as is tradition.
Truck
User
Spooky
User
Come, let us away Aaronjer.
User
Those are like head phones. Right?
Truck
User
Your mind is a fascinating place, Jay.
Truck
User
This was a fun one:
I was in a high school. Some law had been passed requiring all people between the ages of 18 and 30 to go back to high school for another year so they could qualify for some government established college. USLC I think they called it. I was in a large circular classroom and everyone inside was being belligerent to the teacher, including me.
I remember shouting, "I already graduated high school. Why do I have to graduate again?"
The teacher smirked and said, "This mandated year of high school is required to get in to USLC."
I responded with, "I don't care. I already have a career."
I gave him a very pointed look. He didn't like that much. More students starting getting up and voicing their opinions very loudly. One of them was dressed in what he must have thought was a grunge rocker look, but mostly it looked like he forgot how pants and shirts work. He wore spiked or studded stuff all over. Neck, waist, wrists, even his ankles. He and the teacher started arguing about something. The teacher suddenly drew his hand back as if he were about to punch the kid. I was about to get up to stop him when the school alarm sounded.
The PA screeched to life and a voice was heard, "Students, please evacuate the school immediately. There has been an intrusion on campus. Repeat, please evacuate the school immediately."
Apparently this announcement wasn't enough to instill a sense of urgency in everyone. Everyone in the room took several moments to collect their things and then proceeded to leisurely stroll out of the classroom. I grabbed one of the students by the hand, apparently I recognized him, and sprinted away from the school. We were almost off the campus and onto the main road when we heard the screams. Then we heard the laughter. Twisted, sickening, diabolical laughter. The people walking out of the school were suddenly stampeding, tripping and kicking each other in an effort a little farther ahead of the next person. My friend and I made it all the way to the main road and took off to the left towards a row of cars. There was a semi parked there for some reason. We heard a loud buzzing noise like a robotic wasp.
"It's him!" shouted my friend.
Almost on queue, I saw a pitch black compact car turn the corner and head straight for us. We retreated underneath the semi and waited for the car to pass. It stopped right in front of the semi and the driver killed the engine. Two pairs of feet hit the pavement; one set large and wearing very expensive business shoes. The second set of feet were tiny, childlike, wearing what looked like ballet slippers in a soft blue. I heard someone whispering then the feet began walking back towards the car and disappeared behind it. A man came screaming towards the semi we were hiding under. He was gibbering and tripping all over himself. He immediately climbed into the driver seat of the semi.
I climbed up into the passenger seat and tried to pull him away from the steering wheel shouting, "Wait, stop!"
It was the teacher from earlier. Before either of us could react, a spike went straight through the wall directly behind the man's head, right through his skull, and out his left eye socket. Streamers popped out and the teacher was dead. I don't mean streamers of blood either. Literal, actual streamers popped out of his eye. Party streamers even. Maybe my brain was censoring the violence? The pair of feet I saw earlier belonged to the murderer of the teacher. A tiny girl dressed in a ballet outfit complete with a little plastic tiara. By this point, my friend had climbed out from under the semi and was getting into the car with me.
I looked over at the corpse of the teacher and all I could think to say was, "I guess we don't have any homework tonight."
I pulled his body out of the car and sat down. I heard small laughter behind me and ducked. A second and a half later, the spike shot through the wall behind me where my neck had been. It was the demon child. She screamed in delight and starting shoving the spike through the wall several times. I climbed off the seat and under the dashboard to escape her attacks. She laughed giddily and suddenly she was on my left. The murderous girl was still holding the spike in her hand and she thrust it at me through the open driver's side door. Her movement was sluggish and I managed to slam the door on her arm, pinning her there. I wrestled the spike from her tiny hand and tossed it on the middle seat. My friend scrambled into the passenger seat and slammed his door shut. I kicked my door open, knocking the demon child over. Her arm turned to sand and fell away from her body. She screamed and charged at me. I shut the door just in time and locked it as she crashed against it. As I climbed out from under the dashboard and into the driver's seat I saw a man grinning widely at me just outside of my vision. The owner of the expensive looking loafers. There were keys in the ignition of the truck but turning them was producing a whirring noise and the engine refused to start. The man grinned wider until I thought the sides of his mouth would rip. Behind us, I could hear more of that terrible laughter and screaming. A horde of people were walking towards us and none them looked at all friendly. The little girl began throwing herself at the door and the man was walking towards me, his footsteps slow and torturous.
"Wait here, I'll fix it!" my friend exclaimed as he climbed out of the truck.
I heard some weird whirring noises then his voice, "Try it now!"
I frantically turned the key as the girl bashed herself against the door again. I thought I saw the door begin to cave in. The engine struggled for a few moments then suddenly jumped to life. My friend scrambled into the passenger side again and was about to shut the door when a pair of hands grabbed onto his arm. I grabbed hold of his waist and pulled hard. The hands trying to pull him out of the car were too strong. I heard something pop in his shoulder and he cried out in agony. I picked up the spike with my free hand from the seat next to me and stabbed it through one of the hands. Something screamed in fury and pain and the hands retreated. Through his pain, he managed to slam the door shut with his good arm. His face was pale and he was breathing heavily. His arm looked like it had been pulled out of its socket. No time to worry about it now, it would hurt like hell but he would live until we were safe enough to set it. I hit the gas and the truck lurched forward. The man was almost at the door now, still grinning like a maniac and holding a scalpel. I pushed the gas pedal as far as it would go and we took off down the road. In the left side view mirror, I could see the man was no longer smiling. I had managed to run over the little demon child in my efforts to escape. Her body immediately disintegrated and left behind a pile of sand. That's where it ended.
I was in a high school. Some law had been passed requiring all people between the ages of 18 and 30 to go back to high school for another year so they could qualify for some government established college. USLC I think they called it. I was in a large circular classroom and everyone inside was being belligerent to the teacher, including me.
I remember shouting, "I already graduated high school. Why do I have to graduate again?"
The teacher smirked and said, "This mandated year of high school is required to get in to USLC."
I responded with, "I don't care. I already have a career."
I gave him a very pointed look. He didn't like that much. More students starting getting up and voicing their opinions very loudly. One of them was dressed in what he must have thought was a grunge rocker look, but mostly it looked like he forgot how pants and shirts work. He wore spiked or studded stuff all over. Neck, waist, wrists, even his ankles. He and the teacher started arguing about something. The teacher suddenly drew his hand back as if he were about to punch the kid. I was about to get up to stop him when the school alarm sounded.
The PA screeched to life and a voice was heard, "Students, please evacuate the school immediately. There has been an intrusion on campus. Repeat, please evacuate the school immediately."
Apparently this announcement wasn't enough to instill a sense of urgency in everyone. Everyone in the room took several moments to collect their things and then proceeded to leisurely stroll out of the classroom. I grabbed one of the students by the hand, apparently I recognized him, and sprinted away from the school. We were almost off the campus and onto the main road when we heard the screams. Then we heard the laughter. Twisted, sickening, diabolical laughter. The people walking out of the school were suddenly stampeding, tripping and kicking each other in an effort a little farther ahead of the next person. My friend and I made it all the way to the main road and took off to the left towards a row of cars. There was a semi parked there for some reason. We heard a loud buzzing noise like a robotic wasp.
