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NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 23 • 1871
574 ₧
I'm pretty sure Conrad is harmless if you scratch behind his ears in just the right spot.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
 
2005 May 25 at 04:15 UTC
jacksmoke234
Tendrils McGee

2005 Mar 21 • 1375
34 ₧
Yea when you do that he gets happy and his leg thumps.
 
 
 
2005 May 25 at 04:30 UTC
echidna3
Captain Signupnow

Most Australian Medal
2005 Apr 4 • -201
well i didnt get that friendly with him. but ill look out for the knife coming up behind me to stab me
i dont like signatures. although there are some good ones out there
 
 
 
2005 May 25 at 08:14 UTC
jacksmoke234
Tendrils McGee

2005 Mar 21 • 1375
34 ₧
The knife is going to stab you? www.ohnoes.org
 
 
 
2005 May 25 at 12:46 UTC
echidna3
Captain Signupnow

Most Australian Medal
2005 Apr 4 • -201
yeh. didnt someone say he was evil?
i dont like signatures. although there are some good ones out there
 
 
 
2005 May 26 at 12:45 UTC
Ilor
The little ninja that did.
2005 Mar 27 • 398
20 ₧
I'm sorry I messed up I didn't scratch behind the ear right.
WHHHHHHHHHYYYYY!!!!!!!
 
 
 
2005 May 26 at 17:46 UTC
jacksmoke234
Tendrils McGee

2005 Mar 21 • 1375
34 ₧
No one is evil here, we just act it.
 
 
 
2005 May 26 at 18:31 UTC
Ilor
The little ninja that did.
2005 Mar 27 • 398
20 ₧
no no your pure evil. trust me
WHHHHHHHHHYYYYY!!!!!!!
 
 
 
2005 May 26 at 21:54 UTC
jacksmoke234
Tendrils McGee

2005 Mar 21 • 1375
34 ₧
LIAR! You filthy little LIAR!
 
 
 
2005 May 26 at 22:01 UTC
echidna3
Captain Signupnow

Most Australian Medal
2005 Apr 4 • -201
there is no such thing as a lie. only a twist of the truth is possible
i dont like signatures. although there are some good ones out there
 
 
 
2005 May 27 at 08:41 UTC
jacksmoke234
Tendrils McGee

2005 Mar 21 • 1375
34 ₧
That may be true but that may be wronG!
 
 
 
2005 May 27 at 15:28 UTC
Ilor
The little ninja that did.
2005 Mar 27 • 398
20 ₧
I don't lie or "twist the truth" very often and the fact that your pure evil Jacksmoke is..well just fact.
WHHHHHHHHHYYYYY!!!!!!!
 
 
 
2005 May 27 at 20:15 UTC
echidna3
Captain Signupnow

Most Australian Medal
2005 Apr 4 • -201
well fact is always fact, if it is not, then, it is fiction
i dont like signatures. although there are some good ones out there
 
 
 
2005 May 28 at 01:14 UTC
jacksmoke234
Tendrils McGee

2005 Mar 21 • 1375
34 ₧
I'm not pure evil for the last time.
 
 
 
2005 May 28 at 14:38 UTC
Ilor
The little ninja that did.
2005 Mar 27 • 398
20 ₧
and the fact that Jacksmoke is pure unadultirated evil is just pure scientific fact.
WHHHHHHHHHYYYYY!!!!!!!
 
 
 
2005 May 28 at 18:50 UTC
jacksmoke234
Tendrils McGee

2005 Mar 21 • 1375
34 ₧
Shut up Ilor I am not evil you queerbait ninja.
 
 
 
2005 May 29 at 02:54 UTC
Ilor
The little ninja that did.
2005 Mar 27 • 398
20 ₧
see your showing your evil side right now. your getting pissed because I'm calling you evil. you'll never make it as a Jedi...Oh yeah and your evil.
WHHHHHHHHHYYYYY!!!!!!!
 
