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Posts written by CameronLancaster:
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Uriel Septim's sleep paralysis demon
n For April Fools, I glued Uriel Septim's sleep paralysis demon under my coworkers desks.
The cat got the zoomies and ran full-speed up Uriel Septim's sleep paralysis demon.
I got suspended from Twitter for tweeting that “Uriel Septim's sleep paralysis demon was rolling in.”
Everyone knows Houdini for being good at escapes. But he was GREAT at Uriel Septim's sleep paralysis demon.
I can’t swing a dead cat around here without hitting Uriel Septim's sleep paralysis demon!
I would give up Uriel Septim's sleep paralysis demon for just a taste of absolutely no black people.
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Teaching a skeleton to vibrate
v You evaded my “Teaching a Skeleton to Vibrate” attack! Most impressive.
My wife printed me a certifcate for teaching a skeleton to vibrate. I’m excited for tonight!
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: teaching a skeleton to vibrate!!!
Don't you hate when you see teaching a skeleton to vibrate in the carpool lane?
It wasn’t in the movie, but they had a lot of teaching a skeleton to vibrate on the Titanic.
Class, turn to page 105 and read “Teaching a Skeleton to Vibrate and You”.
My wife printed me a certifcate for teaching a skeleton to vibrate. I’m excited for tonight!
Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: teaching a skeleton to vibrate!!!
Don't you hate when you see teaching a skeleton to vibrate in the carpool lane?
It wasn’t in the movie, but they had a lot of teaching a skeleton to vibrate on the Titanic.
Class, turn to page 105 and read “Teaching a Skeleton to Vibrate and You”.
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Your wrinkly niece
n The children in this wing of the hospital are here because of your wrinkly niece.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but your wrinkly niece.
The blurry picture of the “Loch Ness monster” was actually a picture of your wrinkly niece.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, your wrinkly niece popped out!
When the suspect’s car crashed, your wrinkly niece launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away.
Make sure to hang your wrinkly niece in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but your wrinkly niece.
The blurry picture of the “Loch Ness monster” was actually a picture of your wrinkly niece.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, your wrinkly niece popped out!
When the suspect’s car crashed, your wrinkly niece launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away.
Make sure to hang your wrinkly niece in a tree so bears leave your tent alone.
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ummm....??? who is this sposed to be erotic for???? u should not post this kind of thing on the forum
keep this shit (no pun intended to yourSELF!
keep this shit (no pun intended to yourSELF!
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your grandmother, who loves you
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hauling rocks for the elderly
Truck
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So basically, I find out that my uncle has died and that we (my mother and I, my only immediate family) have been invited to his mansion for a week-long celebration of his accomplishments during his life.
I know very little of my uncle, other than that he is very wealthy and quite favors a distant relative of mine--a second cousin twice removed or something--who is about my age and whose interests and accomplishments closely mirror his own.
I bring my boyfriend as my +1 and the two of us enjoy the comforts of high society during day one. As the day draws to a close, I overhear a conversation between my mother and a few other family members about inheritance. Since my mother is his only sibling and women can't inherit (thus ruling out his wife and daughter), I realize that I'm the blood heir to his fortune.
However, I also know that his favoritism of my second cousin, along with the fact that his lingering sickness gave him much preamble to his death, means that he's likely to have left him everything.
So, my boyfriend and I make it a mission to sneak out at night and find his study, to burn the will and leave me as the sole heir.
However, as we're handling the will, my cousin shows up. He knows what's going on and threatens to tell. Before I can react, my boyfriend grabs a display flintlock pistol and kills him. We flee the scene, destroying the will in secret later.
The remaining days of the celebration become a murder mystery in which I plan to implicate his younger brother, by pleading that I thought it only natural that my cousin deserved the inheritance because I knew how close my uncle and cousin were.
However, my boyfriend grows weary of the lying and his deteriorating psyche in the aftermath of killing someone starts to grow apparent.
The dream ended as I was planning to kill him, too.
I know very little of my uncle, other than that he is very wealthy and quite favors a distant relative of mine--a second cousin twice removed or something--who is about my age and whose interests and accomplishments closely mirror his own.
I bring my boyfriend as my +1 and the two of us enjoy the comforts of high society during day one. As the day draws to a close, I overhear a conversation between my mother and a few other family members about inheritance. Since my mother is his only sibling and women can't inherit (thus ruling out his wife and daughter), I realize that I'm the blood heir to his fortune.
However, I also know that his favoritism of my second cousin, along with the fact that his lingering sickness gave him much preamble to his death, means that he's likely to have left him everything.
So, my boyfriend and I make it a mission to sneak out at night and find his study, to burn the will and leave me as the sole heir.
However, as we're handling the will, my cousin shows up. He knows what's going on and threatens to tell. Before I can react, my boyfriend grabs a display flintlock pistol and kills him. We flee the scene, destroying the will in secret later.
The remaining days of the celebration become a murder mystery in which I plan to implicate his younger brother, by pleading that I thought it only natural that my cousin deserved the inheritance because I knew how close my uncle and cousin were.
However, my boyfriend grows weary of the lying and his deteriorating psyche in the aftermath of killing someone starts to grow apparent.
The dream ended as I was planning to kill him, too.
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a boy, but like... a manly boy
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a slippery Chris Farley baby
the stretchiest boyhole
Tim adds: getting pumped full of rope
the stretchiest boyhole
Tim adds: getting pumped full of rope
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I'm reminded of my ex every day by ______ they left behind.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about... "________?"
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about... "________?"
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White card: An all-retard disco band called "Get Downs Tonight"
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an unabridged copy of "Courtesy and Cochise: A Lady's Guide to Etiquette"
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White card: a complete lack of pomp and circumstance
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_____ has proven extremely popular among young audiences in focus testing.
New Lime Xtreme, now full of _____ and electrolytes!
_____ will get you everwhere; except _____.
That's Captain Rogers the Rancorous of "_____," the finest ship in the harbor!
A balanced diet is _____ in each hand.
30 5-year-old high school students
New Lime Xtreme, now full of _____ and electrolytes!
_____ will get you everwhere; except _____.
That's Captain Rogers the Rancorous of "_____," the finest ship in the harbor!
A balanced diet is _____ in each hand.
30 5-year-old high school students
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A moist pout
Fart jokes and dirty cave paintings
Fart jokes and dirty cave paintings