"It's him!" shouted my friend.
Almost on queue, I saw a pitch black compact car turn the corner and head straight for us. We retreated underneath the semi and waited for the car to pass. It stopped right in front of the semi and the driver killed the engine. Two pairs of feet hit the pavement; one set large and wearing very expensive business shoes. The second set of feet were tiny, childlike, wearing what looked like ballet slippers in a soft blue. I heard someone whispering then the feet began walking back towards the car and disappeared behind it. A man came screaming towards the semi we were hiding under. He was gibbering and tripping all over himself. He immediately climbed into the driver seat of the semi.
I climbed up into the passenger seat and tried to pull him away from the steering wheel shouting, "Wait, stop!"
It was the teacher from earlier. Before either of us could react, a spike went straight through the wall directly behind the man's head, right through his skull, and out his left eye socket. Streamers popped out and the teacher was dead. I don't mean streamers of blood either. Literal, actual streamers popped out of his eye. Party streamers even. Maybe my brain was censoring the violence? The pair of feet I saw earlier belonged to the murderer of the teacher. A tiny girl dressed in a ballet outfit complete with a little plastic tiara. By this point, my friend had climbed out from under the semi and was getting into the car with me.
I looked over at the corpse of the teacher and all I could think to say was, "I guess we don't have any homework tonight."
I pulled his body out of the car and sat down. I heard small laughter behind me and ducked. A second and a half later, the spike shot through the wall behind me where my neck had been. It was the demon child. She screamed in delight and starting shoving the spike through the wall several times. I climbed off the seat and under the dashboard to escape her attacks. She laughed giddily and suddenly she was on my left. The murderous girl was still holding the spike in her hand and she thrust it at me through the open driver's side door. Her movement was sluggish and I managed to slam the door on her arm, pinning her there. I wrestled the spike from her tiny hand and tossed it on the middle seat. My friend scrambled into the passenger seat and slammed his door shut. I kicked my door open, knocking the demon child over. Her arm turned to sand and fell away from her body. She screamed and charged at me. I shut the door just in time and locked it as she crashed against it. As I climbed out from under the dashboard and into the driver's seat I saw a man grinning widely at me just outside of my vision. The owner of the expensive looking loafers. There were keys in the ignition of the truck but turning them was producing a whirring noise and the engine refused to start. The man grinned wider until I thought the sides of his mouth would rip. Behind us, I could hear more of that terrible laughter and screaming. A horde of people were walking towards us and none them looked at all friendly. The little girl began throwing herself at the door and the man was walking towards me, his footsteps slow and torturous.
"Wait here, I'll fix it!" my friend exclaimed as he climbed out of the truck.
I heard some weird whirring noises then his voice, "Try it now!"
I frantically turned the key as the girl bashed herself against the door again. I thought I saw the door begin to cave in. The engine struggled for a few moments then suddenly jumped to life. My friend scrambled into the passenger side again and was about to shut the door when a pair of hands grabbed onto his arm. I grabbed hold of his waist and pulled hard. The hands trying to pull him out of the car were too strong. I heard something pop in his shoulder and he cried out in agony. I picked up the spike with my free hand from the seat next to me and stabbed it through one of the hands. Something screamed in fury and pain and the hands retreated. Through his pain, he managed to slam the door shut with his good arm. His face was pale and he was breathing heavily. His arm looked like it had been pulled out of its socket. No time to worry about it now, it would hurt like hell but he would live until we were safe enough to set it. I hit the gas and the truck lurched forward. The man was almost at the door now, still grinning like a maniac and holding a scalpel. I pushed the gas pedal as far as it would go and we took off down the road. In the left side view mirror, I could see the man was no longer smiling. I had managed to run over the little demon child in my efforts to escape. Her body immediately disintegrated and left behind a pile of sand. That's where it ended.
User
Those look very touchable. I want to touch those blocks. That means they're good.
User
A suffering bastard
User
Unknown assailants
User
Is that a crypt?
Truck
User
Has anyone tried out Creativerse on Steam? Been itching to do a Minecraft like game for a while now. We used to have a lot of fun with it. I usually avoid exactly 45% of all Early Access games, but I'm tempted to try this one out. I'm a little worried about them charging for Early Access when it's going to be a Free to Play though...
http://store.steampowered.com/app/280790/
http://store.steampowered.com/app/280790/
Truck
User
You ask the impossible.
Truck
User
NatureJay said:
Yerp, I'm moving to Chicago in mid-August.
I don't know if I will be like an old granny in a retirement home, on indefinite stay, who has gained memories instead of losing them, who has moved from the third floor to the side floor and into a room with three windows above the ceiling, and who talks to the TV all day even when it's off.
But I will definitely be moving to Chicago.
I don't know if I will be like an old granny in a retirement home, on indefinite stay, who has gained memories instead of losing them, who has moved from the third floor to the side floor and into a room with three windows above the ceiling, and who talks to the TV all day even when it's off.
But I will definitely be moving to Chicago.
Can I call you GraryJay now?
Truck
User
I miss Jay already. It's over. All everything is over.
;-;
;-;
Truck
User
When detailing miners, make sure you use a steel pickaxe.
Truck
User
Superjer is a superhero in training.
User
It is easier to ______ at the beginning than at the end.
Truck
User
Maybe in a past life I was a caddish rogue that preyed upon the insecurities and repressed sexual desires of young noblewomen so that I could embarrass them enough to try and kill me. Because.... thrills?
Don't reject me Aaronjer! I can't handle it!! *whiny noises*
Don't reject me Aaronjer! I can't handle it!! *whiny noises*
User
Oh definitely. Trying to think of a better way to say it. An unintentional scrotum slip?
Truck
User
I had a really short dream a while back.
I was kissing a queen in her garden. Maybe she was a princess, I don't know. She was dressed like royalty of the old British variety. A person that I assumed was one of her servants saw us kissing and started running towards us.
The queen looked mortified and screamed "Off with his head!".
I don't know if she was talking about me or the servant because I woke up after that.
I was kissing a queen in her garden. Maybe she was a princess, I don't know. She was dressed like royalty of the old British variety. A person that I assumed was one of her servants saw us kissing and started running towards us.
The queen looked mortified and screamed "Off with his head!".
I don't know if she was talking about me or the servant because I woke up after that.
Truck
User
Interesting... Reminds me of Corpse Party somewhat.
User
SuperJer said:
WTF is ball peeking?
And can it be butt cheek piercings or my butt cheek piercings?
And can it be butt cheek piercings or my butt cheek piercings?
Whatever tickles your bum the most lovingly. I imagine ball peeking is when you wear draw string shorts and they ride up just enough that yer boys peek out. In retrospect, it sounds dumb.
User
A night of gentle flatulence (from Paul)
User
Pierced butt cheeks
Poking all the little bugs
Taking time off your hands
A coarse wind (courtesy of Timlund)
Ball peeking
Chafing jeans
Poking all the little bugs
Taking time off your hands
A coarse wind (courtesy of Timlund)
Ball peeking
Chafing jeans
User
Unbearable bitching
Wally Weaboo
Wally Weaboo
User
A horrible proposition
User
Birth meat
User
The musket of Palmyra George Washington
User
Consensual S&M that ends in a gunshot.
