How to get rid of your TAPE WORM

How to get rid of your TAPE WORM

General — Page [1] 2 3

[User deleted]

Hi all. This is a handy little guide to help you guys get rid of a tape worm if you happen to have one, maybe from eating at McDonalds too much or something.

This worked great for me and I know it will work for you too!

Ok here we go!

Quote:
1. Eat nothing but baked beans and bacon for 5 days. This will cause your tape worm to grow to 2 to 3 times its normal length.

2. Overdose on laxatives. This should be pretty self-explanatory.

3. At some point during (2) the tail-end of the tape worm will become exposed. DON'T MISS YOUR CHANCE -- GRAB THE FUCKER!

4. Tie the tail around your bathroom door knob.

5. Breathe all the air out of your lungs, wait 20 seconds, and then slam the door AWAY from you. This should shift the tape worm outward by about 5-10% of its total length.

6. Now wind as much of the tape worm around the door handle and repeat from (5).

7. At some point the worm should be fully removed. BUT DON'T STOP NOW YOU AIN'T DONE! Do not be frightened by the worm's shrieking -- this is normal. Some users have also reported their worms singing AC/DC's Back in Black at a very loud volume. This is also normal.

8. The worm is smart and will try to transplant itself into a new host. Keep pets and children AWAY at all times. Do not allow it to untie itself from the door knob. At this point you have 2 options -- put the worm in a home aquarium, which can be educational and fun, or kill it. To kill it, follow steps A-C:

A. Get a can of RAID insect spray. Spray the full-contents onto the tape worm. This WILL NOT kill the worm, don't fall for it if it pretends to die.

B. RAID is very flammable. Light a match and toss it at the tape worm from AT LEAST 30 feet away. Let the fire completely burn out and repeat AT LEAST 3 more times.

C. When you are sure the worm is dead, (should be charred and black) bring it to your local hazardous waste processing facility. DO NOT bury the worm outside -- it will grow into a tape worm tree.

That's it -- good luck!
 
 
 
2005 Mar 26 at 04:54 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4938
1,227 ₧
I usually use the mating call trick to get rid of my tape worms.
 
 
 
2005 Mar 26 at 15:00 PST
UberJer
Was: Xion

2005 Mar 24 • 187
172 ₧
Ewwww dude. Thats funny... but grroooooosss.
 
 
 
2005 Mar 26 at 19:09 PST
Comm!e
2005 Mar 21 • 4
34 ₧
Mine got torn in half after the second door slam... whatdoIdo???
 
 
 
2005 Mar 27 at 02:38 PST

[User deleted]

The tape worm will want the rest of itself back, so put the torn end down your throat. This will lure the tape worm up. It should grab hold of the torn end, and then you can use the door and continue the steps.
 
 
 
2005 Mar 27 at 13:28 PST
jacksmoke234
Tendrils McGee

2005 Mar 20 • 1375
34 ₧
I promise I didn't do it
 
 
 
2005 Mar 28 at 09:09 PST

[User deleted]

I usually try to change the tapeworm's mood. I get it to calm down and realize that the world is too small for all this waylaying, and that there's really no reason to try to take back what you've already lost. Mostly it soothes it's rage, and forces it into dormancy.
 
 
 
2005 Mar 28 at 14:38 PST
Jet Monkey Duo
Reff Admin

2005 Mar 26 • 159
114 ₧
Playing Enya music also luls it into a false sense of new age music.
Brayor
 
 
 
2005 Mar 28 at 17:41 PST

[User deleted]

Are you gonna listen to that monkey?!
 
 
 
2005 Mar 28 at 21:43 PST
jacksmoke234
Tendrils McGee

2005 Mar 20 • 1375
34 ₧
Ribbon the funny thing is, I am going to listen to him
 
 
 
2005 Mar 29 at 06:09 PST
FauxChitzl
2005 Mar 29 • 6
34 ₧
I usually try to talk my tapeworm out of it. Why is it doing this? Is there some childhood trauma that's forcing it to lash out at others? Maybe, deep down inside... there's a little tapeworm larva in there... and he's crying... (sniffle, sob)

ExcusemeIhavesomethinginmyeye! (runs away)
 
 
 
2005 Mar 29 at 17:36 PST
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4938
1,227 ₧
Too old, boring, SuperJer* is boring too. (and he's fat!)

