|
You ask the impossible.
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 Apr 16 at 03:45 UTC
|
|
|
|
This was a fun one:
I was in a high school. Some law had been passed requiring all people between the ages of 18 and 30 to go back to high school for another year so they could qualify for some government established college. USLC I think they called it. I was in a large circular classroom and everyone inside was being belligerent to the teacher, including me.
I remember shouting, "I already graduated high school. Why do I have to graduate again?"
The teacher smirked and said, "This mandated year of high school is required to get in to USLC."
I responded with, "I don't care. I already have a career."
I gave him a very pointed look. He didn't like that much. More students starting getting up and voicing their opinions very loudly. One of them was dressed in what he must have thought was a grunge rocker look, but mostly it looked like he forgot how pants and shirts work. He wore spiked or studded stuff all over. Neck, waist, wrists, even his ankles. He and the teacher started arguing about something. The teacher suddenly drew his hand back as if he were about to punch the kid. I was about to get up to stop him when the school alarm sounded.
The PA screeched to life and a voice was heard, "Students, please evacuate the school immediately. There has been an intrusion on campus. Repeat, please evacuate the school immediately."
Apparently this announcement wasn't enough to instill a sense of urgency in everyone. Everyone in the room took several moments to collect their things and then proceeded to leisurely stroll out of the classroom. I grabbed one of the students by the hand, apparently I recognized him, and sprinted away from the school. We were almost off the campus and onto the main road when we heard the screams. Then we heard the laughter. Twisted, sickening, diabolical laughter. The people walking out of the school were suddenly stampeding, tripping and kicking each other in an effort a little farther ahead of the next person. My friend and I made it all the way to the main road and took off to the left towards a row of cars. There was a semi parked there for some reason. We heard a loud buzzing noise like a robotic wasp.
"It's him!" shouted my friend.
Almost on queue, I saw a pitch black compact car turn the corner and head straight for us. We retreated underneath the semi and waited for the car to pass. It stopped right in front of the semi and the driver killed the engine. Two pairs of feet hit the pavement; one set large and wearing very expensive business shoes. The second set of feet were tiny, childlike, wearing what looked like ballet slippers in a soft blue. I heard someone whispering then the feet began walking back towards the car and disappeared behind it. A man came screaming towards the semi we were hiding under. He was gibbering and tripping all over himself. He immediately climbed into the driver seat of the semi.
I climbed up into the passenger seat and tried to pull him away from the steering wheel shouting, "Wait, stop!"
It was the teacher from earlier. Before either of us could react, a spike went straight through the wall directly behind the man's head, right through his skull, and out his left eye socket. Streamers popped out and the teacher was dead. I don't mean streamers of blood either. Literal, actual streamers popped out of his eye. Party streamers even. Maybe my brain was censoring the violence? The pair of feet I saw earlier belonged to the murderer of the teacher. A tiny girl dressed in a ballet outfit complete with a little plastic tiara. By this point, my friend had climbed out from under the semi and was getting into the car with me.
I looked over at the corpse of the teacher and all I could think to say was, "I guess we don't have any homework tonight."
I pulled his body out of the car and sat down. I heard small laughter behind me and ducked. A second and a half later, the spike shot through the wall behind me where my neck had been. It was the demon child. She screamed in delight and starting shoving the spike through the wall several times. I climbed off the seat and under the dashboard to escape her attacks. She laughed giddily and suddenly she was on my left. The murderous girl was still holding the spike in her hand and she thrust it at me through the open driver's side door. Her movement was sluggish and I managed to slam the door on her arm, pinning her there. I wrestled the spike from her tiny hand and tossed it on the middle seat. My friend scrambled into the passenger seat and slammed his door shut. I kicked my door open, knocking the demon child over. Her arm turned to sand and fell away from her body. She screamed and charged at me. I shut the door just in time and locked it as she crashed against it. As I climbed out from under the dashboard and into the driver's seat I saw a man grinning widely at me just outside of my vision. The owner of the expensive looking loafers. There were keys in the ignition of the truck but turning them was producing a whirring noise and the engine refused to start. The man grinned wider until I thought the sides of his mouth would rip. Behind us, I could hear more of that terrible laughter and screaming. A horde of people were walking towards us and none them looked at all friendly. The little girl began throwing herself at the door and the man was walking towards me, his footsteps slow and torturous.