User
A sucking chest wound
User
An unsheathed penis monster
User
A romantic coughing session
User
Straight from Atojer's dreamland:
Don't stand downwind of me! I have ______.
Don't stand downwind of me! I have ______.
Truck
User
ESO is already a disaster on PC. I very much doubt that the console version will save it.
Truck
User
Those are all my favorite things!
Truck
User
I wish I could have found who burned all those people... bug poking sure was fun though.
User
Liquid sex
Truck
User
This looks fun. I'll share one:
When it first started, I was alone at night walking down a street with no cars. Bodies littered the sidewalks on both sides of the street and the alleys between the buildings. Some among the dead were wearing strange masks. All of them looked as though they had been burned to death.
Things changed and I was suddenly in a car. Mom, Tim, Anna and I were all driving somewhere for dinner. There was a man in the car with us that I didn't recognize. He had very little hair on his head, a short beard on his face and wore thick glasses. He was dressed much more formally than any of us. He almost looked like a butler. We drive through a dark tunnel for a few minutes, talking about things I can't remember. On the other side of the tunnel was an impossibly vibrant valley, filled with bright colorful shops and elaborate, rich looking houses.
Most of these houses were more like mansions. Lush gardens dotted the valley wherever there wasn't a house. It was a valley populated by seemingly nothing but the wealthiest people. To my right, I could see an enormous building still under construction. It looked as though it would be another mansion. A six story tall mansion. The balding man must have seen me gawking at it. "That is to be Lady Velando's home," he said.
Things changed again and suddenly it was just Anna and me in the car. It looked like we were driving through Seattle. She pulled the car over next to a large apartment complex at the top of a hill and got out of the car. She looked over at me and motioned to follow her saying, "Hurry!"
I did as she said, locking the car behind me, and ran after her as she sprinted towards an alley next to the apartments. I lost sight of her in the alley and nearly tripped over yet another burnt corpse. This one was wearing the same strange mask. A cop and a paramedic were standing around the body looking rather confused. I told the both of them that I'd seen several more bodies like this one earlier.
"Someone is going around lighting people on fire," the cop responded.
The paramedic rolled his eyes. I left those two alone and continued further down the alley until I reached a basketball court. Anna was standing at the far end with her arms crossed. She was looking at me expectantly. There were all kinds of small bugs lined up on the court in orderly rows and not moving. "OK," Anna said, "you can begin when you're ready."
I looked at her in bewilderment, "What am I supposed to do?"
"You can do whatever you want," she explained.
I chose to lay down on my stomach and poke all of the bugs near me. It ended there.
When it first started, I was alone at night walking down a street with no cars. Bodies littered the sidewalks on both sides of the street and the alleys between the buildings. Some among the dead were wearing strange masks. All of them looked as though they had been burned to death.
Things changed and I was suddenly in a car. Mom, Tim, Anna and I were all driving somewhere for dinner. There was a man in the car with us that I didn't recognize. He had very little hair on his head, a short beard on his face and wore thick glasses. He was dressed much more formally than any of us. He almost looked like a butler. We drive through a dark tunnel for a few minutes, talking about things I can't remember. On the other side of the tunnel was an impossibly vibrant valley, filled with bright colorful shops and elaborate, rich looking houses.
Most of these houses were more like mansions. Lush gardens dotted the valley wherever there wasn't a house. It was a valley populated by seemingly nothing but the wealthiest people. To my right, I could see an enormous building still under construction. It looked as though it would be another mansion. A six story tall mansion. The balding man must have seen me gawking at it. "That is to be Lady Velando's home," he said.
Things changed again and suddenly it was just Anna and me in the car. It looked like we were driving through Seattle. She pulled the car over next to a large apartment complex at the top of a hill and got out of the car. She looked over at me and motioned to follow her saying, "Hurry!"
I did as she said, locking the car behind me, and ran after her as she sprinted towards an alley next to the apartments. I lost sight of her in the alley and nearly tripped over yet another burnt corpse. This one was wearing the same strange mask. A cop and a paramedic were standing around the body looking rather confused. I told the both of them that I'd seen several more bodies like this one earlier.
"Someone is going around lighting people on fire," the cop responded.
The paramedic rolled his eyes. I left those two alone and continued further down the alley until I reached a basketball court. Anna was standing at the far end with her arms crossed. She was looking at me expectantly. There were all kinds of small bugs lined up on the court in orderly rows and not moving. "OK," Anna said, "you can begin when you're ready."
I looked at her in bewilderment, "What am I supposed to do?"
"You can do whatever you want," she explained.
I chose to lay down on my stomach and poke all of the bugs near me. It ended there.
User
You'll never guess what I have taped to my left breast: ______.
Can someone get me some floss? There's _____ between my teeth.
Can someone get me some floss? There's _____ between my teeth.
User
Black card
_____ is the new meta.
_____ is the new meta.
User
A carefully contained fart
Holding your dick behind your back
Bitches on the love throne
Tits like a smoking chimney
An angry penis for the woman
An angry buttplug for the man
Holding your dick behind your back
Bitches on the love throne
Tits like a smoking chimney
An angry penis for the woman
An angry buttplug for the man
User
Extra dirty martini (or Martin. You choose!)
User
I will also submit an alpherbit. Or attempt to.
Animalistic hunger
The best cake ever made
A cold yogi
Dirigible death match
Everything under the sea
A fat and fancy pidgin (credit to the-punchline-is-machismo)
Gladiator pants
Hounding the family dog
Ill-advised business decisions
Jerking jerk chicken
Keel hauling the first mate
Literally every single thing
A majestic merkin
Nonexistent leotards
Overwatch
Practically nothing
That's all I can do for now
Animalistic hunger
The best cake ever made
A cold yogi
Dirigible death match
Everything under the sea
A fat and fancy pidgin (credit to the-punchline-is-machismo)
Gladiator pants
Hounding the family dog
Ill-advised business decisions
Jerking jerk chicken
Keel hauling the first mate
Literally every single thing
A majestic merkin
Nonexistent leotards
Overwatch
Practically nothing
That's all I can do for now
User
Black Card
Play 3
Help! I can't find my daughter! She's wearing ___ looks like ___ and is carrying ___.
Play 3
Help! I can't find my daughter! She's wearing ___ looks like ___ and is carrying ___.
User
Yessir
User
White Card Time!
Smooshy cats on the glass
Prime squishy mode
Smooshy cats on the glass
Prime squishy mode
User
Black cards:
Play 2
Doctor, you're a genius! No one has ever thought of using _____ to treat _____!
Why granny, what a big _____ you have!
The boy would grow to be a great leader, and his name was _______.
Play 2
Doctor, you're a genius! No one has ever thought of using _____ to treat _____!
Why granny, what a big _____ you have!
The boy would grow to be a great leader, and his name was _______.
User
White cards
Keepin' it warm in the cooch
Quiet poots
Tender pinches
Gentle plops
Gentle plops is dumb.
Keepin' it warm in the cooch
Quiet poots
Tender pinches
Gentle plops is dumb.
User
Black card:
what better conveys poor impulse control than ____?
what better conveys poor impulse control than ____?
