Hi all. This is a handy little guide to help you guys get rid of a tape worm if you happen to have one, maybe from eating at McDonalds too much or something.
This worked great for me and I know it will work for you too!
Ok here we go!
Quote:
1. Eat nothing but baked beans and bacon for 5 days. This will cause your tape worm to grow to 2 to 3 times its normal length.
2. Overdose on laxatives. This should be pretty self-explanatory.
3. At some point during (2) the tail-end of the tape worm will become exposed. DON'T MISS YOUR CHANCE -- GRAB THE FUCKER!
4. Tie the tail around your bathroom door knob.
5. Breathe all the air out of your lungs, wait 20 seconds, and then slam the door AWAY from you. This should shift the tape worm outward by about 5-10% of its total length.
6. Now wind as much of the tape worm around the door handle and repeat from (5).
7. At some point the worm should be fully removed. BUT DON'T STOP NOW YOU AIN'T DONE! Do not be frightened by the worm's shrieking -- this is normal. Some users have also reported their worms singing AC/DC's Back in Black at a very loud volume. This is also normal.
8. The worm is smart and will try to transplant itself into a new host. Keep pets and children AWAY at all times. Do not allow it to untie itself from the door knob. At this point you have 2 options -- put the worm in a home aquarium, which can be educational and fun, or kill it. To kill it, follow steps A-C:
A. Get a can of RAID insect spray. Spray the full-contents onto the tape worm. This WILL NOT kill the worm, don't fall for it if it pretends to die.
B. RAID is very flammable. Light a match and toss it at the tape worm from AT LEAST 30 feet away. Let the fire completely burn out and repeat AT LEAST 3 more times.
C. When you are sure the worm is dead, (should be charred and black) bring it to your local hazardous waste processing facility. DO NOT bury the worm outside -- it will grow into a tape worm tree.
The tape worm will want the rest of itself back, so put the torn end down your throat. This will lure the tape worm up. It should grab hold of the torn end, and then you can use the door and continue the steps.
I usually try to change the tapeworm's mood. I get it to calm down and realize that the world is too small for all this waylaying, and that there's really no reason to try to take back what you've already lost. Mostly it soothes it's rage, and forces it into dormancy.
I usually try to talk my tapeworm out of it. Why is it doing this? Is there some childhood trauma that's forcing it to lash out at others? Maybe, deep down inside... there's a little tapeworm larva in there... and he's crying... (sniffle, sob)
2008 Dec 6 at 06:53 UTC
— Ed. 2008 Dec 6 at 06:53 UTC
Down Rodeo Cap'n Moth of the Firehouse
2007 Oct 19 • 5486
57,583 ₧
jrkookid said:
does this actually worked? if it does then lulz!
Aside from this being another example of horrendous grammar and something of a full-scale assault on the English language, you're being stupid. Of course it works.
Aside from this being another example of horrendous grammar and something of a full-scale assault on the English language, you're being stupid. Of course it works.
Him being stupid has nothing to do with English.that's him.
Wait...now i see the problem.Damn you koolkid.
Make awkward sexual advances, not war.
Down Rodeo said:
Dammit, this was the one place that didn't have this, but noooooo, molkman pisses all over that
2008 Dec 6 at 16:44 UTC
— Ed. 2008 Dec 6 at 16:46 UTC
molkman Owner of George Washington's Prototype Mittens
2005 May 2 • 2066
404 ₧
Now you dont state yourself as a rather intelligent individuum either, since he didn't say that the lack of English-speakingness is connected to his dumpishness, comrade.