"Wait here, I'll fix it!" my friend exclaimed as he climbed out of the truck.
I heard some weird whirring noises then his voice, "Try it now!"
I frantically turned the key as the girl bashed herself against the door again. I thought I saw the door begin to cave in. The engine struggled for a few moments then suddenly jumped to life. My friend scrambled into the passenger side again and was about to shut the door when a pair of hands grabbed onto his arm. I grabbed hold of his waist and pulled hard. The hands trying to pull him out of the car were too strong. I heard something pop in his shoulder and he cried out in agony. I picked up the spike with my free hand from the seat next to me and stabbed it through one of the hands. Something screamed in fury and pain and the hands retreated. Through his pain, he managed to slam the door shut with his good arm. His face was pale and he was breathing heavily. His arm looked like it had been pulled out of its socket. No time to worry about it now, it would hurt like hell but he would live until we were safe enough to set it. I hit the gas and the truck lurched forward. The man was almost at the door now, still grinning like a maniac and holding a scalpel. I pushed the gas pedal as far as it would go and we took off down the road. In the left side view mirror, I could see the man was no longer smiling. I had managed to run over the little demon child in my efforts to escape. Her body immediately disintegrated and left behind a pile of sand. That's where it ended.
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 Apr 19 at 16:49 UTC
|
|
|
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse
2005 Mar 23 • 1871
574 ₧
|
..... and that's why no one should ever go back to high school
I keep having a recurring subplot within unrelated dreams where I got bored and decided to register for classes at community college. More than one of the classes was terrible, so I stopped going, but I didn't actually withdraw from it. The dream usually begins as I'm realizing I either have to write a paper on the fly to pass the course or suck it up and take a failing grade, which would be bad in that if I applied to grad school again, it would be on my application and the adcoms would be all like "I don't know, he was too stupid to formally withdraw from this irrelevant community college course..."
I hate this dream because it's completely uninteresting.
I haven't had too many good dreams lately. Last night, in one, I met Michael Jordan at an amusement park, which really impressed me even though I don't care about basketball at all. Also the amusement park filtered into a baseball stadium in one direction and an airport at the other? Stupid brain, come up with better dreams!
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 Apr 19 at 18:41 UTC
|
|
|
|
Your mind is a fascinating place, Jay.
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 Apr 19 at 22:38 UTC
|
|
|
|
Well at least you have one fan.
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 Apr 20 at 01:38 UTC
|
|
|
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse
2005 Mar 23 • 1871
574 ₧
|
If nothing else, in the past few months I've learned to fly at will in dreams. The most entertaining instance of this was realizing that the dream was heading along a nightmare track and thinking to myself, "hmmm, I don't know... this seems... Spooky..." And then rocketing off and flying around for like ten or twenty minutes over trees and islands and water and the like. I landed in a fishing village on the docks and the locals were immediately talking amongst themselves, like "wtf is he even supposed to be here?" They weren't distraught by the fact that I had literally been flying moments earlier. They were confused and frustrated by my entering an area of my subconscious that wasn't part of the original narrative, and were concerned about now being integrated into whatever I was dreaming about. So decided to rocket off again and leave them be.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 Apr 20 at 07:20 UTC
— Ed. 2015 Apr 20 at 07:21 UTC
|
|
|
|
And then they stopped existing entirely.
(or did they?)
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 Apr 20 at 17:26 UTC
|
|
|
|
Spooky
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 Apr 20 at 19:39 UTC
|
|
|
|
I frequently have dreams where I can perform telekinesis. I had one last night where I can remember a few details.