Truck
User
SuperJer said:
There isn't really a maximum. Or if there is, you don't want to get anywhere near it.
The brightness really depends most on how far the light is from any surfaces.
If you have two lights, @A and @B, and @A is twice the distance from a surface, then it will need to be FOUR times as bright to light the surface the same amount:
Sky brightness works more like a texture light, but it also doesn't fall off with distance. Every sky brush surface will provide some light, like a tex light. And the direct sky light is just as bright at any distance.
The brightness really depends most on how far the light is from any surfaces.
If you have two lights, @A and @B, and @A is twice the distance from a surface, then it will need to be FOUR times as bright to light the surface the same amount:
|\\
@A- - - - - - - - - - - - |\\ surface
@B- - - - - - |\\
|\\
Sky brightness works more like a texture light, but it also doesn't fall off with distance. Every sky brush surface will provide some light, like a tex light. And the direct sky light is just as bright at any distance.
Thanks for the answer :)
Truck
User
Yeah so to me, the effects of lightning, fading and glow is going to be the new mission impossible.
I know these are some of the most real looking effects that makes a map feel alot better to play.
Question:
How much brightness is the "maximum"?
If there is one...
And is there any difference between the SKY-brightness and Entity-Lights?
Thank you!
/RN
User
SuperJer said:
I'm glad you were able to resolve your problem.
Just to answer a couple things in case someone else reads this:
The -chop <NUMBER> needs to be added to your RAD command. Did you end up needing this?
The -nowadtextures needs to be added to your CSG command. It puts all the textures you actually used into the BSP, which these days is probably so small that you just might as well do it. Even if you use default textures. They are probably only a few KB.
And the pointfile is only generated if you actually get a leak. So wait till you get one again and then try it.
Oh yeah 400+ lights is just too many. You can only have about 500 entities in your whole map before the game starts crashing.
Mods like AMX create some of their own entities which may push you over the 500 (maybe 512?) limit. So stay as far under it as you can.
I'm actually not sure if light entities end up in the final BSP but I wouldn't risk it.
Just to answer a couple things in case someone else reads this:
The -chop <NUMBER> needs to be added to your RAD command. Did you end up needing this?
The -nowadtextures needs to be added to your CSG command. It puts all the textures you actually used into the BSP, which these days is probably so small that you just might as well do it. Even if you use default textures. They are probably only a few KB.
And the pointfile is only generated if you actually get a leak. So wait till you get one again and then try it.
Oh yeah 400+ lights is just too many. You can only have about 500 entities in your whole map before the game starts crashing.
Mods like AMX create some of their own entities which may push you over the 500 (maybe 512?) limit. So stay as far under it as you can.
I'm actually not sure if light entities end up in the final BSP but I wouldn't risk it.
All I actually did was remove the "Boxing" of the leak" and some minor stuff, and put the "NULL"texture on everything that is not visible for the players in-game
Worked like a clock after that :)
No need for the -CHOP command, I did however use a custom .wad (for credits and such) and used wadinclude <mywad>.wad
Well for me the -nowadtextures made the map go from 3,5MB to 6,5MB... So it was a bad idea haha..
Oh okay, well then the Pointfile is a smart design, when you can finally understand it!
Yeah I noticed the POWAH of the Lights are really strong, I narrowed it down to.. maybe 20 now? I even had to go down on the brightness on them.
500 - Limit - Has to remember!
Will make another topic about lightning now. Simple question really.
User
Outcast said:
LORDOFTHISWORLD said:
Outcast said:
Go to Edit>Select all and scale down the map from all sides.Retry compiling it.
>> This will be the last thing I do, however if nothing else works, this will be done and see if it changes problem!
Too bad cuz that's all you have to do,really.
It seems like you exceeded the patch limit for like 3k,doing what i said should reduce it and you should be able to compile your map.
Well too me it seemed like I would create a "miniature" version of my original sized map..
But however I got everything to work.. I will remember what you told me tho, IF this happens again :)
User
Okay guys, I got EVERYTHING back to what it was :)
Thanks for the help, I was just not thinking properly..
I will get back to you if I get Compile troubles, but I seriously doubt it..
User
User
Outcast said:
Go to Edit>Select all and scale down the map from all sides.Retry compiling it.
>> This will be the last thing I do, however if nothing else works, this will be done and see if it changes problem!
User
---> http://tinypic.com/r/350ns4y/5 <---
I could not find the right commands to use in this.. I thought I had -chop but obviously not.
Anyone wanna tell me what to use exactly?
Not even Google could get me to the Expert Mode commands..
Also: Sorry for being such a pain in the *** but, practice makes perfect..
What about the -nowadtextures command btw? > The one's included are the ones from the Original maps and the HALF-LIFE & CSTRIKE.wad amirite?
This is what makes me nervous: Does this merge them and include all of them into this map or does this add them all into +size on my compiling? I hope not.. I don't really believe so either, but I'm here to learn.
1. Yeah but theres a few more of those lightbulbs than you see in the picture unfortuanetely.. I will try and use the "fade" texture and use it as lightning instead of all these pointlights and see if would change the outcome of my compiling in anyway.
And YES actually! When I compiled with VHE without expert mode and without VIS(I think it was.. or RAD.. been a few weeks ago since I tested..) the inside of the tunnels & sewers all were Bright as day(which was in my opinion really sweet for the gameplay). But since I got the FPS drops I ofcourse had to go from Normal compiling to Expert Compiling.
If you think I have many now you should have seen before.. JEEZ. Like 400 of them.(Got kinda lazy and CTRL + C was great). But I narrowed it down to about.. 50-80 now. But I will try this "LESS & BRIGHTER" way you mentioned if my "fade" experiment fails, which it problaby does.
I'm so new to the Lightning effects I'm kinda scared to use many since you can't preview before compiling. Old programs are old..
Trying to rely on the Light_enviroment as much as possible, and it worked great before my Sewers & Tunnels were added. + the LEAK that is emerging from the Sewer in some weird matter.
2. I have gone through the map as narrow as I have been capable to do, and the only leakage must be the Sewer, nothing else could cause it(I think........).
I will try this Pointfile thingy and see if it can fix my problem, I'm quite sure it will show the problem(s).
Thank you for that btw!
I will make the logs to func_walls aswell!
Thanks for telling me everything about the MAX_PATCHES problem btw! There's alot of stuff to learn from VHE but since the program is so old all the tutorial websites have pretty much died off. And asking someone for a very specific thing is hard to get a good answer!
About the leak problem I had NOOOOOOO clue about that, thanks alot for the details on those particual problems. I hate leaks so badly lol. Destroying my map(s)!
I could not find the right commands to use in this.. I thought I had -chop but obviously not.
Anyone wanna tell me what to use exactly?
Not even Google could get me to the Expert Mode commands..
Also: Sorry for being such a pain in the *** but, practice makes perfect..
What about the -nowadtextures command btw? > The one's included are the ones from the Original maps and the HALF-LIFE & CSTRIKE.wad amirite?
This is what makes me nervous: Does this merge them and include all of them into this map or does this add them all into +size on my compiling? I hope not.. I don't really believe so either, but I'm here to learn.