 
 
2005 May 29 at 10:00 UTC
echidna3
Captain Signupnow

Most Australian Medal
2005 Apr 4 • -201
anger is a form of weakness
i dont like signatures. although there are some good ones out there
 
 
 
2005 May 29 at 11:28 UTC
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 5102
1,227 ₧
It seems this game of pole-socking ended midflight... I'll need a Reff to determine which side collected the most resources, tallied the most points, and pointed out the most tally-frauds.

I'm looking for someone with a master's degree in Socking Science. You will need to regularly lift up to 100 pounds (body parts, snapped hammers, dune buggies, bugs bunny, hunni bunni.) and run long distances while wearing flame retardant gear.

I would prefer a 6'0" or taller white Christian male in his later 30's or early 40's, mostly for PR. And no yelling about constitutional rights, pole-socking does not fall under any laws of any country as games rarely if ever take place on Earth.

I'll also need 2 entry-level junior members for the administrative section. You'll be working round the clock for 3 day periods during official tournaments doing an assortment of tasks such as: Stenography, examing recruits for disease, grading papers, splashing Shotgun with water so he wakes up and gets the FUCK off the visitors couch, and mallet repair, or get your High School Diploma.

Everyone send in your Resumes as hard and as fast as you can, and don't stop for ANY reason. Legible writing counts for points, and I'll KNOW if you used a thesaurus (ahem... CORNELL.) Just remember, I'm the monkey and you're the cheese-grater. No hanky-panky and we're in business.
 
 
 
2006 Feb 8 at 19:46 UTC
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 23 • 1871
574 ₧
Hell, you mean we haven't started an academy, or at least a slave labor colony, to get people to do that for us?
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
 
2006 Feb 16 at 17:51 UTC
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 5102
1,227 ₧
We actually had a slave colony consisting primarly of academics, but that last f5 that ripped through the field after the game took 'em all out. They're probably nosediving at 170 mph above St. Petersburg by now.

Anyway, there's been one promising candidate so far for the ref position. He's got all his fingers, plays a damn good bonga drum, he's deaf but can follow you around well enough, and his teeth are made of solid gold!

No, it isn't Midasthoven again, I know what you are thinking. We will NOT be trying to liquidate the Pole Socking league as buillion ever again.

I still need applicants for the menial suicide tasks though, and I haven't set my heart on <s>Midasth</s> this new guy yet.
 
 
 
2006 Feb 17 at 20:54 UTC
CornJer
Metal does cocaine.

Frontline Heroism Medal
2005 Mar 21 • 1531
36 ₧
I have no fucking idea what polesocking is, but Ill sure has hell do it!

...


waaait.....


Its over?
If you jump high enough you'll hurt your ankles when you land.
 
 
 
2006 Feb 17 at 21:28 UTC
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 5102
1,227 ₧
Recruiting for round 3 of the official SJCOM.webnet Pole Socking tournament begins in exactly 24 hours. Make sure to bring your passport or birth certificate, because anything involving Pole Socking always involves international espionage.

Make sure to practice up the resonance on your sock!

----ADVERTISEMENT----

Are you tired of the same old sock? Is your resonance in a rut? Do all the other ducklings laugh at you and say your disfiguring facial scar is from birth and not gained proudly in the Pole Wars of 1988?

Well then get your lazy ass in gear and drag your worthless carcass across town to the one and only Pole Socking retail outfit, Sockem Poles! Run by Bill Sockem and his wife Trisha, in their beneficence, since 1970. We have every legal class of mallet and mace available for practice and purchase!

Don't fear our mighty laser tower, for it only activates at night! Bring all of your friends and get together in a practice match against our unstable staff!

Let's see what our representatives underpaid employees where's the fucking whiteout?! Oh just extrapolate what I mean!

Amy from Cosgrode, Alabraska says: "It's like a Pole Socking retail store!"

Our first and most loyal customer, bless his soul, said on his deathbed: "I need more morphine! ... ...et!"

So come on down to Polem's Socking Supply and get yourself a mallet today!

----ADVERTISEMENT----

wtf was that?
 
 
 
2006 Feb 18 at 20:56 UTC — Ed. 2013 Dec 29 at 01:18 UTC
CornJer
Metal does cocaine.

Frontline Heroism Medal
2005 Mar 21 • 1531
36 ₧
Ok, how do you play.
If you jump high enough you'll hurt your ankles when you land.
 