So, instead of just discovering my powers, I had been granted them by... something, and I was practicing them, just to get used to what I could do. I was at the dinner table, and I was starting to grab food out of people's mouths as they tried to eat it. Usually, things I grab start flowing around me (I guess I want to see how many things I can juggle at once) and the food was no exception.
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 May 9 at 09:36 UTC
|
|
|
|
Grabbing food out of people's mouths before they eat it is so evil. You'll make a great super villain.
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 May 14 at 16:11 UTC
|
|
|
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse
2005 Mar 23 • 1871
574 ₧
|
A lot of my dreams lately have just been super incoherent, to the point where I can barely even remember them because there's nothing to organize them, so I'll submit the dream I had last night because it actually had a story.
I had a dream that I was working out of my house as a freelance movie reviewer. The trouble with this is that the studios would send me promotional materials all the time for their movies and each one of the movies was absolutely terrible. At the beginning of the dream, I was waking up to find a small animatronic doll having wandered into my room and begun staring at me as part of the promotional material for a movie that was a blatant Child's Play rip-off. I ignored it, thinking to myself, "okay, this doesn't work anymore because everyone acknowledges now that dolls are creepy and to be avoided. Video games, movies, TV series, everyone has exploited the evil doll thing now. It's no longer scary!"
With that I went downstairs and turned on a pre-screening copy of another horror movie called Magic Poncho (yes, that was the name of it). The plot of it was that this woman owned a cursed poncho (it was actually more of a bathrobe, but that's how stupid this movie was) and whenever she put it on, everyone around her would immediately start to have blank emotional expressions and then she'd experience a weird adrenaline surge and black out after a short period of time, not remembering anything, but waking up wearing the poncho and covered in spatters of blood and mud. I watched this for a while until I just started screaming at the TV, "STOP PUTTING ON THE PONCHO! YOU KNOW YOU'RE BLACKING OUT! YOU DON'T EVEN NEED THE PONCHO! IT'S INDOORS AND YOU ARE STILL WEARING THE PONCHO! WHAT THE HELL?" at which point my rage woke me up.
I still fucking hate that poncho.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 May 28 at 21:10 UTC
|
|
|
|
I put on my poncho.
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 May 28 at 23:11 UTC
|
|
|
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse
2005 Mar 23 • 1871
574 ₧
|
FINE, have fun in your possibly-murderous fugue state. By the way, the poncho is made of terrycloth and is completely fucking useless in the elements.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 May 28 at 23:17 UTC
|
|
|
|
Wow, what an absolute jerkwad of a poncho.
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2015 May 29 at 05:10 UTC
|
|
|
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse
2005 Mar 23 • 1871
574 ₧
|
I had a dream this morning in which aaronjer, Nez, and I rather abruptly had places that we needed to be, so we hopped in aaronjer's truck and went on our way. Aaronjer's truck, for those of you unfamiliar with the dream I just had, is over a hundred feet tall and takes up four lanes of highway. Initially, we stuck to plowing through the median of the freeway, but as we still were not going fast enough, we were encouraged by aaronjer to snipe the other cars in the direction of travel with explosive arrows so as to clear a path on the freeway, which of course, we did, as he threatened to call us pussies otherwise. So, if you need to get somewhere fast and have no regard for life, might I recommend aaronjer's truck?
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2016 Feb 16 at 15:32 UTC
|
|
|
|
What's the mpg?
Or
Mpot(miles per orphan tears)
I drink to forget but I always remember.
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2016 Feb 16 at 23:42 UTC
|
|
|
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse
2005 Mar 23 • 1871
574 ₧
|
I'm pretty sure it was powered by diamonds. Blood diamonds preferably.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
|
|
|
|
≡
|
2016 Feb 17 at 02:06 UTC
|
|
|
|
|