SuperJer said:
1. That looks like a lot of lights, but it shouldn't do anything but slow down RAD. I don't know why expert mode would make a difference for lighting. The blackness you were seeing is probably caused by something else.
OTOH you really shouldn't need that many lights. Have less & brighter ones, and rely on natural sources of lights and light-emitting textures, if you can.
2. If you have leaks, you need to fix those before fixing anything else. Leaks will cause every other problem, including MAX_PATCHES.
It is OK to make your brushes bigger, so that they intersect. This is only a problem if you get texture fighting from 2 surfaces in the same plane, and that is only a cosmetic problem. It won't slow down compiles or cause errors.
If you are leaking, try loading the Pointfile in Hammer. The Pointfile path may be confusing but it WILL go thru your leak at some point.
You should make your logs and beach chairs into func_walls so that they don't get in the way of VIS. VIS only has to worry about world geometry.
Just remember that func_walls do nothing to stop leaks. func_walls have to be fully contained by world geometry.
---
Your compile log shows no leaks. If you have a leak, BSP will say something like **LEAK LEAK LEAK**. You don't need to check in game for leaks. The game doesn't even know if you have leaks.
---
Also you didn't run VIS. You should at least run a fast vis every time you compile.
---
You also have a lot of WAD files. You really should merge them and use -nowadtextures with CSG to pack them into the BSP. Even for
the builtin ones.
BTW: MAX_PATCHES means you have too much surface area to light. There is only so much lighting surface area information that can fit in a BSP.
MAX_PATCHES is usually caused by a large map or shrunken textures. Setting -chop to a high number like SRAW said will decrease the lighting resolution, which uses less patches. But the lighting won't be as detailed.
Oh yeah and DON'T BOX YOUR LEAKS.
You are better off just keeping a leak than boxing it. Boxing causes even more MAX_PATCHES then a leak alone.
The reason that leaks are bad is because they prevent the compilers from deleting the outside of your map, which saves a lot of space, frames and patches.
If you box, you still end up with the inside AND outside of your map (like a leak) but EVEN WORSE you also compile in the inside of the box! No!!
OTOH you really shouldn't need that many lights. Have less & brighter ones, and rely on natural sources of lights and light-emitting textures, if you can.
2. If you have leaks, you need to fix those before fixing anything else. Leaks will cause every other problem, including MAX_PATCHES.
It is OK to make your brushes bigger, so that they intersect. This is only a problem if you get texture fighting from 2 surfaces in the same plane, and that is only a cosmetic problem. It won't slow down compiles or cause errors.
If you are leaking, try loading the Pointfile in Hammer. The Pointfile path may be confusing but it WILL go thru your leak at some point.
You should make your logs and beach chairs into func_walls so that they don't get in the way of VIS. VIS only has to worry about world geometry.
Just remember that func_walls do nothing to stop leaks. func_walls have to be fully contained by world geometry.
---
Your compile log shows no leaks. If you have a leak, BSP will say something like **LEAK LEAK LEAK**. You don't need to check in game for leaks. The game doesn't even know if you have leaks.
---
Also you didn't run VIS. You should at least run a fast vis every time you compile.
---
You also have a lot of WAD files. You really should merge them and use -nowadtextures with CSG to pack them into the BSP. Even for
the builtin ones.
BTW: MAX_PATCHES means you have too much surface area to light. There is only so much lighting surface area information that can fit in a BSP.
MAX_PATCHES is usually caused by a large map or shrunken textures. Setting -chop to a high number like SRAW said will decrease the lighting resolution, which uses less patches. But the lighting won't be as detailed.
Oh yeah and DON'T BOX YOUR LEAKS.
You are better off just keeping a leak than boxing it. Boxing causes even more MAX_PATCHES then a leak alone.
The reason that leaks are bad is because they prevent the compilers from deleting the outside of your map, which saves a lot of space, frames and patches.
If you box, you still end up with the inside AND outside of your map (like a leak) but EVEN WORSE you also compile in the inside of the box! No!!
1. Yeah but theres a few more of those lightbulbs than you see in the picture unfortuanetely.. I will try and use the "fade" texture and use it as lightning instead of all these pointlights and see if would change the outcome of my compiling in anyway.
And YES actually! When I compiled with VHE without expert mode and without VIS(I think it was.. or RAD.. been a few weeks ago since I tested..) the inside of the tunnels & sewers all were Bright as day(which was in my opinion really sweet for the gameplay). But since I got the FPS drops I ofcourse had to go from Normal compiling to Expert Compiling.
If you think I have many now you should have seen before.. JEEZ. Like 400 of them.(Got kinda lazy and CTRL + C was great). But I narrowed it down to about.. 50-80 now. But I will try this "LESS & BRIGHTER" way you mentioned if my "fade" experiment fails, which it problaby does.
I'm so new to the Lightning effects I'm kinda scared to use many since you can't preview before compiling. Old programs are old..
Trying to rely on the Light_enviroment as much as possible, and it worked great before my Sewers & Tunnels were added. + the LEAK that is emerging from the Sewer in some weird matter.
2. I have gone through the map as narrow as I have been capable to do, and the only leakage must be the Sewer, nothing else could cause it(I think........).
I will try this Pointfile thingy and see if it can fix my problem, I'm quite sure it will show the problem(s).
Thank you for that btw!
I will make the logs to func_walls aswell!
Thanks for telling me everything about the MAX_PATCHES problem btw! There's alot of stuff to learn from VHE but since the program is so old all the tutorial websites have pretty much died off. And asking someone for a very specific thing is hard to get a good answer!
About the leak problem I had NOOOOOOO clue about that, thanks alot for the details on those particual problems. I hate leaks so badly lol. Destroying my map(s)!
User
SRAW said:
well I think you should start with merging your wads, and trying to compile hlrad with -chop <insert high number like 256 here>
Well, as you can see the wads are originals so they should not cause any "bigger" problems than compile-time if anything, am I right?
And for the -chop <number et.c.> that I have in expert mode, I just compile in normal to get a faster compile of the map for early bugtesting :).
But if you do se this as a POSSIBLE solution, I might just have to try..
But these 2 things did not cause any trouble before. As mentioned its the VIS that causes this..
User
Hello oldschool mappers!
First of all I wanna say I'm a huge fan of your maps SuperJer(If you're gonna read this) and thanks alot for the things you've done for the CS mapping community!
I've been into VHE for a long time, but never released any maps due to small problems and the extreme details that I desire for perfection in my maps.(No I'm not a maniac just too lazy for final polishing lulz)
My hardware :
Windows 7 (64-bit)
8GB of DDR3 Memory(Wish VHE could've used all of it)
3.4 Ghz Quadcore AMD Processor
1024 MB HD Radeon 5770 Graphic Card (Two of them!)
That should be all you need to know?
These pictures are my HELP to you:
http://tinypic.com/r/20jk07n/5
http://tinypic.com/r/jg5x7k/5
http://tinypic.com/r/314xvgg/5
Basicly I need help on TWO things:
Exceed MAX_PATCHES solution
Answer to :: NUMBER THREE :: <-- You will understand when scrolling down.