LOCKED.

*The fat one.
 
 
 
2005 May 2 at 11:54 PDT
DaveDays
Miley Cyrus Stalker

2008 Jul 21 • 203
153 ₧
You hve no idea how much fun i had reading this,

i havent laughed so much in a while.

 
 
 
2008 Nov 25 at 21:35 PST
SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide

Roar Of The Tigress Medal
2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧
OOOO that user is Mr.Ribbon?He made a funnay.
Make awkward sexual advances, not war.
Down Rodeo said:
Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that
 
 
 
2008 Nov 25 at 21:48 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6629
Actually I wrote that. Not Mr. Ribbon. Glad to see it's still entertaining people.
 
 
 
2008 Dec 5 at 13:56 PST
jrkookid
Half Irish, half NOT FUNNY

2007 May 27 • 1415
110 ₧
does this actually worked? if it does then lulz!
 
 
 
2008 Dec 5 at 17:03 PST
Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse

Find the Hole II Participation Medal
2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧
 
 
 
2008 Dec 5 at 18:06 PST
jrkookid
Half Irish, half NOT FUNNY

2007 May 27 • 1415
110 ₧
sooooo emotional!
 
 
 
2008 Dec 5 at 22:53 PST — Ed. 2008 Dec 5 at 22:53 PST
Down Rodeo
Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse

Find the Hole II Participation Medal
2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧
jrkookid said:
does this actually worked? if it does then lulz!

Aside from this being another example of horrendous grammar and something of a full-scale assault on the English language, you're being stupid. Of course it works.
 
 
 
2008 Dec 6 at 02:56 PST
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
Down Rodeo said:
Of course it works.

In that case, lulz!
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
 
2008 Dec 6 at 03:15 PST
molkman
Owner of George Washington's Prototype Mittens

Marine Warfare Corporal
Find the Hole Participation Medal
Find the Hole II Participation Medal
Tasty Br�twurst Medal
2005 May 2 • 2066
404 ₧
I always enjoy the unpredictability of the replies this foram brings up. Good stuff.
LET LOVE REIGN
 
 
 
2008 Dec 6 at 05:00 PST
SolidKAYOS
Count Adelaide

Roar Of The Tigress Medal
2007 Jun 24 • 84
68 ₧
Down Rodeo said:
jrkookid said:
does this actually worked? if it does then lulz!

Aside from this being another example of horrendous grammar and something of a full-scale assault on the English language, you're being stupid. Of course it works.


Him being stupid has nothing to do with English.that's him.

Wait...now i see the problem.Damn you koolkid.
Make awkward sexual advances, not war.
Down Rodeo said:
Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that
 
 
 
2008 Dec 6 at 08:44 PST — Ed. 2008 Dec 6 at 08:46 PST
molkman
Owner of George Washington's Prototype Mittens

Marine Warfare Corporal
Find the Hole Participation Medal
Find the Hole II Participation Medal
Tasty Br�twurst Medal
2005 May 2 • 2066
404 ₧
Now you dont state yourself as a rather intelligent individuum either, since he didn't say that the lack of English-speakingness is connected to his dumpishness, comrade.

[/sophisticated]

Bottoms hooray.
LET LOVE REIGN
 
 
 
2008 Dec 6 at 09:18 PST
jrkookid
Half Irish, half NOT FUNNY

2007 May 27 • 1415
110 ₧
there is nothing wrong with my grammar u jackass
 
 
 
2008 Dec 6 at 10:43 PST
eDan Co.
Mighty Typist

Real Live Hands-On Rabbi Medal
Consolation Medal
2007 Sep 24 • 2921
252 ₧
I'm sorry, you are really annoying.
May contain traces of invisible text.
 
 
 
2008 Dec 6 at 11:27 PST
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