Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

[End Commercial Break>> -00:01 minutes]

Hello and Welcome to the 6th Annual Pole Socking / Storm Chasing Olympium.
I

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 5046
1,227 ₧

Thank you for that nearly flawless report, Elenkos. Coming up will be Mr. Ribbon with his State of the Union Address!

[User deleted]
•

RAWR!!

You motherfucking bitch! I'll kill you! Cammi Falls, when I find you I'll tear off so many of your limbs you'll be all like, "Hey! Where'd my friggin' limbs go?" in that ANNOYING nasally voice of yours! I swear, your writhing carcass will be so filled with corrosive agents you'll be GLAD when I put a bullet in your head!

Back to you, AtoJams.

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 5046
1,227 ₧

Illustrated here is retired Red Team buggy driver Corporal Mikhail Kovalyuk demonstrating proper handling procedure of a light weight long mallet. The hammer is a circa 1890 design by ResonCo Industrial Mallet Manufacturing but is still in popular use by enthusiasts and scout class players alike.




Back to you, Elenkos.

Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

Thank you, AaronJer.

I

Cammi Falls
Fuck you, Ribbon!

2006 Apr 24 • 29
21 ₧

Thanks Elenkos. I love the hair.

Ok. I have a whale bone to pick with Mr. Ribbon. Nasally voice? What the hell are you talking about?

Silly crack head. You can pump me full of whatever you can dream of, but I

Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

Uh, right.

Despite being half-time, events are still rapidly progressing toward WW4 features.

Apparently Mr. Ribbon, spurred by Ms. Falls

aaronjer
*****'n Admin


2005 Mar 21 • 5046
1,227 ₧

Here's an amusing Snapshot of one of the Sport's oldest surviving members, the good Dr. Crytax taking a snooze on a primary Red Team helipad after a long flight. Years ago he retired from the sport at the peak of his career, and got himself a job managing team rosters for all the teams. This short-lived but affluent position earned him vast quantities of money due to a budgeting error on the side of the now disbanded Ministry of Pole-socking. After years in hiding, he has recently rejoined the league as a transport helicopter pilot for Red Team.



This picture gives a hearty laugh and a warm feeling to old and new players alike, especially those on Red Team, who know of Cryson's various antics.

Nezumi
Asshole Admin


2005 Mar 27 • 817
175 ₧

And here comes Bob Costas, official announcer for the games, to give us an update on the progress of our athletes.



"It's been an exciting first week of these games so far folks, with a surprise upset win in the pre-game fight between red's beaureaucracy team and blue's beaureaucracy team, with red springing a tripple sock at the last second to secure the win. In the early stages of the main game red has used the advantage their beaureaucrats earned to good advantage, with a quick string of low-grade socks. Although blue lagged behind initially, they've made up for it in the past few days with a number of solid socks made possible by a red team that's almost disappeared from the field.

Red team seems to be playing a more strategic game, as after the first day they seem to have sequestered themselves in their mountain fortress. Now my sources tell me that they are working on a secret high-grade weather changing device, hoping to create a more stable and controlled F5 tornado. In earlier interviews with Red's coaches and strategists they hinted at such a possibility, and in addition we've captured footage of heavy industrial equipment, possibly for the device or for a heavy duty F5 riding vehicle, being transported to Red's base before the match.

In any case, Blue team has pulled into a quick lead here at DangerJer stadium.

In the meantime, the Nomads have been highly visible, wreaking havock up and down the field all week. On Saturday, they seemed to notice Red's absense, and began building siege equipment down the pass from the Mountain Fortress. We'll have updates on the progress of that as the game continues.

Coming soon, we'll have an interview with these games official referee, Jet Monkey Duo, and a memorial montage for the athletes that have already died."

Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

We

Jet Monkey Duo
Reff Admin

2005 Mar 27 • 159
114 ₧

That's very good, Elenkos, you get 85 'anchorwoman' points for your last submission.

You scored an 88% with your caption on this picture:

Of course, we would have also accepted "Aparently 8 out of 10 of the elevators to Blue Team's secret underground fortress have broken down, and team members are making do with the remaining two."

or "They called a plumber but not before the shit backed up to the roof."
This last entry, while only scoring a 73%, would earn you a one-time bonus of 150 points from red team.


In other news, both red and blue team have submitted their designs for doomsday machines.

Red submitted a nasty little number, pictured here:



Which earns points for being portable and easy to hide in briefcases, backpacks, or small motor vehicles. Aparently it's operation involves lasers and being reflective (which it clearly is), and is perhaps designed to controll the weather in some way. It lacks somewhat in power, barely making it into the doomsday-class of weaponry (meaning it will have trouble blowing up an entire small nation state in one go), but none the less we've awarded this Doomsday device a score of 2738 points, based on an average of 1 judges score.


Blue's submission is a little less elegant, although it makes up for that somewhat in it's sheer power. Originally intended as some sort of satellite, it has since changed into an emp ray, reflective laser bomb, mirv warhead, and finally wound up as you see here, as a device designed to cause all electronic devices in the world to simultaneously explode, with a magnitude somehow propotional to the number of circuits in the device:



We're not sure how it works, and no one on blue's team has been crazy enough to press the switch yet so only time will tell if this thing truly is powerful enough to earn the title "Doomsday Device". We've given it a score of 2655.


And finally, the karaoke competition is about to begin. Here's a photo of a tech doing final testing on the "Kara-tron 8,000,000,000", the worlds most advanced karaoke machine by a wide margin:



Hopefully we've worked out all the kinks inherent in the design of the "Kara-tron 7,000,000,000", which had a meltdown before the competition even began.

Stay tuned for the results of that!

CornJer
Metal does cocaine.


2005 Mar 21 • 1531
36 ₧

Before we begin the cermonial karokie, I have something to say, JMD:

Hey Cammi,

I want to grease your tight ass and pussy so bad, that I just cant wait anymore! Trust me, you will love it when I shove my 10 inch dick down your throat!! Your ass is so hot, you'll love it if I fuck ya doggie style, ya sluty bitch! You will love suckin my cum down that tight throat of yours!!! You make me so horny that I want to rape you where you stand!! MMM.... FRESH PUSSA!!! MMM MMM!!!!! HOT HOT HOOOT!!!!

Back to you, Elkinos

Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

Oh my

Cammi Falls
Fuck you, Ribbon!

2006 Apr 24 • 29
21 ₧

Check out this Blue-team uniform I captured. I think it fits me rather well, don

Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 703
11 ₧

SCORE!

Zarathustra
Monotheist

2005 May 1 • 315
167 ₧

Oh Snap, its you. I mean me. I mean

Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 703
11 ₧

Who are you?

Zarathustra
Monotheist

2005 May 1 • 315
167 ₧

I

CornJer
Metal does cocaine.


2005 Mar 21 • 1531
36 ₧

I bet you I could kick crytex's ass, Cammi.

Then Ill show you how to be a bitch

Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 703
11 ₧

Right, because dburnell knows about being a bitch.

CornJer
Metal does cocaine.


2005 Mar 21 • 1531
36 ₧

I is gonna MAKE her a bitch.

My bitch.


You wanna join her? Keep it up.

Cammi Falls
Fuck you, Ribbon!

2006 Apr 24 • 29
21 ₧

Shut up peanut.

Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

Uh, you guys? May I please have my microphone back?

CornJer
Metal does cocaine.


2005 Mar 21 • 1531
36 ₧

Sure.

Elenkos
News Reporter

2006 Apr 21 • 17
21 ₧

Thank you very much. I was-

GREAT CAESAR