Anyway.. PROBLEM:
I almost know what causes the problem in this map im developing:
1. Showed in picture one(The Sewer and top/front/side y/x angles)
You can see I have quite a few "LIGHT" entities, I had these put up all over my Sewer and my Caves after I compiled in Expert mode and noticed these we're all black instead of when I compiled in Normal mode and they were still light(but huge FPS drops due to VIS problems(obviously duuuhh). But honestly I don't think these should be able to cause any problem they should instead make the map easier to compile no matter Normal nor Expert mode, am I right?
2. Showed in the second picture with different screens and numbers in it you can see:
:: Number ONE ::
Shows the cave(Just a normal one with "LIGHT" entities ofcourse(Can't walk through caves in total darkness)(Should not cause problem..)
THIS IS WHAT I THINK CAUSES THE PROBLEM(Exceed Max_Patches)
:: Number TWO :: shows my Sewer(Again) but from the outside, my friend told me he saw leaks(he tested the map with 1600x1200 resolution)
So I just put these "walls" all around the sewer to prevent the leakings from accuring(Which before I put them there did only cause small fps drops and you could ofcourse see through the sewer which is not okay..)
Honestly this is what I think is the "bad thing" in my compiling, I compiled for 9 hours and VHE still had not finished.. Before I did this, put the light entities, the umbrellas and chairs at the beach + volleyboll net it took just about 1 hour to compile)
Remember I have Windows 7 64-bit.. (don't know if this can cause troubleshoot problems)
:: Number THREE ::
Here you can see bit by bit how I have built a part of the cave, what I want to know from this picture is that this should cause alot of "angles" for VIS and other programs to have to use alot more power and use up alot more memory, yes or no?
And if I want to make ALL of these color marked walls into ONE wall(That would cause ALOT less memory usage and angles to be compiled right?): HOW do I do so?
Just mark them all and "Tie To Entity" > Func_wall?
:: Number FOUR ::
Logs, logs and more logs, these I have heard could cause problems(since VHE is old and... OLD..) to RAD / VIS et.c. because of the angles/shapes/sizes and so on, but it did not cause any problems at all when I compiled before the "Exceeded MAX_PATCHES" so this I seriously doubt could cause anything but MINIMUM lag every 3000 years.
:: NUMBER FIVE ::
Shows the Umbrellas and beach chairs(This small thing could cause any problem at all? I seriously doubt it myself..)
:: NUMBER SIX ::
These walls are straight against the Sewer so there should not be any possibilities for leaks, should there? I just don't get why it would.. Then again I'm no rocket scientist. There was leaks as I mentioned before when I didn't have the walls. Me personally I have 640x320 resolution when I play CS so for me it didn't show any leaks what so ever. But 1600x1200 needs more juice we all know that.
:: NUMBER SEVEN / EIGHT / NINE ::
Shows what options I have on and which messages I get.
(If these could be to any help)
-----------------------------------
I will mention it again: Compiling only took about 1 HOUR before I did these things:
Added the Walls to the sewer to prevent leaking hopefully.
Added the Umbrellas, beach chairs and volleyboll net
Added the "LIGHT" entities in my Cave & Sewer from total darkness
Either all of them, or some, or just ONE of them are causing this problem I personally can't rule out the bad thing. Perhaps you can?
------------------------------------
Alright, down to the COMPILING AREA!
This is what VHE 3.5 Compiler tells me when I run it with these Options(Showed in picture 9.)
Take in consideration I do run the "final" compiling in Expert mode and not normal mode..
** Executing...
** Command: Change Directory
** Parameters: D:\Steamapps\SteamApps\common\Half-Life\cstrike
** Executing...
** Command: Copy File
** Parameters: "D:\Program\Worldcraft\maps\mymapp.map" "D:\Program\Worldcraft\maps\mymapp.map"
** Executing...
** Command: D:\Program\WORLDC~1\tools\hlcsg.exe
** Parameters: "D:\Program\Worldcraft\maps\mymapp"
hlcsg v3.4 Final (Feb 25 2006)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (amckern@yahoo.com)
----- BEGIN hlcsg -----
Command line: D:\Program\WORLDC~1\tools\hlcsg.exe D:\Program\Worldcraft\maps\mymapp
Entering D:\Program\Worldcraft\maps\mymapp.map
Current hlcsg Settings
Name | Setting | Default
---------------------|-----------|-------------------------
threads [ 4 ] [ Varies ]
verbose [ off ] [ off ]
log [ on ] [ on ]
developer [ 0 ] [ 0 ]
chart [ off ] [ off ]
estimate [ off ] [ off ]
max texture memory [ 4194304 ] [ 4194304 ]
max lighting memory [ 6291456 ] [ 6291456 ]
priority [ Normal ] [ Normal ]
noclip [ off ] [ off ]
null texture stripping[ on ] [ on ]
clipnode economy mode [ on ] [ on ]
clip hull type [ legacy ] [ legacy ]
onlyents [ off ] [ off ]
wadtextures [ on ] [ on ]
skyclip [ on ] [ on ]
hullfile [ None ] [ None ]
nullfile [ None ] [ None ]
min surface area [ 0.500 ] [ 0.500 ]
brush union threshold [ 0.000 ] [ 0.000 ]
Using mapfile wad configuration
Wadinclude list :
[zhlt.wad]
142 brushes (totalling 825 sides) discarded from clipping hulls
CreateBrush:
10%...20%...30%...40%...50%...60%...70%...80%...90%... (0.67 seconds)
SetModelCenters:
10%...20%...30%...40%...50%...60%...70%...80%...90%... (0.00 seconds)
CSGBrush:
10%...20%...30%...40%...50%...60%...70%...80%...90%... (1.09 seconds)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\chateau.wad
- Contains 10 used textures, 7.58 percent of map (136 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\cs_747.wad
- Contains 2 used textures, 1.52 percent of map (143 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\cs_assault.wad
- Contains 0 used textures, 0.00 percent of map (22 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\cs_cbble.wad
- Contains 2 used textures, 1.52 percent of map (61 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\cs_dust.wad
- Contains 1 used texture, 0.76 percent of map (28 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\cs_havana.wad
- Contains 3 used textures, 2.27 percent of map (122 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\cs_office.wad
- Contains 8 used textures, 6.06 percent of map (102 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\cstrike.wad
- Contains 0 used textures, 0.00 percent of map (123 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\de_airstrip.wad
- Contains 4 used textures, 3.03 percent of map (69 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\de_aztec.wad
- Warning: Larger than expected texture (348972 bytes): 'SPECIAL_THANKS'
- Warning: Larger than expected texture (348972 bytes): 'THANKS'
- Contains 1 used texture, 0.76 percent of map (24 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\de_piranesi.wad
- Contains 5 used textures, 3.79 percent of map (160 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\de_storm.wad
- Contains 8 used textures, 6.06 percent of map (74 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\de_vertigo.wad
- Contains 0 used textures, 0.00 percent of map (19 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\halflife.wad
- Contains 88 used textures, 66.67 percent of map (3116 textures in wad)
Including Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\zhlt.wad
- Contains 0 used textures, 0.00 percent of map (8 textures in wad)
Using Wadfile: \program\worldcraft\wads\decals.wad
- Contains 0 used textures, 0.00 percent of map (225 textures in wad)
Warning: More than 8 wadfiles are in use. (16)
This may be harmless, and if no strange side effects are occurring, then
it can safely be ignored. However, if your map starts exhibiting strange
or obscure errors, consider this as suspect.
added 6 additional animating textures.