 
 
2006 Feb 18 at 23:06 UTC
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 23 • 1871
574 ₧
All right, I got the memos in from R & D, and have weighed in the opinion of the Arbitrators, so I'm ready to reveal some of the established background behind this tournament.

* This tourney takes a sharp departure from the last one, selecting a desert setting to contrast the previous swamp one. This means that the terrain won't be in play vertically quite as much as last year, but there are added concerns.
Storm chasing is going to prove difficult here as the dust devils can whip up enough grating force to rend flesh from bones, so we're providing you with skinsuits that are resistant to this kind of enviroment. The downside is that the suits generate some heat on their own, while absorbing the natural heat of the enviroment, so you'll have to be sharp in your use of them or face the possibility of exhaustion.
Additionally, there are bands of Desert Nomads wandering around the course. Officially, they aren't in play, and haven't even been notified of the tourney. Hell, they probably haven't even seen an aluminum light-gauge hammer, let alone the higher-end alloys you can find on the market. But, if you can convince them to aid you, they can be used, just note that you cannot use them to engage in any sort of socking. Whatever you promise them is up to you, but they can't all be trusted or easily convinced.
There are other, more interesting field factors, but they're being kept lock and key right now.

* The favored transport for the tourney is marsupial. Don't worry: dune buggies are still active and present, in part because we can't afford to lose our sponsorships and in part because, well, what's a dune without a buggy? Regardless, marsupial transport techniques should be first and foremost in your focus, as double jumps, reverse tail socks, backdoor maneuvers, and leap socks are necessary given the the length and strength of the poles. This really isn't something you should overlook because base socks and top socks might not cut it with standard issue mallets.
To level the playing field a bit, biological and mechanical transport will be reduced to a purely aesthetic preference. The genetics crew really outdid themselves in this one, but keep in mind that no matter what you choose, you'll be limited to one piece of weaponry on the dominant shoulder and can only confiscate or commandeer other parts. Transportation cannot be equipped with two weapons simultaneously and you'll have no means to carry the spare, assuming you can find one to begin with.

* Resonance bombs will be limited to Level Three. Anything beyond that and they start accoustically interfering with the monotremic harmonics. Speaking of which, all bombs and vehicles are tuned to the standard frequency here, so you're not allowed to alter the harmonics this time, biological or otherwise. Everything is tuned right to the threshold and any variance thereof would either result in catastrophe or a null reaction.
That's part of the reason why we're limiting the r-bombs this time. Last run at this, we failed to factor this in and ended up with a ward over at the Veteran's Society who could do nothing but scream until their throats and lungs gave out. We can't afford to maintain that kind of upkeep right now, and the technology has only gotten more powerful since that time. Fuck around with this, and you'll probably end up dead in additional to disqualified.

* As an added twist, teams will not be officially established until the second quarter, when time grenades will start appearing in the enviroment. You will know what team you're assigned to by the color your time fractures manifest as once you throw the grenades. The pain of this is, we've generated only limited quantities of these grenades and you'll want to use them sparingly, so there's no sense in throwing one off and scratching it just to see what side you're on. Instead, you'll have to figure out whose side you're on during real-time combat and adjust your plans from there. Prior to that, you collaborate and work against each other at your own peril, and its up to your own discretion the degree to which you choose to involve yourself.

Finally, and I have to stress this, but there will be no fusion-based explosives. Precision will take precedence over brute force with explosives here. It's not just because fusion reactors make for highly-visible targets at night, but it's also because we attempted this in the test labs and the results were less than satisfactory. Not only did they generate a large fracture in the earth's surface, but they sent it back in time and sped up the continental drift by 14%. I'm not allowed to reveal anything more until the families and governments are notified, but we already have a scrub team on it to cover the tracks. I just pity the poor bastards that have to come home from that kind of job...

Anyway, those are the releases as they concern the players. The rest, you'll find out on the field.
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
 
2006 Feb 19 at 10:08 UTC
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