Texture usage is at 3.10 mb (of 4.00 mb MAX)
2.43 seconds elapsed
----- END hlcsg -----
** Executing...
** Command: D:\Program\WORLDC~1\tools\hlbsp.exe
** Parameters: "D:\Program\Worldcraft\maps\mymapp"
hlbsp v3.4 Final (Feb 25 2006)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (amckern@yahoo.com)
----- BEGIN hlbsp -----
Command line: D:\Program\WORLDC~1\tools\hlbsp.exe D:\Program\Worldcraft\maps\mymapp
Current hlbsp Settings
Name | Setting | Default
-------------------|-----------|-------------------------
threads [ 4 ] [ Varies ]
verbose [ off ] [ off ]
log [ on ] [ on ]
developer [ 0 ] [ 0 ]
chart [ off ] [ off ]
estimate [ off ] [ off ]
max texture memory [ 4194304 ] [ 4194304 ]
priority [ Normal ] [ Normal ]
noclip [ off ] [ off ]
nofill [ off ] [ off ]
noopt [ off ] [ off ]
null tex. stripping [ on ] [ on ]
notjunc [ off ] [ off ]
subdivide size [ 240 ] [ 240 ] (Min 64) (Max 512)
max node size [ 1024 ] [ 1024 ] (Min 64) (Max 8192)
SolidBSP [hull 0] 500...1000...1500...2000...2500...3000...3500...4000...4500...5000...5500...5991 (0.48 seconds)
BSP generation successful, writing portal file 'D:\Program\Worldcraft\maps\mymapp.prt'
SolidBSP [hull 1] 500...1000...1500...2000...2500...3000...3500...4000...4500...4837 (0.23 seconds)
SolidBSP [hull 2] 500...1000...1500...2000...2500...3000...3500...4000...4500...4726 (0.24 seconds)
SolidBSP [hull 3] 500...1000...1500...2000...2500...3000...3500...4000...4500...5000...5297 (0.29 seconds)
3.95 seconds elapsed
----- END hlbsp -----
** Executing...
** Command: D:\Program\WORLDC~1\tools\hlrad.exe
** Parameters: "D:\Program\Worldcraft\maps\mymapp"
hlrad v3.4 Final (Feb 25 2006)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (amckern@yahoo.com)
----- BEGIN hlrad -----
Command line: D:\Program\WORLDC~1\tools\hlrad.exe D:\Program\Worldcraft\maps\mymapp
-= Current hlrad Settings =-
Name | Setting | Default
--------------------|---------------------|-------------------------
threads [ 4 ] [ Varies ]
verbose [ off ] [ off ]
log [ on ] [ on ]
developer [ 0 ] [ 0 ]
chart [ off ] [ off ]
estimate [ off ] [ off ]
max texture memory [ 4194304 ] [ 4194304 ]
max lighting memory [ 6291456 ] [ 6291456 ]
priority [ Normal ] [ Normal ]
vismatrix algorithm [ Original ] [ Original ]
oversampling (-extra)[ off ] [ off ]
bounces [ 1 ] [ 1 ]
bounce dynamic light [ on ] [ on ]
ambient light [ 0.000 0.000 0.000 ] [ 0.000 0.000 0.000 ]
maximum light [ 255.000 ] [ 256.000 ]
circus mode [ off ] [ off ]
smoothing threshold [ 50.000 ] [ 50.000 ]
direct threshold [ 25.000 ] [ 25.000 ]
direct light scale [ 2.000 ] [ 2.000 ]
coring threshold [ 1.000 ] [ 1.000 ]
patch interpolation [ on ] [ on ]
texscale [ on ] [ on ]
patch subdividing [ on ] [ on ]
chop value [ 64.000 ] [ 64.000 ]
texchop value [ 32.000 ] [ 32.000 ]
global fade [ 1.000 ] [ 1.000 ]
global falloff [ 2 ] [ 2 ]
global light scale [ 1.000 1.000 1.000 ] [ 1.000 1.000 1.000 ]
global gamma [ 0.500 0.500 0.500 ] [ 0.500 0.500 0.500 ]
global light scale [ 1.000 ] [ 1.000 ]
global sky diffusion [ 1.000 ] [ 1.000 ]
opaque entities [ on ] [ on ]
sky lighting fix [ on ] [ on ]
incremental [ off ] [ off ]
dump [ off ] [ off ]
colour jitter [ 0.0 0.0 0.0 ] [ 0.0 0.0 0.0 ]
monochromatic jitter [ 0.0 0.0 0.0 ] [ 0.0 0.0 0.0 ]
softlight hack [ 0.0 0.0 0.0 0.0 ] [ 0.0 0.0 0.0 0.0 ]
diffuse hack [ on ] [ on ]
spotlight points [ on ] [ on ]
custom shadows with bounce light
[ off ] [ off ]
rgb transfers [ off ] [ off ]
[Reading texlights from 'D:\Program\WORLDC~1\tools\lights.rad']
[59 texlights parsed from 'D:\Program\WORLDC~1\tools\lights.rad']
Warning: No vis information, direct lighting only.
15173 faces
Create Patches : 68089 base patches
0 opaque faces
687512 square feet [99001784.00 square inches]
Error: Exceeded MAX_PATCHES
Description: The map has a problem which must be fixed
Howto Fix: Check the file http://www.zhlt.info/common-mapping-problems.html for a detailed explanation of this problem
----- END hlrad -----
I'm grateful for any help, tips or tricks that you can help me with!
Sincerely
/RN
User
You do not to add any thing just create an entity then rename the entity as the desired function.
E.g
You want to strip a player of all his weapon on map start
create a multi_manger. Then in properties REname where it says multi_manager to player_weaponstrip. Then to trigger it just create another multi manger and set the name to game_playerspawn. Then disable smart edit click add then add the name given to player_weaponstrip entity. and the value is the delay after which it will trigger player_weaponstrip entity.
Same for game_player_equip.
but disable smart edit and click add to add the desired weapon you want.
e.g weapon_knife gives every spawning player a knife
check your autobuy.txt in cstrike to get all the weapons names.
I will not be here so no question will be answered.
E.g
You want to strip a player of all his weapon on map start
create a multi_manger. Then in properties REname where it says multi_manager to player_weaponstrip. Then to trigger it just create another multi manger and set the name to game_playerspawn. Then disable smart edit click add then add the name given to player_weaponstrip entity. and the value is the delay after which it will trigger player_weaponstrip entity.
Same for game_player_equip.
but disable smart edit and click add to add the desired weapon you want.
e.g weapon_knife gives every spawning player a knife
check your autobuy.txt in cstrike to get all the weapons names.
I will not be here so no question will be answered.
Truck
User
I know I can make it on that way, but my question is How to make them on wall, w.o makeing squares around it...
Truck
User
Can we make holes like doors, windows or passages on walls?
Truck
User
I wanna to make fence so you can see ppl and hit them through it. How to do it?
Truck
User
I have made map, but I do not see radar, HP bar, time bar, not even crosshair?
How do I set up starting weapons???
How I can make terrain in 2 lvls w.o stairs?
How do I set up starting weapons???
How I can make terrain in 2 lvls w.o stairs?
Truck
User
thanks it worked
Truck
User
And my .bat file
@echo off
hlcsg -nowadtextures hovno
hlbsp hovno
hlvis hovno
hlrad hovno
copy hovno.bsp D:\New Folder\Counter-Strike 1.6\Counter-Strike 1.6\cstrike\maps
cd D:\New Folder\Counter-Strike 1.6\Counter-Strike 1.6
pause
hl -dev -console -game cstrike +sv_cheats 1 +map hovno
@echo off
hlcsg -nowadtextures hovno
hlbsp hovno
hlvis hovno
hlrad hovno
copy hovno.bsp D:\New Folder\Counter-Strike 1.6\Counter-Strike 1.6\cstrike\maps
cd D:\New Folder\Counter-Strike 1.6\Counter-Strike 1.6
pause
hl -dev -console -game cstrike +sv_cheats 1 +map hovno
Truck
User
I'm sure i have this cstrike.wad in my cstrike folder but i cant compile them.
Logs :
hovno.err - hlcsg: Error: Could not open wad file \new folder\counter-strike 1.6\counter-strike 1.6\cstrike\cstrike.wad
hlcsg: Error: Could not find WAD file
Description: The compile tools could not locate a wad file that the map was referencing.
Howto Fix: Make sure the wad's listed in the level editor actually all exist
hovno.log
hlcsg v2.5.3 rel Custom Build 1.7 (Dec 9 2002)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (merlinis@bigpond.net.au)
----- BEGIN hlcsg -----
Command line: hlcsg -nowadtextures hovno
Entering hovno.map
Current hlcsg Settings
Name | Setting | Default
---------------------|-----------|-------------------------
threads [ 2 ] [ Varies ]
verbose [ off ] [ off ]
log [ on ] [ on ]
developer [ 0 ] [ 0 ]
chart [ off ] [ off ]
estimate [ off ] [ off ]
max texture memory [ 4194304 ] [ 4194304 ]
priority [ Normal ] [ Normal ]
noclip [ off ] [ off ]
null texture stripping[ on ] [ on ]
clipnode economy mode [ on ] [ on ]
onlyents [ off ] [ off ]
wadtextures [ off ] [ on ]
skyclip [ on ] [ on ]
hullfile [ None ] [ None ]
min surface area [ 0.500 ] [ 0.500 ]
brush union threshold [ 0.000 ] [ 0.000 ]
Using mapfile wad configuration
Wadinclude list :
[zhlt.wad]
0 brushes (totalling 0 sides) discarded from clipping hulls
CreateBrush:
(0.00 seconds)
SetModelCenters:
(0.00 seconds)
CSGBrush:
(0.00 seconds)
Error: Could not open wad file \new folder\counter-strike 1.6\counter-strike 1.6\cstrike\cstrike.wad
Error: Could not find WAD file
Description: The compile tools could not locate a wad file that the map was referencing.
Howto Fix: Make sure the wad's listed in the level editor actually all exist
----- END hlcsg -----
hlbsp v2.5.3 rel Custom Build 1.7 (Dec 9 2002)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (merlinis@bigpond.net.au)
----- BEGIN hlbsp -----
Command line: hlbsp hovno
>> There was a problem compiling the map.
>> Check the file hovno.log for the cause.
----- END hlbsp -----
hlvis v2.5.3 rel Custom Build 1.7 (Dec 9 2002)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (merlinis@bigpond.net.au)
----- BEGIN hlvis -----
Command line: hlvis hovno
>> There was a problem compiling the map.
>> Check the file hovno.log for the cause.
----- END hlvis -----
hlrad v2.5.3 rel Custom Build 1.7 (Dec 9 2002)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (merlinis@bigpond.net.au)
----- BEGIN hlrad -----
Command line: hlrad hovno
>> There was a problem compiling the map.
>> Check the file hovno.log for the cause.
----- END hlrad -----
Logs :
hovno.err - hlcsg: Error: Could not open wad file \new folder\counter-strike 1.6\counter-strike 1.6\cstrike\cstrike.wad
hlcsg: Error: Could not find WAD file
Description: The compile tools could not locate a wad file that the map was referencing.
Howto Fix: Make sure the wad's listed in the level editor actually all exist
hovno.log
hlcsg v2.5.3 rel Custom Build 1.7 (Dec 9 2002)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (merlinis@bigpond.net.au)
----- BEGIN hlcsg -----
Command line: hlcsg -nowadtextures hovno
Entering hovno.map
Current hlcsg Settings
Name | Setting | Default
---------------------|-----------|-------------------------
threads [ 2 ] [ Varies ]
verbose [ off ] [ off ]
log [ on ] [ on ]
developer [ 0 ] [ 0 ]
chart [ off ] [ off ]
estimate [ off ] [ off ]
max texture memory [ 4194304 ] [ 4194304 ]
priority [ Normal ] [ Normal ]
noclip [ off ] [ off ]
null texture stripping[ on ] [ on ]
clipnode economy mode [ on ] [ on ]
onlyents [ off ] [ off ]
wadtextures [ off ] [ on ]
skyclip [ on ] [ on ]
hullfile [ None ] [ None ]
min surface area [ 0.500 ] [ 0.500 ]
brush union threshold [ 0.000 ] [ 0.000 ]
Using mapfile wad configuration
Wadinclude list :
[zhlt.wad]
0 brushes (totalling 0 sides) discarded from clipping hulls
CreateBrush:
(0.00 seconds)
SetModelCenters:
(0.00 seconds)
CSGBrush:
(0.00 seconds)
Error: Could not open wad file \new folder\counter-strike 1.6\counter-strike 1.6\cstrike\cstrike.wad
Error: Could not find WAD file
Description: The compile tools could not locate a wad file that the map was referencing.
Howto Fix: Make sure the wad's listed in the level editor actually all exist
----- END hlcsg -----
hlbsp v2.5.3 rel Custom Build 1.7 (Dec 9 2002)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (merlinis@bigpond.net.au)
----- BEGIN hlbsp -----
Command line: hlbsp hovno
>> There was a problem compiling the map.
>> Check the file hovno.log for the cause.
----- END hlbsp -----
hlvis v2.5.3 rel Custom Build 1.7 (Dec 9 2002)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (merlinis@bigpond.net.au)
----- BEGIN hlvis -----
Command line: hlvis hovno
>> There was a problem compiling the map.
>> Check the file hovno.log for the cause.
----- END hlvis -----
hlrad v2.5.3 rel Custom Build 1.7 (Dec 9 2002)
Zoner's Half-Life Compilation Tools -- Custom Build
Based on code modifications by Sean 'Zoner' Cavanaugh
Based on Valve's version, modified with permission.
Submit detailed bug reports to (merlinis@bigpond.net.au)
----- BEGIN hlrad -----
Command line: hlrad hovno
>> There was a problem compiling the map.
>> Check the file hovno.log for the cause.
----- END hlrad -----
Truck
User
shift+D don
Truck
User
I don
Truck
User
I dont mark nothing in 3D window. My friend has this problem too. We have VHE3.4 and 3.5. pls help